Notes: I wrote this in response to a gwennieliz' tumblr GIF set for Lucy and Wyatt's scene in Karma Chameleon.
Summary: Lucy's thoughts during her early scene with Wyatt in 1x13: Karma Chameleon.
And then there's you
"Yeah, well, whatever happens, it'll be worth it to have Jessica back," Wyatt says.
His voice is filled with such conviction, such love, for his dead wife. It's selfish to even be thinking it, but Lucy wishes someone loved her like that. Loved her enough to travel through time and risk everything for her. A small voice in her head laughs and tells her she's not fooling anyone: she wishes Wyatt loved her like that.
A memory assails her—Wyatt sitting next to her, across from Bonnie and Clyde, recounting the story of how he proposed to Jessica by the oak tree where they first kissed. Then, after, she remembers how Wyatt kissed her. Their first and only kiss. All for show.
It's pathetic, but she's thought about that kiss almost every day since, turning it over in her mind again and again, examining it from every angle like it's something unique and precious. To her, it is.
She just thought they'd have more time. Time to figure out if there's more between them than friendship. Time to muster the courage to ask him if that kiss was 100% pretend. Amy was brave like that; Lucy wishes she could borrow some of her sister's bravery.
Torn between jealousy and worry, Lucy's stomach churns. Acid climbs her throat, and she swallows it back. Her legs feel too shaky to stand upon, so she sits on the stairs. Letting Wyatt see her cry, especially right now, for these reasons, is almost more than her pride can take. But she can't dam the tears filling her eyes, so she covers her face and pulls the shreds of her tattered pride around her.
Focus, Lucy. She concentrates on the hard, unyielding step under her body in an effort to keep from bawling, which is what she really wants to do. With her eyes covered, she can still feel his gaze upon her. It presses on her skin like something physical. If she looks at him, she knows what she'll see: Wyatt watching her with kindness and concern shining in his blue, blue eyes.
But it's not his concern she wants. She wants his arms around her. She wants to convince him his plan is too risky, too insane, and not worth all the potentially horrible outcomes.
"Are you okay?" Wyatt asks, voice husky.
(No, she's not okay. What she feels is not even in the same zip code as okay.)
What Lucy wants and what Wyatt needs right now are two different things. She pulls her hands from her tear-stained face and squares her shoulders. "What do you need me to do?"