I think Ray did something to the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters. Probably mad that he didn't get to do much this season.
This fic takes place immediately after my other fic, The Fourth Law of Robotics. I wanted to do something fun with a Will and Grace feel to it. So I got….
The Lana And Ray Show
"Assholes!" Lana fumed as she stormed to her car in the garage. "I work with complete and total assholes! And my ex-boyfriend is the biggest asshole of them all! Which considering Archer is his competition is really saying something!"
Lana stopped. "Oh dear God. Cyril is becoming a bigger asshole than Archer."
"Lana are you okay?" Ray asked as he caught up with her.
"Uh let me check," Lana said sarcastically. "My boyfriend and the father of my child is in a coma after screwing an elderly homicidal maniac starlet. All because he didn't know how to properly use his robot clone. I just caught my ex-boyfriend and technical boss screwing my robot clone. Then I caught most of my so-called friends screwing robot clones of each other, my ex-boyfriend, myself and Mallory. Then I trashed those robots. So yeah. I'm just freaking peachy!"
"Okay," Ray let out a breath. "Stupid question."
"You think?" Lana let out a breath of frustration. "I feel like my entire life is a casting call for the Jerry Springer Show. Up next on Jerry: Women who date men in the office who are addicted to robot vaginas! Oh my god, both my office boyfriends have boned robot vaginas!"
"Lana, you know better than anyone that we work in an office filled wall to wall with drunk horny idiots," Ray said. "They can't help themselves. Okay it's creepy as hell but…"
"Creepy?" Lana barked. "This group makes the Addams Family look like conservative Republicans!"
"Look you are in no shape to drive," Ray told her. "When you drive angry you tend to get a little reckless. Like a new demolition derby driver."
"I am not reckless!"
"Lana remember when you caught Cyril balls deep in that French whore in Paris?" Ray asked. "The following few days you racked up three tickets. In one hour! And his was after you deliberately crashed Archer's car and sent him flying through the windshield. And broke his leg."
"You have a point," Lana let out an angry breath.
"I'm just saying I don't think your wallet can afford it," Ray added.
"I am just so frustrated and angry and…AAGGGHHH!" Lana let out a scream of frustration. "My life is just so crazy right now…Ugh!"
"Now?" Ray raised an eyebrow.
"I see your point," Lana groaned. "But I feel lately it's been kicked up a notch. To eleven! This is the hardest time of my life. And that includes being pregnant while being part of a failed cocaine cartel! And taking over a country in a coup after a failed arms deal. While managing a country music star wannabe."
"Man, our lives are just not normal," Ray admitted. "We could be on Jerry Springer."
"And now I'm confiding with my best friend," Lana realized. "Who is a gay cyborg with a black hand. Oh God my life is so screwed up it's not even funny."
"Sometimes I feel like God's punchline," Ray admitted.
"Ditto," Lana admitted.
"Why don't we go to your place?" Ray said. "I'll help you put AJ to bed and we can watch some TV and have a good old-fashioned bitch fest."
"But no smoking Ray," Lana told him.
"I know the drill," Ray groaned. "Dukes I really think I should quit one of these days."
"Yeah, the last thing I need is to nurse a cyborg through throat cancer," Lana remarked.
"Hey I'm already down to a pack every two to three days," Ray told her as they went to his car. "For me that's a major concession."
"You're on the damn hookah again, aren't you?" Lana asked as she got in.
"E-cigarettes actually," Ray admitted. "Only at home."
"And how do you afford them?"
"Would you believe I get a discount?"
"Yeah, a five fingered one," Lana groaned. "Ray…"
"Krieger made them for me."
"You're getting electronic cigarettes from Krieger?" Lana gasped. "Wouldn't it be easier to just drink the toxic waste right out of the vat? It would be a lot faster way to get cancer."
"You know…?" Ray looked at her.
"I'm just saying," Lana went on. "I've already played tag along on a chemo filled cancer rampage. I do not want to go on that ride again."
"Speaking of which," Ray gave her a look. "You're gonna be walking home missy if you don't cut down on the nagging Lana Lecture A Lot."
"I still have my car keys!" Lana snapped. "Which are in my purse. Which I left back at the office because I got distracted by…"
"Uh huh," Ray nodded. "You uh, wanna go back in and get it?"
"Not particularly," Lana groaned. "Will you go get it for me?"
