Into the Light

Spoilers: 5.24 Born to Kill & 3.1 Lost Son

Disclaimer: Not mine, don't have a conniption..

Summary: She had taken his heart and crushed it, possibly unknowingly, but the damage was done.

A/N: Inspired by One by one of the greatest groups out there, U2.

Not again, she thought as she sat up in the bed, glancing at the clock. Rubbing her eyes, she yawned, an irritable expression now taking place of the sleep that was blissfully peaceful up until that moment. With a sigh, she flicked the covers off of her, the anger boiling up inside of her as she crossed the floor. Having to deal with this was something she thought she left behind in Louisiana with her father and his all night binges. It pissed her off something royally to find that her boyfriend of three years had now taken to drowning his sorrows in the bottle. That was something she just wasn't prepared to take on again. Pulling on the robe, she yanked the door open to the bedroom, hearing him stumble about in the kitchen. Another sigh emitted out of her as she thundered down the stair case, her mind fully on letting him have it, she had gone through so much as a child, that now as an adult, and she had the power to stop it. She simply was not going to stand for him taking the same road her father had so many countless times.

Another crash was heard and she rounded the corner to see him sitting on the floor, the pans from the dish drainer surrounding him. He looked up at her, his eyes puffy and red, a lazy smirk coming to his face as he pointed to the cupboards. Calleigh crossed her arms and stared at him as he attempted to get up only to find himself back on the floor, dissolving into snickers. If he wasn't drunk, she would've giggled at the sight, but there was nothing funny about what she was facing.

"You know, we are out of booze," he slurred slightly as he again tried to gain his footing. Once he figured out he wasn't going anywhere too soon, he sat back, closing his eyes, sighing hard. Calleigh knelt down next to him, the anger seeming to abandoning her. She took his hand into hers and held it tightly as she looked into his face, seeing something that she never quite paid attention to.

"Tim, honey, what's going on?" she asked quietly. Her free hand moved to his hair, running through with her lithe fingers. The motion seemed to calm Tim and his breathing became less labored as he opened his eyes, staring at her. Nothing in his eyes told her that he wanted to discuss anything at the moment, but she was determined not to go to bed without an explanation of what was going on with him.

"It's too late tonight to drag the past into the light, Cal. I'd much rather just sleep." Calleigh stopped her movement and pulled away from him, a dark expression clouding her usual light demeanor. What she needed was a solution to the problem that he was presenting regularly, and all he could offer was yet another way of escaping. Silently, she got up and started to walk away, the disappointment visible on her shoulders. She couldn't force him to open up, but she wasn't going to be railroaded either. Stopping suddenly, she dropped her gaze and breathed heavily, her emotions wearing thin. Even a day embroiled in what had consumed her childhood was one day too many. It wasn't going to steal her happiness now.

"Calleigh, I don't know what you want from me," came his voice suddenly. She spun around to see his head bowed a rough hand running where her fingers were a second ago. The air of defeat hung around him and she couldn't help but feel the need to return to his side, instead deciding to stay where she remained.

"I just want to know why, Tim. Why do you feel the need to do this, to drown yourself in a bottle instead of coming to me? If there's anything you should know, it's how powerful this is," she said as she gestured to him. "That's what I'm here for, to hold you up when you are down."

A small huff escaped his lungs as he kept his head bowed, "I never asked that of you."

"But isn't that what we had, Tim, the understanding that we were in this together?"

"I don't recall it happening like that, Cal," he remarked with a sly grin as he slowly began to make it to his feet.

Calleigh crossed her arms around herself, her gaze slipping, "Tim, this is serious."

"Do tell," he responded, sarcastically, his glare reaching her eyes. Anger was the next step in this ride. "And just when did you have a chance to notice that, Cal?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw you in the atrium yesterday, Cal. It didn't take a genius to see that you had some unfinished business with him," he returned acidly. "Come to think of it, he's been showing up a lot here lately. Any reason for that?"

Calleigh was taken aback by his insinuations and the mere thought that he was watching her as if he couldn't trust her. She had only been stopped by Jake in the atrium to discuss a case; it was old habit that she was able to talk to him with the pretenses of the job falling, one that she wished she could dismiss. In truth, she wished she could dismiss her former relationship with Detective Jake Berkeley entirely, but it was impossible; especially with the way he seemed to always catch her off guard.

"We were discussing a case, Tim," she countered as he finally stood up straight, all semblance of drunkenness starting to fade. What was replaced was an expression that was filled with anger and hurt. She approached him, her hand out, "Honest, Tim. That's all it was."

"I believe you, Calleigh," he replied, his demeanor saying the exact opposite. "But, what about the kiss? That was apart of the case as well?"

Calleigh held his gaze, the shock of the revelation of Tim seeing her in her one moment of weakness. Pulling her hair behind her ear, she shifted her weight, her defensive stance dwindling significantly. A silence passed between them and Tim started to move slowly, walking past her. She caught the scent of the vodka on his breath and felt her stomach heave, her memories taking hold of her.

