**A/N: So basically this an idea I've had for awhile I just didn't know how to write it but thanks to the new amazing episode I now know exactly what I want to write and how I want to write it so I hope you guys like it... This is two/three-shot that may turn into more of you like it.**
Love & Misadventure
Chapter 1... How he lost the girl.
It was the darkest night of his life. He felt truly alone. They'd all lost someone tonight. A friend, a lover, a soulmate, but no one knew what he'd just lost. He'd lost them both. His best friend and his brother. The two people who meant the most to him. He lost them both.
He hears the pitter patter of her footsteps before she's even around the corner. Their eyes meet and they share a look that can't be described. She's going to be there for him no matter what. He wanted that. (Didn't he?)
She sits beside him and he can hear her heart racing because she's nervous. She doesn't know what to say. He doesn't either, honestly. They're silent for a few minutes but the silence is eating at him.
"I lost them both." He whispers feeling his eyes sting. "The two people I've known longest in this world...both gone."
"Lexi?" She asks. She seems surprised.
"She never made it out." He sighs, and she gently places her hand on his. "Neither did Markos, I know that's not a coincidence. That was her, uh, unfinished business."
She's staring at him. He can feel her piercing gaze locked on him but he dares himself not to give in. Not to let those hypnotic Aqua orbs convince him it would all be okay, because it wouldn't.
"And Damon." He continues, fighting the urge to completely fall apart in front of her. "He finally had everything he wanted in life... He was happy. He should be here."
He can't hold it together anymore. He lays his head on his lap and let's all the emotion come rushing out of him. It's not long until he feel the soft skin on her arms wrap around him and her head resting on his back. He doesn't fight it..fight her. He just lets himself have this one moment because it's all he needs.
He wakes up just as the sun rises and is surprised to find himself in the exact position he was in hours ago. Her arms are still wrapped around him and they're still on that stupid picnic table. The one filled with memories from the previous night. He didn't want those memories... He didn't want this life.
He slowly sneaks out from between her arms and stands up, trying his hardest not to wake her. But the second he hears her voice he knows it's too late. He knows he's going to have to break her heart. But sadly enough, he doesn't care. He just needs to move on from this horrid town that has brought him nothing but death and misery.
"You're leaving aren't you?" She whispers, although it was more of a statement than a question. She knew it was true, she just didn't want to believe it.
"I have to bring him back, Caroline." He says, turning around but avoiding her eyes. "I have to bring them back. This isn't how it ends. He's my brother, damn it! I have to bring him back."
"Do what you need to do." She whispers, giving him a peck on the cheek. "But don't forget that we're all here for you. This is your home... Don't forget that."
He feels his heart break at her words. He beats himself up in his head for doing this. For letting her say that and not telling her what he wanted to do. He hated himself for not telling her he never planned on coming home.
He did it.
For almost six months he was able to avoid any or all calls from her. He'd promised himself that he would distance himself from that life.( the one he shared with his brother) and he did. He managed to stay away. He managed to stop looking for Damon and Bonnie without hating himself over it. He'd gotten through the worst part. Then why was she here? Didn't she get the hint?
Throughout the worlds most awful dinner ever, she seemed more and more hurt each time mentioned something from his life- his new life. He was confused as to why, because Caroline Forbes was definitely too smart to think that he would actually still be looking for Damon and Bonnie. It's been 4 months. He's moved on..she should too.
He's never been one for eavesdropping, but as he makes his way to the staircase and catches sound of her conversation with the revived professor, he can't help but listen.
"I'm trying to get her to figure out when she first fell in love with Damon but she..can't seem to get there." Alaric proclaims.
"Yeah, because she doesn't want to admit what everyone already knows." He hears Caroline say non-hesitantly, as if the answer to his question are the lyrics to old favorite song.
There's a stretched silence and Stefan fears she might know that he's listening but she soon continues. "She fell in love with Damon when she was still with Stefan."
She suddenly turns to him and it's in that moment that he realizes the floorboard just creaked. As realization of what she just said dawns on him, he casts his eyes to the ground before slowly walking out of the room.
She follows him out and into the dining room. She's silent as he picks up the broken chair from his fight with Enzo. She's silent as she watches him stand over Enzo's body with a hint of pride in his eyes. She's silent for so long that he thinks she might've forgotten how to speak.
"You should probably get him out of here." He says rudely, ignoring the pit in his stomach. "He'll be up soon and I really don't feel like another round."
"I'm sorry that you heard what I said." She surrenders. Her eyes yearning for him to say something to her... Anything.
"It's fine, Caroline." He says. It's the first time he's said her name in months. It feels good, but in a bittersweet kind of way. He's not sure why. "I really don't care."
"Why?" She whispers. "Why don't you care? You're the one who always cared, it's what I liked about you. You know.. Amidst all the crazy in our perfectly-messed-up lives, you cared more than anyone! So how could you just stop?"
He knows what she means. How could he just stop looking for Bonnie and Damon? How he just stop caring about Elena and Jeremy..and her?
