For Better Or For Worse.
Writer: Invader Johnny.
Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to the almigthy Jhonen Vasquez, I own squat!
Plot: Prequel to "I Had A Smeet Once" Before Zim and Gaz were married, he had to pop the question, what does he do? He leaves Gir behind as a diversion for his Gaz-Beast, a babysitting job she deeply hates but ultimately leads to a much bigger reward.
Author Notes: I got to thank both my nephews for the inspiration since it was because of me doing some babysitting that this story came to be.
As we all know Gir has the surprising ability to bend the likes of Zim and Gaz to his will so while he only did so respectively in "Invasion of the idiot dog brain", "Zim eats Waffles" and "Tak; the hideous new girl" I just think that our favourite insane little robot could get away with a lot more had the series continued.
Anyway while this story does explore a bit more of the ZAGR relationship I also wanted to some fun and see just how far our favourite insane S.I.R Unit could go without getting scrapped for metal by a very annoyed Gaz.
So, enjoy the story and as a final note, prepare to learn a bit about our volatile universe.
The Voot Cruiser was farting it's way across the milky way galaxy, right into the constellation that the Earthlings dubbed 'Cancer.'
Why? Let's just say that "Invader" Zim had a very specific destination in mind, one that was surely to succeed in a mission, or so he was certain of considering the idea came from his incredible brain meats.
"Proximity warning, planet ahead" The ship's Computer said "55 Cancri-E"
"Humans and their inferior planet naming skills!" The Irken couldn't help but sneered "Such lack of imagination! I could name a world better than any of those hairless monkeys!... In fact I shall name this world in the name of the Irken Empire as planet Adamas!"
Zim made a heroic pose right at that moment, even if no one was there to witness his so called creative genius "Yes, why am I so amazing?!"
So while Zim was patting himself on the shoulder in the vastness of space, back on Earth a very tired Gaz was getting ready to hit the hay, she had spent the last several hours playing the "Five Nights At Bloaty's" video game in her apartment.
"Stupid deathly Moose!" She growled dangerously "If I could killd it in the game, I would chop it into itty bitty pieces!"
Needless to say that it was more challenging than expected to pass all the levels, but she didn't care, after all; a good gamer was always up to the obstacles as they came along.
So after Gaz had dressed for the night, she got under her purple covers, ready to dream of ber slaughtering some animatronic horrors.
Or rather she would have, if a certain insane little robot hadn't flown to her room at full speed, yelling inconsistent words or maybe what he was saying was some sort of alien dialect.
Whatever the case, the scary woman didn't care.
She just wanted to sleep, but apparently that wasn't happening anytime soon.
"GAZZY!"
She irritably groaned and open an eye exasperatedly. She looked at her alarm clock and realized it was just a little over 3 O'clock.
"What do you want Gir?"
"I had a nightmare and it was real weird yo!"
"Stop talking like a rapper!" She ordered "It's getting on my nerves!"
"But the nightmare! THE NIGHTMARE!" The robot yelled with tears in his eyes "It was so bad! It was squishy and yellow with sandwiches as far as the eyes could see!"
Gaz sighed, "Let me guess, it was about the deleted scene from intestines of war"
"HOW DID YOU KNOW?!" He shouted in awe "You psychic!"
"No you moron!" She snapped back "I know because you scream every time you watch the damn extended edition!
"NUH- HUH!"
"Turn down your damn voice box will you?! You almost busted my eardrum!" She scolded angrily.
"You're grumpy Gazzy!"
"Where have you been in the last ten years!"
"I been on Earth!" Gir answered happily.
Gaz was about to get up from her bed, ready to strangle the deranged piece of Irken machinery, had she not remembered that she was babysitting the annoying robot as a favor to her alien boyfriend.
"This idiot is worse than my brother, how the hell did Zim managed to live with it and not dismantle it in blind rage?!"
"Can Gazzy sing to me?"
"Say what?"
Sing me to sleep... you have a pretty voice!"