"That's what I thought," he remarked under his breath. Calleigh caught him and pulled at his arm, slamming him against the wall, the anger returning full force. Gone was the compassion for his issues, now replaced with fury as it seemed he was trying to dump this in her lap.

"Wait a minute there," her accent intoned thickly, her green eyes blazing as she pointed her finger at him. Tim was taken aback by the sudden use of force, but didn't show it. "I didn't do this all by myself, Tim. You asked me, Tim, you asked me to enter into this relationship with you, and then you made me walk through it alone. You abandoned us, our love."

Tim adverted his line of sight, still feeling the piercing of her eyes, recognizing the truth. In the beginning, their relationship was almost too good to be true. Never had he met a woman like Calleigh, a compassionate soul whose passion lay in righting wrongs and keeping the city safe. He once said that this job was nothing more than a paycheck, but for Calleigh, it was her life force. There had been too many instances where he would notice that Calleigh wouldn't quite let go of the case just because it was boxed and tagged as solved. Seeing that side of her made Tim really understand what it was that they did, and he began to appreciate it more, as well as her. He often chided her about her way too cheerful disposition, but what lain underneath all that was the feeling that always erupted when she smiled at him. She had been all he ever needed, even wanted in a woman. He counted himself lucky many a nights lying beside her, listening to her breathing, gazing at her through the faded moonlight as it spilled into her room. Moments like that had Tim thinking that he could give his life as well as his heart to her, and he was well on his way until the day that changed everything. Since that day, their relationship seemed too had missed a step, doubts sabotaging what used to come easy for them. Since that day, he found solace in the one thing that would turn Calleigh cold.

Snapping out of it, he refocused, centering on the disappointment and anger that flowed through her. Never did he want to hurt her, and he would've thought that she would've reciprocated, but judging from the events leading up to this very moment, he was wrong. She had taken his heart and crushed it, possibly unknowingly, but the damage was done.

"Calleigh…"

"No, Tim. You act as if I never gave you love, even though I was the one going without. And now, now you resort to losing yourself to the one thing that I hate the most," Calleigh stated as she backed away from him. Her eyes still held his, the despair washing over them. For so long, she had tried to keep this relationship strong, but she knew she couldn't do it by herself. " Tim, I can't keep holding on to what you've got, cause all you have is hurt, and you won't let me in to help."

"I've never denied you love, Calleigh. I've given more than I ever have, and the thanks I get for it is the little scene in the atrium. Sounds a little hypocritical don't it?" Tim asked furrowing his brow.

"I've always loved you, Tim. And if my showing it isn't enough for you, then I don't know what is. I've tried and tried, even assuring you that Jake wasn't apart of my life anymore, but what is lacking here is trust, and I've had enough."

Doing a double take, he stepped forward, narrowing his eyes at her, "What are you trying to say, Cal?"

"I think you know what I'm saying, Tim. My heart is at stake here, I just can't keep allowing you to break it."

"Me? Have you taken in account what seeing you in his arms did for me? It sure as hell wasn't a good feeling. But I think I understand this."

"Tim…"

"No, I understand fully, Calleigh," he said as he shook his head, peeling himself off of the wall. He walked past her and then stopped before reaching the door, his head bowed. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry I couldn't be who you wanted me to be."

"I just wanted you, Tim. Just you," Calleigh responded in a whisper. He had given her nothing, and that was that entire she had left to return.

The silence that hung in the air was thick, the realization of what had just taken place settling between them. With an audible sigh, Tim reached for the door and opened it as Calleigh watched, feeling every fiber in her body screaming to stop him, but she remained where she stood. The door closed softly, leaving in its wake, the pieces of their love. Instead of feeling the debilitating pain that she was sure was going to follow, she felt a sense of relief. She would have to start all over again, but it was worth the easiness that had started to come over her. Through the pain, she would live and love again.

S/C

Calleigh sighed hard as she opened the gun box, pulling the nine millimeter out. Her hands trembled as her eyes began to burn, remembering their exchange earlier. Despite being together for three years, all that remained between them were delicate niceties. Neither one had been seeing anyone; Calleigh realizing that even through the pain, she possibly could've done more, nor Tim, once he sobered up, knowing that he had sabotaged the best thing that could've ever happen to him. They were able to remain good friends, but nothing was ever the same between them. None of that, however, mattered any longer.

She began to take the gun apart, her heart stopping at the sight of the filthy chamber, picking up her flashlight and peering closer. The housing looked as if it hadn't been cleaned in months.

"Oh, Speedle," she whispered softly, the sounds of her tears treading on the edge of her voice. The pang of regret hit her hard as she put the gun down and tried to gather herself, a lone tear dropping. Months ago, she accused him of abandonment, and now suddenly, she found herself guilty of that charge. His death had brought into the light what she had seen in his demeanor after they split, and now she felt what he possibly felt on that night. The pain of truly being alone.

Fin