Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY. I just like to mess around with the characters.

A/N: So here we have yet another WR one-shot! Yayyyyyy

But seriously, this one was an amusing little jaunt that stemmed (Hah, get it? These fruit puns are kiwing me) from a conversation with a friend of mine on obscure kinks. We shot out one after the other, either jotting them down or throwing them out entirely, and she's like, "Well, what about this one?". I laughed for about fifteen seconds and was basically, "Duuuuude, I'm totally doing that!"

So, this is what came from that.

Enjoy.

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A Fruitful Meeting

Or, A Berry Bountiful Harvest

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It's official; I have the hots for the girl at the produce department at my local market.

She's young - just a hair younger than me, but who cares? I want to fuck her, not get down on my knee and propose to her.

I never really cared about what I ate before. I had a nutritionally balanced diet that was scheduled for me on a weekly basis from childhood, so I never really needed to think about it until I moved out on my own. But until then I got protein, vegetables, dairy and breads - the whole nine yards. She changed all that. Now I'm as likely to have just a salad for dinner and leave out the steak, and every single bite of romaine reminds me of her.

It took me three months to find out her name: Ruby. What a cute name for a cute dyke. She isn't local. Word is she's from Vale - from some small town somewhere on the border. I only knew this because I overheard it when she was talking to one of the old women who also shop in the market. I was way too nervous to ask her myself.

I would have been content to see Ruby just a couple of times a week for my produce needs, but one day she noticed me. Hell, the entire store noticed me. I somehow managed to run right into a cardboard stand of mangoes. The entire display came tumbling down, mangoes rolling this was and that. I stood there, hands held out in front of me like an idiot and staring at the mess I'd made.

Then sweet, sweet Ruby came through the swinging doors that led to the dark recesses of the grocery store. She always smiles, my Ruby. Even then, with a thousand and two runaway mangoes threatening to trip little old ladies, Ruby was still smiling.

"Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry," I apologized, rightfully ashamed.

"No problem!" she chirped, her smile plastered on her face. "It happens."

When Ruby flashed her dimples at me, I forgot all about the mangoes. She'd already picked up half a dozen pieces of fruit before I realized I should probably give her a hand.

I retrieved two mangoes, the most I could hold at once, and dumped them in the bin. Ruby brushed against be as she deposited a few more. The girl had a hard little body. Though, I couldn't complain - I was even shorter than her, and I wore heels. But damn, if this was the result of lifting heavy boxes of produce day in and day out, I could definitely get in on that.

"It's cool, I can get the rest," she said. Her eyes were a sterling silver. They were insanely pretty, with long, dark lashes. "Thanks a bunch for the help."

A four-alarm fire could not have gotten me out of that building. "No problem at all. I need the exercise, anyway."

I've never had a woman undress me with her eyes quite like that before. Ruby gave me the sweetest, slowest look followed by another toothy grin.

"No, you really don't."

I scooted out of there with a throbbing ache between my legs and a basket full of fresh fruits and vegetables. Some found their way into my salad. The cucumber, on the other hand, served a much greater purpose. If I couldn't fuck Ruby, I could damn well fuck her produce.

Three or four visits later, I decided it was ridiculous to act like some adolescent girl with a crush. I wanted Ruby and there seemed no reason not to approach her and at least ask her out. Easier said than done. I tried, but I couldn't quite coax myself into asking. So, I went on making my twice or thrice weekly trips to the market and carrying home more produce than any one person could eat in a year.

Then the day came when my local market went high tech. I could order my groceries online and have them delivered the next day. Quite a convenience, sure, but I didn't go to the market to shop - I went to ogle. I tossed aside the flyer announcing the new service and forgot about it until one day a month or so later when I got sick.

Let's just get this out in the open; I'm not pretty when I get sick. My nose runs and turns red from being wiped so often, my skin gets blotchy and dry, and my bags under my eyes have bags under them from not sleeping well.

It was on the third night of the cold from hell that I broke down and used the market's delivery service. I couldn't possibly face Ruby looking like something out of a horror movie, so I keyed in a few necessary items on my computer - tissues with lotion, orange juice, and chicken soup. I scrolled through the produce list, longing for Ruby and her smile, but instead picked a variety of fresh fruit, hoping a huge dose of vitamin C would do the trick and kick this cold in the crotch. I got a confirmation number for my order, turned off the computer and crawled sadly into bed.

I didn't get up until the next day when the doorbell rang.

I grabbed my old robe, threw it on over an older t-shirt, and shuffled to the door. I was actually feeling better then I had in three days, but the post-illness exhaustion had settled into my bones and showed no signs of leaving.

Then I opened the door and blinked, convinced the high alcohol content of my cold medicine was causing hallucinations, because I just couldn't be Ruby the hot produce dyke standing in my doorway with two sacks of groceries in her well-toned and delicious-looking little arms.