"Listen to me well Gir" Gaz spoke ominously "You can have a bit of my pizza, you can watch my tv, you can even throw food at my brother's large head, but there is no chance in hell that I'm going to sing for your enjoyment!"
Even if the S.I.R Unit wasn't particularly bright, he still understood what his caretaker was saying.
His antenna lowered, his cyan eyes began to water, it wasn't long before he began to scream at the top of his artificial lungs.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHH! AHHH!"
"Seriously?!" Gaz exclaimed.
Gir crawled all over the floor, while he continues to yell, with each scream the voice grew louder and louder.
"Shout all you want, sooner or later you're going to get tired."
Gaz was at her wits ends, the little android just kept screaming for the last six hours and no matter how many times she punched him, he wouldn't shut up.
As a result, her left eye twitched uncontrollably.
"Ok you win you stupid robot!" Gaz relented "I'll sing to you!"
That made Gir stop, he sat up and blankly stared at the young woman "You were going to sing to me?"
Gaz growled in disbelief "Why you little..."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHH! AHHH!"
She grunted in defeat.
"Soft kitty,
Warm kitty,
Little ball of fur.
Happy kitty,
Sleepy kitty,
Purr Purr Purr"
As soon as she was about to sing the second verse, she heard a soft snore.
"don't fucking believe this!"
Gir was sleeping peacefully in the rug, moving his leg, almost like a real dog would."
"Ugh, I'm too tired to cause any kind of retribution" Gaz yawned "I'll doom him after I get some sleep."
So without a further ado, the purple headed woman puts her head on top od her comfy pillow, and closed her eyes ready for a very well deserved rest.
Seconds later her alarm went off.
She got up only to notice thst it was 8 AM, she needed to get ready for ger first class of the say.
"Oh come on!"
Gaz hatefully glared at the sleeping robot.
"I swear Zim" She hissed menacingly "When you get back I'll personally shove your robot up that arse of yours! You... Will... Pay!"
Meanwhile back on 55 Cancri-E Zim was walking on the planet's surface wearing a very powerful space suit, he was grabbing some material from the ground, smirking as he held a big chunk of it.
"Excellent."
He made his way back to the Voot Cruiser, then flew out of the planet as quickly as he had arrived.
Once in space the Irken puts the big chunk of rock on the ship's panel.
"Computer, mold this material into a gift worthy of Zim to give to the Gaz Human!"
"Processing.. Processing... Done!"
Zim was more than pleased with the rest, his ship's Computer had made a pizza shaped engagement ring.
"Humans and their pathetic traditions make no sense" Zim sneered "But no matter, I achieved my goal, now that I gotten a ring, I shall ask for the Gaz-human to be my mate! It was clever of me to distract her by taking care of Gir, she doesn't suspect a thing... I'M INGENIOUS!"
Zim felt that he had done well, he undoubtedly succeed in getting a diamond ring as the humans claimed it was the proper way to tie the knob, so it was a step closer in claiming the Gaz-Beast as his.
That is if the scary woman didn't beat him to death first.
Well what do you guys think of the story, good? Bad? In between?
I figured this is as close as Gaz will ever get to true karma in the show's universe since dating Zim is already punishment enough, no? LOL.
By the way the planet Zim visited 55 Cancri-E does in fact exist, it's 40 lightyears away from Earth and made out of pure diamonds, but it has a very high temperature which explains why he wore a space suit, but in real life he would most likely be baked alive.
Adamas is actually the Greek word for diamond... According to google translator.
I also made fun of the Voot cruiser since in the second issue of the comic Tak's ship implies that since it farts to travel that it's made out of garbage and in the seventh issue Zim himself hints that.
The game of "Five Nights At Bloaty's" it's an obvious parody of "Five Nights At Freddy's" which of course doesn't belong to me.
Also I don't own "Soft kitty" That belongs to "TBBT".
Finally the name of the fic is based on when people make their vows and since Zim wants to tie the knot, Gaz will take half of the insanity that it's in being part of his world.
Neat, huh?
Invader Johnny Signing Off.