Hello people and a Merry Christmas! Sorry about no updates for a while on Masked Dancers and Plot Bunny Meadow . . . BUT I changed the prologue a bit in MD and the fifth chap of PBM is on its way :P Here's a wonderful cracky story about . . . wait for it - TOILETS! :P
Disclaimer: Yup, sure, I own Alex Rider and rubber chickens dominate all of mankind.
Making Music
It was 2:59 PM. Two boys sat in a warm classroom, staring out the window and bored out of their minds. The teacher droned on and on about some ancient war with the Mayans, Incas, or whoever and induced sleep in at least half the class. Including one of two boys named Tom. The other boy, Alex, was also bored, but not to the point of sleep.
It was because he had an absolutely brilliant idea.
(Insert the line break of the most line-y-est proportions that will blow your mind away)
At an elegant Chelsea house, two boys were inside a bedroom on the second floor. Tom enthusiastically shouted, "Let's do it!" What may these two mischievous boys be up to? Alex and Tom wanted to make a song that would hit the top ten most listened songs in the country. Preferably because it was good, not horrendously horrible.
"Okay, so, Tom, what should we do? I think we should start with a theme for our song," Alex said. Tom looked thoughtful for a moment, as if contemplating ideas, which he was doing. His eyes lit up with a fresh, hot-off-the-grill idea.
Tom slowly said with mounting excitement, "I think the song should be about TOILETS!" If Tom expected any roses and flowers for that idea, he was sorely mistaken, for all he received was an incredulous stare from his best mate.
Alex slowly shook his head. The blonde didn't know where his eccentric friend got his ideas from, but they were pretty awesome, to admit it. "Mate, that's an absolutely TERRIFIC idea!" he agreed, almost bouncing with excitement. Tom grinned, being extremely and insanely proud of his brilliant mind. Quickly, the two boys got down to work.
(It be thy line break of thy epic-ness that shall blow away thy minds of thy readers)
"No, I'm telling you! We should get the guitar to come in right here!" Tom jabbed his finger towards a measure on the piece of composition paper. Alex obviously disagreed.
He argued, "Tom, it should come in here," Alex pointed to an earlier measure, "because I'm going to have the keyboard start playing this melody the measure after that and if I put the guitar where you say it should, it'll clash with the keyboard." The spy sat back pleased with his reasoning, also satisfied knowing that he had Tom beat.
"Fine, but we're still going for that drum solo. It sounds awesome alone with all the bada-tata-boom-boom!" Tom chirped, defeated, yet still so chipper. Yes, our two boys had the music down, but they still had yet to get inspired for the lyrics.
Alex looked carefully at the music that Tom had composed for the drums at the beginning of the piece. "Tom! What the hell is that?!" he shouted, pointing at the drum beats. Tom squeaked, startled by the sudden noise. He turned around and faced his livid blonde friend. For some reason, Tom started thinking about dumb blondes, though he knew Alex was anything but that.
Peering over the paper, Tom realized where Alex was pointing. The slightly insane boy hotly retorted, "That's proper music! All good music should go like booda-booda bap booda-booda bap!"
As always, Alex had a witty response, "That is NOT music! It's the sound a garbage disposal makes when there's a spoon stuck in it!" Tom gaped for a second, then started laughing his soon-to-be-dead ass off.
"Oh, wow, Alex," he choked between laughs, "That was grand! And, I think we just found one line for our song!"
Alex quickly cheered up at that. He had been stuck for a while on what to do for the words, and just found the inspiration.
Late into the night, Alex worked on the music. At three in the morning, the pencil was finally set down, a good inch shorter than it had been the day before. A grin of exuberance graced the blonde's face. He couldn't wait to show Tom this after school.
(*beep* here comes the *beep* line *beep* of awesomeness)
"By gods, you are brilliant!" Alex smiled at Tom. Yep, this was one proud boy we're looking at. Now, they couldn't wait to test out the lyrics with the music once they got to Alex's house.
(Wow another line break so soon!)
"It works perfectly!" Tom and Alex exclaimed in sync. The latter of the two was worried the words wouldn't match the music, but thank the heavens they did. Jack heard their shouting and came up to see what the matter was. She left the room five minutes later, shaking her head and muttering something about crazy teenage boys.
Alex was laughing his butt off at his caretaker's expression while Tom was burning the completed song on a CD. Now, however, they faced the problem of where to go to get the music published. The spy couldn't believe it, but he actually wanted to go to MI6, just so he could get their help broadcasting the song called "Toilets".
And so he did.
( . . . oh wait I keep forgetting the "e")
"Call this number." All Alex got from them was a freaking PHONE NUMBER! Sure, maybe he expected them to help him get it on the radio, but Nooooo they said deal with it himself.
Later that day, Alex did call the number and got an appointment with the local radio station. It was a hit. The people were laughing so hard that they just had to air it.
A few days later, Tom, Alex, and the rest of the class gathered around a single radio, waiting for "Toilets" to come on. It did.
"And now, we have a song from two teenage boys Alex and Tom!" the announcer proclaimed. "The song is named 'Toilets' and it's quite interesting. Well, folks, here it is!" A mellow tune started playing.
There's a thing in your bathroom
It's white and it's round
You would bow down to it and blow your guts out
It flushes and clogs
Swirls and splashes
You don't care if you soil it
It's called a TOILET!
A faster beat and melody started playing.
The toilet is the dump for your waste
It carries your "stuff" to some old stinky place
You'll think it's all ew and stick your tongue out
But without this white goddess,
Our crap wouldn't come out!
Up goes the water, down goes the pee
When it clogs up you know you sure got to flee
When it goes booda-booda bap
Booda-booda bap
You'll know the thing's stuffed full of poo
Because that's the sound a garbage disposal makes
When it's stuck with a spoon!
Get out the plunger and call the fat plumber
Just hope that the floor doesn't get any wetter
The water floods over the porcelain bowl
Jeez this plumber better get over here
Fast and save us all NOW!
Oops too late, you say and run out the room
You sure should get a snake and drag out the waste
SCREW THIS!
I need the toilet!
I really got to poo!
I need my only toilet so I can blow soon!
Why did I have only one toilet when I really needed three?
Damn it! Now I really have to GO!
The music ended suddenly, making the composers aware of their classmate's faces. Shocked, disturbed, and on the brink of laughing were among the various expressions. Slowly, applause rose throughout the class and cheering ensued. The two bowed down and grinned their faces off.
It's amazing what being bored one day does to you.
So . . . How'd you like the song? I actually made up the lyrics off the top of my head :O I don't plan on actually making it a song since I have no experience in guitars, drums, or keyboards, only one piano (playing classical songs).
READ AND REVIEW!