[Theme music plays and camera zooms into a silhouette of a desk and three people. The lights turn on revealing Besu[left], Tori[middle], and Pizza/Roy Mustang[right]]
Tori: [smiles] Hello and this is News Channel infinity. Winry has the night off.
Besu: So evening traffic will be covered by our new intern–Ikuto Tsukiyomi. Ikuto?
Ikuto: There has been a wreck on I-240, so try to avoid that area. There has also been a chemical spill near Appling and Reese. The area is cut off, so you might have to find a detour. That's it for the evening traffic reports, updates later on. [Grins at camera and mouths "hi mom, and Amu"]
Pizza: [face palms] Gosh… interns…
Besu: Alright-y! Now time for actual stories!
Tori: The biggest news right now is friggin world-wide! OBAMA has won the presidential election!!! [jumps on table, skirt swishing cuz of the fans, used for dramatic reasons]
Pizza: [reaches for pen by Besu and looks at "ceiling" as he does] Hm… Victoria's Secret?... Nice choice.
Tori: [glares and blushes] Yes! What of it? It's meh store!!!
Besu: [nervous laugh] How… ironic.
Producer [off screen]: Tori! Get down!
Tori: No! [sticks her tongue out] I can do what I want!
Pizza: No, no, no. Stay up there as long as you want [raises eyebrows twice] I rather enjoy the view.
Tori: [scowls and jumps off the table onto the ground] Pervert…you said the same thing last week. Oh, it seems we have breaking news downtown! [sits and drinks water like a pro.]
Besu: Ah.. yes. Penguins have suddenly evolved and can fly! They also have started getting jobs at Starbucks… huh…
Tori: Oh so that's why Twinkie went to Starbucks with me this morning! I knew it! The next thing everyone knows they will be taking over the wooorrrrllllddddd!!! [another blast from the fans, for dramatic reasons]
Pizza: Who's Twinkie…?
Tori: Meh amazing pet penguin, who I stole from a research facility in Okinawa. I mean…I got her from the pet store! [twitches]
Besu: I… bet you did. Anyway– Now it's InuYasha with sports!
InuYasha: Keh…I still don't know how I got this job….
Tori: Because you have fans who adore you, unlike me [twitches cuz lying]
InuYasha: …Uh… right? Anyway… this paper says the Dallas Cowboys beat the Pittsburgh Steelers 36 to 16, and the Tennessee Vols lost to the Saints 67 to 4.
Besu: YEAH!! GO DIE, VOLS!!!! XD
Tori: SHWEET!!! Pay up Pizza, $200 remember? [motions with her hand to pay up]
Pizza: Damnit… I'll pay you later.
Tori: Where's my money bitch? [glares]
Pizza: Ok, moving on! We are now going on scene with Sasuke Uchiha. He is about to interview with the newest rape victim of the in-famous "Yazoo the ass master".
Tori: [turns her attention towards other screen] HIII Sasuke!!!!!!! [not a fan-girl squeal]
Sasuke: What did ya say I can't hear you!!! [shouts into microphone and everyone at the desk flies out of their seats onto the floor]
Tori: [stands up quickly and wipes invisible dust off skirt] I said hi… [Crew fixes Sasuke's hearing device in ear]
Sasuke: Oh, [clears throat] Hello Tori. [fake grin for t.v viewers]
Pizza: [sigh] Just get on with the story, please. It's almost time for a commercial…
Sasuke: Fine. [makes his way over to woman sitting in the back of an ambulance] Ok, after this break, we'll return with an interview with Miss. Kikyou…
COMMERCIAL!! :D {insert Panic! At the Disco song}
[going on inside the studio during commercial]
Tori: [stands up and tosses her shoes aside] Why do you make me wear this stuff…every guy I know makes fun of me for wearing a skirt! I've never worn a skirt in my whole damn life and I get a job here and this is what I wear! [rants as walking to doughnut table]
Miroku: Well I disagree [walks over to doughnut table]
Pizza: [sighs] Oh no…
Tori: Stick to attempting to charm Sango [stuffs powdered doughnut in mouth] I don't feel like hitting my producer only to get fired [glances at Besu] How could you have stand this pervert for as long as you have? [gulps coke down]
Besu: [sigh] I really don't know.
InuYasha: [comes back from bathroom] So what's that interview about again?
Tori: Umm… [gulps] you know the usual, rape victim 'n all…[nervous laugh]
Jakotsu: [stands up and walks over to InuYasha] Sorry to brake it to ya, honey–
Tori: [mouth drops open and stares at Jakotsu] Don't do it gay man! [jumps and tackles Jakotsu to the ground] Ooh what kind of perfume are you wearing? Is it from Victoria's Secret?
