Title: A Failure of Principle
Pairing: Will/Alicia
Summary: Dinners and conversations between Will and Alicia during his suspension.
Author's Note: Spoilers specifically for Long Way Home (3x17) and Gloves Come Off (3x18)
"So you need to prove a connection between Isobel and Drescher?" Diane asks.
"Yes, I am going to court today," Caitlin responds.
"Actually, you're going to court today, aren't you Alicia?"
"Yes, Caitlin and I," she says with a discreet smile directed at Will.
"Thank you," she whispers. Her words aren't exactly meant to be a secret and there's nothing sensual about them, but her proximity, the heat of her breathe, combine to make him feel chills down his entire back. He's instantly taken back to moments where she whispered "don't move," "fuck me," and "oh god." He swallows in an attempt to clear his thoughts because he wants to say something but it's not safe, not with her, especially not in a conference room filled with people.
"You good?" she asks him.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"You bored?"
"Yeah, maybe a little."
"How's that rock opera coming?"
"Just great, I should have it ready in my next lifetime. Although," he adds, almost self-consciously, "I'm working on a book, A Failure of Principle: War's Impact on Supreme Court Decisions."
"Really? That's great. What made you start writing a book?"
He sighs because it's hard to explain this to anyone, especially her. Diane thought he was kidding when he first told her his plan. "I don't want my Wikipedia entry to just say that I was suspended from the law. I want it to say . . . that I did something with my life, that I used my suspension to do something that will have a lasting impact after I die."
"Will," and she's the one to sigh now, "you've had a lasting impact, with or without a book." Reaching her hand out across the table, stopping just short of his hand playing with a fork because they're just friends and friends don't caress hands like she wants to take his, she says the thing she had promised herself she wouldn't say, "I miss you." Then to cover up her admission she adds, "the whole firm misses you, it's not the same without you."
"No, they don't miss me, they're trying to come after me, steal my clients, my office and my firm."
"Some, yes. But . . ."
"It's okay - I'm not worried."
There's a pause when neither know what to say but Alicia fills the void, "I want to read it, the book."
"Sure, when it's done."
"No, as you're writing. Maybe I could offer suggestions. You don't have to do this alone."
"I'd like that," Will replies with a smile.
"We should do this more often, regularly. Once or twice a week."
"Alicia, it took us 3 weeks to schedule this lunch, and that was after you cancelled on me twice."
"I didn't want to, work, it's been crazy."
"I know . . . sorry, my fault."
"No."
"Yes, you've had to take on a lot of extra work."
"It happens but my point is: I want to see you. Dinner - twice a week."
"Alicia, you won't," but he doesn't have a chance to finish because she cuts him off.
"A girl needs to eat Will, so eat with me."
And he says yes because there are so many things he wants to do with her. He's missed the law. He's missed his power-suits and his settlement lunches. He's missed fighting with Diane and working out case strategies with Kalinda. But he's missed Alicia more. Seeing her walk down the corridors, hearing her silky voice as she hand-holds the clients, and her smile, the knowing one she makes just for him.
"Sure, dinner, twice a week. Have your people call my people." She laughs at that and he can't help but smile. She does that to him - makes him smile.
"Would you really have left . . . the firm?" and me? He doesn't say that last part out loud but it's implied with his original question.
"I didn't want to."
"I know, but would you have gone?" and then to make it seem less person he adds, "worked for Canning?" and now that he's asked the question, he's afraid to hear the answer.
"If I didn't get the raise, and the bonus, I would have left. I would have needed to leave, for my kids. But I wouldn't have gone to work for Canning. I couldn't do that."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Would that have been a good idea?" she challenges him. They both know he would have done whatever he needed to keep her.
"Probably not."
Alicia is adamant about the two dinners a week. At first, it takes countless emails to schedule and even more last minute phone calls with apologies for canceling. But then they get into a little groove. Tuesdays and Saturdays, without fail. Saturdays are easy, the kids are always with Peter then and Alicia's too exhausted from the week to even think about cooking for herself; so Will comes to pick her up at 8PM every Saturday. He makes reservations at some of his favorite restaurants, non-pretentious, quiet places, where he and Alicia split two bottles of wine and spend the entire time laughing and smiling. To everyone they look like a couple instead of the friends they are, catching up, reliving old stories.
Tuesday night dinners prove to be a little more difficult with Alicia's work schedule until he starts showing up at her office with greasy take-out and beer. She takes a break from work and moves over to the couch in her office where he spreads an abundance of food on her coffee table, way too much for two people. One night, Zach's in the office working on Eli's computer so he joins them. Will regales Zach with stories of Alicia in law school or famous clients he's defended over the years. Zach's having such a good time laughing at Will's stories that he's sadden when Alicia breaks up the party to remind him that it's almost 10PM and he has school in the morning.
"Grace needs to hear these stories," Zach says as he grabs his stuff to leave, "she wants to be a lawyer too. She needs to know what she's getting herself into."
"Yeah, I'll tell her one day," Will says quietly.
"You should come over for dinner. Thursday? You free?"
