Summary: Based on Lord Scatsbury's infamous youtube vids of his modded Skyrim. Basically, this is a series of oneshots based off the glitches and bugs in Skyrim. In other words: "Fucking skooma!"

Chapter 1: How Are You Going To Fight Lying Down?

It started off as a typical day in Skyrim. The sun shone brightly, the hawks flew around in elegant circles, there were people being robbed on the highway, the guards were taking bribes, and dragons were eating people. Really, it was a typical day. If you ignored the fact that the Mammoths turned into giant Triceratops. And Inigo Montoya turned into a Khajiit with a pirate hat and an eye patch and a gun. Let's also not forget that Kharjo is a MURDERER. And that Samuel is apparently immortal. Just ask Lord Scatsbury. And Immortal by Two Steps From Hell is the best fighting music ever...especially when you're riding a dragon. We all want just one more day….

But we were talking about glitches.

Arcturus Devereaux was just your typical mage. He liked to use magic for everything. He still has no idea why he joined the Companion's but apparently the Gods wanted that to happen so it did.

Stupid Bethesda, how in the hell are you going to make a MAGE join an ORDER OF WARRIORS who conveniently don't notice that you "have no honor" because you're using that awful "magic hocus pocus?"

MOVING ON.

Arcturus was just coming out of the tomb with the fragment of Wuuthrad, (was he supposed to memorize the place or something?) when he looked around for Farkas. He didn't see him.

"Farkas?" "Seriously, did you get stuck behind a bucket again?" "That's the third time this week Bethesda.." Arc muttered to himself. He just so happened to look down.

There, on the ground, lay Farkas. Now this normally wouldn't be weird if he was inside Jorrvaskr in his bed. But they had just exited a TOMB filled with DEAD PEOPLE.

Farkas lay on his back, his two-handed weapon in ONE HAND, looking for all the world like he was enjoying the rays of the sun. And he didn't blink.

"Farkas...why are you lying on the ground?"

"We should get back to Jorrvaskr."

"Why are you laying on the ground?" Maybe he didn't understand the question…?

"The others will be waiting back at Jorrvaskr."

Arc sighed and began to walk away….when he turned around and noticed that Farkas was following behind him by GLIDING ON THE GROUND.

"Are you going to walk normally?" No answer.

Arc sighed to himself. "Fucking Bethesda." he muttered. He suspected he'd be muttering that particular phrase a lot. He didn't know how right he was.

Several hours later, they were back at Whiterun. The guards said nothing of Farkas's weird behavior. Yeah, real nice. You drop a freakin iron dagger on the ground and one of them demands a bribe, but they say absolutely nothing when confronted with whatever the hell this was.

Then they stepped inside Whiterun. Arc had to wait through a black loading screen telling him stuff he already knew and then finally, after what seemed like hours, Whiterun came into view.

And so did Farkas.

Who was standing upright like he should've been hours ago.

Arc had only one thing to say about all this.

"FUCKING SKOOMA!"

AN: If you have any ideas for glitches/bugs, please drop me a review and let me know! Thanks for reading, and I hope you laughed! Until next time!