Jakotsu: Oh! Why yes it is! It's called "Lusty Love". [glances to InuYasha] And it's all for you. Babe. [winks]
InuYasha: [twitch] Help….
Tori: [gets off J.] Really? I can't believe my mom would name something so…gay… and back off he's Kagome's. Oh and no offense for the gay comment. [smiles]
Jakotsu: Oh none taken, sweetie. But I have to disagree on him being Kagome's.
Tori: You know what I'm going to stab you in the face with a spork! [grabs a fork and spoon and holds them together] why don't we have sporks?
Miroku: Alright, people! Places! Places! We're on air in 5! 4! 3! [motions 2 & 1]
[theme music plays]
Sasuke: Hi we're back with the rape victim Kikyou…
[in the studio]
Tori: Uh-oh…
Inuyasha: [spits coffee everywhere] WHAT? [glares at the three at the desk] –insert profanity of all sorts–
Tori: [thinks] good thing his mic is turned off…
[back with Sasuke and Kikyou]
Sasuke: So Kikyou, are you ok? That must've been a horrible experience… [tries to sound like he cares]
Kikyou: [in usual eerie voice] Oh, I'm fine… And it was quite the opposite… the experience was rather… enjoyable.
[In the studio]
Inuyasha: [faints]
Tori: Oh my… [gets up and kneels beside Inuyasha] Hey! Ikuto help me with him!
[Back to Sasuke and Kikyou]
Sasuke: [cough] Really? Aren't you supposed to be traumatized or something like that? [twitches]
Kikyou: Well maybe if the circumstances were different… I mean in hell you don't get any action. And believe me… Yazoo really is the ass master.
Sasuke: [takes two steps back] Ok…I'm leaving now because this is some really creepy stuff… [backs out of camera view and hops in van]
[Camera still on Kikyou, and Yazoo appears beside her. They start making out…–insert Fer Sure by Medic Droid– ]
Sasuke: Naraku! What in god's name are you doing!!! Get in the van…wait where'd he go? [sigh and hops in the front seat and takes off] I'm never doing rape victims again…
[In the studio]
Inuyasha: [wakes up and sees Kikyou and Yazoo doing…stuffers…still on air] Oh my god… [faints again]
[back on scene]
Naraku:[is crying in emo corner] Nooooooooooooooo…..my Kikyouuuuuuuuu! [cries]
Random Viewers:
Mom: [notices young child doesn't say anything and is watching the new like any other tv show] Uhm… honey, aren't you going ask what their doing?
Child: Nope. I already know what they're doing! My teacher calls it "the special game". It's real fun!
Mom: What?! Who exactly is your teacher?
Child: [points to t.v screen] Her!
Mom: [rolls up sleeves] Oh! That –insert very very very long list of profanities– I'll be back later, Sweetie. Mommy has to go… "talk" to your "teacher".
Child: Ok! [completely oblivious]
—5 minutes later—
Mom: YOU LITTLE CLAY BITCH! [strangles Kikyou with her hair]
Yazoo: [sniffs] Uhm… I'm leaving now. Ta~! [skips off completely nude and police chase after him]
[Dad walks in house and notices child watching the news]
Child: Look, Daddy! It's mommy and Ms. Clay!
Dad: [stares at screen] Son… I want you to go to your room now.
Child: Aw… but it's not Thursday yet!
Dad: I don't care! Daddy's having his t.v time early this week!
Child: Ok, Daddy! [skips upstairs]
Dad: Damn! How did she find out?! But…[sniff] this is rather hot…My wife and my mistress... [sits on couch] Yeeea. x3
[Back to studio]
Besu: [stares at camera] To… all you viewers…I'm very, very sorry you all had to see that… mentally scarring… "interview"…[is now twitching like crazy]
Pizza: And now weather with Jakotsu! [a little too cheerful ⌐.⌐ ]
Tori: [shifts her weight in her chair uncomfortable] trust me dear viewers, you don't want to sit by him…I've been scarred twice…[stands up and walks off, shaking] Ikuto! Give me a bucket, I'm going to puke!!! [Tori's voice fades]
Pizza: …Now the weather? [hurt voice]
[camera goes to Jakotsu]
Jakotsu: Oh my god! It's sooo humid! You wouldn't believe how much trouble I'm having with my hair! Sure, it's night time, but I'm going to be on air for a while then I'm heading out to the grand opening of the new gay bar! [pauses and waves hand up and down] Oppsies! I'm not supposed to let it get out I'm gay! Which I'm not, of course… [turns slightly to point at warm front]. Any-whosie… a warm front is coming through, so break out the shorts, honey! It's time to flaunt those gorgeous little potukises~!
