Moon
Comedy
It began like any other story, a couple vacationing in a remote area, they die and the case is soon found to be a mythical Creature. Well...It's me,
when i'm not transformed, i'm a hot guy with jet black hair and a beard. You see, I got bit while away on a business trip and every 3 days, I turn
into a werewolf. Now, I know what you're thinking, but stop it, the lore is completely wrong. You want to know how to kill a wolf? Your mother's
home cooking. We hunger for fresh livestock, juicy bones and the fat asses that stalk the local Burger King, but won't touch your moms stuff with
a 10 foot pole. Why? we're starving, but damn it, we have standards, and a smattering of spices won't do anything to cover the rancid oder of
decaying flesh in her food AKA Vegetarian Casserole. Now, life as a werewolf can be challenging. We eat the animals and the next day, are locked
in the toilet passing it, while begging god to let us die due to the horrible strain that said Animal (usually a buck or a lion) puts on the stomach
and esophagus. After taming the inevitable yet always somehow sentient clog, (whose demonic screams can be heard a block away), we
transform again and go on the hunt. Ad nauseum until the Plumber finally refuses to come and we move to a new place. Sex is also very hard,
what with having to carefully align the penis so as to not get it scratched off (which did happen to Roy, thankfully we managed to staple it back
on before she did too much damage.) but it's usually safer to just browse playboy, seal it in a tube, then inject it into her when we want to
conceive. Speaking of which, werewolf pregnancies are never shown. There is a very good reason for this: The baby claws its way out of it's
mothers stomach, already full grown and deadly. For some reason, all the hot werewolves die, i'll never understand it. And before you say it, no
twilight is not accurate. The transformation is slow, painful, and induces an erection that lasts for 4 days when it's done. It seems cool, but it's
not. remember what happened to Roy? yeah, when she's in the heat, protect your manhood at all costs. Her teeth become swords and her tongue
becomes a spiked whip. Oral sex can very quickly become a death sentence. At least Three that were bitten, ended their lives with a chewed off
weiner. Speaking of victims, we absolutely do not, and i cannot stress this enough, like the taste of Vegans. If my pack was stranded with nothing
to eat, sure, but dear god, no meat to speak of. I've tasted tofurkey and it resembles meat, but the texture is off, the fat is MIA and it's just
so...unappetizing. We've had a grand total of One Vegetarian werewolf. She died after 3 days because she was anti meat. Oh well, waste of a
werewolf. If you want to join, just ask. we can mimic speech just fine. No we don't bite right away, we confirm if you want to be one, run down to
W.R (Werewolf Resources, though H.R does sometimes visit AKA get eaten) and fill out the necessary paperwork, ask you if you've ingested
anything harmful (Charlie died due to eating a garlic loving runner. He had an onion allergy, poor bastard) then we bite, check the wound, clean
it and let you go.
First transformation is always painful, but i swear, i've seen women turn into men through sheer pain. That erection? it works both ways and they
hate it. Tough, Welcome to the Pack