"I'm getting the feeling you might not understand the gravity of the situation Thomas, I'm getting married next week. The caterer can't be dead. Who dies a week before my wedding?" Anna's cell phone could be heard ringing somewhere buried in her purse - she ignored it, "and how on earth are you going to feed everyone?"

Poor scrupulous, filled with peril Thomas - the untimely deceased caterer's assistant stared back at Anna exhausted. This was the seventh time he had to endure this conversation with a bride today. "Don't worry Anna, I promise to figure something out. How many guests are you planning for?"

Anna paused unable to remember and looked to Gwen for an answer. Its not a good sign however when your maid of honor is sitting on top the cake counter surrounded by empty cake plates. But with a mouthful of icing, Gwen managed a reply, "three-hundred twenty nine?"

"Three-hundred twenty nine guests Thomas, that's a lot of food." She looked back at Gwen, motioning to wipe icing from her chin, "you have a little…" Her voice-mail chimed a message alert but Anna continued interrogating Thomas. "We were supposed to have crab flown in from somewhere…Gwen, where did Andrew want the crab flown in from?"

Steadfast and unchanged by her cake distraction, Gwen raised her eyebrows and mumbled as politely as possible while chewing, "Australia?"

"My fiancé has an affinity for Australian crab apparently." Her phone chirped out a text message alert, Anna ignored it, "I don't mean to sound insensitive, I'm terribly sorry your boss died Thomas…" The ringing of her cell phone interrupted them once more as she made an agitated growl in her throat.

Finally digging through the contents of her large purse to find the phone, she realized Andrew was calling again. Instead of answering, Anna carelessly threw the phone to Gwen who risked breaking a display of delicate china cake plates stacked four feet high on a nearby table to catch it. Acrobatically falling backward- her hand death gripping a fork - pieces of white cake and cream frosting spattered the room as she captured the airborne mobile in a moment of physical grace. "Hello Andrew…its Gwen…Yeah, she's a little busy at the moment…what?!...How can that…oh god, that's terrible...of course I will tell her."

Gwen finished the call on Anna's cell phone to the sound of never ending chatter about hors d' oeuvres and crab legs. "That was Andrew," she chimed in, only to be ignored.

Anna lulled dramatically, "and if we're supposed to find another caterer in one week, well, I suppose we'll have to sue you."

Gwen threw another piece of bad news at Anna, "he said your photographer crashed his motorcycle..."

Anna seemed unfazed, "and I don't have time to sue you, in fact, I don't even know how we're going to manage time for our honeymoon. I had to reschedule an entire book release around…"

"He broke both of his arms and can't shoot your wedding." And there it was. That last statement - a verbal slap across Anna's face and she finally went silent.

"Your photographer Anna…."

"He's dead?"

"No! Don't be silly. Well…I mean, that's not silly. Obviously people die…I mean He didn't." Thomas shot Gwen an icy look. "Right. Do you have more cake Thomas? This is delightful…and delicious! It's both," she tried to be overly cheerful now.

Anna and Thomas stared at Gwen expressionless; she decided her best plan of action was to retreat. "I'm going to go and sit in my car now." Gwen exited the store backwards through a revolving glass door, cake plate in hand, mouth full of cake, waving with her fork.

Returning his attention to Anna, "You're not having a good week are you?" Thomas asked, seeming sympathetic but nearly smiled with the building drama of irony.

Anna slumped heavily against the wall, "this is a bad sign Thomas…"

"That's what I was thinking," swallowing his smile appropriately.

"Really?!"

"Don't sound so shocked Anna. Who loses a caterer and a photographer the week before their wedding? Think about it, people ask for signs all the time…fate intervenes, maybe you're not paying attention to something."

"But you've met Andrew and he's wonderful, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is…not to mention he's also buff, beautiful and day dreamy. But is he perfect for you? I hate to discredit any social media updates you may have posted, but I'm thinking he just might be more perfect for say…someone like me?" Thomas quips with a wink.

Anna's stress dampened at his playfulness and she began to allow a smile. "Thomas, you're not helping, please just focus on how to feed our guests!"

Slowly placing his pen down Thomas walked around the counter and pulled Anna into his arms. "Of course I will love, but if you're still planning to get married next week, tell that maid of honor of yours to stop eating so much cake - she'll never fit into her dress at this rate."

