Author's Note: This is for xXStandingInTheRainXx's Heartbroken Challenge, my pairing being Pansy/Draco. I may do one more chapter, from Draco's point of view. So, I hope you enjoy!
The greatest tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love.
- W. Somerset Maugham
When we were young and carefree, in a time where all that mattered was the status of our blood and the power we held, you would call me heartless. Teasing the Muggle-borns, gossiping about the Gryffindors, shamelessly flirting with the naïve boys in our house – you would call me heartless each time and laugh, laugh like it was the greatest joke ever told. But I know I have a heart, because I can feel it breaking. I can feel it breaking right now, and you're the only one to blame.
You said you would never hurt me, do you remember that? The night of the Yule Ball, after all the dancing and all those kisses shared, you said you would never make me cry. I believed you, so desperately, even when you did not speak to me the next day. I figured you were in one of your moods, brought on by the arrival of another letter from your father, but what I didn't know was that you were too busy snogging Daphne Greengrass to think of me. I found out that evening about your infidelities, you know, but I never told. I just put hair dye in Daphne's shampoo bottle, dressed in my comfiest pajamas, and cried myself to sleep. Well, there's one thing I can admit, I suppose. You tell a perfect lie.
I used to smile when I told people you were mine, as I wrapped my arms around your waist and held you close. But now, I can't even smile and say your name at the same time. It hurts too much, because I know that I will never again be able to claim you as my own. All those times I wrote our names in my notebook with a heart in between, when I was sure we would be together forever, are gone. The pain I feel over these small things is real, even if nobody knows it. I pretend I'm glad you went away; I scoff at your name and talk of what a horrible lover you were. I would never admit that these walls around my heart are closing more and more everyday, and I'm dying inside, dying for your touch. Nobody knows it but me. Like a clown, I put on a show. Like a star, I hide behind all my shine and glamour, while inside I'm wilting, my light becoming duller every passing minute.
You always said that you knew me too well, that you could practically read my mind. I believed you, because I wanted it to be true, wanted our love to really be that strong. But do you know, even with the miles and miles between us, that all I ever want to do anymore is sleep, because it doesn't hurt quite as much when I can't think of you? I keep all of your old things in a box, tucked soundly underneath my bed, where my closest friends will never find it. I bet you didn't know that, either. Do you still think that you can read my mind, feel everything I feel, with just a simple glance?
Do you know that sometimes when it's raining, I go outside and take a walk, because it's the only time I can cry without anyone knowing? I remember all the times you kissed me in the rain, simply because we were arguing and we were wet and we needed something to make it all better. I savored those moments, the taste of your lips, and the words of sorrow and love that you whispered in my ear. I believed you cared for me, and that's why I let you make love to me in the rain, even though I wasn't ready. You were moody after that, distant, and I could never figure out why. I accepted it, though, because I was far too invested in our relationship to question your behavior, for I could not loose you. I would be nothing without you. I am nothing without you. I have someone new, yes, and he worships the ground I walk on. But when he smiles and says I love you, his eyes wide and hopeful, my heart completely breaks, because he's not the one I want saying it. So, you see, you have ruined me.
I cried when I got that invitation, you know. Your owl sat there, staring at me with its beady eyes, as I curled into a ball and sobbed. I had dreamed, night after night, of being Mrs. Malfoy, but someone else was now filling that position – a Greengrass girl, no less. But I'm going to smile, when I arrive at the church in my most expensive gown, and make you think I'm happy. When you walk down the aisle, when you kiss the bride, when the toasts are being made, I'm going to laugh so you don't see me cry. I'm going to let you go in style, as you race into the limo hand in hand with her, and even if it kills me, I'm still going to smile.
Because I may be heartbroken, but I still have my pride, and I'm going to keep on letting you think of me as the heartless girl you used to love.