What I lost
For a long time I lived a lie.
My name was a lie.
My parentage was a lie.
Am I a lie too?
The only thing that has always been consistent has been my mother.
I was still a baby when I lost her, my memories are few and fading, the only things I know about her is her name, her appearance and the bond between us that is written in both love and blood.
Tang Shen, the only solid and unchanging thing I have ever known. I cannot remember her touch, scent or voice. It has been lost to me as time replaced those infant memories with training and Foot business.
At times I wish that Leo had never told me the truth, that he would only see me as Oroku Karai. The daughter of their fathers enemy. Then if I never found out that I was never an Oroku to begin with. I could keep living the life I always had. Having a clear past and a clear identity.
However I sometimes wonder if my old life is something I wish to hold on to. The military style and the hatred that would never bring back the lives that have been lost in this feud. No matter is Oroku Saki or Hamato Yoshi 'wins' Tang Shen is not going to resurrect from her grave.
At times I wonder what my life would have been if my mother was still with me. Would my life have been much different? Would I have stayed in Japan or would we have moved to the States either way?
Would they have had more children? Perhaps a little brother or sister. Perhaps I would have become an athlete instead of a kunoichi. Had friends that I could talk about normal subjects like school or music rather than discuss a new tactic or plan to destroy 'vermin'.
Right now sitting in this cell trying to make my way out, I wonder.
Who am I really?
Karai?
Miwa?
Or someone in-between?
Once I get out of here I will stand at a crossroad.
Will I follow the road I have always known? Stay with the Shredder and lead the Foot perhaps.
Go to the family of misfit that I have hunted for a long time? Where my blood is tied to the father and I have brothers so different form each other yet always stick together.
Or just leave, run away, no more Karai, no more Miwa. Just find the truth and my true self.
What am I going to do?