"Santana, wait-" her voice drifted from the stairs down to me in a concerned tone, but she was cut short by the screen door that snapped shut behind me.
A slight night breeze worked quietly against my steps as I made my way to sit on the curb of her driveway. My eyes were swelling up and I didn't want her to see me. I also didn't want to go home. I didn't want to go anywhere. I was stuck.
"Santana, come here." I looked up and saw her standing above me, arms stretched out. She was much faster than me, probably because she had longer legs. Or maybe she just ran after me, I didn't look.
I wanted to burry my head into her neck and let her make me feel safe again. But I turned back to the street, only to be temporarily blinded by the headlights of a passing car. I blinked a couple times, causing a drop of moisture fall from my swollen eyes. She must have seen it, although that seems silly to assume since she was standing at my back. She sighed and sat next to me, pulling her knees to her chest.
"You know, it was bound to happen at some point." She turned to look at me, resting her expressionless face on her knees. She was right. But I was in no place to acknowledge it.
"What am I supposed to say to my parents Brittany?" My voice cracked at her name. She could tell I was scared. No, not scared, lost. She reached for my hand, and when I moved it to my leg, she paused, and then began to soothingly grace the skin on my shoulder. I think my heart ached more than it hurt her when I pulled away.
"Who says you need to tell them right away?"
"Were you no in the same room? You saw the commercial. My parents are going to want to know why their daughter is being broadcasted as a lesbian on TV." I laughed, but not in a happy way.
She sighed. I'm not sure why, but the sound of her breathing always calmed me down. I think she knew this too. Or maybe she was just tired of hiding. Either way, I leaned back and laid flat against the concrete. She did the same. We sat there in minutes of silence, looking up at the stars, wishing on satellites and jet planes for things that would never come true. It was one of those nights where the sky was clear and the moon was almost full, so the streets were a pale blue. I used to like these nights when I was younger. I would stay up late to catch fireflies with my mom until I was too tired to stand up anymore. But not tonight, I don't like anything tonight. Except Brittany.
It was strange to think that just minutes ago, we were lying in Brittany's bed watching TV when Sue's political opponent campaign came on in a commercial. At first we were just watching to see what he would say about her. But when my homosexuality was announced on TV, I froze. I hadn't expected anything of the sort to happen. And now here we were, lying side by side along the street outside of her house.
I love Brittany. I mean really love her. She's the only one who I look forward to seeing everyday. I wish I could sound really poetic when describing what she means to me, but right now I can't. Which makes me feel bad, because she deserves it.
"We could talk to them together." She offered, propping herself up on her elbows to look down at me. God, she was beautiful.
"I don't think that'd be a good idea Britt." She smiled slightly, I guess she figured me shortening her name meant I was feeling a little better. Truthfully, I wasn't. I just wanted her to be all right.
"Everything's going to be fine in the end. I promise you." It was one of the promises that was meant to comfort me, but it just made me feel uneasy. She had no means of knowing it was going to be okay. But I was too tired to argue.
"I'm just scared. I don't want to be an outsider for the rest of my life. I mean you see how we are treated already for just being in Glee club." I rubbed my eyes and watched the colors dance around my lids. I wondered what caused that; it was good to let my mind wander.
"That's the great thing Santana. We all are treated that way, so when people reject you, there's going always going to be us. You don't need anyone who doesn't understand you." I blinked a few times. She was brilliant. I wish everyone could hear her talk like this.
"I love you, Brittany." I didn't want to shorten her name; the words might have seemed rushed or have lost meaning. I really did love her.
She grabbed my hand without looking; she always knew where it was.
"I know. And I love you more than anything. But I need you to see that while not everyone's going to love you for who you are, you're always going to have me. But you need to ask yourself, will I be enough for you?"
"Of course you will." I propped myself up eye level with her. I didn't need the approval of the other Cheerios or the football team. All I needed was her.
I guess that's when I realized this is what my life was going to be like. Always living with the uncertainty of what was next. But as long as I had Brittany's heart beating with mine it wouldn't be so hard.
She leant in and kissed me. It wasn't hard and passionate, that wasn't what I needed. It was soft and sweet, and I could feel her eyelashes flutter against mine. When she pulled away, she stood up and held out her hand. She pulled me to my feet and into a warm hug. I loved that she was taller than me; it gave me a place to rest my head and feel her chest rise and fall. It helped to remind me that all the moments I spent with her were real.
Neither of us spoke for minutes, and I was tired. She kissed the top of my head.
"Let's go in baby." I looked up and nodded, grabbing her hand and starting back up the drive.
She helped me begin the start of my life.