"Will you promise not to lecture me about cigarettes for at least the rest of the evening?" Ray smirked.
"Only if you promise not to have any cigarettes for the rest of the evening."
"Deal," Ray smirked as he got out of the car. "Be right back." He then used his super speed to run in.
He was back with Lana's purse within a few minutes. "What took you so long?" Lana asked as Ray got back in the car.
"I made a little pit stop," Ray admitted. "I noticed Cyril was drinking and I may have given him one of Krieger's knock out drugs without him knowing about it. And well..."
"What did you do?" Lana asked.
"Nothing bad," Ray shrugged. "It's just…I owe you a new lipstick."
Cut to see Cyril passed out at his desk with his face made up and his lips a bright red.
Ray shrugged as he showed Lana the picture on his cell phone. "Color looks better on him anyway."
"Oh my God," Lana laughed. "Damn. It does."
"What shade is that anyway?" Ray asked. "Crack Whore Red?"
"On him it fits," Lana quipped.
Later that night back at Lana's apartment. After the babysitter had been paid and left and AJ had been put to bed.
"Ugh…What a day," Lana sighed. She walked out of the bathroom wearing pink pajamas and fuzzy pink slippers. "Ray do you have something to wear?"
"I take it that's a rhetorical question?" Ray quipped as he turned around. He was wearing a smart blue and white kimono with white flowers decorating the hem. He had removed his glove so his black hand was displayed.
"Is it ever," Lana was stunned.
"What?" Ray asked as he modeled. "I'm only wearing my backup travel kimono."
"I feel like I'm in a production of The Queen and I," Lana quipped.
"Don't be bitchy because I'm fabulous," Ray sniffed.
"Sorry," Lana sighed as she sat down on the couch. "It's just all this crazy is getting to me. Now I know how pioneer women felt because I'm constantly in uncharted territory."
"It's not just the sex robots, is it?" Ray asked as he sat next to her.
"If only it was just the sex robots," Lana admitted. "What are we going to do Ray?"
"What we always do," Ray said. "Whine and complain about our lives. Drink some alcohol. Then watch reruns of Will and Grace and bitch about celebrities."
"Not true," Lana said. "They're bringing back Will and Grace."
"Yay!" Ray clapped his hands.
"I know," Lana admitted. "There are just not enough gay comedies out there."
"Testify, sister," Ray nodded. "Well unless you count the news when a congressman is caught in a bathroom stall. Those are funny."
"Speaking of gay comedies," Lana sighed. "How is your love life going?"
"Har, de, har har…" Ray rolled his eyes. "But since it's not going anywhere I guess the joke's on me."
"Nice to see I'm not the only one who's love life sucks," Lana said.
"You'd be surprised how many people are so judgmental," Ray grumbled. "Just because my hands don't match."
"You'll find the right guy," Lana patted his shoulder. "Trust me, one day you will find your Mr. Right."
"I'd settle for Mr. Right Now," Ray quipped. "So what do you want to watch?"
"I don't know," Lana sighed. "There's nothing I really want to see. What do you want to watch?"
"I don't know," Ray sighed. "What do you want to watch?"
"I don't know," Lana said. "What do you want to watch?"
Ray paused. "Are we drunk?"
"Not yet," Lana told him.
"There's the problem," Ray said as he got up. "Where's your wine?"
"I don't have any," Lana realized. "I don't have any alcohol in the house."
"So, we have to go through an entire bitch fest sober?" Ray asked incredulously.
"I know," Lana mocked. "The horror!"
Just then the doorbell rang. Ray went to look through the peephole. "Speaking of horror…" He groaned as he opened the door. "What?"
"Are you still mad?" Pam asked innocently. She still had a black eye from earlier.
"What do you think?" Lana asked as she got up.
"No?" Pam asked innocently.
"We may have to walk her through this," Ray said to Lana. "Using a bear claw on a stick."
"Pam," Lana sighed. "How can you not understand why we're angry about you and the others having sex with robots that look like us?"
"Core concept?" Pam blinked.
"We may need more than one bear claw," Ray sighed.
"Well if you think about it, it is kind of flattering," Pam said. "Cyril wouldn't go near my robot clone or Cheryl's."
"It really isn't," Lana said.
"And honestly," Pam went on. "How is that any different than all those pictures I have of you and Ray that I masturbate to?"
