A/N This is written for the Marry, Shag, Kill: The Writing Challenge by Paris in December. Enjoy (:
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Requiem for a Love Affair
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Azkaban, wizarding prison. A place of complete agony and dismay. No light shines in through the walls to give this place even one ounce of hope. The constant lashing of the waves whipping onto the medieval brick is the only thing that connects it's prisoners to the outside world.
Time ceases to exist when you're confined in the small six-by-six prison cell. I have no idea how long I've been here; days, months, maybe years. Time isn't a factor here. Once you're here, there's a good chance you're here for life. But if you've ever sat in a dark room for an extended period of time, you may know the feeling of complete helplessness. If not, I can't even begin to explain the feeling.
All your senses begin to fade away one at a time. Sight; long gone. You don't need it to see the black mass that engulfs your very being. Hearing; the constant sound of the waves and the distant drip of water would drive even the most sane people crazy. You constantly want to cover your ears to block out any noise that might threaten to push you over the edge. Smell; when salt water and mold cloud your nostrils every hour, you learn to start breathing through your mouth, thus worsening your condition. Feeling; the rough, uneven stones scratch against your skin twenty-four seven and if it does that long enough, it feels as if all your nerve endings file away until you're left with callused, unfeeling skin. Taste is usually the last to go since here at Azkaban they hardly give you food to begin with. Only the bare minimum every few days to keep you alive, but only just. Over time, tasting nothing but bland, tasteless, watery goo, you begin to forget what real food even tastes like. Then that's when you know your taste has disappeared just as well.
So with that said, how would one go on without becoming insane with nothing in their life except their thoughts? It's almost laughable at the state I've become, being the result of staying here for who knows how long. People who once knew me would never recognize me now, not that I even know what I look like. With no way to communicate with the outside world, becoming insane is inevitable.
6 Months Before
"Theo, I don't know...I don't know what to say. I..." I gasped at the man that happened to be down on one knee before me. Theodore Nott. What an odd couple we were. But the word couple was stretching the truth a bit. We were merely friends with benefits; at least that's how I looked at him. But to him, I guess I was something more.
"Hermione I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He said as he held up the glistening ring. My heart dropped. It was stunning; anything that any girl could ask for. I always pictured getting a ring like that, but the problem was, I didn't want it from him.
I had no clue how I had dug myself into the deep pit I seemed to be stuck in. A bead of sweat seemed to make it's way from my temple down to my chin as I searched my mind for something intelligent to say, not just some garbled mess.
"Just, Theo, I...uh..I have to go." The look of such betrayal and pain that flashed across his face would haunt me forever, I knew.
I turned around quickly and sprinted out the door, the cold air greeted my skin with a sting. I kept on walking but about thirty seconds after I left, I mentally cursed myself for not grabbing a jacket before I hastily escaped the accusing glance of my...fiancee?
I didn't know what to call him, at least not yet. The soft crunching of the snow beneath my feet calmed my mind some at least. Thank god I decided to wear boots that day. I folded my arms across my chest in an attempt to heat up my frozen body. I refused to go back to the house – our house – and have to try to explain my odd behavior.
Truth was, I couldn't explain it. Not to him and not to anyone. I wasn't sure if I even believed I was foolish enough to land myself in such a situation. I have always carefully planned things out, made sure I had every detail covered, and made sure I wouldn't get in trouble with my friends.
But after the war, everything changed and I mean everything. People, ideals, attitudes – everything. I found a small park bench and went over to sit on it. I stumbled along the way, not realizing that ice happened to be hidden underneath all the fluffy white snow. As I got onto the bench, I let out a frustrated sigh and closed my eyes.
The war. Nothing was the same after the final battle. When Ron found out his brother had died, it was the end for him. I truly loved Ron, with all my heart, but he wasn't the same boy I grew up with for seven years. He changed; became secluded. It's been a few years since I've talked to him last. I hear updates every now and then from Harry, but even he doesn't know much. He's changed as well so it was all too obvious we were drifting apart as well.