Anna smiled widely and returned Thomas' hug with appreciation, "thank you."

Thomas pulled back to look her square in the face, "for what love?"

"For being alive. For not riding motorcycles. For making me laugh."

As Gwen drove toward Anna's house, it began to rain. With one disaster following another Anna felt the panic creeping over her and needed to confide in someone, "Gwen, do you think?…never mind, I'm being silly."

"Oh no, don't you dare do that to me, what were you going to say?"

"It's nothing. I'm just being overly crazy. That's what brides-to-be do, they start thinking and acting crazy right before their wedding, right?

"You're the least craziest person I know Anna. Even with all the snags altering your plans right now, you're completely sane. I mean, look at me! It's your wedding and I'm the one stress eating. Did you see how much cake I ate back there?"

"I didn't take notice." She lied. "Okay, you ate four pieces."

"I know!... Four pieces really?

"Yes Gwen, you ate four pieces of cake."

"In my defense however, that was the most amazing cake I've ever tasted."

"They were four completely different types of cake Gwen."

"Oh god, I know! I'm a nervous wreck and I can't stop eating. I stuffed a couple of pieces into the glove box if you'd like some…."

Anna dismissed her cake offer laughing, "what are you nervous about?"

"You have the most amazing friends and colleagues Anna. I don't fit in with any of them. They rival every talented or successful person I know."

"Who cares? You're ridiculously fun to be around, everyone will love you. Just be yourself at the wedding."

"I can't. I'll be too nervous and I won't know what to say." She stated plainly and seriously.

"You'll be fine."

"No. I won't. I'll end up rambling about something stupid like whether or not I should study puppetry or I'll wonder aloud about my ancestors grandparents' grandparents and their procreative need to cultivate humor and how I literally have it in my DNA to throw sarcastic zingers into a conversation at the expense of everyone around me and then, regretting everything I've said all night, I'll take a verbal survey of the room to make sure no one was offended by my attempt to add side-splitting humor into every conversation.

Anna squints her eyes at Gwen puzzled. "Okay... maybe you won't be fine; perhaps you should just stick to eating cake."

The girls erupt together in loud laughter, but eventually, as the car grows quiet again Gwen tries once more to coax Anna, "what were you going to say before?"

But Anna only stares out the window in silence.

"You'd better speak now because its about to become 'forever hold your peace', you realize that don't you?'

Anna released a heavy, unwillingly sigh before starting. "Thomas said something back at the shop…he said perhaps the caterer and photographer catastrophe are signs that I shouldn't marry Andrew."

"It is kind of odd Anna."

"So you agree with him then?"

"I agree with whatever you want. All that matters is the answer to one question: Do you want to marry Andrew?"

Anna answers without giving the question any thought. "Of course. Everyone wants to marry him, even Thomas."

"That's not what I asked you Anna…but I think I can guess what this is really about."

Subconsciously, Anna clenched her teeth, dreading where her friend was about to lead the conversation. "You're thinking of him…and that's completely normal you know."

"Is it? I'm marrying someone else, and yet can't stop thinking about…I mean, Andrew is wonderful. He's thoughtful. He's considerate. He's my best friend. We never fight. Not ever."

"That's not normal. Wait, I thought I was your best friend.

"You're being silly, you know what I mean. Andrew is wonderful."

"You keep saying that."

"Well, he is," she snaps quickly.

"Then that's that."

"Yes. That is that."

The atmosphere in the car grew thick with silence. Anna knew the one thing that needed to be done, and she didn't need anyone else to encourage it. She was bridging the point of no return and it was time to release her past. Her mind abandoned the moment as rain washed away remnants of bird droppings from her window. A lingering sadness came over her, nostalgia about packing her house felt more like packing away her life completely.

No longer convinced she was ready to cut ties with her house, Anna shook her head, attempting to rattle those doubts from her mind. She chartered a new course of life in that house, discovered a new kind of laughter, and pulled herself from the edge of agony - without him. Couldn't she continue creating a new life with Andrew? It was after all, instinctual wasn't it? She had found a way to survive after John disappeared.

The rain continued draining over the car and Anna held her breath like she was under water.

