Never Let This Go
Summary: It's like one step forwards, then two steps back.
A/N: Well, me and my sister have made up a challenge. We get a song, a pairing, and three prompts, and then an hour to write it (excluding the time it takes to get the lyrics). My song was Never Let This Go by Paramore, my pairing was Remus/Lily, and my prompts were shiny baubles, the ghost of a loved one, and wistfulness. (Yes there is some of that in there, you just have to pick it out.)
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the song. If I did, I'd be a freaking genius.
"Maybe if my heart stops beating it won't hurt this much..." the Muggle words played at Lily as she sat in a tight ball, never wanting to unravel. It was true. She sighed. She missed Remus, but their relationship was so bad. They were dating, but it hurt Lily when she knew that they were more like friends around people, and even when they were alone.
"And never will I have to answer again to anyone..." that was true, too. Everyone was always asking about her and Remus. It was never 'hi Lily, how are you'. No, it was always 'hi Lily, how are you and Remus'. That's what always bugged her. She'd never have to answer and stupid questions like that if she did break up with him. But she wasn't sure if she wanted to or not. Of course, she'd have to answer the usual questions like 'why did you break up with him' but that would only last a week or so, and then everyone would forget about it.
"Please don't get me wrong
Because I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't wanna be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you..." she loved Remus, but... he was changing. She'd noticed that he didn't do as much studying, as much reading as he used to. No, instead, he wandered around and made trouble with Sirius and James. That wasn't the Remus Lupin she'd fallen in love with. He was becoming more like James. James, the arrogant toerag. But she still couldn't break up with him.
"One day you'll get sick of saying that everything's alright
And by then I'm sure that you'll be pretending just like I am tonight..." whenever anyone asked how their relationship was going, Remus always said it was fine, okay, alright. Lily knew how wrong he was. They barely spoke anymore, and if they did, it was about work. They didn't look like a real couple when they went out. They just acted like friends. Friends that were drifting apart. Lily knew that, and it was hurting her. She wondered if Remus was pretending everything was fine, or if he was actually blind enough to think that. She didn't know which she'd rather.
"Please don't get me wrong
Because I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't wanna be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you..." he was becoming a complete stranger to her. Just last week he'd yelled at her, something he'd never done. He'd never yelled at anyone. Even Slytherins. And she knew it wasn't because it was a full moon – the full moon had been weeks ago. And whenever James picked on her... he just stood in the background, with the crowd. He didn't join in... but he didn't come to her defence, either.
"Let this go, let this go..." she wanted to let him go, but she knew she'd miss him like hell once he was gone. They wouldn't just be friends again; there was no way that they could go back to how they'd been before. She noticed that recently Remus seemed to be happier when he was around his mates than when he was around Lily. True, they were his best friends... but he was so down when they were together. It drove Lily crazy.
"I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't wanna be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you
And I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you..." everything drove Lily crazy. She wasn't sure she wanted to go into her NEWTs with something else to annoy her. But she didn't want to be alone. But then she didn't want to be with Remus. He'd been so distant. But... her thought were driving round in circles. She wanted to make a decision but she didn't know which way was best. Sometimes she'd have some alone time with Remus and he was fine. Happy. Content. Lovable. But others... he was like a ghost. A ghost of a loved one. It was like one step forwards, then two steps back.
"And now I feel like I don't know you..." she glanced around her room as the song ended. It was Christmas. The most romantic time of the year. She could see her face reflected in the shiny baubles on the tree, and realised she looked awful. She hadn't known she was crying, but the mascara streaks going down her face told her all she needed to know. She washed her face and then went down to dinner. Remus was... what? Setting off fireworks with James and Sirius. Sometimes she really hated him. Sometimes she really loved him. And the rest of the time? She really didn't know him.
A/N: Just a random thing. Thank you muchly for reading. Now, go review, my minions! I mean... please review? =3
By the way, if you want a pairing, song and three prompts, say so on your review and I'll get back ASAP.