L stares absentmindedly at the ethereal light of the laptop screen. It seems to get more hypnotising as the night goes on, slowly receding into another unavoidable dawn. It`s an old friend of his, his only friend (as he berates himself to remember). One that does not ask pointless questions, agreeing amiably with his decisions, even when they cost lives. One that does not stare back with veiled intentions, with mistrust and a cleverness so sharp and alike his own that it invites mistrustfulness on his part. A boring friend, indeed, but one he doesn`t prey on every hour of day and night for the crumbs of a clue, an insignificant truth, anything.
His fingers graze cautiously over keyboards, the familiar touch warming the tips, helping him get through this perishing night. He is proficient at touching them, has gotten so used to it over the years that now it`s almost second nature. Just like analising. Allowed to touch them, supposed to think.
About. The. Case.
Well...he is. At least he is pondering over what he (and he alone, apparently) considers to be the key to the Kira case. Light Yagami.
"How can they be so obtuse?" he is genuinely baffled, not for the first time, at how these policemen around him cannot / won`t see that there`s something wrong about Light.
A glitch in the way he has always perceived the world around him. Perhaps a different point of view on a fundamental level, something intrinsic, hidden, probably dormant for so very long. The desire to change the world according to his vision ... and the intellect to nourish this part of his nature. Then, one day, Light must have finally gotten the means to accomplish this. Or at least endeavour to succeed, if L has any say in that matter. The beginning of the Kira case was too abrupt to be seen as a carefully laid plan of destruction, like a storm brewing out of nowhere in the ominous sky. No, L believes it was an experiment.
An experiment with what?
That is one of the questions keeping L alert and awake.
The experiment must have worked out. And then the crimes, the game, the teasing of the greatest detective in the world began. L`s mind lives for a good puzzle, something to keep the monotony (emptiness) of life at bay. He can appreciate quality. And Yagami is full of sharp edges and tremendous qualities. He`s also the enemy.
Light stirs in his sleep, mumbling incoherently. For the second time that night, L notes. If the saying 'penny for a thought' could somehow be of some practicality, L would give, without a second thought, half of his money to gain access to Light`s mind. He knows that he`d probably end up half mad (even in the extremely small likelihood that Light is innocent, L would still get dazed with some unjustified delusions of grandor). He also knows that it might be worth it.
The thought scares him witless for some reason. And L cannot afford to be scared. So he lifts up his shield and intones what decidedly gets to be his mantra this days (like a charm, or a curse, or something equally uneffective):
'Light Yagami, you are Kira.' The words are whispered and a whisper is rarely harsh. It fleshes itself into an apparition with a mind of its own, deciding to be more childlike wonder at the teenager who could undertake such a crazed mission and then attempt to deceive the whole world. L doesn`t like to admit that he`s impressed. Has been for some time.
'Thanks, Ryuzaki. My favorite words to wake up to.'
L wills his body to turn around (Was he staring?) and remains perfectly still, eyes glued to the insignificant data in front of him. A lot of stuff is insignificant when you have your main suspect chained to you, barely awake in your bed.
'You know, this bed must actually be grateful that someone uses it for sleep.'
Of all the things to say. But then, L thinks that reproachful dialogue about invading one`s privacy, persecuting innocent people and forcing them into uncomfortable situations is not exactly late night/early morning material.
'I find it odd that you would think about that in this situation.'
'It's perfectly natural when you`re assaulted with light in the middle of the night, wondering what time it is' groans Light, turning away from the laptop.
'It`s 4 am.'
It seems like Light will carry on with his sleeping schedule. It`s the preferable option, really. Everything turns blurry under the guise of night-time. Contours shift during these melancholy hours, time goes by ever so slowly, the world finally breathes.
A weird and dangerous time.
'Ryuzaki, why don`t you try to get some sleep for once?' Light sounds sleepy already, thus his voice is threading close to something quiet, peaceful, breakable. Something novel.
'I feel that it would be impossible for me right now.' So many thoughts to process. But the night is getting old, surrendering itself to light. Surrender. What a frightening word, almost as much as a mind wandering towards what it would be like to do so. Like an uncautious, unguarded child carelessly loosing his way, pressing on a swirling path. For once in his life.
'I already knew you`d say that.'
'Of course you did.'
In the morning, L wakes up. Well, that`s what most people do in the morning anyway. And they don`t almost jump out of bed in surprise when becoming aware of the yawn they are trying to stiffle. Or of the fact that they have been, indeed, quite asleep. Next to someone, oh cruel fate. But, alas, L is different.
Saying that he`s not used to this would be a collosal understatement. He`s somewhat familiar with the fitful, bitter and coma-like hours he (as a human being) still needs to squeeze in, so as to survive. And although this type of 'rest' provides effective for what he has decided to achieve in this life of his, it`s never been pleasant.
He is reluctant to accept that it is, all things considered, quite nice to come to your senses, judgement and sanity surrounded by comforting warmth, lying horizontal on the matress, limbs thrown lazily around. He agrees that it`s something worth experiencing. Once in a lifetime. So he takes a few more minutes from the ever-pressing Kira investigation to commit this morning to memory.
Perhaps it should feel very wrong to acknowledge that in this very same bed (his bed, his mind cruelly supplies) Light Yagami, prime suspect and probable deluded serial killer, is not so subtly starting to wake up, his face bright and serene like he doesn`t have a care in the world, pure as a fleeting, insignificant snowflake. How looks can be deceiving. (L can vividly recall urgent, desperate movement and whimpering in what seemed to be despair; it was, in fact, a few nights earlier.)
