To Yamikinoko, a long overdue GaiTen. Except it's not. I'm sorry.
Sans Rival
Tenten paused at the invalid's room, and tried to sense if the patient inside was asleep or not. Maybe she should just come back later.
"Come in, whoever it is," Kakashi quavered from the other side of the door. Rumor was he had collapsed from exhaustion while trying to learn the secret of the mangekyou sharingan.
His ordeal during his previous encounter with Uchiha Itachi, who had used the mangekyou to subject the Copy Nin to the mental equivalent of seventy-two excruciating hours of torture in a matter of seconds in an inescapable doujutsu, was a well-known horror story in Leaf Village. Anyone who suffered something like that would have more than adequate motivation to exert all their efforts to ensure the experience was never repeated, and with the only remaining sharingan eye in the Village of the Leaf, Kakashi was in the best position to find out how to finally counter the legendary technique prized by the Uchiha clan. Still, he did tend to push himself much too hard during training and the Hokage had practically ordered him not to leave his bed until he was fully-recovered.
Tenten sympathized, of course. It was all very tragic, how the reputed Uchiha prodigy Itachi had subjected his own fellow shinobi to such a horrific suffering, but she couldn't help but feel there were so many other things she could be doing than playing nursemaid to an invalid. Wasn't that Haruno Sakura apprenticing under the Hokage and learning how to be a medic? And wasn't Sakura also a former student of Kakashi? Couldn't there be anyone else delivering Gai's urgent message of youth and springtime to this layabout ninja who collapsed nearly as often from over-training himself as Lee?
Tenten sighed. She had a feeling Gai had a specific reason for choosing her over Lee or Neji to visit Hatake Kakashi after his use of the Sharingan yet again had left him so energy-depleted that he couldn't even walk.
Her sensei could have picked any of them, but Tenten was known to be very vocal about her contempt for weakness. She sensed there was some lesson included in forcing her to visit his eternal rival in his weakened state.
She harrumphed. Of course she never considered Kakashi as weak. He was the Legendary Copy Nin of Konoha. Tenten respected and admired Team 7's sensei and was in awe of his power.
"Oh, Tenten. How nice of you to visit," Kakashi's cheerful eye crinkle made her own forced smile relax somewhat and she set the basket of fruits she'd brought on the bedside table. "How are you, Kakashi-sensei?"
"I have an awful headache. And I feel so tired," the words and the pathetic manner in which they were spoken grated on her nerves and she just wanted to - No. Kakashi was a great ninja. She admired and respected him as a formidable—
"Ten-chan, would you fluff my pillow for me?" Tenten stared blankly at him, before moving slowly toward the bed. She had to place a hand under his head and lift it while the other punched the pillow into submission.
"Much better. Thanks," his eye crinkled beatifically up at her, "Is Gai out on a mission?"
"Yes." Tenten had protested at first, but then Gai had started to weep and Tenten immediately capitulated rather than be subjected to the sight of manly tears. She remembered her reason for visiting. "I'm his stand-in for your regular challenge while he's gone."
Gai made it sound like he was charging her to engage in an all out battle to the death with Kakashi, when they both knew he was in no condition to even stand. Hell, maybe she should challenge him to a fight now. She would win!
"So what's the challenge this time?" Kakashi sighed, closing his visible eye.
"Janken," she sighed back. "It'll only take a moment, Kakashi-sensei. Anyone who loses gets called a monkey. Ready?"
It was strange, really, how the rules of the game decreed that the victor of rock-paper-scissors retained homo sapien status while the loser was relegated to a lower standard primate. Tenten had nothing against monkeys, personally. They had actually helped during a mission with Neji and Kakashi once, if she recalled correctly. Anyway -
"Janken poi!" Tenten formed scissors. The legendary Copy Ninja of Konoha met this challenge with a unique and unintelligible counter.
"Kakashi-sensei," her voice was sharp, "WHAT is that?"
His hand was raised listlessly in a half-raised fist, some fingers slightly raised, some curled towards his palm. It didn't look like any rock or paper she had ever seen.
"I don't know," he said vaguely. "Lizard?" His hand dropped back on top of the blanket and he groaned. "I feel too weak for this challenge, Ten-chan. You'll have to come back tomorrow so we can have a proper match."
