Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a narrator who took it upon herself to screw up every story she could get her hands on. With complete and utter disregard for the opinions of others, authors and fans alike, she made it her mission to corrupt any good plot line or character development she had the means to. With the help of her tech-savvy computer and her skills of destroying anything she put her mind to, she quickly set to work on annoying the crap out of everybody. These are her stories.
It was a bright and sunshiny day. Selene was skipping merrily along, singing loudly and very off key. "Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb! Mary had a little lamb whose flees were white as vampires!" She stopped and put her hand to her chin, pondering, "Actually, flees are technically vampires, since they suck blood to get nourishment." Then her nearly-psychotically large smile returned and she continued to skip down the road.
Suddenly, storm clouds descended on the scene, and it began to rain brutally. Selene glared up at the sky. She pointed her finger at it and in a motherly tone said, "Now don't you try to rain on my perfect day."
From a storm drain, she heard a loud, "Psst!" Selene skipped over to it and hunkered down. "Who's there?" she called cheerily.
"Selene! It's me, Michael. What are you doing out there? The sun's going to kill you, unless our enemies do first. Get back down here! They're going to find us!"
Selene giggled sweetly. "Oh, silly boy! You worry too much. There's no way I'm going down there! I'd ruin my beautiful, new sundress!" She twirled around in her pink and yellow sundress for emphasis.
Michael's jaw flapped. "Are you insane? Since when do you wear dresses?"
But Selene was too busy dancing in the rain to hear him.
Just then, loud howls came from the woods behind them.
"Selene! Quickly! We have to run." Michael begged.
"Run?" she questioned innocently. "I'd rather skip!" And she skipped off toward the woods.
A pack of werewolves, led by Lucian and his black, right-hand man/wolf Raze, ran up to her.
"I smell a vampire," Raze snarled.
"Yes, but she's a very pretty vampire," Lucian said, and all the werewolves howled in agreement.
"I've got an idea," Selene chirped, curtsying to the lovely, furry friends, "Let's all be polygamists, and I'll have all of ya'll's babies!"
"Hurray!" the men cheered, and lifted Selene onto their shoulders, carrying her gleefully into the trees.
From the storm drain, Michael watched the wolves carry his lusty lover into the wonderful woods.
"Cut out the alliteration!" Michael shook his fist at the narrator.
And in a faraway town, a baby cried for more boob.
The End