That's when I found comfort in Theodore, I guess he needed me as much as I needed him. With his mother dead and his father a convicted Death Eater, rotting away in Azkaban, we were simply convenient friends. It was good, great even, but then I met Draco.
Draco bloody Malfoy. I was so sure about my life with Theo until he came along. He was in a similar situation. His mother distraught with the fate of his father, had been driven mad by guilt. I honestly don't know what had become of her, but Draco needed someone more than ever. But it wasn't out of convenience that we started talking.
He came up to me one day and said he was sorry, then started to walk away. He was going to walk away without hearing anything I had to say. It was odd, but once I forgave him, truly forgave him, I didn't want him to leave. I wanted to get to know him more, it was probably my childlike curiosity coming through.
A small pop caused me to jump at the sudden noise.
"Hey Mione, what's up?" Speak of the devil. Draco came strolling up and very ungracefully, plopped down beside me.
"Hey," I gave him a small peck on his cheek, "nothing really, I guess." I couldn't look at him. I stared down at the ground and watched a small blue bird fly across the snow. The contrast of the two colors looked magnificent.
"So do you remember this bench?" He said as he patted the small spot in between me and him. "It was the first place that we showed our love." He said love in such a way, it made me let out a very unladylike snort. He almost seemed to purr out the line like a lecherous old man. He always knew how to make me laugh.
"Yeah yeah I remember. Then we almost got caught by the muggle police." I gave him a sad smile as I looked up.
"Are you okay?" He put a soft, pale hand on mine and as a natural reaction I immediately pulled it away.
He gave me a look similar to the look that Theo gave me just minutes before. I realized what I had done and put my small hand back in his.
"I just," I took a deep breath, "I think I'm getting married to Theo." The last part came out quietly followed by an almost unbearable silence. My stomach was doing flips and I felt tears start to burn the back of my eyes.
"Why?" He asked me just as quiet. I glanced at him and his blonde hair was covering his eyes as he stared at the ground. I could have sworn I saw a single tear drop, but I wasn't sure. I leaned on him but he stood up and started to walk away.
I expected him to keep on walking or disapparate, but his footsteps stopped abruptly. The howling of the wind seemed to add an eerie factor to the already dreadful situation.
"Why?" He asked again but a bit louder with his back still facing towards me. My chest felt like it was about to explode.
"I don't know..." I said pathetically.
"You don't know?" He swung around, pure agony spread across his face. I opened and closed my mouth trying to think of something to say, but nothing came out. I gave a slight cough to try and suppress the sobs that filled my throat.
"I mean, he's been there for me, and well...he needs me." My voice seemed oddly weak compared to just a few minutes ago. I knew that I couldn't leave Theo after everything. He would figure I was with him out of pity more than anything else. I couldn't do that to another human being, despite what I really wanted.
"But Mione, honestly, what do you want? Don't you deserve to be happy?" His voice raised and his eyes started to clearly water. I stood up but he took a step back.
"Draco...you know I want-"
"What do you want? It's either me or him. Choose."
"I can't..."
"Well then we both know what you choose then don't we." He stood there for a moment that seemed to last an eternity.
Delicate wrinkles played across his forehead and chin as he was trying so hard not to break down in front of the girl he loves. Dark purple circles weighed down his eyes for some unknown reason.
'Why am I just noticing this now?'
Maybe he doesn't deserve me. If I can't make him happy, maybe breaking his heart is the best way to go about it. We were wrong from the start, I should have known. We hated each other for seven years, how is it expected that we simply go from pure hatred to love.
It was lust all along, I kept telling myself. But I couldn't make myself believe it.
"No Draco, it's not that-" I pleaded. He needed to stay. If only I could explain. He can't leave me now.
"No. I love you Hermione Granger, but if you really feel the need to hesitate on who to choose, then you don't feel the same about me." He said with such desperation in his voice.
