"Chief of Surgery, that's what I've always, Nancy. I just had the party and everything to celebrate it."
"And?"
"Why am I not happy? I should be ecstatic, practically jumping off the walls."
"But?"
"And yet I'm not. I froze in my speech."
"Froze?"
"Yeah, I've had countless speeches made for years now. But on the night I was going to say it…"
"You froze."
"Yeah, on the night that was supposed to be one of the happiest in my life I'm not."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"You said before you only wanted one thing in your life…"
"Yeah?"
"What was that?"
"…To be Chief?"
"No, that wasn't it"
This was only met with silence.
"Fine I'll answer the question for you."
"You said you only Wanted one thing in your life: Make Addison Happy and everything else is just a part of that."
"…"
"Now after being chief of neurosurgery, one of the best neurosurgeons in the country, You just became Chief of Surgery. You know what's missing? The reason why you wanted all these things."
"Let's start answering that question:
Why did you want to be a neurosurgeon? Because that's you were interested in… No you know you wanted Cardiothoracic when you entered why did you change? Because your first patient died because as you put it the resident neurosurgeon at that time didn't do his best.. or maybe Because Addie got into an accident and you couldn't help and couldn't really understand because you only paid attention to Cardio…
Why did you want to become an attending neurosurgeon at Mt. Sinai? Because it was your dream to work in the best Hospital with Addie.
Why did you want to become Chief of Neurosurgery? Because you wanted to provide for Addison the lifestyle that she has lived without batting an eye and because you wanted to prove to her family that you are worthy of their daughter.
Why did you want to become Chief of Surgery? Because you want to be the best, you wanted Addie to stand by your side, you wanted her to get as much grants so she can work her magic."
"Am I right?"
A long silece was heard before a small "Yes"
"Now tell me Derek, how does it feel to reach the top when the reason you've been doing it for is gone?"
"Was it worth it, Derek?"