So I wanted to create a serious story about Sousuke's mental health. After all he is a great character with an interesting past. My experience with psychology is not that great, my major is social communication, so if I make a mistake please don't hate me. I take any recommendations.
I wanted to make a short story but the whole thing evolved so I may have to do a few more chapters. Hope you like it
Sousuke was sitting on a couch at the doctor's office that Kaname had recommended a few weeks ago and forced him to go after his last outburst at the school festival, where he had made a souvenir stand blow up after he found a "suspicious" box.
He was used to getting psychological evaluations by Mithril's psychiatrists and military psychologists, but most of them only had time for a small conversation and didn't recommend any treatment. This was actually the first time he was getting evaluated by a professional and he was rather nervous, he didn't know what to expect.
The cold weather wasn't helping either. In his mind he knew that a rainy day was the perfect setting to attack without being noticed, as the streets will be free from people passing by. He had attacked others in such scenarios before.
Also the fact that Kaname forced him to leave all his weapons behind wasn't that great of an idea and it made him even more nervous. Not having his gun in his back make him fell anxious. "What if there is an attack?", he thought to himself.
"Sousuke Sagara?, the doctor will see you now", said the receptionist in a friendly voice as she hang up the phone she had been using for the last 10 minutes.
"It's going to be okay", he thought to himself but he realized that it was no use. Sweat was falling down his spine and staining his black t-shit. Kaname noticed his reaction and hold his hand in a reassuring way. It was wet and cold as ice. This could only mean one thing...
He was extremely nervous and it could only mean problems.
"It's going to be fine Sousuke. Doctor Allen was recommended by my father. He is an expert on treating soldiers", said Kaname with a reassuring smile. Her tone of voice calmed Sousuke a little, but only a little.
Although he had made some research about the doctor and found nothing on him, he believed that this whole scenario could be a trap set by the enemy, and with no guns or ammo, he felt even more vulnerable. He started to think of scape routes and possible weapons to defend himself..
As he was thinking all those crazy scenarios and all the possible outcomes, he heard a friendly voice that took him of guard.
"Sousuke, welcome", said the fourty year old doctor with a reassuring smile. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans, a blue shirt and tennis shoes, not at all what he had imagined in his head. He was expecting a large threatening man with scars, almost like a Rambo copycat.
"Maybe he is just an amateur assassin or maybe an expert assassin trying to persuade us with his friendly look", whispered Sousuke into Kaname's ear. She simply decided to ignore his commentary and dragged the young soldier to the doctor's side.
Sousuke tried analyzing everything about him to the very inch, trying to look at any sign of danger, but as hard as he tried, he found nothing suspicious. "Maybe he is a friendly", he thought, but it could be a mistake.
"Please come in", said the doctor after noticing that Sousuke didn't move for a few seconds.
Slowly he entered the room and immediately noticed the white walls covered in photographs of Dr. Allen smiling with other soldiers at the battle field as well as children in UN relief tents. He noticed pictures of the families from the same soldiers and awards in psychology in the wooden shelves.
"Those are my patients", said Dr. Allen after noticing Sousuke staring at the frames. "My name is Edward Allen and I'm a psychiatrist", he said shacking Sousuke and Kaname's hands. "Please make yourself comfortable."
The couple sat on the couch across his brown vintage chair. Kaname kept holding on to Sousuke's hand, trying to make him pay attention to the doctor's words, but it was useless. He was analyzing every inch of the room looking for hidden microphones or cameras.
"So tell me Sousuke", said doctor Allen while sitting comfortably in his chair, "Why are you here?"
Sousuke was still lost in his thoughts so, after a few seconds, Kaname answered "We are here because this war freak can't seem to understand that normal boxes are just that, normal boxes."
Allen looked at Sousuke. His eyes were staring at the window as if he was searching for an imminent threat, "Will you like me to close the drapes?", he said to the young soldier.
The boy nodded.
The doctor stood up from his chair, closed the drapes and dim the light. This made Sousuke relax a little bit more as he knew that by closing the drapes, the possibility of an attack from snipers was more difficult. He thought that maybe the doctor understood his concern about a possible strike and that idea made him feel more comfortable. "Maybe he really is a friendly", he said to himself.
"You are rather young Sousuke. How old are you?", asked the doctor while picking up a note book from the coffee table in front of him. After a few seconds in silence, Kaname answered again, "He is nineteen"
Dr. Allen took a deep breath and looked towards the young soldier, he seemed more relaxed after closing the curtains but refused to talk to him; so he said "I will like Sousuke to answer that" and looked straight into the boy's eyes.