Besu: [nodds {A/N: I spell it cool w}] M-hm-m-hm. Thank you, Jakotsu. =D
Tori: [comes back and looks at watch] Oh no!!! We're five minutes over you guys. Dear C.S.I Miami viewers should be watching the beginning, like me!!! Miroku why didn't you say anything? [runs out the door screaming "must see Eric and Kallie!"]
Besu: Well… I guess that's it for tonight's edition of News Channel Infinity! I'm Besu Kuroda and that was Tori Ao!
Pizza: And I'm –not– Roy Mustang! [cool guy salute]
{A/N: The "not" was added in by Besu}
[Camera zooms out and lights dim. And of course, Besu and Pizza pretend they are talking]
Off Air
Besu: That… was the most interesting broadcast we've had in 2 years…
Pizza: I'll say, Jelly didn't even show up! I'm usually in so much pain by now…
Besu: Huh… that's true… I wonder where she could be…
[Jelly walks in hanging off of Yazoo's shoulder]
Jelly/Riza: Sorry, I'm late. I found this man running around the city nude… so I gave him some clothes and he is quite the gentleman!
Pizza: D: Nooo!!
Jelly: [brings out bazooka and blasts Pizza into room where Tori is watching C.S.I.]
Pizza: [crushes t.v.] Owwwww!....
Tori: [growls] You stupid colonel of perverts! Eric was about to get shot!!! GRRRR!!! [picks Pizza up by the collar and spins him around her head. Tosses him back into the news room] EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [cries over Eric]
Pizza: [cry face] Why meeeee....?
Jelly: [rolls eyes] Let's go, Yazoo. I promised you a ride home.
Yazoo: [evil smirk] Yeeea.
Besu: Geh… I'm goin' home… [grabs milkshake and leaves]
Ichijo: Wait up! I'm gonna come with you! [chases after her]
Kaname: …Wait… why did I come to work if I didn't do anything?...
Miroku: 'Cause you're still getting paid.
Kaname: Oh, that's right. Well bye. I promised Yuuki I'd go see her.
Kagome: Aw! 3
Kaname: [blushes and runs away]
Kagome: [sees InuYasha and walks over to him] Are you ok now?
InuYasha: I am now [glitter glitter sparkle sparkle]
Macho Nacho/Armstrong: NO! GIVE MY SPARKLES BACK! THEY'VE BEEN IN THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY FOR GENEREATIONS!
InuYasha: I bet they were. [grabs Kagome] Let's go.
Kagome: Ok! Bye Miroku~! Bye Sango~!
Sango: [waves]
Miroku: [turns to Sango] Let's go get milkshakes too! =D
Sango: If you buy. [giggle]
Miroku: Well…
Sango: …
Miroku: Just kidding! Let's go. [holds out arm]
Sango: [takes arm and they exit]
Jakotsu: [grabs boa and goes to the door]
Naraku: Hey, sweet-cheeks! Are you ready? {A/N: He got over Kikyou fast… or did he?? Hm…-cough-cover up-cough-}
Jakotsu: You bet my little muffin bear~3
Naraku: [grins and takes his hand] Let's go make those boys jealous.
Tori: [wave at Jakotsu and Naraku] Bye you guys, say hi to Orochimaru and Kabuto for me ok? [giggle]
Naraku and Jakotsu: Sure thing hun!
Tori: [walks over to the news desk and sees Ikuto, talking on his cell]
Ikuto: Hey, Amu did you see me?
Amu: Sure did! I say we celebrate! Come to my place and I'll make you something sweet. {nothing perverted intended she's still young ya know}
Ikuto: Alright be there in ten. [hangs up phone, waves to Tori and dashes to the door]
Tori: [sighs and sits in her chair] Everyone has someone…[puts head on desk]
Sasuke: [walks in door] I'm… mentally scarred… for life… that… is the last time I'm covering a rape story. [notices no one is there {or doesn't see Tori} and walks back out side ranting]
Tori: [looks around and heard the door shut] Of course… [sadly stands up and grabs her stuff] Time to go buy a couple of drinks…the fake i.d is so amazing. [walks to door, and notices Sasuke] I wish I wouldn't see him before I went to the bar…
End :3
Besu: Didja-like-it? Didja-like-it??? This be the first edition of News Channel Infinity! I'm sorry if we offended or scarred anyone for life…
Tori: [nod nod]
Besu: Und we dun own any anime people—just our magical ideas, us, and News Channel Infinity~ [The potatos in joor kitchen too] So please review! I love you, Sam!! 3 [meh deformed potato :D]
"Hey, Tori came by. Tori came by tonight." "Victoria"-John Mayer
"Beth, what can I do?" "Beth" – Kiss
Beth: …Mine's better
Tori: whatever... they're old :]
Beth: Meh… oh well. Anyway—please review, people! [Und joo can tell us who's song ish better too =D]