1. Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius

In the metal shadows of his basement lair, Jack Spicer slammed his fists down in frustration.

"This is taking way too long!" he snarled. "It's been almost four years now, and I'm actually further from conquering the world than I was when I began! I got so caught up looking for Shen Gong Wu that I almost lost sight of my vision…Stupid Wuya! She just had to go and distract me from my visions of world conquest. Ha! As though she was going to share the spoils! I can't wait to see the look on her ugly, fifteen-hundred-year-old face when I'm the head honcho! She had her twelve minutes of fame!" Jack paused for a moment and tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Or, is it 'fifteen minutes' of fame? I can use the number fifteen twice in one monologue…"

One of his black and rusted-gold Bots approached him tentatively from the shadows.

"Excuse me, Sir," it began in its computerized voice, "but who are you talking to?"

Irritated, Jack leaned his weight on the hefty table, which encased a large map of the world.

"It's called an evil rant," he replied snidely. "Didn't you get the memo not to interrupt me during my rants? Seriously."

"Sorry, Sir," replied the JackBot. "There's someone on the phone for you from a Dr. Patience's office."

"Why didn't you just say so in the first place?" Jack demanded. He ran from the lit map-table to snatch up the phone that his JackBot had failed to bring to him.

Jack Spicer, a young man closing in on the end of his teens, was an unusual sight. Due to what was likely Irish heritage, he had very pale skin- in stark contrast to his black clothing- and very red hair and eyes. Though, the hair was suspect because his eyebrows were black. Physically, he was not far removed from being a limp noodle. However, what he lacked in physical prowess he made up for with his remarkable sense of technological savvy. Jack was a classic example of someone who was wanting in most forms of common sense, but could build a working time machine smaller than an SUV.

"Doctor Patience?" he began when he picked up the phone. "This is Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius."

"Please, just call me Patience," the tired voice responded.

"Uh, all right. Listen, I've heard that you're in the business of 'fixing problems,' aren't you?" He was hesitant to immediately plunge into words like 'evil' and 'conquest' just incase this person was not actually a villain mastermind.

There was a pause.

"Hmm. Jack Spicer. You've been trying to take over the world for quite some time now, haven't you?"

Jack raised one eyebrow in surprise.

"How do you know that?"

"I'm looking at your on-line profile right now. I see you also live in California and you're interested in poetry. That's an interesting combination."

"What? I do not! I am not! I live in China and poetry is for wimps!"

"Hmm," Patience muttered. "Must be another Jack Spicer…"

Jack gave a short, startled look of impatience and put his free hand on his hip.

"Anyway, Patience, I called to enlist your help. I want to take over the world, but I've got some powerful enemies and an empty bag of tricks. Do you think you can get me past them?"

"I'm a former CEO of WalMart, Spicer. I can do anything."

As Patience spoke, Jack wandered away from the phone's charger and toured his basement-now-layer.

"What kind of enemies do you need take out?"

"Well, it's a little hard to explain," Jack admitted, thinking of the Xiaolin Monks. "I think you'll need to see it for yourself." He picked up a JackBot head with all the wiring within frayed and charred. A blinking light overhead that monitored the security system blinked faithfully away- though it also faithfully ignored intruders- and dipped the lab in pale light every few seconds.

"I've tried all kinds of robots," Jack went on. "I've tried regular armed robots, bots like dogs, giant bots, bots disguised as garbage, flying bots, flying bots that spew ink, cheerleader bots, shape-shifting bots, outlaw bots, a flying train, digging, flying, racing machines- everything! I once even built a time machine. Though, I guess that time it was a sort of 'your enemy's enemy is your friend' kind of deal." Jack paused for a moment, looking out over the mountains of spare parts and convoluted scars of machinery hanging from the ceiling and jutting through the walls all around. "And some how it always managed to backfire on me."

"I think we should meet in person," Patience said after pensive pause. "I will need to take a close look at your problems. I'll decide then if you deserve my advice."

"Oh, thank you, Sir! We can meet…"

"Miss."

"What?"

"It's Miss."

There was a long pause.

"It is?" Jack almost whispered.

"That often happens over the phone. Just don't forget it, and don't do it again."

"Yes, ma'am!" Jack replied instantly. "Uh, anyway, here's where we can meet…"

The JackBots hovered about Spicer's Evil Lair, picking up Jack's used dishes and extinguished the last of the small fires that refused to quit combustion after an unusual incident earlier in the day. Jack concluded his interaction with the strange Dr. Patience and presently returned to his illuminated map-table of the world.

"I could really go for a pudding cup right now," he commented with a grin of mild anticipation.

Upstairs, the Spicer mansion was empty due to a vacation. Beyond the high walls surrounding the house, rural China reached out and, in the clear skies above, a thin green line tapered through the air. Beyond the four figures riding on the dragon's back lay the whole world, as far as Jack Spicer was concerned. There were others he would need to overcome on his way to becoming Evil Master of Plant Earth, but he would just have to deal with each new problem as it came along.