DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything aside from the random rabid plot bunny.
And I should only warn you that this might either sky rocket… or burn on the back burners of hell for eternity for my sins…
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It was the middle into the fifth year of school of Hogwarts for everyone's favorite protagonist. Let's say… November 5th. 1995 for those who cant keep track of the time frame. Not sure what day it was… lets say Saturday. (I'm told by a reviewer that it was a Sunday) Can't say what was going on in the time frame of the canon at this point either.
This is another universe so we can get away with that sort of thing. Unlike the canon universe we all know and only some of us love while the rest of us tolerate while making liberal use of fan fiction to escape the horrible reality the universe had been written into.
But then, that was accepted because that's reality.
Remember; remember the fifth of November…
It was kind of ironic because someone else was about to commit treason. Minor treason really since the laws are so old regarding this case that no one remembers them anymore. Not to mention the act of doing so or proving it is equally difficult.
It was lunch and the students were dining. Harry Potter was moping and whining. The staff was chatting. Dumbledore was ignoring people. Umbridge was being a bitch…
Lunch however, was interrupted as a student sitting at the end of the Great Hall, suddenly lit up and began glowing like an industrial florescent light bulb and blinded everyone in the great hall for several seconds.
Slowly, the glow faded and disappeared with everyone blinking the spots from their eyes. Several minutes after the schools population was able to see again they all looked at where the source of light had originated.
Daphne Greengrass looked around curiously as she became aware of the whole great hall's attention on her. Watching her and waiting with held breaths.
Professor McGonnagol and Professor Snape both jumped out of their seats simultaneously and shouted in odd unison, "WEASLEY'S!" The yell of anger and annoyance reverberated through the great hall.
Fred and George Weasley both cringed in their seat more out of habit than having actually done anything wrong this time. "It wasn't us Professor." One of the twins admitted truthfully.
"Yes." The other agreed. "If it had been us, we would have been laughing our asses off at having succeeded in pranking a Slytherin-"
"Or we would have been cursing the heavens at having failed at pranking a Slytherin." The first finished and they both ended with a shrug of their shoulders.
McGonnagol's and Snape's brows furrowed, again in creepy unison as they could not dispute their logic, as it was what they were most prone to do in a pranking situation.
"Daphne?" A female voice to her left called out to said girl cautiously.
"Tracy?" She looked to her left at her dorm mate, who looked at her as though she might sprout a second head any moment.
"Daphne?" A female voice to her right called out to said girl cautiously.
"Pansy?" She looked to her right at another one of her dorm mates, who looked at her as thought she might drop dead any second.
Daphne looked down at herself now equally cautious of the situation and made several careful prods to her body. She looked around the Great Hall. "I'm in Hogwarts?" She asked sounding almost afraid of what answer she might receive.
Numerous people around her nodded.
"And I'm alive?" She asked with another prod to herself.
Numerous people around her nodded again.
"Oh good." She sighed and continued to eat her roast beef tenderloin.
Silence reigned in the Great Hall for a long moment and people were just beginning to accept nothing more was going to happen…
"IT WORKED!"
Everyone's head whipped around to where Vincent Crabbe was standing on his seat and an odd look of elation on his normally dumbfounded face.
The situation turned weirder as he began to skip and sing around the Great Hall. "I can't believe I did it! I did it! I DID IT! I can't believe I did it but indeed I did!"
"What did you do?" Malfoy asked his crony with a dubious expression.
Vincent took a moment to stare off into the distance at something only he could see. "I… have come… from the FUTURE!" He pointed vaguely, which happened to be at a first year Hufflepuff who ducked at the offending finger.
"You came from the future?" A first year Slytherin asked him, and quite plainly believing him judging by his face.
"Yes." Crabbe nodded to his young house mate. "War torn and ravaged too. Everybody dead and all hope lost for Wizarding England."
"Are you here to save us all?" The first year continued to ask him.
Crabbe had started skipping around the Great Hall again. He'd just been happy to have survived coming back but he slowed in his skipping at the first year's question. "Actually I'd just been planning to move somewhere else but your idea does have merit too." He patted the first year on the head and continued skipping.
His skipping stopped and he headed for the nearest girl to kiss enthusiastically in his success. Tipping her backward, he was about to lead forward to her face when he saw it was Marietta Edgecombe, whom looked town between blushing and wanting to kill him.
With a shrug, he let go of her and dropped her to the floor. Vowing silently to himself to kiss the next nearest girl enthusiastically in his success.
He smiled when Cho Chang walked into the Hall for lunch. Stepping forward to intercept her, he tipped her backward before she had a chance to do anything and kissed her.
Everyone in the Great Hall was shocked, surprised but most thoroughly disgusted seeing Crabbe kiss anyone. However they were amazed when Cho's shoes actually popped off her feat. You just didn't actually see that very often anymore.
After another moment, he tipped her forward and released the kiss and the girl. Continuing to laugh, and smile, and tap dance out of the Great Hall?
Some nearby Hufflepuff girls looked at Cho with stricken faces. "I am so sorry…" One of them told her. No one had to ask to know the apology was out of pity for something like that to befall anyone…
Cho blushed a deep shade of red across her face and looked very thoughtfully. "He was actually very good." She admitted.
Almost every one of the girls in the Great Hall looked as though they had been told all cosmetic charms had been abolished and deemed dark magic and illegal to perform. All of them looked to have been backstabbed.
"Crabbe?!" One of the girls screeched at her, hoping to get through the Asian girl's insanity. "Vincent Crabbe?!" She repeated in a higher pitched voice.
Cho shrugged her shoulders and blushed a shade darker, too flustered to even consider lying to anyone right now. "Well…" She began and shivered at the recent memory in delight. "You don't know what he did with his tongue!"
Meanwhile the Gryffindors were in an equal state of shock. Everyone was looking for answers. The staff probably should have been, but hadn't gotten over the shock yet.
"Vincent Crabbe did something?!" Hermione asked herself in a state of wonderment and shock. "And succeeded?!"
"Crabbe can tap dance?" Harry wondered.
"HE CAN TALK!" Ron exclaimed from the next seat down.