Sousuke didn't wanted to give much information about himself; if he indeed was an enemy it could be risky. So he harshly answered, "Nineteen."
"That's a nice age. Full of unknown experiences that sometimes can be intimidating. I remember when I was that age, always worrying about things", said the doctor. Sousuke simply looked away without paying attention to his words.
"You like those photos?", asked doctor Allen, as he saw Sousuke staring at the framed photographs on the walls.
"Those are in Kazakhstan", said Sousuke looking at the pictures. He could recognize the mountain ranges and the distintive color of the sand in the photos.
"You are right", said the doctor as he lift up from his chair and picked one. He gave Sousuke a silver frame with a picture of two soldiers smiling in front of an Arbalest. "Those are from the fifth regiment of the UN. Great guys", he said as he sat back on his chair.
"UN soldiers a very good trained soldiers. I practiced with them in Angola", said Sousuke while looking at the photo. He remembered dearly his time with the UN, it had been a great experience for him when he was specializing on arm slave technology.
"And how long have you been a soldier?", asked the doctor, breaking Sousuke's train of thought.
"All my life", answered Sousuke while putting the frame down on a small coffee table in front of him. Doctor Allen took a few notes on his notebook, but soon he realized that writing on it had made Sousuke nervous, so he stopped.
"So tell me Sousuke. Why are you here?", he asked putting the notebook down on the coffee table. Sousuke looked at Kaname as if he was expecting her approval before speaking and answered, "People think I have a hard time getting used to civilian life".
"And why do you think that?", asked the doctor, analyzing the interaction between the two teenagers in front of him and expecting a concrete answer from the young boy.
Sousuke thought for a few moments what his answer will be and said, "I think that I do have a problem with adapting. I haven't really experienced civilian life before."
This caught Dr. Allen's interest immediately, suddenly he realized the aspect of Sousuke's hands.
They were rough and covered in scars, as someone who had done heavy work for a very long time. "Why do you have a problem with that?", he asked the young pilot without taking his eyes from the burn marks in the boy's fingers.
"I guess is because it's different from what I'm used to", answered Sousuke not realizing the attention that Dr. Allen was aiming towards him.
"Why is that?", asked the doctor as he realized the cross shaped scar in the young boy's cheek.
He was recognizing in Sousuke the same traits other soldiers, twice the boy's age, had.
"I think people are to carefree and sometimes they don't realize the danger they are in," said Sousuke. Soon he realized the doctor's focus on him. This made him a little self-conscious.
As he realized the boy's attention was back on him, the doctor took his notebook back from the coffee table and write a few notes, "It's normal to feel that way Sousuke. You have been in a stressful environment and changing to a peaceful one can be a challenge. I have seen this happen to other soldiers so you are not the only one feeling that way", he said with a calm voice.
Somehow hearing those words made Sousuke feel more comfortable.
In that small talk, the doctor had realized one of his main problems, civilian life, and how challenging it could be for him. But what interest him the most was that other people had the same issues as he did, so maybe, maybe, he wasn't a freak after all.
"Tell me Sousuke. Do you have moments were you feel in danger at school or in public places?", asked the doctor trying to observe the boy's reactions.
"I do. But I guess is normal to be cautious", answered Sousuke.
"It is normal to be cautious", said the doctor, "But what drives you to feel alert all the time?"
"I feel that there could be danger", said Sousuke.
Suddenly, he remember the thousands of times he had seen danger in normal situations, like the time he had made a love letter blow up at school or when he pushed a teacher down the stairs after looking at a suspicious student.
Was there something wrong with him that made him see danger everywhere?
"You feel like someone might hurt you or the people you care about?", asked Allen trying to take back the boy's attention. Sousuke stood quiet for a minute. That's was exactly how he felt all the time, that someone might hurt the one's he loved or hurt him.
It was specially severe every time he was with Kaname.
He had seen people walking on the streets and suddenly been attacked by soldiers before and he had seen schools get bombed by airplanes many times. So in his mind it was difficult for him to understand why his classmates where not careful as he was.
But then again, was it necessary to be that cautious?
"I guess I do fell that way", said Sousuke with a worried look. Kaname saw his expression, but couldn't quite figure out what he was thinking.
Dr. Allen took more notes."I want to more about you Sousuke. This place is a safe place for you and I want you to feel comfortable here, so you can check the office as many times as you wish. In this four walls we are only going to talk about things that you want to share, nothing more", he said.