"What?" Lana looked at her.
"Nothing," Pam retracted.
"Not helping honey," Ray groaned. "Not helping!"
"Can I help it if you guys are so freaking hot?" Pam protested.
"Okay that helps," Ray admitted with a shrug.
"Ray!" Lana barked.
"Seriously?" Ray gave her a look.
"Okay maybe…" Lana admitted. "But that still doesn't mean that we've forgiven you for how you acted."
"I brought booze," Pam picked up a bag from off the floor. "Scotch, Red Beer and box wine."
"All is forgiven," Ray said.
"But not forgotten," Lana added.
"Fair enough," Pam shrugged as she came in. "By the way nice kimono Ray."
"Thank you," Ray waved.
"Is that from the My Gay Geisha collection?" Pam quipped.
"No, it's from the Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful fashion line," Ray quipped back as he took the bag of alcohol from Pam.
"Pour me a scotch Ray," Lana sighed.
"What do I look like?" Ray asked. "A bartender on Gay Fantasy Island?"
"Yes," Pam quipped. "Red Beer for me."
"I just can't believe you all would stoop to having sex with robots," Ray groaned as he prepared the drinks.
"And coming from a guy who is half robot…" Pam snorted.
"Well excuse me if I prefer sex the way God intended," Ray sniffed. "Me, a man. Another man. And a couple of other men on a yacht. Or a bathroom stall…"
"What does it say about me that I'm willing to put up with sexual deviants as friends?" Lana asked with a sigh.
"That you're open minded?" Pam asked hopefully.
"There's a limit," Lana gave her a look.
"Which you obviously haven't reached yet," Ray quipped as he handed Lana a drink.
"So what are we doing here?" Pam asked as Ray gave her a Red Beer. "Are we just jumping into this?"
"We were going to drink and bitch about the mess that is our lives," Ray poured himself a drink. "But we were out of alcohol."
"So it's lucky I showed up," Pam grinned.
"You're lucky we were desperate for booze," Ray told her.
"Well that's the secret of a good apology," Pam said. "Timing."
"And a good stash of alcohol," Ray said as he took a drink.
"It's just my whole life seems extra crazy right now," Lana sighed as she took a drink. "I never imagined my life would be like this."
"Nobody imagined our lives would be like this," Pam remarked. "I sure have a more interesting life with you guys than I would back on the farm. Right Ray?"
Ray shrugged. "Well since at least half of the people I went to high school with are either dead, in jail or in the hospital with third degree burns when their meth labs exploded…"
"Me too!" Pam said.
"My high school wasn't as nearly as…" Lana paused. "Interesting. Oh wait, there was Tony DiNunzo."
"Who was he?" Pam asked interested. "Your ex-boyfriend?"
"No!" Lana snapped. "We weren't even in the same grade! He was a senior in high school and I was just a freshman."
"That never stopped anybody before," Ray pointed out.
"So, you had a crush on him," Pam smirked.
"No!" Lana snapped. "I had a crush on…Someone else. We're talking about Tony here. And the scandal he created."
"What did he do?" Pam asked. "Run a meth lab with his science teacher?"
Lana paused. "Grew pot with his English teacher. His female twenty-five-year old English Teacher."
"The plot thickens," Ray's eyes twinkled with interest.
"I only saw him and Ms. Heart getting arrested and led out of the school," Lana said. "Along with most of the school. Apparently, they were having a secret affair as well as running a pot business. They got found out by some undercover cops pulling a Jump Street."
"That wouldn't have happened at my high school," Ray admitted. "There was an unwritten rule about pot. As long as you didn't give it to little kids or smoked it in the hallways the teachers looked the other way. And our English teachers were about as attractive as Frankenstein's assistant Igor. In dresses."
"With a hump and everything?" Pam asked.
"Yup," Ray nodded. "Meth labs were one thing but not pot. Which ironically a few parents ran. And a few teachers. Including that one English teacher with the hump."
"We had a janitor that ran a meth lab in a closet at my middle school," Pam said. "The principal could never understand why he was always catching a cold. You know? Because of all the cough syrup he took."
"So how did he get found out?" Ray asked.
"He made one fatal mistake," Pam shrugged. "He decided to take up smoking cigars. While he worked."
"Uh oh," Ray winced. "That is a big no, no!"
"You mean?" Lana gasped.
