A/N Okay guys! This is my husband's work. He wants reviews and comments but refuses to make his own account so I'll pass along anything posted here especially ones that encourage him to be a gigantic nerd like me and make his own freaking account so he can post more often. Love and hugs, nerds!
A/N v2- This story is mostly Norse Mythology with some Avengers style thrown in. It's also got 3 separate timelines based on whose POV it is so keep that in mind while reading.
"Loki, you're going to want to see this!" Shouted Odin from across the great hall.
Loki of Asgard strode across the hall to the seat from which Odin watches over the world. "I swear father, if this is another cat video I'm going to shave your head in your sleep."
Odin scoots to the side and pats the spot next to him giving Loki an expectant look. Loki stares for a second at Odin, dumbfounded. Odin looks hurt, huffs, and dramatically over exaggerates how old he is as he slowly groans his way out of the throne.
Loki gets a small thrill as he pretends to be the only one in the room, climbing the steps to his throne, as he is finally king. He opens his eyes and snaps back to reality. He sits down, and instantly his inner vision is swept to a living room in London.
"Local Cardiff man states he has no friends or family aside from his wife, and has decided to name his newborn daughter's Godfather as the Norse God Loki. Loki is the Norse god of mischief and has seen some popularity after being portrayed in a local comic book turned action blockbuster. Loki: Doer of Good, Doer of Evil, is set to hit theaters this summer and will be played again by Tom Hiddelston, who has recently voted Only Pretty Boy In Hollywood That Is Still A Badass by the readers of Ridiculous Amounts of Fanfiction Weekly."
The Camera pans to a tan reporter of Indian descent with long dark brown hair and a professional looking pink skirt suit, and scruffy looking skinhead with a swastika tattoo on his neck with the letters "HH" on either side. "Yeah wot, like, if I'mma have a girl for a son," the reporter blinks, "then she's gotta have a god father. I figured, since no one's better'n me to raise'r up, then the next best thing'as gotta be the devil 'imself but for pure aryan folk, roight?"
The vision quickly faded as Loki stepped down from the throne. "What a horrible man," Odin remarks as Loki recovers his bearings. "But you always talk about how me and your brother get all the followers, and you get all the fangirls. I figured you could use a win. Someone has named you as protector of their daughter."
Loki smiles softly, "By the looks of this disgusting human I think we should suffice it to say that she is lucky that her father, even if by accident, made one good decision in his miserable life."
Odin's face pales. "You aren't... taking this charge seriously... are you?"
Loki smiles at Odin and suavely slithers out a cool turn of speech thick with venom and intent. "Relax old man, I never take anything seriously, you know that."
Odin straightens up, "Let me rephrase, I forbid you from doing this girl any harm, and I forbid you from..."
"ODIN!" A woman's voice cuts through the god-king's speech.
"Shite..." Odin whispers, "Yes dear?"
A woman of stunning beauty and grace who appears to be in her late 50's but with twice the vitality of any younger woman walks tall and confidently into the hall. "Odin, Loki is within his rights to protect this girl should he so choose, and more importantly you are NOT within your rights to forbid him! MOST Importantly, he desperately needs to get out among the people and better his reputation ever since that film in which he destroyed most of New York!"
Odin turns red, "Who is king here Frigga?!"
Frigga turns redder, "Don't you King me you lousy brute!"
"Runes damn your hide woman!"
"I'll tell everyone of your guy friends about your trip to Seidhr camp and how enthusiastic you were during your initiation!"
"You swore a sacred oath you scandalous..."
Odin and Frigga's voices trailed off as they continued arguing down a long hall way, all the way to the bedroom. The door slammed shut, and a lock clicked. The shouting never seemed to stop although it became less angry and more... passionate.
Loki rocked back and forth on his heels waiting patiently. He checked a very expensive and sleek looking watch of dwarven crafting on his wrist and let out a puff of air that blew a strand of slightly oily straight black hair covering his face.
Time faded in and out and Loki eventually found himself napping on a bench his hair sprawled on either side and his ram horned helmet still rocking to and fro from where it had clearly fallen off his head minutes earlier.
Odin emerged from the room shirtless and glistening with sweat. Two insultingly beautiful Valkyrie, one ballerina thin with pale freckled skin, turquoise eyes, and red hair, the other curvy, overly endowed, skin black as midnight with an afro tied back away from her forhead with a gold band, drunkenly stumbled their way past him. They looked at the grey bearded muscular figure, giggled, and flew haphazardly down the hallway mumbling something incoherent that ended "... she's even better than they say!". The laughter awoke Loki with a start and he stared both shocked and envious as the two beauties flew past. A tall, tan, and exceedingly masculine man with dark brown hair, black stubble, and massive muscles wearing only a towel followed soon after. There was some thing swinging back and forth beneath the towel that occasionally pressed against the front of it. Loki thought the man might be armed with a sword he could not see at first, then realization dawned on him. Loki looked up into the man's dark brown eyes and the man gave him a smirk and a wink.
Loki gulped down a lump in his throat, then looked at Odin who appeared very pleased with himself and a little dizzy. Finally Frigga emerged poised and confident in a silver nightgown that concealed her skin, but nothing of her figure. With a small smile for her love drunk king she stated, "Your father and I have discussed the matter thoroughly and in great detail."
Odin looked up and said, "It is my decree as King of Asgard, that you may act as god father to the girl, but you mustn't harm her or any human, and you musn't bestow upon her any gifts purchased outside of the Midgard Realm, without my permission. Now I need a nap."
Loki was about to express his gratitude, but his adoptive parents were already leaving.
Odin grabbed Frigga's hand and began slowly trudging back to the bedroom. Frigga tried to keep her voice down as she told Odin, "Next time, I get to ride the bull and YOU get to play with the two faeries..." Odin smacked her rump and she gave an excited squeek.
Loki wiped a bit of sweat from his brow and began walking quickly and purposefully down the hall to the gates outside of Bifrost. As he did he passed the massive brute from earlier still wearing his towel about to step into a nearby tavern. Loki stopped, stared, and looked towards to the bridge. Looked to the man. Looked back at the bridge. Then made his choice.
Loki stumbled out of the bathroom of the tavern a look of terror on his face. He shouted back, "How could you still have more Freyr? I don't care if you are the god of fertility and harvest, you are a mad man!" a deep inaudible and grumbling response from inside the bathroom and Loki responds, "No i'm not complaining, it was incredible just... for Odin's sake has anyone ever satisfied you?!" Another grumbling response. "OF COURSE YOU'D BRING MY BROTHER INTO THIS!"
Loki stormed out of the tavern and made his way to the Bifrost bridge. Heimdall stood with all the discipline of a stone wall. Nothing on his face or in his posture to betray any emotion. Loki began to speak, "I need to go to mi-"
"I know where you are going."
"That's right you see everything..." Loki responds.
"Yes." Replied Heimdall, stern and stoic.
"Ehem..." Loki clears his throat. "Everything?" Loki squeaks.
"Yyyyep..." Replies Heimdall. He glances at Loki a bit wide eyed and then regains his composure and stares forward.
"Oh shut up." Said Loki and stepped through the twisting vortex.