"Hi Weiss!" she chirped, and that's when I knew she was real.

That's also when I realized that I was real - red nose, blotchy skin, ratty bathrobe and all. Oh, and the jaw dragging on the floor like a cavewoman. I did the only thing I could do; I closed my mouth and ushered her in.

"Where do you want them?" she asked, looking over her shoulder at me.

"Kitchen table," I muttered, trying unsuccessfully to hide behind the curtain of my unwashed hair.

She deposited the groceries on my kitchen table and grinned at me. "You don't look so good."

I grimaced. This wasn't exactly the conversation I'd fantasized about having with her. "I'm getting better."

Ruby nodded. "Yeah, well, you got some good stuff here. You'll be feeling right as rain by tomorrow."

I fumbled with my purse hanging over the back of the door, looking for a tip. Part of me wanted to stall her, since I finally had her all to myself. Another part of me, a more rational, coherent part, wanted her gone so she wouldn't have too clear a memory of me looking like hammered shit.

"You know what you need?" she asked, looking speculative.

I noticed the way her jeans hugged her thighs and how her arms flexed when she ran her hand through her dark, shoulder-length hair. Ruby had what I needed, only she didn't know if because I was too much of a chicken-shit to tell her so. "No, what?"

"A good steam. It'll clear you right up."

I was definitely hallucinating. I refused to believe that I was standing her listening to the sexiest girl on the planet tell me how to clear my sinuses. "Thanks. I'll try that."

Ruby studied me for a long moment. "No, you won't. You'll go back to bed and then you'll never get well."

Hard to argue with that. "Okay, I'll do it as soon as you leave."

"How about you do it now?" Before I could say anything, she headed down the hall toward my bedroom.

Ruby was going into my bedroom.

The babe I'd been lusting over for six months was going into my bedroom. My bedroom, with the unmade bed, snotty tissues on the floor, the underwear kicked into a corner because I was too sick to actually do laundry.

"Wait! No, stop!" I said, getting more nasally with each panicked breath.

Too late. Ruby was already in my bedroom.

"C'mon," she said. The echo told me that she was in the bathroom. I frantically searched my brain, trying to recall the last time I'd scrubbed the toilet. "You're not going to get better standing out there."

Even while I was trying to figure out how this had happened - how the produce girl from the market was standing in my bathroom - my body was moving on its own accord. I found Ruby with her head in the shower, turning the water on full blast.

"Okay, now sit down," she said, when the water was adjusted to her satisfaction.

There really wasn't anywhere to sit except on the toilet. I sat down, miserable and humiliated. This was not the fantasy I'd envisioned about when and if I ever got Ruby back to my place. I felt less like a sexy femme and more like her invalid mother.

Ruby, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying herself. "Cheer up!" she said, "This will make you feel loads better."

The bathroom began to fill with steam. Ruby pushed my hair dryer and an empty bottle of cough syrup out of the way and leaned against the counter. The steam at least provided some atmosphere. It made Ruby look all fuzzy, so it could only help my sad appearance. Of course, at this point she'd already seen me in all my glory.

"Now, take a deep breath."

I breathed. Or, tried to. It's kind of hard to breath through a clogged-up nose.

Ruby shook her head. "Blow your nose."

Now I felt like a sick kid that she was babysitting. I wanted to cry, but I obeyed her, using the last of my tissues in the box on the back of the toilet. "Okay, I'm as clear as I'm going to get."

"Good. Now, take a deep, slow breath."

I did as she said. It was really getting hot in there.

"Exhale. And do it again."

This was the most bizarre situation I'd ever found myself in, but I was too exhausted to complain. I breathed, and Ruby smiled. I'd do anything for that smile, even take a steam bath in my less-than pristine bathroom.

"Good. Keep breathing, I'll be right back."

She didn't give me a chance to ask her where she was going. I figured she was finally escaping the germ fest while she could. I was in no condition to wrestle her to the floor and have my way with her. Not that the thought hadn't crossed my mind.

She returned a few minutes later with what looked like the contents of my spice rack in her arms. She deposited the glass bottles on the counter and began to line them up.

"What are you doing?"

She had her back to me and I found myself staring at her denim-covered ass. I was starting to feel better already.

"A little trick my mom taught me," she explained. "Just some herbs to add to the water. Always worked on me as a kid." She reached into the shower once more and put the stopper in the tub drain. Then she started picking up bottles one at a time and shaking the contents into the tub.

As the steam began to do its job, I recognized a few scents. Rosemary, at first. Then mint. Something that smelled spicy, but I couldn't quite place it. Soon, the scents were blending together so that I couldn't distinguish between them, but there mere fact that I could smell at all was amazing.