"Ka-Boom!" Pam nodded. "That's how my cousin Earl got the job as the next janitor. And how we got an extra two weeks of summer vacation that year."
"These stories make me so glad that AJ is in County Day," Lana groaned. "And that she won't be in contact with people like that."
"Uh hello?" Ray gave her a look. "Remember Ivy? Archer's evil murdering embezzling bully that was on the school board?"
"Oh shit," Lana realized. "Now I'm really worried."
"Let's go to the beach tomorrow!" Pam said excitedly. "You can take AJ and we can all play hooky!"
"You want to take my daughter out of school?" Lana asked. "So, you can just skip work and go to the beach?"
"And see half naked people," Pam grinned.
"Ooh! Half-naked men are people!" Ray grinned. "I'm in!"
"Besides you need a break too," Pam said. "It will be fun. We'll all go to the beach and bond."
"You do need a mental health day after what you've been through," Ray admitted.
"After what I've been through I'd need a mental health year!" Lana snapped. "But I can't just run off to the beach with my daughter because I feel like it!"
"Lana," Pam gave her a look. "Do you really want to go back to work tomorrow and face Cyril?"
"Uh…" Lana thought.
Flashforward to the next day…
"I can't believe you talked me into this," Lana groaned as she lounged in her beach chair. She was wearing a navy bikini and sunglasses.
Ray was next to her in a chair wearing a blue bathing suit and sunglasses. As well as his glove over his bionic hand. AJ was in a cute pink bathing suit making a sandcastle with Pam. Pam was wearing an American flag inspired one piece bathing suit and a pair of sunglasses to hide her black eye.
"I am practically swimming in debt," Lana sighed. "My job and my love life are at a standstill…And here I am at the beach. With my daughter who I took out of school for the day even though I worked as hard as hell to get her into school!"
"Lana, I forbid you from feeling guilty about this," Ray told her. "You need this. AJ needs this. Hell, we all need this."
"I know," Lana sighed. "It's just after everything I went through to get AJ into a good pre-preschool just taking her to the beach seems sort of frivolous."
"Well we are in California," Ray pointed out. "And we have to spend some time at the beach. I think it's a law."
"Oh right," Lana said. "The Mandatory Tan Act of 1973."
"AJ is a smart girl," Ray said. "I'm sure she can learn what the color green is another day."
"She already knows."
"There you are," Ray shrugged. "Besides it's important to spend time with your child. You don't want to end up like Ms. Archer, do you? And not have a single photo of you and your child during this time?"
"No, I do not," Lana sighed.
"Then go make a sandcastle with your daughter. I'll take a picture of you three," Ray took out his phone.
"Okay…" Lana did so. "Hey kiddo. Oh what a lovely sandcastle!"
"Smile!" Ray took the picture. "That's a good one!"
"I want you guys to take lots of pictures," Lana said. "Not just for me but for when Archer…" She paused.
The two of them got the hint. "Yeah that's a good idea," Ray nodded. "AJ how about you and your mama build another sandcastle?"
"Ugh. Why bother?" Cheryl was heard. "It's just going to get swallowed up by the stupid ocean!"
"Cheryl?" Pam looked up. Cheryl was wearing a pink bikini and a pink floppy hat with sunglasses. Krieger was behind her also wearing sunglasses and a bright red speedo under his lab coat. He was dragging a cart loaded up with coolers and other beach items.
"Hey guys," Krieger said. "Funny running into you here."
"Uh Pam told us that they'd be here," Cheryl gave him a look.
"Why…?" Lana looked at Pam.
"Is that a rhetorical question?" Pam asked.
"What are we a freaking herd?" Ray asked. "When one of us goes someplace everyone else has to follow?"
"Not everyone," Krieger waved.
Back at the Figgis Agency…
"Hello?" Cyril looked around. He also had a black eye from the night before. "Krieger? Cheryl? Ms. Archer? Anybody? Lana? Are you still mad?"
Back to the beach…
"And Ms. Archer went to the hospital to check on Archer today so…" Krieger added. "Plus, I don't think she likes the beach much."
"I think that's mostly because if she's out in direct sunlight she might burst into flames," Ray snickered.
"Seriously?" Cheryl asked hopefully.
"Sarcastically," Ray looked at her.
"Damn," Cheryl pouted. "Then again it is worth a shot."
"You know I'm still pissed at you two, right?" Lana snapped.