"Draco you know I love you-"
"Save it. It was nice knowing you." He walked up and gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead. I was left standing in utter shock. "Goodbye."
With that word he was gone. The snow started to fall harder as I simply stood there. 'Was he really gone? No, he'd come back. This was nothing. He knows I love him. But why do I feel so empty?' I gave into the crushing pain in my chest. I let out a heavy sob as I jerked forward and fell onto my knees.
I knew I had to be the one to break it off, I couldn't keep seeing him like that. I was "cheating" - for lack of a better word – on Theo the whole time with Draco. Cheaters never win. My dad used to tell me that all the time, but I never truly experienced it firsthand until then. He was all too right.
"You alright there Hermione?" A man's voice bellowed out and broke me from my thoughts. At first by heart leaped out of my chest, but fell straight into my stomach when I soon realized who it was. Blaise Zabini stood about twenty feet away from me, leaning up against a tree. Why hadn't I seen him earlier?
"Obviously not, just go away." I spat back at the man.
"Aw well that's not a nice way to treat me, especially since I witnessed the whole event that just occurred." A smirk played across face and danced in his eyes. "As you know, Theo is a good friend of mine...and what was that you said earlier? You two are getting married? Fantastic, but I don't know how he will react once he finds out about you and little Draco..." He got up from the tree and waltzed over to where I sat crouched on the ground.
"You wouldn't." I threatened back defensively. On top of everything, Theo couldn't know. I just risked my happiness for him. He can't leave me either. I needed him now...
"Oh I would. But you know, there is a way for him to not find out, and all I ask is for a little favor in return." He gave a cheeky smile and continued. "You have to do everything I say for the next month, and any slip-ups I'll be off to tell Theo of what I saw."
I let out a small chuckle at his threat. Was he really threatening me with such a school-yard mentality that only kindergartners used anymore? I lifted up a shaky hand and whipped away a tear that started to fall once again with the hilarity of his words.
"That was great, thank you for that. But I don't think so." I turned around on my heels and marched towards my parents house. If Blaise thinks he can resort to playground threats, then so can I.
I arrived in front of my parents house and went down into the basement. My parents always kept their library of books down here. I pulled a particularly thick one and set it aside, ignoring the title. I set a mint on the hard floor and picked up the book. If my old friends could have seen me then, they wouldn't believe their eyes. I smashed the book on top of the mint as it crushed into thousands of tiny pieces. I repeated the process until I made sure it looked like mere chalk.
Hermione Granger, using a book other than for educational purposes. Who would have thought. As I was going to set the book down, a small envelope fell out. It was sealed shut but it looked as if there were something inside. Curiosity getting the best of me, I carefully opened the envelope to reveal some sort of greenish substance.
'Ugh, repulsive...perfect.' I whispered to myself. I would put the white chalk in the envelope and send it off to Blaise. He had always been such a hypochondriac, he would most likely think he would get some disease from inhaling any of the mint. I laughed quietly to myself as I sealed the envelope back up and sprinted upstairs.
I got up to my old room and there was my new owl Chester. My parents bought the brilliant redish-brown elf owl for me since I lived with Theo most of the time, and I could write to them now using an owl. They kept him there though because Theo couldn't stand the sight of owls for some strange reason.
I tied the envelope around Chester's leg and sent him off. As he soared into the sky I sighed. Now that my revenge had taken place, the hopeless longing seemed to creep back into my chest. I took in a shaky breath and turned around.
'I'll just go back downstairs and read. Reading's good. It will take my mind off of...' I let myself stop thinking there. I couldn't say his name. I was going to get him back whether he approved or not but for now I'll read. With Blaise keeping his mouth shut about our relationship, I could safely break it off with Theo and have Draco without Theo being hurt more. I made my way downstairs once again and picked up the book I had used as a masher earlier. I flipped it to the cover page and read it.
"Diseases by Ali Harper." It read in simple brown letters. I scowled at the page for a moment. 'Diseases, such a fascinating name...'