"See? I told you," Ruby grinned at me.

"Thanks."

We stared at each other as the steam thickened and the scent of herbs filled the air. The whole thing was too surreal for words.

"Why are you delivering groceries?" I finally asked.

"I saw your name pop up on the list and I wanted to see you."

Whatever I'd been expecting, it certainly wasn't that. I suddenly forgot about being sick and her seeing me in my ratty bathrobe. "You did?"

She nodded. "I did."

"Wow."

She smiled again. I was starting to get used to that smile. "You're welcome."

Now, if this had somehow been my fantasy, she would have pulled me to the bed and done wicked things to my body, but I guess the runny nose, grungy bathrobe and unwashed hair wasn't a very sexy combination. Half an hour after she had arrived, Ruby kissed the top of my smelly head and left me sitting in the bathroom. I could breathe again, but I was also super horny - the real sign that I was getting better.

I was now a true believer in lesbian holistic medicine.

By the time I returned to the market the following week, I was humming with sexual tension. I needed to get laid, and more importantly, I needed Ruby to do the laying. Instead of throwing me up against the stack of papaya and fucking me senseless, she only grinned at me and kept stacking bags of carrots.

Damn it, could she not have chosen something less subtle to stack?

"Hi Weiss!" she chirruped.

"Hello." I stood there, wondering yet again if I should just woman up and ask her out. And wondering why she didn't ask me out. "Thanks again for, um, your advice last week. You were right. I felt much better."

She nodded and turned back towards the carrots. "Glad you're back to fighting shape! Mom's always right, after all."

"Right." I wandered away, wondering if maybe I had imagined the entire thing after all.

Two more weeks went by and the same thing happened. Ruby was nice, polite, and friendly. Problem was, I wanted the sexy dyke who had come into my apartment and I wanted to be full of energy the next time she did.

Then I concocted a plan. It was deviously childish and pathetic, but hey, a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

On the day before my usual Saturday trip to the market, I went online and placed another grocery order. My entire list consisted of things from the produce department. If Ruby was working, she'd see my name. And maybe, if I was lucky, my sexy produce girl would be back to give me a different kind of treatment.

At quarter to five on Saturday afternoon, there was a knock at the door. My heart hammered in my chest even while I was trying to convince myself not to get too worked up because it might not even be Ruby. But when I opened the door, lo and behold, there was Ruby grinning at me.

"Not feeling well?" she asked.

"No, I feel fine-" I stumbled over my excuse. "I've just… been busy."

She just smiled at me.

I moved out of the doorway and gestured back toward the kitchen, as if she'd never been in my apartment before. "You can put them on the table."

I followed her, my entire body throbbing with each heartbeat. "Um, I really didn't- uh- I was hoping to see you again," I said, rushing through the words so that they barely made sense to my own ears. "I mean, it's nice to see you again."

Ruby set the bags down on the table and looked at me. Her eyes were so bright they seemed to be made from freshly spun silver, and they sparkled with mischief. "It's nice to see you again, too."

Clearly, she had no intention of making this easy for me.

"Look, about last time you were here…"

"Yes?"

Well, here goes nothing… "Was there something between us, or was that just the cold medicine?"

Her smile faded and her expression grew intense; a look of pure sensuality and confidence. It was a heady combination and I gripped the edge of the table for dear life as it hit me. She took a step closer to me and leaned forward just a bit.

"What do you think, Weiss?" she whispered.

I was tired of playing games, and I wasn't getting any younger. "I think that if you don't kiss me right now, I might just have a relapse."

She put her hands on my shoulders, drawing me closer until our bodies were touching, chest to chest, hip to hip. Then she was kissing me.

It wasn't a first kiss. Hell, it wasn't a second, third of even a fourth kiss. It was the kind of kiss you give someone you've been fucking for a while, but not so long that you're used to each other. When the heat and the throb are still insistent and you're both always needy. That kind of kiss.

She was groping my ass before the first kiss even ended. In my premeditation, I had made sure to wear a skirt. I was also wearing panties, but I didn't really think about that fact until they were somewhere down around my knees. I wasn't quite sure how she pulled that off, but I wasn't complaining as she stroked her fingers between my legs and nibbled on my bottom lip as if someone had given her a road map to my body with the erogenous zones marked as points of interest.

When I was thoroughly kissed and dripping wet from her fingers working between my shaking thighs, she suddenly pulled away. "Is that what you had in mind?"

I blinked at her, waiting until I regained some feeling in my lips to speak. "Something like that, yeah."

"Well, why didn't you say so?"

I ran my tongue over my lips. "I'm kind of old-fashioned."

She looked skeptical. "So… does that mean I have to take you out to dinner before I can fuck you?"

I grabbed a fistful of her t-shirt and dragged her closer.