"No!" Tenten said, angry now. "This is what you get when you push yourself too hard, Kakashi-sensei. Now you have to bear the consequences, suck it up, and play a proper game of rock-paper-scissors with me!" Honestly, he was always pushing himself too far. This was like meeting the genius of Neji and the bull-headedness of Lee combined! She wanted to shake him!
Her hands had half-raised to complete the deed when he opened one eye and gave her a mild, plaintive look that seemed to say 'Go ahead. Be a bully. Be that kind of ninja. Gai would be so proud.'
"Argh! Do you want an apple? If you eat, maybe you'll feel stronger." Her scowl dared him to refuse. She'd heard about the magical properties of apples on patients. In every show she watched, people were always peeling apples in a considerate, caring way for a sick person, not realizing that throwing the fruit at the medical staff with 100% accuracy would be far more effective in keeping the doctor away. And you only had to do it once, not everyday. Well, it depended on the doctor. If it was Tsunade, then she would probably throw the apple back at you, and that would be the end of your life story.
"Yes?" Kakashi said in a small voice. Tenten whipped out her knife, went over to the sink, ran some water over the fruit and with a spin of her hand, had the apple peeled, cored and sliced into even pieces on a plate in no seconds flat.
"Here." She placed the plate beside him on the bed, then faced the other end of the room. She'd heard about his freakish obsession with hiding his face from Sakura and Naruto. Ever since she'd met him, he always had it on. She would respect that.
"Feed me?"
She looked at him, surprised. He must really not be feeling well. Irritation warred with sudden pity at his helplessness.
"Fine." She moved the plate away for a moment so she could sit by him, "Can you sit up? I don't want you to choke." She helped him into a sitting position and arrayed his pillows to support him. "Okay if I take down your mask?"
"How else will I eat?"
She pulled down the piece of cloth and took a good, long look at Hatake Kakashi's uncovered face.
"What?" he asked.
"Hm. You don't look like a monkey," Tenten said in a non-committal manner. She grinned at him and was fascinated at how his lips curved to smile tiredly back. She was right, Gai was completely beaten by his eternal rival in terms of looks.
"That's because I haven't lost the challenge yet."
"Right," she conceded as if it were logical. "Open up." She took a piece of apple and paused midway, "You don't need me to chew it first, right?"
He made a face at her, as she had planned, and she laughed, popping in the slice. She intended to see as many expressions as she could before the mask went back up.
"Good boy," she praised when he was finished with the apple.
"Impertinent," he shook his head, "Mocking me in my moment of weakness."
"I can do pretty much anything I want to you in this state," she said with a superior air, reveling in her power and unaware of her innuendo, "Except," she glared, "play a decent game of janken, which is all I ever came here to do."
Kakashi grimaced, as if with extraordinary effort, and raised his hand a fraction of an inch off the bed. He collapsed back on the pillows, theatrically. "So exhausting. Can't do it today, Tenten-chan. Tomorrow, I'll be in better shape."
"You just like having someone visit," she berated him, trying not to laugh.
"It helps when it's a cute girl. Oh, friends like Gai are okay, but it's not the same."
Tenten was not sure how to respond to that. She was a little cute, but not very, in her opinion. She was more of an 'inner quality' sort, which is why she happened to like sealing things away as part of her main skill set. "I'll tell Ino and Sakura then-"
Kakashi's hand, which could barely move a second ago, was suddenly on top of hers, lightly gripping her gloved hand.
"Learn to take a compliment," he ordered. He was amused that she looked completely blank.
"I see Sakura often enough. And Ino might actually try to take advantage of me," he said by way of explanation.
"Oh," Tenten was abashed. For a second there she thought Kakashi had been engaging in what she'd heard was called 'harmless flirting'. That would have been difficult, because she did not know what rules applied in this case. On kunoichi missions, she could bat her eyelashes and titter coyly with the best of them, but with males she personally knew under non-mission circumstances, it was a different thing. If Kakashi had indeed been attempting this so-called flirting, she knew she would either have to kiss him or hit him, which was probably not within the bounds of such a social practice.
She gave him a smile, deciding she would probably kiss him if it came to it, and hit him after, if necessary. He could take it- he was the Copy Nin. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then. Conserve your strength for now."
He was still holding her hand. "Thanks Tenten."
"Is there… Anything else I can do for you?" she inquired. Again oblivious to the innuendo in her query. Her thoughts were going along the line of - If he's going to ask for assistance with the toilet, I'm out of here.
