WE WROTE THE BIG PEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA MERE MORTALS!!!
Just so you know. The lightbulbfaerys are the same people as moon-faery69 and mrfibblesownsyoursoul we have combined our log-in! You're all doomed now!!! Even if you don't like us read the bloody story and REVIEW! Reviewing is VERY IMMPORTANT if you don't review we will write no more stories and you will all be very sad, right? So REVIEW!!!!! Coz you love us! Or more likely because you hate us! Or because I personally know Mr Fibbles who owns your soul and I will tell him your nasty if you don't review us. So Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!! (It's Becca that knows Mr Fibbles……..Jennie is the sane one.) (Ok, saner one.) (Only by a bit)
Why does that always seem to happen? Its always two writers, one saneish one completely insane……very weird.
Oh and also you have to read "THE BIG PEAR" coz it's good, honest. Were not just saying that because we wrote it and want money it is good…..honest.
Cheese, pancakes and the randomness of sugar
Buffy the vampire Slayer crossover
Morgan POVMe, Sky and Alisa were sitting in Hunter's living room discussing if a dictionary would have the word dictionary in it.
"Sky, I was a walking talking dictionary, I should know!" This was annoying. I was so sure I was right. Who was more likely to be right? A normal English, blonde freak or a former walking talking dictionary.
"Yes I do remember your dictionary phase. I did feed you it. You read me the whole dictionary and never said the word dictionary!" Alisa was humming the birdie song.
"Alisa stop fucking humming the birdie song!" That is so annoying, she can't hum or sing.
"Fine, I will stop humming that." After that she started to sing the BNBN song. Where did I hide that gun? I just got up and was about to walk to my magic hiding place when Hunter ran in.
"I've got a TV. A TV. A TV!" I couldn't see it. Oh well, back to hunting for the "Kill Alisa" Gun. I gave it a name.
"Really? Where is it then?" Sky asked.
"Outside." Odd place for a TV.
"Why is it outside?"
"I couldn't carry it. I paid a guy named bob to carry it here." Sky walked out the door and whispered "What blonde English fanny whip." She came back in with the TV in one hand. Hunter went and sat down and joined Alisa in the singing of the BNBN song. Found it! (Very load bang)
"Alisa you are dead and Hunter if you continue to sing that song you will join her!" I dramatically blow the gun then hit the ceiling making their cheap bathroom fall onto Alisa's dead body. Whoopsie.
"Its ok guys, I'm not actually dead yet just badly hurt." Said Alisa as her head appeared from under the bath. I shot her in the head. That should keep her down.
"I've done it, I'm amazing. Hey, Alisa's dead. Morgan, have you been playing with the "Kill Alisa" gun?"
"Sorry, Miss Niall." We all sat down and watched the TV. Buffy was on. Whoopee o Dee whoop. When it finished I said.
"I wanna be Buffy," to no one really in particular.
"Well, sorry Morgan, you can't be Buffy." Sky informed me. Nasty bitch.
"I wanna be Buffy, I wanna be Buffy." I said and clapped my hands. Whoosh I was Buffy. Cool. That meant my inferior friends are Buffy characters! I looked at Hunter.
"Hey Hunter, your Spike!"
"What, no I'm not!"
"Yeah you are your blonde, English and thick!" Thicker than usual anyway if he didn't realise he was a completely different person.
"I'm always blonde, English and thick."
"Oh, yeah." Shame. I wanted a kickass vampire with a soul boyfriend. It's not fair.
"Are you sure you're not Spike?" I got a pencil magickally out of nowhere. And staked him.
"Yes I'm bloody sure!" He said then collapsed, dead. Oh not vampire, whoops. I think I just killed my favourite boyfriend!!! My only boyfriend! Cal doesn't count. He couldn't read. Who wants a boyfriend that can't read? Oh no now I don't have a boyfriend. Next time I'll get one blonde, English, stupid and ugly!!!! And immortal so I can't kill him! Noooooooooooooooooo! I have to save Hunter as sexy as he looks dead.
"I must now save Hunter!" I told Sky "And the world!" I added dramatically
"From what?" Stupid Sky. Spoil my dramatic Buffy moment.
"I don't know. I'll find something to save the world from!" Just then Killian ran in. He looks kinda weird. Is he wearing tweed?
