Little sister, I'm gonna miss ya,
Sometimes you keep me up all night long.
When your memory, comes to me,
If it don't kill me then it'll make me strong.
Little sister, now you'll be eighteen,
And posing in your graduation dress.
It's probably better, we're not together,
The world's on fire, it's a fucked up mess.
Do your wings fit good, can you fly?
And do your wings fit good, can you fly?
Your father tells you to sit in his chair, completely still before your mother sets your new baby sister in your lap. They tell you to hold her head in the nap of your one arm while her small body rests on you. Looking down at your baby sister, you smile when she opens her eyes and stares back at you and you see she has the same blue eyes as you do. You know your parents told you all babies are born with blue eyes and hers could turn brown like theirs but secretly, you hope hers stay blue like yours have. At nine years old, you know you have to protect her from everything bad. You're the big brother, it's your job. At least, that's what your father said the day she was born and he took you in to see your mother and new little sister.
Every night from then on, you sneak into her nursery to check on her. Sometimes she's sound asleep and you just kiss her forehead before returning to your room. Sometimes she's wide awake and you whisper to her or sing to her until she is asleep again. Sometimes she is up and being rocked by your mother or father and you get to trade places with them and rock your baby sister back to sleep. There are other times that you fall asleep on the floor right in front of her crib. The first few times you woke in the morning, back in your own bed but after about the fifth time, your parents just left you, leaving a pillow and blanket for you under her crib.
During her first teething month, you help by talking to her and soothing her. You make sure she has the teething ring to naw on. When she starts to crawl, you follow her around, crawling with her. By the time she's walking, you start holding her hand so she can move away from the couch and coffee table. When she starts talking, you talk back to her as if you're having a normal conversation. And then she's talking non-stop and walking fine on her own and you're chasing her around the back yard while your mother watches from the kitchen.
Every day you have to go to school, she screams and you promise her you'll be back by the time she wakes from her afternoon nap. Every day you return, she is on the couch, watching out the front window for you. Every day, she sits with you at the coffee table in the living room as you do your homework. She plays with her toys while you work and then you get down on the floor and play with her until dinner is ready. Sometimes your best friend comes over to play as well.
By the time she is old enough to start school, it's because of you that she isn't afraid. You told her you had been scared each year on the first day but by the second, you were excited to attend school. She was the same way. It helped that you made sure you were always home and waiting when she got off the bus at the end of the drive. You would help her with her homework and then you would play a game together, most of the time going outside.
You helped your father teach her to ride a bike and rollerskate. You helped her climb the tree in the front yard that your parents hated you to climb since you fell out and broke your arm once. You and Daphne allow her in the tree house that your father built in the back yard years ago. You also teach her how to swim during the summer your family spent in Florida when she was eight.
But there were also times that you didn't like to have a little sister. Like when you found her in your room, scribbling all over your sketch books when she knew she wasn't allowed in your room without permission. Or the time she broke the lamp in the living room and you got blamed for it, though you knew she had broke it. Then there was that one time that she snuck a kitten into the house and you had a really horrible allergic reaction before your parents found out. She hadn't been in trouble for that but the whole house had to be cleaned and the kitten was given away. You remember Molly crying so hard because she really wanted the kitten that you talked your parents into getting her a pet that you weren't allergic to. That was when Sparkles the rabbit joined the family.
There were also the times that you liked being the big brother. Like when she would fall and scrap her knee. Or when someone was picking on her in school or at the park. You would be right there to help her. Most kids her age didn't mess with her after you showed up because you were so much older. You loved being a big brother to Molly because she looked up to you.
And then the year everything went down hill happened. You came out to your parents and were kicked out of the house. You and Molly tried to stay close, but you started drifting apart once you moved in with Brian. You don't blame him, or even yourself or your mother. It was all your father's fault and you knew it. And then the prom happened and you were back to living in the same house as Molly, even if it was short lived. You became close again. She was the only one you couldn't get mad at for trying to help you with something like picking up a fork to eat or a pencil to try and draw. She even showed you that you could finger paint, which was easier then holding a brush. She was also the only person you didn't shy away from when she touched you. She was always hugging you and telling you that she was glad you had survived. There were many nights you would wake up to her crawling into bed with you. You would just wrap your arm around her and go back to sleep.
When you went back to living with Brian, Molly showed up a lot to just hang with you while Brian was working. The first couple of times she had just shown up without your mother knowing where she had gone off too. After about the third time, you got to calling your mother when she would show up at the loft. You didn't mind because that meant you had someone with you when Brian wasn't there or when Daphne was busy with work. But then school started again and everything seemed to be going back to normal after that.
And then the whole Ethan thing happened and you never seemed to see Molly or anyone much after that. You were just getting off your late shift at the diner when you got the call. Your mother and father were at the hospital. Molly had been hit by a car and they didn't think she was going to make it through the night. You rushed to the hospital and sat with your parents in Molly's hospital room the whole night. It was around four that morning when your world shattered again. You had lost your baby sister.
You only last six months in Pittsburgh after her death. You couldn't take it anymore. Everything bad always happened to you in Pittsburgh. You needed out so you took off for New York again. You didn't have much money and you struggled for quite some time, but you were able get a job and a place to stay. It was lonely in New York, but you didn't care. All you did was work, drink, do drugs and tricked anyway. You didn't paint or talk to anyone unless at work. You didn't make friends and you never went out with anyone that wasn't a one-night stand. It wasn't a life you wanted or liked, but it was your new world.
It's almost like you've been carrying me,
A little angel always watching over me.
Save me from the danger I can't see,
I always seem to know where I'm supposed to be.
When in the darkest place, (whoa)
You're my light, you're my saving grace. (whoa)
You'll be an angel but you'll always be,
Little sister.
