I remember it like it was yesterday… well, it was yesterday when it happened, but that's not the point.

Before I could tell the story however, a dying super mutant crawled towards my feet, its lower torso gone from a grenade blast, thrown by yours truly. It left a trail of blood and organs as it continued to slither towards me slowly. It would've been intriguing if wasn't so, y'know, really disgusting. I looked around and saw the bodies of the dying super mutants friends around me, all of them bullet riddled and some filled with shrapnel from my detonated grenade. One body was literally cut into pieces, yeah, that was by me too.

"Phew." I exhaled calmly as I reloaded my combat shotgun and wiped the Super Mutant blood off my trusty combat knife. "All in a day's work, I really should stop randomly going Jack the Ripper on some people just because they wanted to politely ask me for directions though…"

"Waggggh! Why am I here! What is the point of me! Where the fuck is Carmen Sandieg-" The mutant wailed before I blasted his face with a round of shotgun pellets.

Shut up, random Super Mutant. Story time.

So anyway, before I was rudely interrupted. That day, the day I left Vault 101. My home, my sanctuary, the place where I actually had a childhood, I had friends, brain dead friends who I theorized were born from incest, but still… friends. That was what Vault 101 was for me.

In some ways, okay a lot of ways, it was also my prison.

Hey don't get me wrong, growing up in a compact bunker buried in rock, with the exact same morons that you knew for 19 years is definitely my definition of fun.

Hopefully some of you got that that was sarcasm.

Trust me, a man can only go so far, listening to the vault PA saying: "The Overseer's authority is absolute" for the billionth time before he wants to brutally slaughter everyone that's near his vicinity.

I know I've had plenty of those days.

But before I get way too ahead of myself here, which I probably already did. I need to jump back, like way back.

Like to the day I was born kind of back.

Jefferson memorial-July 13 2258

The first thing I remember about the day I was born was the bright shiny light.

I found it strange that I remembered some memories in the years before I was 3. Then again, logic didn't exactly hit me till I was eleven so I couldn't care less at that time.

Anyway, I remember seeing this mystery woman pull me out my mom's womb and my dad was right behind her.

"Let's see" dad said "Are you a boy or a girl?"

Seeing that the question was obviously not rhetorical, my non-existent 2 second year old brain hoped that I would be a boy.

"Oh I'm just kidding with you!" said dad in a frighteningly unconvincing tone.

"Look Catherine!" he exclaimed happily, "A beautiful, healthy baby boy!"

"Oh! Oh James oh we did it! A son!" My mother gasped in exhaustion from labor.

My father then turned to me, taking off his medical mask to show a soft smile on his face.

"Your mother and I have been talking about a name for you" he kept smiling, "What do you think about… The Lone Wanderer?"

I personally thought it was the stupidest name ever, and hoped they would come to their senses and change it.

"That's a good name don't you think?" he continued, clueless, "Fits you perfectly"

"Oh god no!" My tiny little baby brain screamed inside my head. "Mom, please tell dad how much of an idiot he's being right now!"

"Very ominous and has plenty of underlying messages" Mom chimed in happily, her breathing ragged.

"NO, MOM! You're the female scientist here, not the Governor of fucking Alaska; you should have the brains in this decision!" I thought, terrified.

The mystery women, who I assumed was behind dad the whole time, poked her head from behind dad's shoulder. "Umm… are you sure you don't want to name him something that's less… retarded? Like Charleston? Garrington? Or how about Craig? I really like Craig." The mystery lady offered.

I squealed with joy that only newborn babies could squeal. "Thank you, Mystery Lady! I shall now be forever known as… Craig!"

To my horror, both my parents shook their heads. "We think the name Lone Wanderer is the perfect name for him, and will no doubt bring him never ending happiness and safety till the day that he diessssssss." My parents said in unison.

"My smooth baby ass it will!" I mentally yelled. "How are you guys my parents?"

A small machine with a screen being shoved onto my face interrupted my thoughts.

"Oh look, the gene projections are done. Let's see what you'll look like in the future unnecessarily!" Dad grinned with excitement.

"Oh look Catherine!" my father said, looking at the small screen, "It's our son in the future!"

"Oh, very strapping!" she giggled like a school girl.

I pretended that her comment didn't completely creep me out.

"James? Are you sure that gene projection is completely accurate?" asked my mother.

"Well it should" dad said, chuckling "I spent so many caps for this baby that I had to cut back!"

He petted the gene projector affectionately, "I even cut back on buying those anti-cardiac arrest chems,"

Yeah, I didn't realize the stupidity of that decision at first either.

"See Catherine?" dad said, "I told you we didn't need the-"

He was interrupted by the loud beeps screeching from the cardiometer. It was then that I realized that my mother was having a cardiac arrest. Which I really kinda saw coming. My dad however… well, he was at lost for words.

"Oh shit!"

Well maybe a couple.

"Catherine! Oh god, she's going into cardiac arrest!" Dad cried, screaming like a little girl.

"Get Lone Wanderer out of here, move, move!" he said to the mystery lady that I'll never meet, ever.

As the mystery lady wheeled me out the room, the only thing that forever scarred me for life, the one thing that haunted my mind from that day on was the horrible event that just occurred.

Dad decided to keep the name.

I just wanna thank everybody who even bothered to read my first fic, to the end too! I would be lying if I said that this wasn't inspired by Flopsie's "Fallout: The Novelisation". If any of you have some constructive criticism, lay it on me. Just please make it constructive. I know I probably made a lot of mistakes typing this fic. Including making LW's parents seem like they're on PCP, but hey it is a parody. Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed it and hope you guys leave some reviews. I will try to improve on everything, grammar, comedy, and pretty much everything else :P. For now, I bid you all adieu.