"Because I had to!" He yells. "The months before I moved here, I was following every lead Alaric sent my way. I spoke to every witch, every shaman, every psychic in 20 different countries around the globe, and every lead was a dead end."
"But Enzo has another lead... There's this coven in Oregon-" She says, on the brink of a breakdown.
"The Gemini Coven." He says. "Yeah, I looked into them too. Caroline there was nothing there. Because there's nothing we can do. Damon and Bonnie are dead! I had to come to terms with that. And once I did, I had to start over. I couldn't just live my old life with my old friends. I couldn't just go near Mystic Falls, or Elena, or-"
"Or me?" She sobs. He sends his eyes elsewhere, avoiding her glare. "Cause I thought we were closer than that. I mean... You couldn't hear in all those messages that I left you, you couldn't hear that I was completely falling apart without you?!"
He feels a stake through his heart as the realization dawns on her. "You didn't listen to them." She whispers.
"I had to move on. I didn't have a choice. I had to erase everything." He lied. That's all they were; lies and excuses.
He used to spend his days admiring how she could -within a second- change from completely falling apart to the strongest woman ever. But in that moment he hated her for it.
She took a deep breath and the tears pooling in her eyes, disappeared instantaneously. "Well let me summarize them for you... You're a dick...If you want him out of your house, throw him out yourself."
It's all facade. To show him that she doesn't need him to be there for her. She doesn't need him. But he's not deaf. He can hear the sobbing coming from the car parked right outside the front door. And it's in that moment that he realizes if they ever get out of this, she might never forgive him.
It's dark out. All he wants to do is go back to Savannah. Coming to Whitmore was a bad idea, a really bad idea. He shouldn't have done this. And yet as he's walking through the woods going back to his car, he feels compelled to stop moving as she calls his name, but he keeps moving.
"Stop, okay!" She says, suddenly appearing in front of him. He forgot she could do that. "I'm sorry. I didn't know about Ivy, but..."
"But what? What?" He says exhaustedly. "I was fooling myself? I was using her as an escape? Yeah, I know what you think, Caroline."
"Well actually I was going to say but killing Enzo won't bring her back."
"No but it will stop him from reminding me of my brother." Stefan snaps. "I kill him, I can leave this place, and I can start over again."
"So that's why you left all those messages on my phone, promising apologies?" She says.
He can only see pain in her eyes. She's alone in her grief and he wishes he could be there for her... But he has to move on. Why doesn't anybody understand that?
She continues to yell at him. "That's why you visited Elena, that's why you came to this party, just so you could kill Enzo and start over."
"Yep." He says bluntly.
"I don't believe you!" She spat out. "I know that a part of you misses this place and these people, your friends. I know that being back here reminds you how much we need you.. How much I need you, but if I'm wrong. Then go ahead. Just go. Start over, but God, if I'm right..if even just a little part of you came back here to check on Elena, who's had an unbearable four months..or Alaric,who just came back from the dead.. Or me. If even just a small, little part of you came back to check on me... Then, stay."
He doesn't know what to say. All he wants to do is hold her in his arms and never let go. He didn't want to ever let go. But the thought of living in this godforsaken town without his constant was unbearable. So he did all he could do... He walked away. And he thinks that now... Walking away is what he does best.
He doesn't know where else to go. She's the only person who can help him. Elena knows how to control herself, Damon isn't here, no one else knows how. That's why he's here. 9AM, knocking on her door waiting for her to open it. The second she does he's inside. He tells her about his 'situation'.
"Just one day." He begs. "And then you'll never have to see me again."
"Is that what you think I want?" She whispers, heartbroken.
He didn't know. He didn't know a lot of things anymore. He didn't know anything other than the fact that if he didn't leave he'd feel himself dying inside. He had to leave. He'd been trying to convince himself for the past 4 months. He just can't be convinced that there's something worth staying for.
'She's worth it' he hears his subconscious tell him.
He tries not to snap at her. Tries not to get pissed..buts it's too late,because he already is. He was supposed to be gone by now.
"You lost her?!" He yells.
"Oh, so you decide to listen to your messages a million hours later? No I did not lose her..she snapped my neck, and what the hell took you so long?" She snaps.
"I got caught up." He says nonchalantly.
"You got caught up?" She repeats mockingly. "Doing what?"
The guilt is evident in his face when he next speaks. "Driving halfway out of town."
Caroline freezes. He knows why; because she thought this time he was here to stay. 'She shouldn't be so naive' he convinced himself that it was her fault. After all this, why would he suddenly choose to stay?
"You were leaving?" She asks, half in tears.
"I slid Ivy's daylight ring, under-" He defends himself.
"No."
"...your front door..." He finishes.
"No!" She snaps. "I don't care about some stupid daylight ring,Stefan! Were you seriously about to dump your vampire ex-girlfriend on my lap..and then skip town?!"
She's appalled,angry,shocked,so many other things that are clear on her face but he still nods and he feels like slapping himself for her.
"God, who are you right now?" She cries.