Once home and alone, Anna made her way into the attic. Climbing a ladder, she stared at the large paper box sitting high atop a shelf. What remained hidden away in there included all her hope, pieces of her heart, and lingering questions. After his sudden disappearance, Anna spent months searching for him. Exhausting her savings, selling most of her possessions, going deeply into debt - but there was never any resolution to what happened to John Bates nor his friend Robert Crawly.

She stared reverently at the box as if it were the Holy Grail itself. It was time to decide what to do with it. As she tugged the heavy box into her arms, it slipped from her grip and fell eight feet to the floor bursting open. Gasping devastated, Anna hurried down the ladder to rescue strewn photos, small notes and other keepsakes from their years together at Downton. She paused, her eyes quickly discovering a favorite photo of him, wearing a football jersey, his hair disheveled, smiling that tender smile only ever offered to her.

Nearly an hour later, Anna sat nearly glued to the floor, surrounded by memories of John Bates. He was her first love. What had ever gone wrong with him? Some suggested he simply abandoned her - she would never even consider that a possibility - she finally resolved there might never be answers. Her phone rang, reluctantly reeling her out of the past.

"Hello?" She answered unaware, still looking at a photo of John.

"Hello Darling."

Anna startled to hear her future husband's voice, "Andrew."

"Are you all right Anna?"

"I'm in the middle of…packing."

"Never quite finished are you?"

"You know me…a stickler for order and tidiness."

"Well, I won't keep you. I'm just calling to make sure you're not still upset about the caterer and photographer. Are you? You know we'll manage."

"I know. I just…want everything to feel perfect."

"It will be. Nothing else."

"You're right Andrew, nothing else…" Her eye caught sight of another photo that had fallen to the floor and she picked it up. Another favorite memory of John leaning against a doorframe, dressed in a luxurious black suit. Very regal. Handsome. Dark. Tall...Those eyes."

"Anna? Do you?"

She hadn't been listening. "What? "

"Anna darling, you're so distracted. Maybe you need to take an emotional health day, you know – get a massage or drive into the country. I know you're stressed about everything. Your job, the time off, the move, the wedding. But I need to hear you say you love me. Do you?"

Anna still held John's photo in her hand. Turning it over, so as not to allow him to hear her response, she assured him, "Of course I do, Andrew. Always."

"Well then, I do hope I will actually hear you say the words someday soon, perhaps on our wedding day?"

"I'm sorry, Andrew. You know my family wasn't very affectionate, I will try."

"I'm just teasing you love, I know how you feel after all. I should get going - there is a lot for me to still pack. Call you in the morning."

"In the morning then. Good night."

Anna felt a twist of guilt in her stomach. I know how you feel…there were many layers to how she felt. And despite her best efforts, she never really stopped loving John. But she knew life was moving on without her, and Andrew was there and John never would be again. Now was the time to put her past with John to rest.

Her past. Her past was John, where she had met him at Downton while working her way through University as a tour and history guide. John, recently discharged from the military, worked in the wine cellar as a buyer. It was a slow growing romance, first friends, and then one day admitting love for one another.

Before graduation Anna accepted an opportunity at a publishing house in London and John left for a six -month contract to learn management at a winery in Italy. Her new position not allowing for any time off, they settled momentarily for a long distance relationship. At first emailing, sometimes several times a day, and when they could match their schedules, they would Skype with one another. Nearing the end of his six months, John's friend from the army, Robert Crawly, convinced John to go on one more adventure with him before moving back to London. Back to Anna.

John had always wanted his own winery, so his trip with Robert included scouting opportunities to buy into the business himself. His mother had died during their tenure at Downton and John had been waiting for the right opportunity to invest his inheritance.

John and Robert set off for a motorcycle tour through the Americas, in September - three years ago. And for reasons unknown, Anna never heard from John again.

Anna packed up the box and wrapped it tightly closed with several layers of tape. She decided she wasn't ready to simply throw the box, and its contents away - but it was best not to open it ever again.

The next morning Gwen called before dawn.

"What is it?" Anna sleepily answered.

"Anna. Wake up. I have good news."

"What?…What time is it?"

"I have good news, what does it matter what time it is?"

"Does your news include you bringing me coffee in bed?"

"Did you intend to sound sexy and alluring when you said that?

"God no. Did I?"

"Not really. I'm just lonely I guess." She began a long loud giggle.

