"I don't understand why Blue Dog is still illegal." Cat said. "That mean agent man said we were right."
"Yeah, but he doesn't make the laws." I reminded her. "Even if he started this all, and we don't know if he did. He said he made it illegal, but he absolutely seems like the type that would try to take credit for something because he just happened to be around when it happened."
"Well I don't want us to keep making it. But people are knocking on our window day and night. And I know they are texting and calling you at all hours. I'm glad we didn't give out my number." Cat complained.
I'd used my number because I didn't want them blowing up Cat's phone and her feeling overwhelmed. But with all the hate I was getting, I was doubly glad now. "Someone offered me five hundred dollars for a case."
Cat froze. "Are you sure they said dollars. They didn't say five hundred bucks, and when you give them the case they give you a sack of plastic deer."
"They said dollars." I replied.
"They didn't say five hundred clams and they are going to show up with a bag of shellfish?" Cat asked.
"They said dollars." I repeated.
"Five hundred pesos is only about thirty-eight dollars. That's more than we were selling them for but not that impressive. And if he said five hundred wozniacks, I don't even know what a wozniack is, and I don't believe you do either."
I was laughing now. "He said dollars Cat. He said five hundred dollars."
"Well, if you're certain he didn't mean sand dollars, I hope you sold them to him." Cat said.
"I thought we weren't going to sell it anymore." I said.
"Five hundred dollars Sam. That's naughty ATM money, and how much fun did we have that week. That could be our life." Cat said in her flirty tempting voice.
"But we started doing this for the principle. That it wasn't fair to make laws telling people they couldn't drink Blue Dog. If we sell it for 500 dollars a case, not everyone would be able to afford it." I said.
"Fifty dollars a case then. That's only a little more than two dollars a bottle. That's fair. with the risk we're taking." Cat replied after thinking about it for a few moments.
"But what about the person who is offering five hundred. What will they do when they find out other people are getting it for one tenth as much?" I wondered aloud. Then I continued, "So we don't have a set price. We are doing something illegal. If we're going to continue to do it we have to keep it quiet. So we need to not advertise at all. People know we're here and what we're doing. When people approach we just look at them and guesstimate the most they can afford. Let them try to haggle us down if they can't or won't pay what we ask."
"But what if they can't afford it but don't know they can bargain, and they give us money they can't spare?" Cat worried.
"That can't be our problem." I told her. "We were not put on this earth to worry about every single person and what they spend their money on and whether they can afford it."
"You're right. But I don't like to think about it." Cat said.
"I know, princess." I replied
It didn't take long for the word to get out that we were selling again. Or that it was a lot more expensive now.
How much changed from person to person exactly how I suggested. Whatever seemed like the most they would pay.
Also the price never went down for anyone but sometimes we would tell a regular that the price needed to go up, if they seemed to be coming around too often or otherwise seemed to not be feeling the old price enough.
It wasn't long before I sat Cat down to talk about getting a gun with all the cash we had in the house.
"I'm not at all sure we should have a gun. I don't like guns. They scare me." Cat said.
"I know kid, but we have over five thousand dollars in the house right now. Forget strangers and thieves and gangbangers.
If Gwen and Ruby knew we had that much they'd try for it.
If those wazbags who were racing babies knew about it, they'd be breaking in.
I'm not sure I'd trust Dice and Goomer if we weren't already partners.
Now I think I should start carrying. At least a nine millimeter. But I want to get a shotgun for the house. Something you can use in an emergency. Something that is more simply point and shoot rather than anything you have to practice and play with." I told her.
"I'm not shooting anyone." Cat said. "If anyone is going to come in here trying to get our money. They can just have it. We can always get more."
"Cat, sweetie, if the word on the street is that anyone who comes in here, when I'm not here, can take what they want and walk out without any consequences. They are gonna mob the place as soon as I walk out the door. And if you think they are going to be happy with just the money, when there is a beautiful teenage girl sitting there defenseless."
Cat batted her eyes at me and said, "You think I'm beautiful?" in that sexy flirty voice she has.
"Of course I think you're beautiful. Everyone thinks you're beautiful. Your beauty is a scientific fact. But it's not the important fact in this conversation."
"Oh, Sam. I had no idea you felt this way." Cat replied all coy.
"You had no idea? The fact I have been sleeping with you for six months didn't give you a clue? The fact that I tell you I love you thirty times a day didn't give you a hint?" I asked.
"Samothrace Puckelopolous, I am shocked. Many people believe my sparkling personality and bubbly joie de vive would attract suitors. I had no clue you only were interested in something as shallow as appearance. I'll have to be certain to never get injured or old."
But I was laughing too hard at 'Samothrace Puckelopolous' to even answer and I told her so. "But, the point is, I'm getting a couple guns. I can't make you use them. But I hope if your safety is at stake, you will."
Dice was able to get me a 9 millimeter and a pump shotgun with a pistol grip and a ten shell magazine. It looked truly terrifying, but I felt so much better having it in the house.
It was only a few days later when we got our first fool trying to test us. Luckily I was home.
This idiot knocked on our window about ten at night. There was no one around. I could tell what he was about to do. He was maybe twenty, skinny, pale and pimply. He wore dirty jeans and a stained hoodie that might have been navy or black. I had my gun out just a moment before he did.
We just stood there looking at each other.
"'Sup," He said.
I just stared at him.
"'Sup," He said again.
I just squinted down a bit like I was aiming and stared at him. Then I said, "You feelin' froggy, son. You might as well leap."
"You got a problem?" He said
"Yes I do." I said. "I'm going to count to three and if you don't lay that gun on the window ledge and run, I'm gonna solve this problem. I'm gonna solve it hard. One."
"You don't have the guts." He said sounding nervous.
I knew the only weapon that would stop this before it turned bloody was his fear, so I just stared. "Two."
He waited a second after two, but there was no way he was waiting for three. He laid the gun down and ran like his butt was on fire.
He even had the nerve to come back the next day to get his gun back. Talking about how 'things just got a little crazy, but no harm done'. I was laughing too hard to even address his question. But I guess he got the meaning and left.
That night as Cat and I were cuddling on the couch watching an old Drake and Josh rerun, there was a knock at the door.
It was Nona. She brought her friend Ralph and we were happy to see her. At least until the door was shut.
Then she said, "I hear you've been selling bootleg Blue Dog Soda. But I guess you forgot to give Nona a taste."
With a signal from Nona, Ralph started breaking things. He hit out tv with his cane and broke the screen.
Then he walked over and hooked our microwave off the counter and pulled it on the floor. As Cat said, "If you want a taste Nona, I'll get you some right now. I didn't know you liked Blue Dog."
Ralph opened our fridge and started sweeping all the contents off the shelves, then beating anything that doesn't break with his cane to make sure.
Cat, ever trusting calls out. "The Blue Dog isn't in there Ralph. Since its still illegal we keep it in a little fridge in the bedroom, I'll get you each one."
She jumped up and was almost to the bedroom door when she froze at the sound of a gun cocking.