"Morgan I'm going to kill you!!! Your stupid mind made me Giles!!!" Oh woopsie. I guess every Buffy needs a Giles. I could do with a Wicca Willow to I have no powers and Hunters dead. Hold the phone did Killian say he was going to kill me? Killian/Giles ran at me. Oh yeah. I kicked him away with one of my super slayer kicks ha ha!
"Take that English freak!!!! Ha ha!" I said triumphantly
"Nooooo! I'm Scottish! I will never be English! NO!"
"Well Giles is English so I guess you half and half now."
"Nooooo! Never! I'm going to cry in a corner. Why do you hate me little sis I always looked out for you."
"That's why you're Giles." It was all clear now. Then Willow came in. She's late!
"Hey all." She said.
"Save Hunter. He's dead. I staked him with a pencil." It not my fault I thought he was a vampire.
"Uh, is that an unnatural death?" She asked
"Of course it bloody is! Do you think it's natural to be staked with a pencil by a vampire slayer?"
"Well yeah happens all the time here." She pisses me off. She's supposed to be my friend.
"Well not where he comes from so FIX HIM!!!! OR FEEL THE WRATH OF A SLAYER ARMED WITH PENCILS!!!!" That did it. She fixed him, yay!
"Hunter! You're fixed!"
"Was I broken?" He's an idiot.
"Yeah I staked you with a pencil."
"Oh yeah. WHY DID YOU STAKE ME WITH A PENCIL!?!" Um…..
"Because I thought your were an evil vampire who would kill Alisa." Great plan I'm smart! I'M A GENIUS!
"You killed Alisa already and I would be doing everyone a favour, I wouldn't be evil." Oh yeah Whoopsie.
"Sky?" I thought, I wouldn't mind him killing Sky but it would have been right to stop him….I wouldn't have but it just an excuse, he'll never know.
"She's making out with Killian!" Oh. Right Whoops. EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
"Killian?"
"He wasn't here" Oh yeah "And he's wearing tweed, he deserves to die!" That too.
"It doesn't matter. It's in the past." I said.
"Very wise Rafeeki." Hee hee I'm wise. (AN for all those who don't know, or cant tell because we have spelt it wrong Rafeeki is the monkey on the "Lion King" if you still don't remember what bit we are on about GO WATCH THE MOVIE!")
"Oh Buffy! Theres an evil goddess waiting downtown for you." Willow said.
"What? I'm Wiccan there's only one goddess. And she's not evil." I said
"Huh? I'm the wiccan one you're Buffy, the vampire slayer." She's a bitch.
"I like being Morgan the kickass Wiccan." I sobbed.
"Hunny, you were never kickass just powerful." WHAT!?!
"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?! I WAS SO KICKASS! YOU BLOODY ENGLISH WIMP!" why didn't I leave him dead? He was sexy and couldn't talk. A great look for him.
"Nothing." He backed away quickly. Wimp.
"She's from another dimension." Willow explained. I suppose that makes it ok then.
-LATER, DOWNTOWN (about half a block from uptown as there is not a whole lot of town in Sunnydale)-
This bug hairy thing was standing ripping people apart. Was that my Maths Teacher? Yeah, didn't like him, he thought I was weird just because all I said one day was cheese. Plus he's English. Hold the phone…
"Where's Giles/Killian. I can't be a Buffy without a Giles. That's just wrong!" I told Willow and Hunter. Sky and Killian/Giles seemed to have buggered off and Giles always gave Buffy help in tough times. And I was guessing this would be a tough time.
"Still at the house," Willow informed me.
"What are they doing are they doing at the house?" Simple-minded Hunter. Willow gave us a look to say they are either making out or doing it. Hunter and I shuddered. Hey, if they got together and got married, then I would be Hunters half second cousin-in-law…thing. Btu would that be wrong to shag you ermm…. Half second cousin-in-law. Well maybe, I and Hunter could get married first, and then it wouldn't be wrong for us to do it. But what if they are getting married right now.
"They're not." Hunter said
"Ahhhh!!!!!!!!!" I screamed. Had he read my thoughts? Was he some sort of mind reader? Was he reading my thoughts right now? That's creepy.
"Morgan, you're saying all these things aloud." No, I'm not.
"Yes you are." Really
"Yip!" Willow said. That's disturbing, what if I was saying something private.
"You're still doing it!" Crap. Before I could think of anything else I heard the god call out my name.
"Morgan!" that sounded like Robbie. "I'm gonna get you for this!" and that sounded like Bree. I spun around.