"And I'm still sleeping. In the name of everything sacred about our friendship will you please tell me why you're calling so early?"

"I found a new photography company for you. They come highly recommended, and have a photographer available for your wedding day."

"Really? How did you manage that in the middle of the night?"

"I ran into someone last evening at the pub who insisted this photographer is amazing. He's a fresh face, and already in demand but most impressive? He's available next week."

"I'd like to meet him first."

"I knew you would, so I scheduled a meeting with him this morning. Your luck is turning around Anna, he's doing a photo shoot at a park nearby and he's expecting us. Get ready. I'll pick you up in 30 minutes."

"Bring coffee Gwen, or I swear…"

"You swear what dear?"

"That's it. I'll swear at you. In public. It will be humiliating."

Gwen rolled her eyes laughing,"god Anna, you're practically the devil herself."

It was Saturday morning and raining lightly but the sun threatened to appear at any moment. Gwen and Anna sat snuggly in Gwen's little blue car, Anna leaning her knees against the dashboard, sipping her latte and waiting nearly an hour for the photographer to arrive. During the long wait, she wasn't bored, just relaxed for the first time in weeks. That shift happened overnight. The same car, same attentive friend as yesterday, same chill of rain in the air - nothing had changed but her determination. She was going to dig her heals in and make this new life with Andrew work. John Bates was her past; it was time to silence the echoes.

Not long after they arrived, a black vintage Mercedes pulled in several spaces away from them and parked. A tall man wearing sunglasses, a wool cap and black jacket emerged from the car. He had a brown scarf wrapped lazily around his collar. Looking up into the sky for a moment, he paused before opening the storage boot to pull several cases out.

"Look over there Anna," Gwen pointed, "that must be him…nice car."

Taking another sip of her coffee, Anna squinted through the glass at the photographer. She watched him sling the case over his shoulder with ease then walk away with his back to them. She noticed however that he walked with a slight limp.

Gwen noticed too, "Is he limping?"

"Appears to be."

"Well, hopefully it isn't some major injury that will prevent him from working your wedding. God! That would be your luck."

Anna smirked slightly at Gwen's remark and intently watched him walk down a path. There was something familiar about him. She sipped her coffee. Gwen's phone rang.

After looking at her screen Gwen frantically reacted. "Oh Bollocks! It's the dress boutique. I completely forgot I have a fitting scheduled this morning!"

"Well, you'd better answer it, they're probably livid."

"Yes, hello I'm sorry I know I have a fitting this morning and I completely forgot about it and now I'm really late and you probably hate me... but I can be there in fifteen minutes... I know...I know I insisted the appointment be at 7am and then I didn't even bother to show up...

Anna giggled listening to her friend ramble on. She adored her quirkiness, but realized many other people did not. Watching the photographer set up a tripod, the sun debuted through the clouds and Anna wondered for a moment what perfect light might be. Gwen ended her phone conversation with a huff.

"Anna, I'm sorry, I have to go. They need to let my dress out a little."

"Those naughty dress makers, they can never get it right on the first cut can they?"

"I know that tone. Is that sass?"

"Of course not." Anna giggled. "Now you'd best be going, you don't want to keep those proper dress ladies waiting any longer."

"I'll be back to collect you as soon as I can. I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry! The day is young, the morning beautiful, and I'm sure this photographer won't mind me watching him work after we talk - it will be good to get a feel for his working style…now go!"

"See? You're not a crazy bride-to-be at all. You are so together, and I'm the one forgetting everything….by the way, I promise not to eat another bite of food until after the wedding."

"Someone needs to give those dress ladies something to fret about." Anna jumped out of the car with her coffee in hand and waved, smiling as Gwen sped away.

The morning air was chilly but Anna felt the sun blanket her with warmth. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deep cleansing breaths, allowing a soft ray of light to warm her face. It had been a long exhausting night of reminiscing, but in the light of day Anna felt renewed by the hopeful aroma of spring permeating the air. Perhaps Andrew was right; maybe all she needed was a day away. Smiling to herself, she felt reassured.

Walking down the path and toward the photographer, Anna watched him taking photos. Pausing and pulling the camera from the tripod, she smiled at him while he removed his sunglasses, scarf and hat to get more comfortable behind the camera. And then, something unimaginable was happening. The reassurance abandoned her body.