"Then why does Pam get off easy?" Cheryl snapped.
"Because she brought booze," Ray snapped.
"Oh. Well in that case…" Krieger indicated the cooler.
"What have you got?" Ray asked.
"Scotch, beer, wine coolers," Krieger indicated. "And a few things I've blended myself."
"You didn't make one of those crazy fruit super wines, did you?" Lana asked. "The ones that get everyone plastered in less than thirty seconds?"
"No," Krieger said. "This is one of my milder blends."
"I think I'll just stick with a regular wine cooler for now," Ray groaned. "We'll forgive you but we won't forget."
"That's fair," Krieger nodded as he set up a space next to theirs.
"I am going to take AJ for a little splash," Lana sighed. "Come on kiddo. Let's go see the ocean." She picked up a happy AJ.
"Ugh why does she still have that stupid baby?" Cheryl pouted as Lana left.
"That's what we say to Pam about you," Ray quipped. "Badum bump!"
"Technically AJ is a toddler," Pam said.
"Still…I am bored!" Cheryl pouted as she sat down on the beach chair Krieger set up.
"You only just got here not even five minutes ago!" Ray told her.
"That's how long it takes for me to get bored," Cheryl said.
"That does explain how she sets fires so fast," Pam told Ray.
"Maybe I can pretend I'm drowning so a hunky lifeguard can save me?" Cheryl thought.
"Don't," Ray said. "They hate it when you do that. Surprisingly it's a turn off for most of them."
"Oh," Cheryl pouted. "Maybe there's some jellyfish that I can throw and sting people with?"
"Again Cheryl…" Ray sighed. "Not much of a turn on."
"Unless you find a masochist," Pam said.
"That's why I was planning to use jellyfish! DUH!" Cheryl rolled her eyes. "God it's so exhausting being the smart one around here"
"I'm gonna take a dip you drips," Pam told them as she went into the water. "Whoo hoo!"
"Speaking of dripping," Ray said. "I am sweating balls here. Krieger the wine cooler if you don't mind?"
"Oh right," Krieger took one out.
"Give me scotch and glue," Cheryl said. "In that order."
"Uh Cheryl honey?" Ray blinked. "That's not a good combination for you. Remember the ostrich incident?"
"One that was groovy gummies," Cheryl corrected. "Not glue. And two, you are so not my supervisor."
"Yeah but both kind of have the same effect on you," Krieger warned as he gave her some scotch.
"Less talking, more glue!" Cheryl snapped before she took a long swig of scotch.
"Well this is going to get out of hand pretty soon," Ray groaned as Cheryl grabbed some glue and started to sniff it.
"Is that a hand joke?" Krieger asked. "I'm seriously asking."
Soon Lana, AJ and Pam returned. "That was fun! Right AJ?" Lana laughed as she dried her daughter off.
"Cold!" AJ laughed. "Ocean fun!"
"The best part about swimming in the ocean is that you don't have to get out to use the bathroom," Pam grinned.
"I know, right?" Krieger nodded.
"EWWW!" Everyone else winced.
"Oh please!" Pam scoffed. "Where do you think fish go?"
"Still Pam…" Lana groaned.
"It was only number one!" Pam snapped. "Not like I did number two!"
"Oh…" Krieger blinked. "There's a difference?"
"EWWWWW!" Everyone else winced.
"Okay AJ you are not going in the water again," Lana groaned. "And neither am I for that matter."
"I just remembered why I'd rather go to work than the beach," Cheryl groaned as she played around with her glue. "Well that and the free glue I can get high off of."
"Cheryl!" Lana snapped indicating AJ.
"AJ," Ray sighed. "Don't ever eat glue or smell glue. You don't want to end up like Cheryl."
"Why wouldn't she want to be like me?" Cheryl snapped. She then looked around. "Shut up Mr. Ostrich!"
"What ostrich?" AJ blinked.
"Cheryl sees things that aren't there because she sniffs glue and it makes her brain crazy," Ray explained. "Well I think she was crazy before she started sniffing glue but…"
"So never ever eat or sniff glue okay AJ?" Lana sighed.
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Cheryl screamed at the imaginary ostrich. She threw the glue bottle. "Now look what you made me do!"
"Do you want to end up like that?" Lana asked her daughter.
"Nooooppe," AJ's eyes were wide.