But, right now, Light opens his eyes without the slightest concern, his brow devoid of the smallest wrinkle or frown. It is, once again, that annoyingly perfect image of a teenage boy destined for bright things, yet L cannot deny the charm it holds. That`s what makes Light so dangerous, his trump card.
Yagami lazily takes in his surroundings, in sharp contrast to L`s incredulous fuss from a couple minutes earlier. L feels pathetic...Look!It`s a bed! It`s a pillow! It`s a blanket!
Light freezes for a second and seems to focus his attention on him, the man simply lying there. His eyes widen slightly and L doesn`t know, could not know what to expect from this. Maybe Light will choose to comment on his inability to see the night through, when it is obvious from their 4am conversation that he never intended to fall asleep. Or maybe he will politely phrase his concern for propriety and disapprove of the intrusion to his personal space. Maybe he will finally lose his armor of collectedness and allow himself something akin to anger.
L has recently discovered there are some things that do not allow the slightest room for prediction.
A small, bemused smile tugs at a corner of his mouth. It makes a surprisingly fine, distinguished ornament. And he slowly shakes his head, positively aware that L gets the point. It would be impossible for me right now, my ass. Smugly glowing with having gotten his way.
L knows a smile is creeping on his face in return, consequently deciding right then and there that he loathes his own self.
'Have you ever woken up to another before?'
What a terrible thing to say in the light of day.
'No, I have not.' L is not eager to return the question. He knows the answer is of little consequence to finding and apprehending Kira. So he should not be interested.
'Neither have I.'
This is definitely not the confession L is endlessly seeking, immersing himself so perilously close to the waters where his tired feet won`t reach the sand and stones underneath. Yet it shakes him, perhaps as much as hearing the words he`s been chasing (dreading) from Light`s mouth : I am Kira.
'I`m especially sorry for it then.' L can`t help the little pang of guilt, hidden somewhere in a recess of its own. Although his suspicion remains high and his gut screams at him to stop dwelling on this already because Light is Kira, he feels that he stole something from Light.
L asks himself why he believes it, when he`s built a foundation for the case by questioning everything Light says. But the way he said it leaves no doubt in L`s mind. If only that could be the rule, not the exception.
'Don`t be. You scare me less this way.'
Hours drip by with their usual slowness, picking up the pace only when it seems they`re on a brink of a breakthrough in the case. This time (L frowns inwardly and stuffs another donut into his mouth) it`s Light`s merit above all others. The kid is really giving it his all, brain, stamina, intuition, relentlessly evaluating data and coming up with plans. His voice is often tinged with the desperation of somewhat who has something to prove. Well, in this particular case, it is a matter of life and death.
So L nods when Light tells him to look over the charts concerning Yotsuba Corporation, although he points out that he already did.
'Look again, L. There`s something wrong with this group.'
'Assumptions can only go so far. We have to find solid evidence.'
'I know that. I`m just saying there`s something awfully suspicious with this company and its success. It does not feel right.' L assumes the ending of Light`s phrase means more than he lets on. Possibly because Light truly has an edge in this investigation., because he knows or at least used to know better than L how the rules of this game work.
L decides it`s a possibility that a dormant part of Kira just spoke out of turn, resurfacing from its slumber because of Light`s desperation to find a clue. So he plans to track carefully Yotsuba`s moves.
'Well, I would be hard pressed not to admit that I`ve always found something awfully suspicious about you too, Light.' Maybe provoking him while he`s in this undefined state will produce some results. And if not, it`s definitely fun.
'Honestly, this again. Even when I`m trying my hardest to catch Kira. When I spend days on end working side by side with you. I specifically requested to be put under constant surveillance to convince you. I agreed to the handcuffs, to the shared room, to all that. What can I do for you to take my innocence into account?' Light`s voice is now reaching an unprecedently high tone.
L registers something closely resembling a sting when Light not so calmly states this. He dimly remembers saying sorry in their room. But, back then, he could pretend they had been whisked away by a favorable spirit (he imagines Matsuda for the part) to some far-away, obscure, hidden place. And there (only there) he could afford to appologize.
Otherwise, he has an investigation to lead. And he intends to shove some detective common sense into a bunch of ex-police officers that are too naive for their own good.
'I am considering it. Just as much as your guilt, actually.'
'Thanks a lot. It really shows.'
'If I did not, you would be in prison right now, with a death sentence hanging above your head.' L intends to sound menacing, yet he also speaks the truth. Light flinches a little, but continues to get his point across. He really looks genuine this time. L almost wishes to forget the cruel smile on Light`s smug face the day he arrested Misa, his confidence of having won while calling her. Won what, if he isn`t Kira? It makes almost no sense.
'But you have no proof whatsoever that I am Kira.'
'That is why I am thinking it over. Besides, you have so much potential for crime-solving it would be a shame to unjustly label you as a mass-murderer.' L's brain sends an impulse to some rigid, unaccustomed muscles on his face as he tells himself to smile. Light can probably see that it doesn`t reach his eyes, but it`s not such a poor imitation to accompany friendly praise (L thinks).
'I know your trying to boost my arrogance enough to make me slip and reveal my dark, terrible secret, Ryuzaki.' Light replies with a smile of his own, a much practiced, infinitely better version.
'That is why I was expressing admiration in the first place, Light.'