"Just talk?", asked Sousuke with a doubtful expression. He remember Mithril's specialist and they never had time for a longer talk or any talk at all. In his mind, he thought, "how could he figure out what was going on just by talking?" Normally, the psychiatrist while prescribe him some medication and that will be it.
"Yes, just talk... For now", said Allen, "I have a group session with some patients tomorrow. Why don't you come. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but you can hear what the others share and you can get an idea of my work area. Would you like to come?"
"Yes", said Sousuke without realizing how fast he had answered.
"Somehow the idea of seeing other soldiers was nice", he thought.
Sousuke started to like Dr. Allen and so did Kaname, even though she hadn't asked her anything about her soldier.
After the session and a long night of thinking, he decided to go to the meeting the next day. Of course he checked the building hours before to see if there wasn't a trap or a possible enemy attack.
He thought that he should have waited and evaluated the environment a lot more, but when he suggested the idea to Kaname to take military gear to the session, she had screamed at him.
The meeting was arranged at the Common Center. Sousuke was surprised that a soldier's meeting could take place in such a normal place.
Dr. Allen was waiting at the door of the two story building and a soon as he saw Sousuke, he greeted him, "Hey Sosuke! Nice to see you. Please come in", he said,
The boy was a little nervous to go inside, but Dr. Allen showed Sousuke the way in with a reassuring smile.
"What if there were no scape routes or mines located in the building", he thought and started to sweat again.
"Sousuke it's OK. I already checked the building", said Allen and this calmed him down a little as the walked down the hall towards a small conference room.
Inside were other men sitting in a circle. Some of them had prosthetic limbs and some where on wheelchairs. But it was different from what he was used to see in a military base. They were all talking in a friendly manner and laughing even though the authority, Dr. Allen, had just walked in.
The injured soldiers, wasn't something that Sousuke had never seen. After all, he had experienced a lot of hardships during the war and saw many soldiers loose limbs during battles. Normal people could feel a little out place, but he knew that he fit right there, between those "comrades".
One of the patients shook Sousuke's hand. "Hi, I'm Mike", he said. He was a young blond boy, about thirty, with a protestic leg. He was wearing a Red Hot Chilli Peppers T-Shirt and had a warm smile.
"Hi, I'm Sargeant Sousuke Sagara", answered the boy and took a sit in the chair next to him. Mike gave him a incredulous look because how young the boy looked, but decided not pay attention to it.
"Maybe he is lying", thought Mike.
Doctor Allen sat in one of the chairs too and took his notes out. "Welcome everyone. I want to introduce you to Sousuke Sagara, he is here to observe and learn a little about ourselves. He is also a soldier who just came home from a tour", he said and the soldiers gave Sousuke a surprised look.
Sousuke felt a little self-conscious about the other patients stares but they seemed nice. They introduced themselves and welcomed him to the group.
"So, let's start by asking how was your week? Anyone want to share something?", said Dr. Allen, interrupting the soldier's conversations and bringing back the attention to the group therapy.
Mike raised his hand and said, "Well I started having nightmares again, I guess it started after I crashed my car the other day"
"Why did you crash you car?", asked the doctor and the others turned their attention towards the blond veteran.
"I thought someone was following me", he said with his arms crossed as if he felt embarrassed about the situation. "I know there wasn't any danger, but I couldn't take that thought of my mind," he added.
Another man, apparently his friend, raised his hand and said, "I know what you mean. The other day I stood on the driveway for 20 minutes before getting in my house, I thought someone was inside".
"But there could have been someone inside", said Sousuke interrupting the man.
They all took a look at him as if he had just said the most outrageous thing in the world and again Sousuke felt a little awkward about the unwanted attention.
"It's OK Sousuke. You can talk", said the doctor with a smile.
After grabbing a little courage, Sousuke said, "Well.. it's normal to check your surroundings before entering a building or check if someone is following you."
"It's normal in a war environment to do that and it's actually recommended", said doctor Allen as he wrote more things in his notebook. "But in a regular environment it's difficult to feel like we are not safe. You have to remember that you all have been exposed to strong levels of stress so it's difficult for the brain to forget that trauma", he said talking to the rest of the group, who nodded in agreement to his words.
"That's why your stress manifest with those behaviors in normal situations. In those cases we need to remember our breathing exercises to avoid the anguish we might feel. Sometimes taking a few minutes to relax is a good thing to do", said doctor Allen as he handed fliers to the group.
Sousuke thought it was interesting that he was not the only soldier with those issues and it made him feel better about himself. Some of those stories resonated with Sousuke and he could identify with them, truly understand what they were feeling.