"Hm. Tell me a story?"
She gave him a look Neji had patented for when the two green beasts of Konoha were being especially insufferable. Kakashi gave her a puppy dog eye, made twice as pitiable because he looked like a hangdog with an eyepatch.
"Once upon a time there was a very, very lazy Copy Nin," Tenten's voice was flat. "He was so lazy that when he listened to the beginning of a story he immediately fell asleep. The end."
"Tenten." Kakashi blinked slowly. "That kind of sucked."
"I know. The main character was completely unlikable and lacked any redeeming qualities." Tenten agreed. "Look, Kakashi, I'm not good with self-pitying fools. Story-telling is out."
She raised her free hand to stop him from speaking when he glanced at a book entitled Make Out Tactics on his bedside table. "Reading your pervy book to you is also not an option. I could punch your lights out. Or sedate you with some drugged senbon I happen to have on me. What would you prefer?"
"Just stay with me till I fall asleep?" he begged. Or suggested. No, he had definitely begged.
Tenten was about to refuse point blank, but as she was a thoughtful kunoichi who could often see beneath what lay underneath better than others, she paused to reflect for a moment.
Kakashi had certainly led a hard and lonely life. His team mates, both past and present, were gone and scattered to the four winds, respectively, and all he had to look forward to was a violent death in battle once the Akatsuki's plans were revealed. As far as she could tell, his only recreational activity was reading porn. Lastly, without fail, at regular intervals, even during times of recuperation after a taxing endeavor, Gai would harass him with these ridiculous challenges. It was this final thought that ultimately moved her heart to true compassion.
"Okay," she sighed. Affecting an expression of a person much put upon, she shed her sandals and pulled her feet up on the bed. "Scooch. I will be comfortable while this is happening." She had to sidle in close to him for them to fit, "Now go to sleep."
She leaned back on the headboard and allowed him clasp her hand onto his chest like a security blanket as he gave an eye crease that was both drowsy and cheerful at the same time.
"Goodnight Tenten."
"'Night, Kakashi." Using her free hand, she idly flipped open the book beside her and perused the various anatomical descriptions of the female form written by Jiraiya with interest until she felt Kakashi breathing deeply and evenly, with the occasional slight snore.
It was a simple matter after disengaging her hand from his to reach up behind her and attach to the wall with chakra, then to pull her entire body agilely upwards and stick to the wall, creating as little displacement on the mattress as possible. Landing soundlessly on the floor, she snatched up her sandals and tiptoed outside.
Kakashi chuckled to himself after he sensed her leave. She was a very stealthy ninja, despite being on a team made up in part by two very loud, very enthusiastic Green Beasts and one eye-catching Hyuuga.
For all her stealth, though, he'd always noticed Tenten, every time Gai brought the entire team round to watch the inevitable challenge between them. The Hyuuga boy stuck close to her as if she were the only remaining bastion of sanity he had among his other team mates. Even Kakashi, whose coolness provided him with a natural immunity to Gai, sometimes felt the urge to place her between himself and Gai as a buffer when the man became over-excited. These days it was a little more difficult to ignore his eternal rival, now that Lee would often participate in the noise-making.
Meanwhile, Tenten had only to get a certain look in her eye that would immediately warn her own sensei to just shut up and challenge Mr. Monkey-See-Monkey-Do already, they all had other places to be. And Gai, strangely enough, would capitulate and speed up the entire process without being obvious that it was all due to a certain kunoichi.
Kakashi wondered if the term 'whipped' was literal in Gai's case, because he wouldn't put it past Tenten to have an actual whip in her arsenal. Kinky.
Yes, she was a potential ally whose aid would be very beneficial to Kakashi in curbing the excesses of the original Green Beast of Konoha. It also didn't hurt that she was rather cute. Smiling to himself, Kakashi plotted the next step in his enlisting Tenten's invaluable assistance.
Maybe tomorrow he would ask for a goodnight kiss.
.
.
"And how did today's youthful challenge to my eternal rival go?"
"Like yesterday and the day before, Gai-sensei. Kakashi says his sharingan has malfunctioned and backfired somehow, wiping out certain portions of his memory, among them the knowledge of the rules of janken."
Tenten said this with the same straight face that Kakashi had delivered his own explanation.
Gai bent to place himself at eye level with the kunoichi. "Really, my youthful blossom?" he asked sternly.
