The Fall

Rain bounced off the windows like ping pong balls. The lightning only illuminated his room for brief precious moments. The brilliance bounded off hundreds of photos that blanketed the stone colored carpet. Each photo was drenched in month old tears, some still freshly covered from only seconds ago. As the room fell back into bleakness, Josh had missed the end table, dropping a newly pour glass of scotch. At this point he didn't care. The world around him could fade away and he wouldn't even notice. None of it mattered without her, nothing mattered without...

Josh broke out into tears, balling over the memory that was forever seared into his mind. Forever, it would torture him forever; no amount of scotch, whisky, or vodka would ever make what happened ok.

"Ryder, give me your other hand!"

"I can't!"

"Ryder, you have to give me your other hand!"

"I'm slipping, Josh I can't reach!"

"Ryder! RYDER! NO!"

"JOSH!"

Josh could still feel Ryder's hand in his; struggling to hold on for dear life. He could still smell the dirt in his nose. He could remember seeing her body. Mangled and ruptured. He carried her all the way back to base camp and refused to believe that she had gone.

He could remember Richie slapping him back from his hysteria. He had lost all power in his legs and lungs when he had seen her coffin. Although the team offered him comfort, they reassured him that it wasn't his fault, but he still destroyed himself knowing that it was.

Josh stared at a photo of himself across the room. The lighting shown a man with the biggest smile on his face on top of a bolder in the middle of the Norwegian mountains. As he stared into himself he couldn't help but feel an extraordinary rage build inside him. How could this man be so happy knowing he just let his best friend fall fifty feet to her death? How could he smile with just joy at such a heart crushing tragedy?

Josh couldn't take it anymore. Collecting the glass, he hurled it toward the photo. It bounced against the wall before it landed face up covered in left over scotch. Stampeding towards the frame, he gripped it with the most tremendous force that he cracked the glass within it.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY HARDER?! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE HER?! Why couldn't you save her?", the man in the photo never answered Josh. All he could do is smile back and remember better days.

Josh felt the cold scotch soak into his knees as he buckled into the carpet. The plush cushioning did nothing to comfort the breaking pieces of his will. He could do nothing to control the tears that filled his red sore eyes.

He almost couldn't breath knowing he was alone. With Ryder gone and Josh in a black cloud, the team had disbanded many months ago. Josh had no idea where everyone was and half of him didn't care. As long as Ryder's heart was no longer beating he could've cared less if his own stopped.

Josh looked up and took a deep breath and recognized where he was. He was beside his little shelf of research books just feet from the door. He had knelt here many times before, pouring over cryptids and locations. He half expected Ryder to burst through with some new evidence that took her all night to find. Many times she was so excited to show him that she hadn't bothered to comb her hair. Other times she had spent all night searching that the caffeine from last nights coffee was still coursing through her system. Or she'd forego the morning all together and knock on his door in the dead of night.

Josh bowed his head knowing that that door would never bare her presence ever again. He thought about the last conversation they ever had, it struck him hard and he had to take another deep breath.

"Josh?"

"Yea."

"If one of use were to ever die on a trip, where would you want to be buried?"

"What? That's a little dark for you isn't it?"

"No I'm serious. Where would you want us to take your body?"

"Well... I guess I'd like to be cremated and taken to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro. It's the first place I knew I wanted to travel for the rest of my life. That mountain changed my life. It led me to the team, and you."

"Aww, you softy."

"What can I say? Inside I'm just a big ol' teddy bear. What about you?"

"I guess I'd like to be buried at home. After visiting so many places, it would be nice to finally rest easy at home, you know."

"I guess, that's not a bad idea. But mines way cooler."

"Shut up!"

"Ouch, hey I'm a teddy bear remember. They're suppose to get love not punches."

"Come on, Teddy, we're moving the team out in ten minutes. Try not to bruise your delicate paws."

"Well then I better wrap my self up, did you bring the bubble wrap?"

"Come on, you."

He took some solace from the fact that she was home "resting easy". Josh was far from easy, he was the one who told her parents that he had failed to bring their daughter back. They trusted him with her life and he couldn't keep that promise.

There was nothing in this tangible world what would ever amount to the cost of Ryder's life. He saw no redemption and at the same time he didn't want it. He simply wanted to die and he wanted to die alone, just as she did.

He wished he had never gone to that stupid mountain. It was because of that damn slop that led him to the team, to Ryder. If he hadn't have met her perhaps she'd still be alive. He wished he could go back and make it so that none of it ever happened. And perhaps it was time to return to that ever dreaded peak.

One. Last. Time.