Author's Note: So I thought about my big Gajeel and Levy story "Plans and Execution" and wondered a few things. What if Levy wasn't so outgoing? What if Gajeel wasn't so accepting? What if there is no big disaster to drive them together? That's where I got the idea for this story.
Gajeel's POV.
Only Her
They weren't right for each other; he knew it as soon as she started making hints his direction. Somethings he couldn't help. He couldn't help saving her that one time. He couldn't help watching her. But they weren't right for each other. Even for a casual lay, they wouldn't work … because she wasn't the casual lay kinda girl. She was the type to want a "real" relationship, and he couldn't do more than the surface attachments he offered all of the guild members.
Well … most of …
Some of 'em at least. The ones he could stand. On the whole they were better than the bunch of sycophants in Phantom, but a good number of them were so freaking naive as to be completely and utterly stupid.
Smart as she was, when it came to him she was as dumb as those idiots who followed her around all the damn time.
He paid for his pleasures. He always had. He didn't want long term connections; he couldn't afford long term connections (emotionally or monetarily; bitches cost a lot of money). An hour, maybe two, with tits and a crotch. He pretty much never even looked at their faces. Their faces didn't matter.
There was nothing he could offer a girl like her. He would tarnish the pure silver of her spirit. The old him thought that sounded a lot like fun, but he wasn't that guy anymore. The Master had led him from the darkness and showed him the light. It didn't matter that he still spent a good bit of time running around in the dark for the old man; he'd seen that bright beauty. He couldn't go back to what he was before.
Still, that didn't make him any more suited to be with her. Shit; it would probably ruin him as much as her.
He looked to her for … guidance. Reminders. He only had to see her smiling. Laughing. Talking. Fighting. Every doubt, every unacknowledged fear, would recede. Replaced by determination.
He didn't think that would work if his image of her changed from an innocent, child-like angel to someone naked, moaning, and writhing under his hands. Or worse, nagging because he was what he was and not what she had somehow come to believe he should be.
She was his saint. You weren't supposed to fuck someone like that. He had no right to even fantasize about someone like that.
But he did. It was as far as he'd go. As much as he'd allow himself.
As long as she never actually screamed out his name in pleasure or showed him her tits, he thought he could maintain the status quo.
'But,' his jackass subconscious told him, 'a girl like that … someday someone is going to take her. And you'll know. What then?'
What then, indeed. A good bet would be on him killing the crap out of that hypothetical "someone". Or maiming. He rather enjoyed maiming.
But she would not approve.
He could leave the guild. People did leave sometimes. Could he stay the way he was without being able to see her? Having a cat helped, it helped a lot, but her influence on him was special. And he'd been watching her for a long time.
No. He and the cat were sword brothers. Equals. Pantherlily was awesome but couldn't step into her place. Couldn't be his saint. His light. Pantherlily only knew the new him. He couldn't serve as a reminder of the unforgivable things he had done in the past.
Only Fairy Tail. Only her.
So maybe – to keep her from some other limp-dicked jag-off – he should respond to her...
No. No. He already decided; she was a height he would not reach for.
He would not risk hurting her. There were things … bad things … he had to do, and there was still a large question mark over Metalicana. That whole situation was far too mysterious to be over.
His dragon he could see leaving (as pissed as he still was over it), but from what the others told him, the fire and air dragons weren't cut from the same don't-give-a-hard-damn cloth. There was something weird there, and he could almost see it rearing its head to bite him in the ass.
Being with her would make her a target and leave him vulnerable. All anyone would have to do is go after her and he'd be useless.
Couldn't risk it...
But then how could he stop the hypothetical future boyfriend/husband?
'You can't,' his subconscious was being helpful again. 'You can't stall her life and have nothing to do with her. Control her and ignore her. Doesn't work like that.'
Goddamn subconscious. It was right.
It was a countdown then. He would be her gruff, somewhat dense, friend for as long as she remained single.
If she … if she got past shy glances and actually told him her feelings …
Shit.
He would deny his own. Turn her down. As kindly as he could.
And when she turned to someone else, he would slip away. Run away. To keep from going crazy and doing something he'd in no way regret. Until she started hiding behind walls again. Or worse, forgave him.
Things were going to get bad soon. He could feel it. Whether it was the dragons, or the Master's son, or something else all together, things were going to get bad. This was the plan; this was his decision. He would not stray from it.
He would not be what she wanted.
He would be what they both needed.
End Note: Hope you enjoyed. Please review.