He sits grieving in his chambers, in the exact same place where he has been drowning in his own sorrows ever since the day it happened.
It was the day his soul had left him and his body had been left as a mourning shell, unable to do anything of any consequence to anybody.
It was the day that his heart broke into more than a million places. So many pieces, in fact, that they could cover all the grounds of Pemberley.
He does not know how long ago this day was but one thing is for sure, he can never learn to love another like he loved her. No, that would be a betrayal indeed. If he truly does love her as much as he thinks then he will punish himself for eternity, until all traces of guilt are removed. After all, it was his entire fault and she was the one who suffered because of it.
The blood pounds in his ears and blocks out the sound of the thunderous weather outside when he thinks of the life they could have been leading. A life of possibilities, a life of happiness and contentment. The life that could have been theirs if it had not been for Elizabeth dying shortly after the birth of their daughter, who had died shortly after her own mother.
The poor woman did not deserve to come to an end like this. If she had not married him and had not had that child then perhaps she would still be alive today. Perhaps she would even have been happy as the wife of another.
He comes to his senses and shudders at this last thought.
Then he walks to the window and looks down to the far end of the courtyard, at the bench where she used to sit. The rain falls down on it and washes away all memories of Elizabeth, his Elizabeth.
He can recall the way she used to sit there for hours whilst devouring one book after another. And the way she would smile widely whenever he sneaked up behind her and surprised her. But he shakes his to clear up his mind.
Those memories are too painful.
Too recent.
Too tormenting.
Yet at the same time, he cannot bear to tear himself away from her, even though she is long gone. He tilts his heavy head up towards the sky.
Is she looking down at him from heaven right now?
Does she still love him as much as she did?
Does she even remember him?
He sighs and then, he finally decides to rejoin the world. As he walks down the dark corridors and staircases of the house, his bleary eyes notice how empty and desolate everything looks in her absence.
The once vast house seems to be closing in around him and he feels the urge to escape its confinement and free himself of the burden he is carrying. But it is not to be. Everything his eyes rest upon reminds him of her and his head aches every time this happens.
And so, he reaches the end of the never-ending tunnel of darkness that is the house and walks swiftly through the jungle of trees and plants that surround it, until he finally finds what he came for.
For the first time in God knows how long, his spirits lift slightly as he reassures himself that all is not lost. He kneels down on the muddy ground and lets the rain fall down on him.
Part of her is still here with him. Underneath the rock and gravel is his beloved wife. Her soul may have left the earth but her body and her memories are still with him and who knows?
Maybe things will change. Maybe there is a small glimmer of hope. Maybe they will meet again, someday in another life. After all, the sky is always darkest just before dawn and it seems that dawn is upon them.