GOTCHA

(This here is a disclaimer)

Xigbar held his coffee mug in his hand as he walked down the hallway towards the kid's rooms. For being the first day back after summer vacation, things were far too quiet down here, especially because the munchkins never did anything quietly. So instead of reading his newspaper like he should have been, Xigbar was coming down to investigate the strange silence.

As soon as he came to the end of the hallway, something struck him as being odd. Three of the four bedroom doors were closed, Denzel's being the only one open because he was in the shower. But the doors to all three girl's rooms should have been open. He had made sure that they were all awake earlier and they should now be just about done getting ready. From experience, he knew that silence and the three of them was never a good thing. All at once, Xigbar discovered the reason for the mysterious quiet at the whereabouts of all three of his little girls.

Trying to be quiet and stealth like, the triplets all appeared in the door of their brother's room, each holding a large armful of clothes that looked like they had come from Denzel's closet.

"Freeze," Xigbar said in a commanding voice, causing each girl to wince and they all paused mid-step before looking over at their father with sheepish grins.

"Morning, Daddy," they all said in artificially sweet voices as they tried to hide the clothes they were stealing behind their backs.

Snorting at the falseness of their innocence, Xigbar crossed his arms over his chest, careful not to spill his coffee. "And why may I ask are you midgets trying to steal your brother's clothes?"

As one, the three girls all pouted and it was all Xigbar could do to not give into them and let them go about their business. He was helpless against these three. "Denzel's leaving us!" they exclaimed.

Raising one eyebrow, Xigbar figured that he was going to regret what he was about to say. "What do you mean by that?"

"He's going to college and leaving us at high school all by ourselves!" Yuffie cried.

"He should be staying with us! Why did he need to go and graduate early?" RIkku pouted.

"So we're going to get a little revenge and show him that he shouldn't leave us alone and defenseless in the cruel world of high school," Selphie said, a mischievous glint in her eyes telling Xigbar just who had come up with this plan.

"And you're getting your revenge by stealing his clothes?" He asked, not sure exactly where this was going.

They all nodded as they began to walk towards Selphie's room again, obviously the base for this operation. "Yup, he won't know what hit him!"

Rolling his eye, Xigbar set his coffee on the bookcase in the hallway. "You call that revenge? Amateurs," he smirked, looking down at his watch. "We've got fifteen minutes before he's done his bathroom shit. I'll show you how to pull off a true revenge." There was a glint in his amber eye that was mirrored in the triplets. Denzel really wouldn't know what hit him…

…..

Denzel hurried down the hall towards his room. Man, he was nervous. Today he'd be starting his full-time college courses. Sure, he'd been taking correspondence courses for two years, but it wasn't the same as actually going and sitting in on the lectures in person. Wanting to make the best first impression he could, he had spent an extra five minutes in the bathroom this morning. Now he was totally behind schedule. At least he had thought to lay out his clothes last night so he wouldn't have to think about it this morning. Gripping the towel that was wrapped tightly around his hips, Denzel picked up his pace, hurrying to his room. Opening the door that he didn't remember closing with one hand while securing his towel with the other, Denzel stepped into his room, closing the door behind him so that he could finish getting ready. He was not prepared for the sight that greeted him.

Bright eyes went wide and the brown haired boy did the only thing he could thing to do.

"MOM!"

….

Tifa was lying in bed halfway between sleep and waking, trying to decide if she wanted to get up or let Xigbar deal with getting the kids out the door to school at the right time. She had been at the bar until close to 2am dealing with drunks and probably deserved a morning to sleep in, but there was something nagging at the back of her mind that was preventing her from drifting back to sleep.

As soon as she heard the cry of 'Mom!' from down the hall, it caused the buxom brunette to jump out of bed, barely remembering to grab her long, red silk robe from behind the door before bolting down the hall.

"Denzel!" She exclaimed, tying her robe as she ran down towards his room. As soon as she got to his door, she threw it open, only to see her son standing in the middle of his room in nothing but his towel. "Are you…alright…?" she trailed off, her own dark eyes going wide where she saw the state of his room. Usually it was a room of impeccable organization with nothing out of place, but today, there was absolutely nothing left in his room whatsoever. The books, the dresser, the bed, everything was gone without a trace. "What on earth?"

"I had my shower and when I got back, there was nothing here," there was only a slight shake to his words, belaying that he wasn't nearly as calm as he seemed outwardly to be. "What am I supposed to wear now?"

"Oh, honey," Tifa said compassionately as she wrapped one arm around his still damp shoulders. "Go in and grab something to wear of your father's while I get to the bottom of this. I promise that we will get you what you had picked out before Hope is here to pick you up."

"O...okay," he whispered, trying to take all of this in. how, in the span of less than twenty minutes could everything he owned disappear like this? And whoever had done it had been thorough too. In addition to all his furniture, clothing, books and other items, all of his posters and photos had been taken off the walls. Even the nails had been removed.

Tifa stood there surveying the scene, wondering how it had been done, especially so quickly. A slight whiff of a familiar aftershave confirmed her suspicions and after taking in a single deep breath to calm herself, she tried to prepare herself for what was about to happen. "Xigbar!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

….

Xigbar chuckled when he heard his son calling for Tifa. Obviously he had just realized what had been done to his room. Well, that had taken almost five minutes more than it should have.

The three girls that stood behind him began giggling uncontrollably at the sound of their mother rushing down the hall towards their brother's room.

