Hey everyone! Its 13eyondDeath here! This is mostly pure Crack fanfic written along with Peppaminty who's also my beta. She's my onee-chan! Includes Yaoi! Don't like then don't read. Peppaminty writes the even chapters and I write the odds so thats why this is also on her profile! Thx for reading and please review!
Yeah I finally posted a new story...
Disclaimer: If I owned Fma then Ed would be walking constantly with a limp like...all the time. All things are owned by the creators.
I was walking down the road alongside my friend, Joy (known on here as peppaminty). We were ditching my birthday party because we got bored, instead deciding to go on a walk. It was pretty hot outside, and our mostly black ensemble didn't help with that.. People stared at us when we passed by. I don't know, would you stare if you saw two seriously tall teen girls, one wearing a black and white horizontally striped shirt with black skinny jeans and mismatched neon socks, and the other wearing a black skirt, shirt, and knee high socks, both with brightly colored sparkly leis from the party wrapped around their heads? We turned around to walk back to my house when I got an idea.
"Hey, Joyjoy, what would happen if we got kidnapped by FMA?"
"That would be so awesome. . ."
"Then I could finally prove to you Elricest is no wronger than Edvy."
"Elricest is a crime against humanity and Edvy is awesome!"
"Whatever you say, onee-chan, whatever you say. . ."
We kept walking, but then I noticed an armored black van driving towards us at full speed. It nearly ran over us but stopped a few inches short.
"Hey, watch where you're driving!" Joy shouted.
I then recognized who was driving the van and I guess Joy did too. It was Lust. From Fullmetal Alchemist. Driving the freakin' van. On the passenger side was Wrath.
"Its. . . it's. . ." Joy stuttered.
"Yes, onee-chan, it's Lust. Snap out of it!"
"And its. . . it's. . ."
"Yeah, it's Wrath-chan too. Snap out of it, onee-chan. Breathe."
"You're freaking out, too!"
"I know, but I can control it."
"Hey, stop yapping already!" said a familiar voice from inside the van. The back door of the van slid open and out stepped a green haired homunculus wearing a black halter top, black fingerless gauntlets, a black skort, and black foot coverings without toe or heel.
Joy nearly passed out on sight of Envy, the character she practically worshipped, and just stared.
Envy took out a piece of paper from his manskirt and looked at it, and then at us, and then back at the paper.
"Is it them?" asked a voice from inside the van.
I knew that voice too. It was Ed. Ed stuck his head out of the van and looked at the piece of paper and then at us.
"Look, onee-chan, it's the Fullmetal Pipsqueak."
"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE CAN ONLY BE SEEN WITH A MICROSCOPE?"
"I didn't say anything…"
"Yeah, it's them," Envy stated. "See, that one has a state alchemist pocket watch." he said, pointing to the fake pocket watch I got for my birthday.
"Heh. . .?"
"Both of you, get in the van now," Envy said. ". . . or else." and flashed his really creepy (but sexy) smile.
"We can do this the easy way, or the hard way." he said, still smiling creepily.
I laugh to myself, since I have the dirtiest mind in the world.
"What do you think, onee-chan, should we go?"
"Yes!"
"Get in the van." Envy said again, and Ed pulled his head back into the van.
I climbed in the van and realized there were no seats in the back. I sat against the back of the passenger seat and Joy sat against the back of the driver's seat. Ed sat in front of me and Envy climbed in and sat in front of Joy, which probably made her happy.
I noticed a bundle of something behind Ed and Envy, under a blanket. I didn't know what it was, but my evil mind told me it was a body.
"Um, can you tell your friend to stop doing that?" Envy asked pointing to Joy.
Joy was staring at Envy and practically drooling.
"Onee-chan, you're scaring Envy-kun. I suggest you stop staring?"
"Aww, okay. . ." Joy whined, pouting and crossing her arms.
It was silent for a while. I was sorta surprised that Lust could drive so well. I quickly took back that thought when I heard a crash and felt the entire van shake. This sent me flying forward and nearly landing on Ed, and Joy nearly landing on Envy (not that she would've minded).
"Damn it, Lust, watch where you're driving!" I heard Wrath yell.
"You wanna drive?" Lust snapped.
"Erm. . . never mind. . ."
We continued driving and everything was silent. The van wasn't damaged because it was apparently specially designed for Lust's driving. I ran my fingers over the floor of the van, tracing different designs with my finger.
"Ne, so where are you taking us, and why?" I asked absentmindedly.
"Colonel Bastard sent me on a mission to find two alchemists in this country and bring them back no matter what. So that's why we're kidnapping you." Ed said.
"It's not really kidnapping if we agreed to go. . ." Joy muttered.
"Wait, onee-chan, do we count as real alchemists?" I asked.
The only thing saying I could be an alchemist was my pocket watch and my gloves with transmutation circles on them.
