I stumbled upon the Sleep Talking Man's blog, and I so imagined some people saying these phrases. Since I'm a Final Fantasy addict, all other characters are in the 'Special Guests' section. Have fun and check the blog out!

Angeal scolding Zack: No puppy! Bad puppy! Make you into puppy slippers.

Sephiroth petting the cadets when he's high from the Mako shots: So many little people. Pet them on the head. Pet pet pet…

Scarlet: I don't wanna go down the slide. It's too high. Far too high. Wheee!...I feel sick now.
*Scarlet throws up on Rufus*
*Reno escorts Rufus to his apartment*
*in the bathroom*
Reno: You look horrible.
Rufus: Horrible? I'm fashionable! Look at me, I'm covered in…what is it? Eww, that's not nice.
*Reno helps him get in tub, then turns to leave*
Rufus: Don't you leave me here with that woman on the loose!
Reno: Now I need to pee, so what're you going to do about that…fuckhead!
Rufus: Can't you hold?
Reno: Look at the size of your bath. I can pee in it and you'd never notice.
Rufus: Don't you dare, go sit at the porcelain throne.
Reno: Peeing standing up rules!
Rufus: I feel seasick.

Sephiroth to Cloud in the morning of the day he's about to rule the world: I'm gonna have a great day…Don't you fuck it up.
*later that day*
Sephiroth talking to himself about his wings: I got one. I need two. It's useless without two. With two, I can take over the freakin' world.
Cloud: Sephiroth, why do you want to rule the world? Let God take care of it…
Sephiroth: Yah, I can't believe in God when I'm THIS good. There's only one thing that comes as close as being as fantastic as me, and that's my reflection. All hail the beautiful mirror. Wow.
Cloud: …
Sephiroth: Stand further away. You can't possibly appreciate my greatness this close up.

Sephiroth to Genesis: You're pretty. pretty pretty pretty…[long pause] Now fuck off and be pretty somewhere else. I'm bored.
Genesis: You hurt my feelings. Hug me.
Sephiroth: Let me hold you in my arms. Feel me squeeze the living fucking breath out of your bastard body. Bliss. Lovely.
Genesis: But I don't wanna die. I want a hug.
Sephiroth: Oh the cactus needs a hug! Go on, make it feel needed. Do it, fuck features. Do it now. Caress the spine.

Reno mumbling about elephants while escorting Rufus to the zoo: Oh, such wrinkly skin. And oh so hairy. Yeah, like grandmothers with trunks. Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only. Nothing else. Everything that is not related to elephants is irrelephant.
*elephant poops*
Totally green snowballs. Giant ones! They look wrong. They sound wrong when they hit you. And boy do they smell wrong.

*Shin-Ra's Halloween party. Hojo looks around*
Vincent Valentine in his old Turk suit: Vampire penguins?
Zack in Zombie costume: Zombie guinea pigs?
Sephiroth in drag: We're done for…done for.

Heidegger to Hojo, on the yearly medical checkup: I haven't put on weight. Your eyes are fat.

Hojo in response: You certainly are incredible. A perfect example of genetics gone wrong. Now go stand in the corner and dribble or do something just as intelligent.

Elena yelling at Tseng about Reno: You can tell that turkey when it comes back here that it's not welcome. You tell it goood.

Vincent Valentine: If I'm gonna be in charge, I need a cape. You can't do the job without a cape. Take me to the cape tailor.

Tseng is high. He looks at Reno: Thunder...Thunder…Thundercats are cool. Except for the little ginger one. There's always the ginger one.

Sephiroth to fangirl: Sure you can have my phone number. It's like having a direct line to God. But better. Because I answer.

Everyone to Tifa: Of course I know where your eyes are. I just like staring at your tits. Thank you!

Sephiroth lost something that belongs to Zack: Don't worry. I'll find it. That's what I do, find things. I find you annoying. See?

Reno, flicking his cigarette, when he was asked to join the other side: The grass on the other side of the fence: Burn it! It's not nice.

Reno talking about the slums' restaurants: Fly soup. Stir him in. It's the wings that get stuck in your teeth, though.

Sephiroth and Reno, after destroying all pens in the building: No pens. There's no pens here. I can't do any work anymore. I'm in crayon heaven.

Reno: I'm the pilot. It's my turn to fly the plane. Give me a peaked cap and a stewardess. Yeah, a stewardess. Whooossshhh.

Anyone to Vincent: Garlic cheese! Double death to you, you lactose intolerant vamp man!
Vincent: I'm not lactose intolerant.
Person: AHA! So you ARE a vampire!
Vincent: …*takes out his gun*

Reno, watching men do acrobatics: Headstands are for girls only. When they wear skirts.

Rufus, after being asked about the Midgar Orchestra's performance: Shoot the fucking cellist. Pompous cunt with his oversized violin.

Reno, after his umpteenth drink: Mine's a potato martini. Serve it cold.

Anyone to Cloud: You over there, you're going to be my friend today... I don't know about tomorrow, let's just get through today, arsehole.

Special Guests in the Final Fantasy world:

Sonic talking about Metal Sonic's new job at the sweet factory: Robots making sweets? But they've got no taste buds! Metal smarties.

Harry Potter to Rita Skeeter (the reporter): When did you turn into a bug? Strange.

Lavi to Bookman (from D-Gray-Man): I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda.

Yuki talking to Kaname about Zero (from Vampire Knight): The zero is the same. It always will be. It never changes. Zero is zero…One? Huh, he's just a lonely cunt.

Mad hatter (I'm not gonna stoop so low as to EXPLAIN where he is from…): Mad Hatter: It's cake o'clock! All day long.