"HOLY CRAP!!!" Bree and Robbie are the God. And they were stuck together in one body. And it had green stuff on it too. They were merged into one body. And not well. It had Bree's ermm, upper assets and Robbie's lower ones. That was so wrong.
"I'm gonna kill you." Robbie/Bree Monster said.
"What the hell did I do?" I screamed at them.
"This!" They yelled back at me, pointing at them.
"How do you know it was me?" Ha-ha, they would never know it was me. Unless Hunter or Willow were nodding their heads. I turned round and it turned out they were playing knots and crosses on Willow head. She seemed to be having difficulty taking her turn.
"1) Because you are Buffy, 2) because no one else seems to be doing anything Buffy like and 3) BECAUSE IT IS ALWAYS YOU!!!" Hey, that's not nice.
"Is not!" I said like a little girl.
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too"
"IS NOT!"
"IS TOO" I heard Killian/Giles say.
"Hey, how did you get here so fast?"
"Teleportation"
"Cool!" Hold the phone…
"YOUR SUPPOSED TO STICK UP FOR ME NOT AGREE WITH MY ENEMIES!"
"HEY!"
"I'm sorry dude… thing but its true. Anyway, STICKING UP FOR ME, WHY DON'T YOU DO IT!?!?!?"
"Hey, you turned me in to Giles; I'm never sticking up for you again." O crap, I knew there was a downside to this Buffy thing. O well.
"Now I must kill my best friends. Because I am the slayer and they are evil…"
"We're not evil, just pissed off!" Robbie/Bree said. Arseholes.
"Shh!!! Anyway, as I was saying. I must do it because I am the slayer and it is what I have to do. I must, it is the slayer law."
"It also says in the slayer handbook of rules..." Holy crap, there's a handbook; I want a handbook, how come I don't get a handbook. Sky continued "You can't eat donuts!"
"What, ever?" That was just so wrong.
"No donuts, EVER!!!"
"That's not right; I'm ending this spell..."
"You can end it!!!" Everyone yelled. Well apart from Hunter and Willow who were still playing knots and crosses on Willow head. Though Willow was still trying to do her turn so Hunter had started balancing a spoon on his nose.
"Ye, course I can end it, what kind of dumbass can't end their own simple spells." Thud!!! What the hell. "What the hell!?!?!?!"
"Emm… I threw one of my books at you but I missed." Killian confessed. You would think he would be more grateful now I was going to take the spell off that he hated. I mean, a simple thank you Morgan, I love you. You are the greatest person on earth would have been fine.
"I wonder if it would have hurt if it hit me." I wondered aloud.
"It does." O crap.
"Hunter, are you ok? I'm sure Killian is sorry!"
"No!" Killian answered. I knew that I was just trying to be nice.
"But thank you Hunter." I petted his head.
"For what?" he was confused and so sexy.
"For solving my problem for if it hurts or not." I kissed him on the head and stood up.
"He made me drop his spoon!"
"Morgan!" Sky yelled.
"Ja."
"Why are you choosing to become normal again?"
"Because of the no donuts rule."
"But you never thought of this when 1) Killian came running in as Giles 2) You killed Hunter 3) Willow told you that a demon was in town or 4) when that demon turned out to be your best friends and you had to kill them?"
"Nope, only at the donut bit."
"Just wondering." I clapped my hands and everything went back to normal. Bree and Robbie were to people again and started making out. Killian teleported out (need to learn how to do that). I looked at Sky. She shrugged and we went back to hers 2 watch the TV.
-ABOUT 6 HOURS LATER-
Willow shouted "Woo hoo I'm done!"
"I win!" Hunter yelped.
"No, I just finished my turn." Hunter groaned.
To be continued…
"Morgan, why did you write to be continued, you're not planning to do it again are you?" Hunter asked me.
"Um…"
"Morgan?"
"You'll have to wait and see!"
Live Long and Prosper.
"Sky?"
"Yes!"
"Why did you write that?"
"I think it's so cool!"
"Change it."
"But Morgan…"
"Change it!"
"Fine." Sky humphed.
Beam me up Scotty
"Morgan, why are you giving me those looks?" Sky asked me.
"This is the last time I ever let anyone touch the end credits again!" Hunter said firmly.
"But Hunter…" Sky and me moaned.
"No buts, this time it is…"
THE END
"How boring!"
"Why would you want to write that?"
"You two, look up. You don't talk after it says the end, so shut up."
"Arsehead!"