(I'm currently experiencing some writer's block for my story It Must Be Fate, so I'm trying to overcome it by writing these little oneshots (more will come with any lasting writer's block). I thought it'd be amusing to see how Paul handles being left alone with a toddler dealing with separation anxiety. Oh the joys of parenthood! Hopefully this stimulates some inspiration and I can update my other fanfic, but for now, I hope you enjoy this one! Good day (or night) to all!)

Advanced Hide and Seek

This was bullshit. Thirty straight minutes of crying after Tara left the house was really wearing on Paul's patience. Even now, the kid was sitting in front of the front door, clutching the teddy bear Tara gave her, crying her eyes out. He tried to distract her, console her a bit, basically everything he could think of and still she kept crying. It wasn't as if Tara would be gone for long, he was extremely grateful for that, and after a half an hour of listening to something that was a kin to chewing on a piece of aluminum foil, Paul was ready to stuff the child in a storage cabinet just to muffle the noise.

Thirty fucking minutes of this. He momentarily fantasized about dumping her outside and just leaving her there. Maybe someone else would be willing to deal with her for a while, though he couldn't think of anyone who would. Then he thought of the large birds of prey that like to chill in their backyard for whatever reason; how they might not appreciate some small creature making that awful noise and swoop down just to shut her up. An extremely pissed off Tara came to mind and he trashed that idea.

Oh, sure, he loved the girl, she was his and Tara's after all, but seriously, thirty fucking minutes? He had about all he could take and just leaving the room wasn't going to help. He tried that. She would just get up and follow him around the house, still crying as if expecting him to do something about Tara not being here. If he left the room and closed the door directly behind him, she'd sit right at the door and keep crying and even that was annoying.

He swore that when Tara finally did come back, he was never doing this again as long as she was at this phase of development. With that thought in mind, he promptly got up from where he sitting and walked out of the room. It wouldn't work, but he really needed to get away from it before he hung himself or something. He could hear the tell-tale hics as she was getting up to follow him again. Shit.

He darted into the first room he came to, which was much like a bathroom, and jumped out of his shorts. As he heard her little footsteps coming down the hallway, he hid his shorts in a nearby storage closet and held his breath for his camoflage response. She came to a stop outside the doorway, sniffling and whimpering a bit, but her eyes were searching for him. He quietly stepped behind the door and watched her, she was peering into the bathroom. She took a few steps inside, her eyes wandering over the plumbing, but not seeing Paul.

She then turned and walked out of the bathroom, looking up and down the hallway trying to find him. At least she wasn't crying anymore. Instead, she walked up the hall toward the bedrooms. Paul peaked around the doorway to watch her a little more. She sniffled a bit and wiped her eyes as she looked into his and Tara's room.

"Pau'?" She called out in her little voice. He remembered that his name was her first word. He just came out of his room one day when she was awake and when she saw him, out it came. He had to admit that she was adorable when she wasn't getting on his nerves. She went into the bedroom and he crept out of the bathroom to follow her, just to keep an eye on her. He still had to make sure she didn't hurt herself until Tara came back. At this point, she was standing next to a nightstand, looking up at an ashtray and then at the door.

She called out his name again and waited a few seconds before looking back at the ashtray. He could tell what she was thinking. She knew either he or Tara were always there to keep her from getting into things she wasn't allowed to. So logically, if she went for the ashtray, she figured he'd show up. Smart fucking kid.

He made a short hissing noise through his teeth as she reached up to grab the ashtray. It wasn't enough to bring him out of his camoflage response and she jumped and turned around, eyes scanning the room.

"Pau'?" She called again. He didn't move, but soon she was back to trying for the ashtray again, this time while looking about the room as if expecting him to pop out in time to stop her. He smirked a bit and he had to hand it to her, she was pretty clever for a toddler. He quietly backed up a little and knocked on the wall in the hallway. She looked to the doorway and smiled a bit, trotting over into the hall.

Paul had pressed against the wall to keep her from bumping into him and she stopped when she couldn't see him in the hallway. He needed to breathe again, but he needed to distract her with something and looked around for anything to throw. He spotted a small screw under a piece of furniture in the room and quickly picked it up while her back was turned to him. He aimed for some decorative statuette and chucked the screw down the hall. It pinged against the object and clattered to the floor, grabbing her attention as she ran down the hall to look for the source of the noise.

He stepped further into the bedroom and exhaled, panting to catch his breath. He could hear her giggling down the hall like she discovered this was some kind of game they were playing. Well, if a game distracted her enough to keep her from crying anymore, Paul was willing to play until Tara came back. Once he caught his breath, he held it again and snuck into the hall. He could see her looking around the living room and he quietly made his way over to her.

She was looking around furniture as if expecting to see him right on the other side. He snuck up behind her and tugged a little at her long blonde hair, backing out of the way for her reaction. She turned and threw her teddy bear in the direction she thought he was in. Obviously she thought if the bear bounced against him, then she found him and the game was over. However, the bear simply sailed across the room for a bit and landed with a soft thud on the floor.

She went over to pick it up and looked around the room again. He wanted to get her into a different room and looked for the screw he threw earlier. When he found it, he chucked it into the next room off to the side and heard it clatter against several objects before landing on the floor. He looked over at her just in time to duck the bear that was thrown at him. It bumped against the wall and landed without hitting him.

Heh, missed. He smirked as he moved aside for her to get to the bear. The screw method wasn't going to work anymore because now she was watching for movement rather than listening for noise. Clever. Now it was time for the gloves to come off...

Fourty-five minutes went by fast, especially if one was busy dodging flying teddy bears and trying not to get caught by an 18-month old while holding one's breath. To be honest, it was actually kind of fun and the kid was pretty sharp, showing signs of really thinking about how she was going to make Paul appear. Using methods like moving things, tapping on the walls, poking her and even grabbing her teddy bear would lose their effectiveness after only a few attempts, which made looking for a safe spot to breathe again without getting caught a little more challenging. There were times when she almost got him with the bear and when he almost let go of his breath. She was determined to find him and he had to give her that.

Although he was hoping the game would end soon since he was starting to get a headache from holding his breath so many times, he was enjoying seeing how she simply would not give up until she made him reappear. He was ducking behind a couch in the living room, to stay out of throwing range of the teddy bear, when the front door opened and Tara stepped in. The kid immediately looked to the front door and ran over, grinning. Paul used this time while she was distracted to go back to the bathroom and find his shorts. Shit, where did he put them again?

As he released his breath in the bathroom and looked behind the door and then in cabinets for his pants, he could hear Lilith trying to explain in child babble and broken english what they had been doing for the past hour and fifteen minutes. Once he found his pants, he slipped them on and went back out to see them...only to be greeted with a teddy bear to the face. Luckily it was the soft side.

"Pau'!" Lilith cried from Tara's arms, chuckling.

"Yeah, you found me." Paul said, bending to pick up the teddy bear.

"What were you two doing this whole time?" Tara asked.

"Nothin'. Just fooling around." Paul replied, handing the bear back to Lilith who took it grinning.

(Disclaimer: I don't own Paul and Tara, but I do own Lilith. R&R!)