Little sister, I'm here for ya,
If you ever need to talk to me.
Not gonna keep you, just love to see you,
Is there any way they'll let you leave?
Do your wings fit good, can you fly?
And do your wings fit good, can you fly?
You sat in your studio, the same one you've had since running away to New York for the second time. That time around it wasn't because he didn't want you (you had been with Ethan at the time), but because you couldn't handle anymore "I'm so sorry for your loss" and "She was such a bright girl, taken too soon" and "How are you doing?"'s that came with losing her. You weren't eating or sleeping. You were found at Babylon by Ethan every night, drunk off your ass and high as a kite. Thinking back, you're surprised you never grabbed a trick and headed for the back room, or allowed someone else to take you there. You remember it all (the whole duration of your relationship with Ethan) before you couldn't take the looks or the words from friends and family before you took off.
You were free from it all for the first three months when nobody knew were you had run off too. But then they found you and one by one, they showed up trying to get you to get some help and return home. First it was your mother, then Daphne, Debbie, Emmett and even Ethan. Then your father showed up and what a surprise that had been. Your mother and Daphne both showed up a second time. Debbie then returned and decided to drag you back, kicking and screaming. She got as far as the front door of your building before the police were called. After that, it stopped. Seven months of people showing up unannounced and hounding you to get help and return home, and it finally stopped.
You only had two months of peace and quite from your friends and family before it started all over again. You figured they thought they would give you some time before jumping on you again. This time it only lasted four months. Between your mother, Debbie and Daphne, they almost got you checked into a rehab in Pittsburgh, but you caught on to what they were doing and disappeared again. You moved once again and decided to just cut everyone out. You couldn't take it anymore. Your drinking became more extreme and you started using perscription drugs as well as recreational. That caused two trips to the hospital for allergic reaction to the drugs and one for alcohol poisoning. Still nobody bothered you for a good five months.
And then he showed up.
You cracked then. He held you day in and day out, never leaving your side for more then a minute at a time. He held you as you threw up after a night of drinks and drugs and he held you as you cried that she was gone and as you slept from crying too much. He took every bad thing you said to him, every object you threw at him, every kick and every punch. He never said a word other then "It's going to be okay", "You're going to be okay", "We'll get through this", "I'm here for you" and you're favorite that made you realize you needed help, the one thing you wished to hear from him. The "I love you". The following day, he removed all the alcohol and drugs from your apartment and stocked up the kitchen with all your favorite foods and made sure you ate and drank a lot of water and slept plenty.
That first week was hell for the both of you. He wanted you to get professional help. You refused so he read everything on helping an addict over come addiction. He wanted you to return to Pittsburgh with him. You refused so he moved in with you without even asking you first. He wanted you to get better, reminding you that he "wants you around for a long time". You agreed. You wanted him to fuck you. He refused so you tried on more than one occasion to sneak out to a club, only to be caught every time. You wanted him to stop treating you like a child. He refused so you acted more like one. You wanted him to never leave you. He agreed.
It's almost like you've been carrying me,
A little angel always watching over me.
Save me from the danger I can't see,
I always seem to know where I'm supposed to be.
When in the darkest place, (whoa)
You're my light, you're my saving grace. (whoa)
You'll be an angel but you'll always be,
Little sister.
It's been seven years since you lost her. Seven years since you started down a path that only led to death for yourself. It's been five years since he came back into your life. Six years since he turned your life around for the better, instead of the worst. It's been five years since he officially moved to New York to be with you. Five years since you got married. It's been four years since he started his own advertising company and you started painting again. Four years since you talked about starting a family. It's been three years since she came into your life. Three years since you named your daughter after your little sister. It's been two years since you started talking with family and friends back home. Two years since you started visiting Pittsburgh for the holidays. It's been one year since you started the Molly Taylor Foundation. One year since you've helped hundreds of young boys and girls.
Do your wings fit good, can you fly?
I hope your wings fit good, when you fly.
It's almost like you've been carrying me,
A little angel always watching over me.
Save me from the danger I can't see,
I always seem to know where I'm supposed to be.
When in the darkest place, (whoa)
You're my light, you're my saving grace. (whoa)
You'll be an angel but you'll always be,
Little sister
Little Sister
"Hey."
You turn to see Brian leaning against the door frame, arms across over his chest. He's watching you closely and you know exactly why. You smile at him before turning back to the painting you have been staring at for the past two hours. You feel him behind you and then his arms are wrapping around your shoulders and his chin is resting on your head.
"She would be eighteen today." You whisper.
"I know." He whispers back.
You huff out a laugh, "She would be a senior at Saint James."
He nods into your hair, "I'm sure she would have taken that school by storm just for her big brother."
You tilt your head back so you're looking up at him and smile. He looks down at you and smiles back before kissing you. It's awkward, but you've kissed like that so many times now, you don't even care. Then he's pulling back.
"Is she asleep yet?" You ask.
He shakes his head, "She's waiting for her daddy to come say goodnight."
You nod, standing, stretching out your aching bones, "I'll be up in a minute."
You kiss him again before heading down the hall for your daughter's room. She is already tucked into bed, her hands clasped together on her stomach as she watches the door. A bright smile breaks out on her face as you walk into the room. You can't help it and smile back at your three year old.
"Hey baby." You say as you sit on the edge of her bed.
"Hi Daddy." She sits up in bed and hugs you.
You wrap your arms around her and hug her back. You can't believe that your daughter looks so much more like her aunt then she does you. When you and Brian had talked about starting a family, he said you should be the biological father for your first child. As soon as you found out it was a girl, you didn't even have to decide on a name. He knew right away what you would be naming her and he was fine with it, loved it actually. On October twenty third, Molly Sophia Kinney was born. Just six days before her aunt Molly Sophia Taylor had been born years ago.
I hope your wings fit good