*Warnings: Intense Language, depression, self harm, suicide attempt, abuse, m/m, bullying against homosexuals (I want to clarify something. The bullying is only for the story. I am in no shape or form homophobic. I have nothing against homosexuals at all. I'm very sorry if I offend you in anyway because of this but you have been warned.), suggestion of sex but not graphic, rated M mostly for language and suicide attempts but also refers to the other given warnings, more warnings may come as the story progresses. You have been warned so if you don't like anything that was said in the warnings then just don't read instead of lashing out at me. Thank you.
**A/N: This story is very sad. Not sure how much happier it'll get in the future but I promise it will a little bit. This is my first fan so please be nice when you review but constructive criticism is appreciated. Most likely, I'll only be able to update on Fridays, Saturday, and/or Sundays so please be patient with me when it comes to updates (thank you). Thanks all of you who are willing to take time out of your days to read, favorite, and/or review this.
Chapter 1:
I sit on the bleachers day dreaming as I pretend to watch the football game in the now sprinkling rain when it was pouring just a few hours ago. It is about 57° outside. I'm in a dark gray sweat shirt trying to keep warm. Over all, I probably look completely miserable.
"Hey Cas!" A familiar voice calls coming up to me and putting his arm around me. "You should smile more."
I look around to see Dean, my best friend since preschool. Dean is, of course, on the football team and is the star quarterback. "Maybe you should join football." He says to me.
"I'd rather not break any of my limbs, Dean." I say as I look down at his broken left arm that's in a white cast with signatures all over it. I notice that my signature is now covered with many others, mostly girls', and I frown. He smiles and begins to sit only to stand back up when he hears someone say his name.
Lisa walks up to Dean, hugs and kisses him, then they both sit down. I roll my eyes at the sight. "Hey Castiel." She says to me, huddling up to Dean. "Dean, can we go? The game is boring when you're not playing."
"Okay. Cas you coming?" Dean asks, turning to me.
"No I think I'll just go home." I say as all three of us get up.
"Cas probably thinks the game is boring even with me playing. I just normally drag him along." Dean jokes.
I fake a smile and say, "Ha, damn right!" Dean smiles and says good bye, walking away with Lisa holding hands. In all honesty I like watching Dean play in a football game or even practice. I always loved and found watching Dean fascinating with him running around the field even though I can't even understand what is going on because I know nothing about football. Watching him always seemed to make me, how should I put this, horny?
The walk home was uneventful except for the fact that I was soaked to the bone by the rain because it started getting heavy again. Walking home from the football field at school is about an hour minimum. As I walk I call my mom to tell her not to pick me up because she was going to after work and the game. She wasn't happy about me walking in the rain but I don't care, she hasn't been happy with most of the things I do since dad and brother Gabriel died four years ago in a car accident anyways.
I roll my eyes as I hang up the phone and put it in my pocket and walk slower, not really wanting to go home right away. Unfortunately I manage to eventually get home. To my surprise mom is home. She isn't due to be home for another half hour.
I walk in slow, different scenarios playing in my head of what she may do to me. What kind of a beating I would get for "defying" her.
"Castiel!" I hear my mom call for me from the living room once I close the front door. I can tell she is already drunk, probably from two or three beers.
"Yeah?" I hesitantly ask and slowly walk in to the living room where my mom was at.
"What the fuck were you thinking? I thought we agreed that I would pick your fucking ass up!" She yells trying not to slur her words.
"Yeah, well, I left the game early." I say back trying not to make eye contact.
"You little fucker, you should have stayed at the… the…" She pauses trying to remember the word.
"Football game." I decide to finish for her which displeases her.
Fortunately for me she is not drunk enough to start hitting me, only call me names. "You worthless piece of shit! Why don't you ever listen to me! You little fucker!"
I'm tired of listening to her so I say, "Yes mom, that's what I am. I'm going up stairs now okay? Drink some coffee to sober you up." And go upstairs.
I go to my bed and lay down. I contemplate whether to call Dean or not but then decide not to. He would be out somewhere fucking Lisa anyways. I frown at the thought.
It's funny though, I know I'm gay and can never tell my mom but I haven't even told Dean yet and I've known him practically my whole life. I should have told him when he tried to set me up with some girl named Chastity but I couldn't bring myself to when he asked what happened when the girl screamed and ran away from me. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I told that Chastity girl that I was gay and that she was wasting her time on me. What a fool I am or should I say what a "worthless piece of shit" I am.
A tear escapes my right eye and I wipe it away. I close my eyes and try to go to sleep like I always do only to never get any. As my breathing slows I wish tomorrow would never come.
A/N: Thanks everybody again for reading. =)