"You've already brought me dinner. We can move on."

"Good."

She wrapped her hands around my waist and backed me up against the kitchen counter. Thankfully it was one of those heavy, butcher-block style tables that can withstand a hell of a lot of weight and motion, which was what I hoped she had in mind.

With one hand on my hip, she gently pushed me back on the table until I was laying flat with my legs hanging off the edge. I could feel my panties being rolled down to my ankles and I kicked them off. I lay there waiting for her to slide her fingers into me, but moments passed and it didn't happen.

I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at her. She was rifling through the grocery bags on the counter.

"Um, hello?" I wiggled my fingers at her. "Remember me?"

"Oh, don't worry; I haven't forgotten. Hold on a second." She pulled out a container of raspberries and another of blackberries.

"Hungry?" I snapped.

Her grin was almost feral. "Oh, yeah."

That was enough to make me lie back down. Whatever she was up to, I was pretty sure I was going to enjoy it.

Ruby walked over and stood between my spread legs. She looked into my eyes, rather than my crotch, which automatically earned her a couple bonus points and made me squirm impatiently.

"I really like blackberries," she said softly. It was the single most erotic things I've ever heard a woman say.

"Me too."

I closed my eyes as I felt her kneel between my legs. I waited for the warm feel of her tongue, but it never came. Instead, I felt something cool slip between my throbbing lips. It took a moment for it to register in my lust-filled brain that she was pushing blackberries into me.

"Hey, wait," I said, struggling to prop myself up on my elbows. "I don't think that's-"

"Shhh," she murmured, sliding the berries in deeper. "Don't think, just relax."

It seemed silly to argue with her fingers inside me, so I lay back and tried to relax. The berries tickled, or maybe it was the juice that tickled. Or was it my juice? I couldn't really tell anymore.

After a few more blackberries, she switched to raspberries. Then she braced her hands on my thighs and brushed her nose against my berry-filled crevice. "Mmm… you smell like a briar patch."

It sounded like a compliment. I was a city girl, so I wasn't so sure. But she seemed to like it, so full speed ahead, I say. She stood again and the bag rustled. I tried to remember what I'd ordered. Raspberries, blackberries, strawberries. Blueberries? I couldn't remember. I kept my eyes closed and felt Ruby between my legs again.

"You really like berries," she observed.

"They're good for you," I said, flinging my arm over my eyes to avoid the embarrassment. I could feel my cheeks flush hotly as she began sliding more fruit into my already juicy cunt.

It didn't take long before I was filled. I felt like a Christmas goose, or a Thanksgiving turkey, stuffed and spread out on the table, a banquet for Ruby and Ruby alone. It should have been embarrassing, but funny things were happening down below. I tingled all over, I felt full and bloated, but also incredibly hot and aroused.

Ruby knelt again between my legs. This time I felt the hot, slick wetness of her tongue slide through my folds. I could hear her slurping the juice, berry juice, my juice. I shivered and grabbed the edge of the table. Another lick and I arched my back and pushed myself further into her mouth.

She pulled away just enough to push two fingers into me, berries and juice squeezing out to drip down my thighs around her twisting fingers. I was like a human juicer, and I giggled at the thought as wet, squishy noises filled my kitchen. She kept fucking my until my giggles turned into moans, her hand anchoring my hip to keep me from bouncing off the table.

I was a bountiful harvest of berries, being fucked by the queen of produce. Who knew healthful living could be so much fun?

I whimpered and groaned and thrashed as Ruby fucked me, fucking the juice right out of me, as I rocked the sturdy wooden legs of the table until I was sure it would collapse beneath me. Ruby sucked at my aching clit as she twisted her fingers inside me and the combination of it all finally tipped me over the edge. I gripped her head between my sticky thighs and screamed.

In a rush of juice, I came. Hard. My whole body contracted around Ruby and her magical fingers and tongue and I gasped as the odor of fresh, sweet berries filled my senses. She sighed happily and lapped gently at my folds as berries dribbled out of me and the ripples of my orgasm faded.

Ruby pulled me off the table and we fell in a heap on the floor, the table creaking with relief. I laughed, then she laughed, stroking any part of my body she could reach. I could still feel the berries and juice trickling out of me and I couldn't stop giggling.

Thank the gods for tiled flooring.

I pulled her berry-stained mouth down to mine for a kiss as I worked my hand down the front of her jeans. "That was pretty fucking intense," I murmured against her lips.

She sucked my bottom lip into her mouth and I could taste the juices of the fruit and myself.

"Wait 'till you see what I bring you tomorrow."

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A/N: That was fun. Imma go get a smoothie now.

Slutty Weiss is best!Weiss.

Another name for this was "Berries n' Cream", but even I thought that was a little lewd.

***Will work for glomps***