"Then don't do what she does," Ray sighed.
"WHO THREW THIS GLUE AT ME?" A woman shouted.
"I didn't throw it at you!" Cheryl snapped at the person. "I threw it at the ostrich!"
"I think I'm going to go feed the seagulls now," Krieger took some food and took off.
"Uh Krieger I…" Pam began. "Oh never mind. Let him find out the hard way."
"Your stupid glue spilled my drink!" The woman behind them screeched. "Now my scotch is ruined!"
"Kitty for God's sakes it's only eleven in the morning," Her husband groaned.
"It's always drinking time somewhere!" The woman yelled.
"We have an extra scotch…" Ray sighed as he went into the cooler. "You can have that."
"I also want an apology!" Kitty screamed.
"Well people in Hell want ice water," Cheryl mocked.
"Trust me just take the scotch," Ray took the bottle out and handed it to the older woman.
"What the hell happened to your hand?" Kitty's husband asked.
"Hand transplant," Ray said with a straight face. "I forgot to check a box."
"You have to check a box?" Kitty asked. "I knew bureaucracy was getting out of hand but this is ridiculous."
"In his case it literally did," Pam snorted.
"You know…?" Ray looked at Pam.
"YEOOWWW!" Krieger was heard shouting.
"And here we go," Ray sighed.
"AAAAHHHH!" Krieger ran from a flock of angry seagulls. "I don't have anything else! I swear! OW!"
"Important life lesson AJ," Pam said. "Never feed a seagull."
"AAAHHHH!" Krieger ran for his life from the seagulls.
"That's why we don't feed the seagulls," Lana sighed. "Understand AJ?"
"Yuuup," AJ nodded, truly taking in that little life lesson playing before her.
"I knew I shouldn't have moved to California," Kitty's husband groaned.
"Testify," Ray groaned.
"Oh shut up Red!" Kitty snapped. "Hey this scotch has a kick to it!"
"OW! OW! OW! OW!" Krieger screamed as he was being pecked.
"Ha ha!" Cheryl laughed. "Peck his eyes out! Peck his eyes out!"
"God there are so many weirdoes in this state," Red grumbled. "Should have stayed in Wisconsin."
"OWW! OWW! OWW!" Krieger screamed.
"Jump in the water!" Pam shouted. "JUMP IN THE WATER!"
SPLASH!
"OWWWW!" Krieger yelled.
"Oh right," Pam blinked. "Seagulls can swim."
"OWWW!" Krieger screamed.
"It's a shame Cyril isn't here," Lana said.
"It is?" Ray asked.
"Yeah," Lana said. "He could have gotten pecked by seagulls too."
"OWWW! OWW! SOMEBODY CALL ALFRED HITCHCOCK! OWWW!"
"God it's so funny when you idiots get hurt," Cheryl laughed. Then she saw something. "Ooh look! A seashell! I want to hear the ocean!"
"It's right there," Ray pointed. "The actual ocean is right there! You can hear it!"
"CAW! CAW! SCREEEEE!"
"AAAAAHHHH!"
"Among other sounds," Ray added.
"I wanna hear the ocean!" Cheryl snapped as she picked up the seashell and put it to her ear. "OWWW!"
"I'm guessing that's not the ocean," Ray quipped.
"OWW! OWW! OWW!" Cheryl flailed around. "Something's got my ear! OWWW!"
"OWWW!" Krieger screamed. "A SEAGULL HAS MY EAR! OWW!"
"Probably a crab," Kitty spoke up. "Which serves you right because you're so crabby! HA HA HA!"
"Wow what are the odds?" Pam blinked.
"With this group?" Ray quipped.
"Strangely enough this actually makes me feel better," Lana said. "Kind of like the universe giving me a freebee."
"Jump in the water!" Pam shouted. "Maybe it will let go?"
SPLASH!
"OWW! IT WON'T!" Cheryl screamed.
"Oh right," Pam blinked. "Crabs live in the ocean."
"OW! IT HURTS!" Cheryl screamed.
"Oh like it's the first time you've ever had crabs!" Ray snapped.
"Another life lesson AJ," Lana sighed. "Before you put a seashell to your ear, make sure nothing's living in it. Okay?"
"Okay," AJ nodded cheerfully.
"She's learning a lot from this trip," Ray nodded.
"I so have to get better friends," Lana groaned.