I turned the page again and skimmed through it. It was listing all various types of muggle diseases and what page to turn to. I thought I may as well start from the beginning.
Addison's disease
Adrenal cancer
Aganglionosis
AIDS
Angioma
Anthrax...
As I skimmed the Anthrax page I saw a faint outline of something rectangle. My stomach dropped and my eyes widened. It was the outline of an envelope.
No, that green stuff, it couldn't have been anthrax. I didn't just send leftover anthrax to Blaise...why in the world would my parents have anthrax spores in the first place? Did they know they had them? Anthrax can last for years...who knows how long it's been in there.
I jumped up and started to panic. What have I done?
No, I shook my head viciously. I didn't send him anthrax. It's foolish to think I did.
Today marked the beginning of spring after a long, harsh winter. It is also the day of my wedding to the one and only Theodore Nott. Honestly I wasn't for it, but I wasn't against it. It was as if I were to be married to my best friend.
I peeked my head around the corner of the backdoor leading outside. We decided in honor of the first day of spring, to have our wedding outside. Hundreds of people gathered around tables they had set-up beforehand.
The sun was shining, it was surprisingly warm, and I felt like I could have stayed outside like that forever. But I had to turn around get ready. I would be out there soon enough. I tip-toed back into the changing room and slipped – well struggled – to get the outrageous excuse of a dress on.
After I made sure all finishing touches were made, it was time. I took in a deep breath, but I had no excitement in me. I always pictured this day, but I pictured it extremely different. I always thought I would be excited, or at least happy, but I felt nothing.
I sighed but continued to march down the isle, the wedding march distracting me from my doubtful thoughts. Theo stood at the end with the biggest smile plastered on his face. I knew I was doing the right thing.
I quickly glanced around to see if I spotted any blonde hair in the crowd, but sadly I didn't. I knew he wasn't going to show up, but I wanted him too. Maybe a part of me wanted it to be like one of those fairytales mothers always told their little girls. Where the princess is going to get married to someone she doesn't love, and all of a sudden her prince charming bursts in, sweeps her off her feet, and whisks her away.
But I knew it wasn't going to be like that. My chest felt heavy as I stopped in front of my soon-to-be husband.
The priest nodded. "We are gathered here..."
The priest droned on with the usual wedding ceremony speech as I zoned out. After about ten minutes into the ceremony I heard people gasp and start to whisper. Someone was coming up behind me.
My chest swelled up like a balloon and I swung around expecting Draco, he really came.
But once again, my hopes were crushed. It happened to be Aurors standing in front of me.
"Hermione Jean Granger, you are under arrest for the murder of Blaise Michael Zambini."
Oh how I can picture their faces once they read the headlines of the Daily Prophet.
Blaise Zabini; Murdered by muggle-born's hands.
I killed Blaise Zabini, whether it be accidentally or on purpose, it doesn't matter now. No one believes me and I nearly started a pandemic, killing off all the precious pure-blood's in the world.
They thought my judgment should have been better and I should have known what I was sending out. But at the time, I wasn't thinking. The only thing on my mind was him. The one person I'll never see again because of my ignorance.
I bowed my head and chuckled slightly. The chuckle grew louder with each passing moment and soon I shot my head up and went into a full blown laughing fit. It wasn't the warm, gentle type of laugh either, it was sinister, mental, and piercing. It seemed to radiate off the walls of my lonesome cell.
The ironic part of it all though? I did this all for him, for Draco. Just so I can see him again but he never gave me a sidewards glance after our encounter that one fateful winter afternoon. I was just a fool in love with someone who didn't love me back as much as they lead on.
I curled up in the fetal position and rocked back and forth, mumbling to myself. The darkness seemed to fold in all around me as I closed my eyes and felt my breathing become more forced. I hummed a soft tune as I slowly stopped rocking and stared out into the black abyss.
I let out a low laugh once again. The things you would do to be with the one you love who in turn will never love you back.
My screams of laughter soon became my very own requiem, for no one mourns the insane.