"I guess we do, if Roy says so."
It got silent again. How long have we been driving in this van? I checked my pocket watch. It was 2:34 and we left at 2 something. Then I noticed something else odd. My pocket watch came with the carving on the inside, the same as Ed's, but now it was gone.
I shrugged it off.
It got silent again. This was a really boring care ride. Nothing was going on. I thought it'd be more interesting with my favorite characters from FMA sitting right in front of me, but it wasn't.
"Hey, are you two like, a couple?" Joy bluntly asked Ed and Envy.
I wanted to know that too, but I didn't feel like asking. Ed and Envy just sat there, and I could see Ed's face slowly reddening.
"Um. . . that's none of your business!" Envy yelled dramatically.
"I'll take that as a yes." I muttered.
The bundle of something behind Envy and Ed moved.
"Um, what's that?" I asked, gesturing to the bundle. The bundle sat up and the blanket fell off and underneath was. . .
Alphonse Elric!
He was so adorable! His eyes were still hazy with sleep and his hair was slightly mussed. He was wearing Ed's red jacket, which was a little scuffed.
"Al!" I screamed, glomping his adorable little self.
"Ah, you must be Cecilia-chan." he smiled. He obviously didn't mind being glomped by a stranger.
"Yep, that's me. How'd you know?" I asked.
"You're picture's on the paper, and they described you as the Asian one." he smiled again.
"What about me?" Joy asked Al.
"They described you as the really tall pale one" he smiled yet again. Man, he was smiley.
"Hey, if they said we were alchemists, did they put down our alchemist names?" I asked.
"Well, they said you were the Alchemist Beyond Death. You're friend is the Live Ink Alchemist." Envy replied.
I wonder what my alchemical specialty could be with a name like that.
"So, where are we going?" Joy asked.
"Central." Al replied in his cute childish voice.
"But how are we going to get there? We're in a van, and isn't Central in another country, and-"
Envy cut me off by leaning in close and seductively whispering in my ear, "Don't worry about that."
I felt my face heat up, and I stammered "O-okay."
He smirked and pulled away and sat like he was before. Joy was probably jealous of how I was able to get that close to Envy.
"I think you two should take a nap." Envy smirked.
Dirty thoughts crept into my mind, since that was what I was known for, and I gave an odd look.
"Get your mind out of the gutter. . ." Ed grumbled.
"Don't worry, we're not going to rape you, or anything. Just take a nap. Or I'll knock you out." Envy smirked again.
"For onee-chan it technically wouldn't be rape, because I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind." I mumbled. I saw Joy close her eyes and drift off into dreamland. She obviously wasn't reluctant to fall asleep in the back of a van with three extremely sexy guys.
I reluctantly closed my eyes. Sexy or not, I still didn't want to get raped. I tried not to fall asleep, but did anyways.
It felt like only a few seconds until I woke up again. I rubbed my eyes and then I noticed something odd. My hands looked weird. They didn't look real, they looked. . .
Anime.
"Eh? I look. . . I look. . . " I couldn't finish my sentence.
Joy woke up when she heard me talking. Envy smirked from the other side of the van. I looked outside the windows, and everything looked like it was drawn, too. It was really cool. I looked at my hands and down at myself. It looked like I had changed clothes.
"Eh? What'd you guys do to my clothes?" I gasped.
Joy noticed her clothes had changed, too.
"Relax. It happened automatically, we didn't do it, no worries" Envy said, still smirking.
Al gave me a hand mirror so I could get a look at myself. I looked in the mirror and smiled. My skin wasn't tan as it originally was, instead it was pale, almost as pale as Envy's. My anime eyes looked chinky but I guess that'd fit. I still wore my glasses, but that was okay. My dark red brown hair looked pretty cool, and I noticed I was wearing black leggings, a black skirt, black tank top, black boots, and a black and white striped hoodie jacket that reached the back of my knees. Joy was wearing a white pleated miniskirt, multicolor striped knee high socks, worn with charcoal ballet flats over them, a short sleeved turtleneck sweater the same pale blue as the blue in the socks, and a plain white jacket with a high collar, whose hem fell just above her waist. Her light brown hair was pulled back into a neat and efficient bun, like she usually wore it, and her glasses were also the same, the kind without a rim around the bottom of the lens.
"Dude!" Joy exclaimed, "I've got my skittle socks!" She was duly ignored.
"We're going to get to Central in an hour, and there we'll see Colonel Bastard." Ed sighed and leaned against Envy's shoulder. Al looked a bit uncomfortable sitting behind his brother and his brother's yaoi lover.
Joy took out her cell phone and took pictures of the scene and sent them to me.
"Well, I guess this is what would happen if we got kidnapped by FMA." I heard her say.
Thanks so much for reading!
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