"Shh!" Xigbar scolded, "Do you want her to find us?" the girls giggled once more before becoming silent in an attempted to hear what was going on. They had only been planning on stealing all of his clothes and possibly his books if they had time, but when their father came along with his suggestion and assistance, they couldn't resist.

"Xigbar!" at the sound of his name, the man stood up board straight, knowing that he was in deep shit. Not wanting his daughters to see him probably getting the verbal and possibly physical crap beat out of him by their mother yet again, he turned to the three of them.

"You three better get lost. Mom doesn't sound too happy this morning," he said, watching as the triplets all scrambled to grab their backpacks from the floor.

"Good luck, Daddy!" they all smiled before each of them gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Xigbar then expected to see them head out of the room, but they went over to the window in single file, sliding it open before Yuffie in the lead began to climb out with a practiced ease.

"Oi!" he cried when he figured out exactly what they were doing. "What do you think you're doing? Stop that! How do you think I lost my eye?"

The girls just giggled with a wave as one by one they crawled out of the window, down to the ground and bolted for the bus stop.

Before he could do anything else, the sound of the bedroom door being slammed open caused Xigbar to freeze.

"What. The. Hell?" Tifa said her voice just short of a growl.

Gulping heavily, the dark haired man then turned to face his girlfriend with the same sheepish smile the girls had attempted on him earlier. "Morning, Sugar Tits. Sleep well?"

"Cut the crap, Xigbar? What the hell were you thinking doing this on one of the biggest days of our son's life?" Tifa questioned, looking down at her partner with an exasperated expression. "You know how much he's been looking forward to today for years!"

Xigbar just shrugged with a smirk. "The girls are feeling a little left out not going to college with him and when I saw them playing their prank, I thought I should give them a few suggestions."

"So you expect me to believe that our three teenage daughters were able to move an entire room with of furniture, including a bed made of solid wood, in less than twenty minutes?" she questioned, crossing her arms over chest and tapping her foot impatiently as she stared him down.

Suddenly, Xigbar knew that he was in more trouble than he thought he'd be, and he was kind of afraid of what Tifa was going to do to him. "Well, you see, they threatened me! With makeup, and boyfriends and pure evil!"

Rubbing her brow, Tifa wondered what exactly she saw in this man. "Where is Denzel's stuff, Xigbar?"

"What stuff?" he questioned with a false innocence like she had no idea what she was talking about.

With lightning speed, Tifa was standing right in front of Xigbar, her hand cupping the front of his pants. When he grinned thinking that she was starting some early morning fun, the dark haired woman began to squeeze tightly, earning a hiss from Xigbar, before she then gave her handful a hard twist.

"I'm going to ask you again. Where are all of our son's things? And think carefully before you answer or else I will castrate you right here with my bare hands," she said with an artificially sweet smile.

"Ow ow ow ow! Easy there, Sugar Tits!" he winced, knowing that if he tried to move, it would just make it worse. "Fine! I give! I Give! Just, let the boys go!"

At his words, Tifa relaxed her grip only enough that she wasn't cutting off circulation.

"Mom, just find out where they put my clothes first," Denzel said, appearing in the doorway, wearing an oversized shirt and a pair of shorts that he had to hold up because they were so big on him. "I just want those first, everything else can wait."

Tifa looked back at her son with a smile before turning back to her partner with a glare. "So, where are his clothes?" As she spoke, she added a little more pressure just to ensure she got a straight answer out of him.

"Clothes are in Selfie's room, books and backpack are in Rikku's!" he said quickly. As soon as the words left his mouth, Denzel took off towards his sister's rooms.

Releasing her grip a little more and earning a sigh of relief from the larger man, Tifa continued to stare into his single amber eye. "And what about the furniture? Obviously it's not in Yuffie's room," she said, gesturing around her with her free hand.

Xigbar just let out a chuckle. "Where do you think I hid it? Only one place in this entire building is big enough for all that shit."

Realization then dawned in Tifa's doe brown eyes as she let out a low groan. "Seriously Xigbar? You got all that furniture down into the bar that quickly?"

"Sure did, Sugar Tits," he laughed. "And let me tell you, it wasn't easy."

Shaking her head, Tifa stepped away from him. "You are a moron. I don't know why I put up with you."

"It's because even after all this time, the sex is still amazing," Xigbar smirked.

Before she could reply, Denzel appeared in the doorway, this time dressed in his own carefully selected clothes. "Hope's waiting outside so I have to run. Thanks Mom," Denzel smiled, giving his mother a tight hug. "Oh and Dad? I expect everything to be put back exactly the way that it was before. And there had better not be a single mark on any of my Captain Cactuar figures. You know that they are worth a small fortune."

Tifa laughed at the crestfallen look on her lover's face. "Aren't you glad that you have today off and decided to do this? And don't expect any help from me."

"Aw, but Sugar Tits!" he moaned.

"Not going to happen," she smiled. "You should have thought of that before."

"Fuck," he cursed. "Those girls are going to be the death of me."

Author's Notes:
Xigbar you silly little man, you should know better!

If you would like to see where the pairings and family lines came from please go view our deviant art page, http :/ crymsonpahoyhoy . deviantart . com /, minus all of the spaces ;) The deviations are called FF KH Family Tree.

P.S. Oh please, oh please, oh please review! It will make us want to write more if you like it :D