"Umm," and the lawyer is at a loss for words until he sees Alicia smile and nod. "I'd like that," he concludes.
"Can we talk about the book?" Alicia asks eagerly from the passenger side seat of Will's car. It's Saturday night, Will's just picked her up for their usual dinner, and she's spent a good portion of her free day reading the first three chapters of A Failure of Principle.
"Do we really have to? I've spent all day in Northwestern's law library and I could use a mental break."
"Yes we have to. I love it Will. Really!" she adds when she sees the look of skepticism on his face. "I love that you started with examples from the Civil War: Ex parte Merryman and Ex parte Milligan. The writ of habeas corpus is in jeopardy every time there's a major war in this country. Isn't it funny how history repeats itself?"
"Yeah, and you know I'm a sucker for history."
"So what's the verdict? Did Zach and Grace like me?" he asks during dinner.
"Of course, Zach thinks you're the coolest, his words, not mine. And Grace, she told me she likes how happy I seem to be when you're around."
"Are you happy?" but he doesn't get a response because the waitress chooses that moment to tell them the dinner specials and ask for their wine order.
It's a Tuesday morning when the news hits. Alicia's just finished grabbing her blackberry from the nightstand in her bedroom and is walking toward the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee when she notices Grace standing in her bedroom doorway.
"Grace, get moving or you'll be late for school."
"I'm not going," she replies and Alicia can't help but raise her eyebrow, questioning her daughter with a single glance.
"Have you ever testified before a grand jury?" Grace asks.
"What? How? I'm not allowed to talk about it." Alicia stutters in reply.
"When you testified before this grand jury, under oath, did you say that you had slept with Will?"
"How?" is all Alicia can say. She's at a loss for words.
"Google alerts. Your testimony was leaked."
"I'm . . . I'm sorry Grace. I didn't want you to find out like this."
"Are you still sleeping with him?"
"No, we're just friends. We have dinner, we talk about work and about the book he's writing. The book he's told you all about."
"I don't believe you."
"Well join the club," Alicia replies, walking past her daughter toward the front door. "I'm late for court, stay home today and we'll talk about it when I get home."
Will calls her cellphone as she's driving to court. She thinks about ignoring the call but quickly realizes that they really do need to talk.
"Hey."
"Wendy Scott-Carr leaked the transcript, I'm sure of it. Just like she leaked Childs' deposition and passed the evidence on me to the Bar Association."
"I know."
"I'm sorry Alicia. How are you doing?"
"Just great, my daughter doesn't believe me. She thinks we're still sleeping together."
"Do you blame her?"
"Excuse me?" Alicia asks because she's genuinely shocked.
"I mean, she doesn't know why we stopped. She knows that we have dinner together twice a week and that you've invited me over for dinner with her and Zach a few times. She has no reason to think we're not sleeping together. Hell, everyone thinks we're sleeping together and I wish we actually were. Alicia, we're dating, I know that's not what you would call it but we are. We're dating, we're just not having sex."
"Will, we're not dating, I'm married."
"No kidding."
"I can't do this right now. I have jury selection in twenty minutes."
"Yeah, right. I'll talk to you later."
She cancels on Will that Tuesday night so that she can go home and talk to Zach and Grace. Zach asks her when she started sleeping with Will but has no other questions because he's satisfied with knowing that nothing happened with Will until after his father had left the apartment.
Grace, on the other hand, apologies for not believing her earlier before asking why it ended.
"It got complicated."
"But he made you happy?"
"Yes, that doesn't mean it was simple. He's my boss, we were trying to keep it quiet. I'm still married to your father."
"Why are you still married if Dad doesn't make you happy?"
"I . . . I wanted to make sure you both were happy."
"We're happy mom, but we'd be happier if you were too."
She avoids Will the rest of the week until Friday when she sends him a text:
Alicia: where are we going tomorrow night?
Will: wasn't sure you wanted to go
Alicia: I do
Will: ok, pick you up at 8
They avoid all conversation of the leaked testimony until after the first bottle of wine is consumed but it's Alicia who brings it up.
"I was thinking about what you said on Tuesday."
"Yeah?"
"I think you're right."
"About which part?"
"We are dating and I spoke to the kids. They want me to be happy."
"Are you happy?"
"You make me happy so . . . I'd like to try this for real."
"Yeah?" and the goofy grin on Will's face makes her laugh.
"Yeah"
"Let's get out of here then, we've had lots of practice with the dinner and talking part of dating, it's time to practice the sex part" he says while signaling the waitress for the check.
The launch of Will's book happens exactly one year after his suspension officially started. When his publishers had told him, he laughed but told them to go ahead and set it up. It's almost poetic how much it makes sense. His life is completely different now and he wouldn't change a thing.
A Failure of Principle
War's Impact on Supreme Court Decisions
To Alicia because I like myself around you and I would never have done this without you.
All's fair in love and war. But the war, the fighting, the constant struggle to make it out alive, it affects the decisions we make. We create battle plans, try to anticipate our enemies next steps, mistrust our allies and make decisions based upon fear. But the most successful battles are won on the field, with little premeditation and an open heart.