Tenten was unconcerned. His eyes hadn't gone Hyuuga-white yet, so he wasn't quite serious about the matter.
"That is what he told me exactly, sensei," she maintained. "I challenged him to other activities, arm-wrestling, taijutsu sparring, and bobbing for apples, but all he said was that he needed more time to recuperate."
The green beast of Konoha stroked his hairless chin thoughtfully, "I dislike winning by default. I believed that by sending you, Tenten, he would be unable to resist your charms and agree to a serious challenge instead of pretending in all his hipness to not have heard my exultant speech, but it appears that he has evaded even your attempts to engage him."
Tenten raised an eyebrow, "I don't know about the charm part, sensei. But we are most definitely not engaged." She waited patiently for Gai to dismiss her, but the man continued to frown at her as he thought. It looked like it hurt, thinking.
"Sensei?"
"My blossom. Who do you favor more, me or Kakashi?"
When Gai sparred with any of them, it was critical to avoid even one hit from him, because that would be the end of the sparring session, despite the fact that he was already holding back majority of his power. At the moment, Tenten felt as if Gai had skipped sparring entirely and treated her to the full force of his Afternoon Tiger attack. "What?"
"Who do you favor more, me or—"
"I heard you," Tenten reached out and steadied herself on the nearest possible point of stability, which happened to be her sensei's forearm. "Gai-sensei. What do you mean?"
"I may not be as cool or hip as my eternal rival, but I know and have passed on to all of you the value of hard work, have I not?" Gai did not wait for Tenten's agreement, "Of course, modesty aside, it is likewise unarguable that my handsome features far surpass those of Kakashi's. Yet I have always felt from you a certain ambivalence when it comes to supporting my efforts to prevail in the competition against the legendary Copy Nin of Konoha, unlike Lee who has always cheered me on. Neji is in his own rivalry with Lee, thus I can understand his unwillingness to throw his support behind the one who Lee so emulates, although I continue to be his sensei and team mate in every sense of the word. You, my youthful blossom, have observed all these years the numerous interactions between my eternal rival Kakashi and I. As men, who do you really prefer between us? Or," he thought at this point to provide her with an equally rational option, "Do you believe us to be equal in satisfying all your criteria of robust and magnificent ninja?"
Tenten often tuned out by the third or fourth sentence of Gai's speeches, but now she had understood nothing from the moment Gai opened his mouth. Mind reeling, she let go of Gai's arm as if he had just shocked her with a lightning jutsu and blurted out the first thing that came to her.
"I need to think!" She turned tail and ran off.
Gai stood, wide eyes blinking under large bushy brows.
"Way to go, Gai. Now she thinks you're a sensei with a thing for his female student, and I'm a sensei with a thing for your female student." Kakashi drawled, dropping down from an overhanging tree branch where he'd been reading. "Either that, or you're open for a threesome."
Gai stood, one arm akimbo and his hip protruding in that disturbing way he had. "Why would she think anything of that sort?"
Kakashi sighed, patting his friend's shoulder sympathetically, "Verbosity often lends itself to unintended double entendre." He watched Gai rub the forearm Tenten had held in confusion. "She has a soothing touch though, doesn't she?"
Gai's figure flamed blue, and his eyes went Hyuuga white. "What is that supposed to mean, Kakashi?!"
For a ninja who was unaware of his own double entendres, he attributed far too much sexual innuendo to Kakashi's comments. In Gai's reasoning, these things had to be assumed because Kakashi read so much porn.
"Gai—"
The Green Beast attacked, to protect the honor of his student, whose blossoming youth deserved the purest regard from only the most deserving of men.
.
.
In the safety of the Hyuuga compound, Tenten rocked herself to calmness, repeating over and over in her head that she must have misunderstood her sensei.
Neji could not make head or tail of what she was muttering, but stood by her in a supportive kind of way till they felt a quake in the ground that somehow seemed very familiar. It felt almost like Gai unleashing a high-level taijutsu attack in a serious battle. Then the sky darkened, and thunder boomed ominously overhead, heralding the coming of a lightning storm.
"Tenten!" a shout from the outside brought many curious clan members.
"Come quick! Gai-sensei and Kakashi-sensei are fighting over you!" Lee cried.
Tenten thumped her head on the ground.
The End.
A/N: I think it's a Kakaten. But hey, Gai needs love too.