Pepper Potts paced. She twisted the ring on her finger. She tried his cell, again, even though she knew it was useless. The last time she had heard from Tony he had been aboard a spaceship. Now half the world, it seemed, was dead, and so how could she possibly hope that her stupid, reckless, brilliant, self-sacrificing fiancé would be alive and out there and-

She hung up the call. It hadn't even gone to voicemail. Who knew where his phone was, anyway? The Avengers had been in New York, or some of them, and then what? He'd gone into space and lost reception. Rampant destruction and terrible death. They must have lost.

They had all lost.

She wished, impossibly, that he would call her back. Or better yet, that he would descend from the sky, battered and bruised but beautifully intact, and she could yell at him for leaving before pulling him in tight and forgiving him. She wished she could tell him she understood why he had done it. She wished she could speak to him one last-

But here she refused to finish that thought, as usual. Pepper supposed she was in denial. Several times that day she had been on the verge of calling the wedding planner to confirm some detail before remembering. Oh god, oh god, the wedding.

Pepper sank into the couch cushions, drew in a shaky breath, and wondered when this would feel real. It had been about a week since the battle. War? What were they calling it now? She hadn't bothered keeping up with the news. A week since the fighting, whatever the official reports were saying, and she still couldn't stop expecting to see him fly into the room just to show off, a twinkle in his eye and drink in his hand.

"Tony," she muttered, eyes closed, "where the hell are you?"

It was a stupid question, and she knew it, but she indulged for just a second in the ridiculous fantasy that he would hear her, would answer her, hadn't been disintegrated like half the guest list. And now she was thinking about the wedding again. The invitations had been sent out, but half of the RSVPs would never come. Her hands clenched into fists involuntarily. The groom would never come.

She felt sick, and then she felt suddenly furious. The stomach acid that had only a moment ago been about to spill over now seemed to be boiling her from the inside out. If he had just left it to the people with actual superpowers, stayed with her, saved himself- if Tony could stop thinking about the greater good for just one second and been selfish with her…

Horribly, she wanted to laugh, because she knew that to most of the world the idea of calling Tony Stark selfless would be absurd. The egomaniac billionaire who'd built a skyscraper and put his name on top? But she had seen the depth of the despair and guilt behind his eyes; she had known the darkness he carried, and how it could only be assuaged by doing exactly what he had done. How could he ever have done anything different?

Besides, she told herself, staying here wouldn't have mattered to Thanos' mighty finger snap. He could have turned to dust right there in the living room just as easily as he had been smashed by some monster or thrown into space or broken beyond help or or or or...

Pepper forced herself to inhale and stop thinking. The point was, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Tony had flown off and gotten himself killed and it was all for nothing. The stupid man had left her despite her begging him not to. At least if he had stayed she could know for certain, instead of constantly trying to fool herself. Instead of this dance between hope and realism, between optimism and cynicism. Instead of thinking "what if" followed by "but no."

She poured herself a drink, but before she knew what she was going to do she had thrown it against the wall with a scream, unthinking and unhearing. The glass exploded into a zillion shards, spraying alcohol over the floor and against the wallpaper and normally she would be annoyed at the mess and worried about Tony's fussing but it served him right, the idiot, it would be a fraction of what he deserved, coming home and finding his furnishings ruined, and what was she doing?

She left the drink to seep into the floor, promising to send a bot later, and headed for the elevator. She needed to get out of this building before she went mad.

"Ms. Potts?" came Friday's voice. "A visitor wishes to speak to Mr. Stark."

Pepper closed her eyes, hating the unaffected professionalism of the AI and hating that it may have been the last voice in Tony's ears and hating the idea of talking to anyone right now and hating the sound of his name from anyone other than her.

"Not taking calls," she snapped.

"I apologize, Ms. Potts, but she is quite insistent in her request. She came to this building in person. All the way from Queens, she says."

A premonition of something horrible came over Pepper. Queens? She had a terrible feeling she knew who the visitor was.

She rubbed her temples and sighed. "Send her in. And get that corner cleaned up."

"Sure!" chirped Friday. Pepper stifled another scream.

A minute later, the elevator doors opened and May Parker burst out. "Where is Tony Stark?" she demanded. "Where is he?"

"He's not… he didn't… he isn't here." Pepper closed her eyes for a heartbeat. Maybe he's coming, maybe he's on his way, you don't know, you didn't see him die like-

Images of the deaths she had seen were forcing their way past her defenses. People reaching for each other in the street as they blew apart. Mothers pushing empty carriages for a few more steps before realizing. Children crying for their parents and not knowing why they wouldn't answer. Teenagers desperately trying to call their friends, cut off mid-conversation. Dust and ash floating through the air, making throats burn and eyes water. Everywhere, death.

But you don't know what happened to Tony, insisted a small voice inside Pepper. He could be out there, he could be fine, he could be okay and returning any minute…

"He wasn't… with Peter, right?" May paused. "He was on a field trip. He's probably just being detained there, and forgot to call me or something. You know kids, he's just caught up with this whole business… He'll be in touch as soon as he can."

"Sorry," said Pepper, "I don't know where either of them were. Are. The last I heard from Tony he was on… on the ship."

"I'm sure he's fine," May said reassuringly, immediately, unconvincingly.

"Right," Pepper said. "Do you want to… sit down? I could get you something to drink, maybe? I'm, um, sorry about the mess, I've been kind of a wreck this past week…"

"Don't worry about it. You should see my apartment." May smiled wanly and sat down beside Pepper. "I just… I can't stand all this wondering. You know? I mean, maybe he's fine! Maybe he stayed with his classmates and… but I know he wouldn't have. My boy, he'd run straight for the danger, that one."

Pepper pretended she didn't notice the tears forming in May's eyes. May did the same for her. "Tony's just the same," she offered, her voice wavering. "I told him not to go, but there's a spaceship in the city, so he has to get on it, right?"

May reached for Pepper's hand and held it in her own. "People need superheroes for this kind of thing, but we need our boys to be home, don't we. Let the adults handle it, if I've told him once I've told him a million times, but my Peter has never been one to sit around if he can do something about it. And now I don't know where he is, and Ned calls me twice a day to ask about him, and I-"

She broke off. The women held hands for a quiet moment. Thinking and trying not to.

Waiting.