"I'm someone who's trying to start over..and then suddenly you and Enzo show up and now I have hunters on my trail and a brand new vampire who wants to kill me and everyone in her path."
He continues to yell, because he's not sure she gets just how much this is hurting him. But he's hurting even more, and that makes him hate himself. "And that's not how someone starts over,Caroline!" He finishes.
The silence stretches out before she speaks again. This time in a more serene tone. "You know what the worst part of all this is? Is about a month ago, I wished that Damon would come back. Because i knew if that happened I'd get you back too. But now all I want is for you to just get back in your car... And go."
The hurt isn't well hidden on his face as he walks away and does just what she asked.
"He didn't...I turned him in." Stefan says carelessly as all eyes turn to him. But he doesn't look at anybody else. His eyes are focusing solely on the pair that belong to the disappointed blonde in front of him.
Everything has changed. Damon was back. Now they could go back to the way things were. Nothing could go wrong, because they were best friends.
Yeah, he said some pretty bad stuff, but they were just going through a rough patch... It was over. They were going to be fine. And he spent the whole drive to Tripp's warehouse convincing himself of that.
"Look, Enzo wasn't being careful." He says, because now he actually does care enough to want her to trust him again. "Tripp would've caught him eventually and that meant danger for all of us."
"Right." She mocks. "So you handed him over so we wouldn't be targeted and now we're rescuing him so we won't be targeted. Way to go, Stefan."
"Well I thought Tripp was going to kill him, I didn't think he'd keep him alive for information." He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. (worst excuse ever)
"Oh,well, in that case sounds like you were just being practical! Did you rat Ivy out too?" She said, pissed at him.
"What?" He gasped. There was a time when he did genuinely care for Ivy. Why would Caroline think otherwise?
"Well you didn't want to deal with her anymore, you wanted her gone and now she is." She fakes a laugh. "You know you should really write Tripp a thank-you note."
They continue to argue as they walk through the woods looking for the warehouse. She says he's only here because he's guilty for getting Damon's friend captured. He tells her she's right.
"Let me know when you figure out how you're going to make it up to me." She said bluntly.
He's sitting in the bar, sipping his bourbon, just being thankful that his brother is back. His eyes fall on her. She's walking ,across the road, back to her dorm. He uses his speed and catches up to her within a second.
"Hey." He whispers.
"Hey." She smiles back. "So am I your last stop on the Stefan Salvatore apology tour?"
'No stalling' he reminds himself before replying to her question. "Could we just get past this, please?"
"I'm trying to." She says.
"Look,Caroline." He says. "What do you want me to? Just stop making me guess so we can go back to being friends again."
"Yeah,well." She sighs. "That's the thing,Stefan. After all this, I don't want to be friends anymore."
Then she walks away. And once again his alone. Why is it suddenly so unappealing?
"You heard that?" He asks even though he knows it's a stupid question.
All day she's been icing him out and saying as little as possible when she talks to him. She didn't say anything when he showed up. She didn't say anything when her mom called and told her she was being held hostage. She didn't even say anything when Enzo blurted out the fact that she had a thing for Stefan. All that left him to think was 'Why me?'
"Yeah." She says rudely. "I have super hearing. I hear everything."
"Only when you'll listen." He sighs, earning him a glare from her. Before asking her "Why?"
"Why was I listening?" She asks.
"Why do you have a thing for me?" He corrects.
"I don't." She snaps.
"Okay. Why did you have a thing for me?"
"We said that we would never talk about this again... So-"
"Caroline." He whispers her name as though his life depends on it. "Please just talk to me. Tell me how, tell me why. Please just make me understand how it is that I missed this."
"What kind of a stupid question is that?" She snaps. "Why did I have a thing for you? I don't know, Stefan... Maybe it's because I thought you were worth having a thing for."
Her words hit him like a stake through the heart. But she's not done yet. "Because when I woke up as a vampire, you told me everything was going to be okay..and it was. Because when I watched Elena move on with your brother I couldn't imagine why she'd let anyone like you go, because you were practically my best friend... Because I trusted you."
"I'm sorry." He says. "I'm sorry for not seeing it. I'm sorry for not-"
"Feeling it back?" She asks.
"No." He says. "I didn't say that. I, I.. I don't know what I felt. You know, my head was all over the place. But I am incredibly sorry for the way I treated you."
"Yeah, well I know what you felt,Stefan." She whispers. "Because if even just a tiny little piece of you felt for me what I was starting to feel for you, you wouldn't have walked away. And I don't hate you for that. I don't hate you for mourning your brother, I don't hate you for being the biggest jerk on the planet while doing so, and I accept your apology."
"But you do still hate me." He states. It was supposed to be a question, but in her silence he found his answer.
"Yes." She says simply. "I hate you. Because if I don't hate you for ruining our friendship, then I have to hate myself for ruining it, and I think I deserve better than that."
Then again, he's alone. He should be used to it by now. It should be his strength. But his heart hurts and his eyes sting instead. So he goes home... Or anything that he call that.