Maybe he wasn't as bad as he thought he was.
After the rest of the group shared their experiences, doctor Allen explained to everyone the breathing exercises to avoid panic attacks and later, after the session was over, they all shared a couple of beers in the closest bar.
Sousuke had never felt so understood in his life and he ran back home to share his experiences to Kaname, who gladly welcomed him with a hug.
He told her about her day with excitement, as she had never seen him before. She was glad that he had finally found what he truly needed.
Sousuke started to go a few more times to the sessions on the next couple of months. It was a nice to hear those stories and laugh about himself over the crazy situations he had caused at school every week.
His friends at the group therapy sessions loved to hear his crazy anecdotes and how he drove Kaname insane with his ideas, so they decide to invite him more often to spend time with them. Soon, he had made a really cool group of friends that truly understood him.
He also went to Dr. Allen's office and normally they will talk about sports, the weather or about the group sessions and the way he felt about sharing his anecdotes.
Now he was more confident that Dr. Allen wasn't a terrorist.
He also put in practice his breathing exercises a few times and it did help him avoid crazy scenarios that he imagined in his head, but he could still feel nervous in crowded places such as malls, which trigger his need to hold a gun at all times. Somehow those places made him feel as if the was on a trench. He felt more comfortable spending time at home with Kaname than going out.
After some time, in one of the sessions, Dr. Allen asked Kaname to come with Sousuke to the office to talk.
Both where worried about what he will say to both of them, but he assured them that it wasn't anything serious.
"So I want to try something that might help you with your nightmares", said Dr. Allen as he checked his notes on his agenda. "I want to prescribe you Xanax to take at night. It's a medication that can help you with your emotional distress and help you sleep. My diagnosis is that you suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD."
"PTSD?", asked Kaname surprised about his words. She didn't knew the true meaning of the word but she had heard it before on the news related to violent attack victims.
"PTSD is the reason why Sousuke has been experiencing disturbing thoughts, feelings, and dreams related to the events in his life. It also explains the physical distress you have been feeling all the time and your constant sweat", he said to Sousuke.
He looked at the doctor with full attention and hold Kaname's hand tighter.
"Your increased desire to fight and your flight response due to stressful situations are also related to it and your urge to sleep on the floor is part of your syndrome," said Dr. Allen.
Sousuke could relate to everything that the doctor was saying, all he felt. The nightmares and feelings he had, they were caused by the events in his life?
"It was nice to finally put a name to it", he said with a worried look.
"This medication will not affect your daily routine or being alert so don't you worry about it Sousuke. It won't affect your sex life either", said Allen.
Suudenly, Kaname turned red as a tomate, "What?!", she screamed, "Oh no, we haven't really… You know do that"
"I thought you were living together?", asked the doctor a bit confused. He knew that Sousuke was sharing an apartment with Kaname and that they loved each other, so he found it strange.
"We are! But we haven't really tried to do that", said Kaname as she hided her head between her shoulders.
"Alright then. It wont affect what you don't yet have I guess", said the doctor and wrote something in his notes.
"I want to recommend you Kaname to be patient with Sousuke. Try to understand his situation", said the doctor and handed Kaname a book about PTSD. He gave another copy to Sousuke, "Read it please. Is going to help you understand your situation".
Kaname took the book in her hands. It was actually the first time she came to think about Sousuke's point of view and how hard it must have been for him to deal with everyday situations with the things he had been to in his life. She felt a strong pain in her heart and tears started to fill her eyes.
She remembered those moments when she screamed at him and hit him with a fan when he made a mistake, without realizing that it was possibly caused out of stress or fear.
She had caused him more grief by reacting like she did.
"Kaname, why are you crying?, asked Sousuke as he cleaned her tears from her cheek.
"Did I ever caused you pain by screaming at you? I'm so sorry Sousuke", said Kaname, but she couldn't stop crying.
"Not at all. You have only given me happy moments and I couldn't been more grateful for that. Please don't cry", said Sousuke while cleaning away her tears. He had an honest look in his eyes.
"He is right! He always speak great things about you Mrs. Chidori. This concerns you both so you need to work together. Ok?", said doctor Allen while putting his hands on Sousuke and Kaname.
"Really?", asked Kaname cleaning the tears from her eyes.
"Yes, I'll be fine. I promise," said Sousuke with a reassuring smile.
Kaname gave him a small smile. After all, everything that Sousuke promised did came true.
Sousuke always knew that there was something wrong with him, but somehow, after talking with Dr. Allen, he felt that he could be OK.