The Dating Game
Senior military officers tend to become autocratic; it's an occupational hazard, and Rear Admiral A J Chegwidden was no exception to the rule. Chegwidden was the biggest fish in the small pond that was the US Navy's Judge Advocate General Corps; so in one very real sense, he was an autocrat; as far as his juniors in rank, and that was most of the navy, were concerned his word was law. But it wasn't just his position or the authority lent to him by his rank, or the rows of medal ribbons he wore over his shirt pocket, or even the gold SEAL trident above them. A J as he was known by his friends, and referred to by his juniors, had tremendous physical presence, and over the years had adopted a tetchy, bear-like, gruff, growling persona that intimidated his juniors and even some of his equals. So the Admiral was not used to having his will thwarted and his requests (and in the military a request from a senior has the same force as an order) ignored, and A J Chegwidden did not like being ignored.
"Tiner!" The sound of the Admiral calling his name usually had Petty Officer Yeoman First Class Tiner springing through the office door like a Jack-in-the-box, but not this time.
"Tiner! Answer me, dammit!" The door remained closed.
The now purple-faced officer raised his voice to new heights of frustration and yelled, "TINER!"
To his stunned amazement, there was still no reply to his summons. It was beginning to dawn on an incredulous Admiral the he was going to have to leave his desk and look for his own damn' Yeoman. This was not only unheard of, it was totally unacceptable, muttering darkly about 'dereliction of duty', 'disrespectful conduct towards a superior officer' and 'brig time' he stalked across his office towards the door. A J his anger already at a simmer due to the arrival on his desk of an official complaint from NAS Pax River, was now beginning to find his temper rapidly approaching boiling point.
Throwing open the door and standing in the small office occupied by Tiner's currently-deserted desk, and which served as an ante-chamber for his far grander office, A J swept his eyes around the bull-pen, where the denizens of that environment all suddenly became engrossed in their respective tasks, not one of them being brave enough (or dumb enough) to attract the attention of an obviously irate senior officer, whose bellows had been clearly heard throughout the entire building. A flicker of movement in the corner of his eye revealed that Commander Rabb had ducked into his office at the first sign of his chief's appearance, and a similar hint of movement just two doors further along the same wall showed that Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie had also ducked out of harm's way, no, he corrected himself, marines did not duck, they took cover. The two officers in question might well try to avoid him, they were the subjects of the fairly comprehensive complaint from the CO at Pax River, and while he most definitely did want to discuss their most recent foray into the realms of insubordination and disrespect and conduct unbecoming, all that could wait until he had chewed Tiner's butt off for not being at his desk when he was wanted. So, where the hell was Tiner?
Ah-ha! There he was! Totally oblivious to his outraged chief's presence Tiner was solicitously helping Lieutenant Singer as she waddled from the break-room back to her desk. Yes, A J thought as his mood lightened slightly at the sight of the heavily pregnant young lieutenant, waddled was definitely the word, not that he would ever use it within her hearing. No, the Admiral had not survived his tours in 'Nam, and a marriage to and divorce from a fiery-tempered Italian, just to risk his life by mentioning her appearance to a woman who was well into her third trimester. No, definitely not. Almost unconsciously A J's hand crept up to feel the scar on his head inflicted by the hand-hurled missile used by that hot-tempered Italiana. That scar was a handy reminder he told himself not to use the words 'mood' and 'swing' anywhere in the same sentence when he had his upcoming and necessary interview with an officer who, even before she achieved her present interesting condition, had been renowned for her short temper and sharp tongue, and the whose aching back and feet had at least twice over the past month been the cause of a hasty evacuation of the bull-pen by all surviving male personnel. The language used on at least one of these occasions was, he'd been informed by an admiring Gunnery Sergeant Galindez fit to make a Parris Island DI blush.
But the interviews with Rabb, MacKenzie and Singer could wait. In about thirty seconds from now AJ expected to be enjoying himself as he tore Tiner's head of his shoulders and brought him to a proper understanding of his delinquency.
"Tiner!"
The Yeoman looked across the bull-pen at his principal, his respectful "Sir?" accompanied by a look of dutiful naivety, and dammit, the Admiral thought, innocence.
"My office, Tiner, now!"
"Aye, aye, sir!" But Tiner continued to support Lieutenant Singer with one hand on her elbow as she lowered herself gingerly into her chair, and smiled up at the Yeoman, saying, "Thank you, Tiner," as she did.
The bull-pen went even quieter, becoming almost one hundred per cent silent as its awestruck, if not terrified, inhabitants took in the sight of one of the JAG's senior ranking enlisted flagrantly demonstrating Disobedience to a Direct Order.
"NOW, Tiner!"
"Aye, aye sir!" Tiner responded, the quality of surprise in his voice and the expression on his face revealing that he had no idea of how badly he had transgressed, or even that he had transgressed at all.
xxxxx-xxxxx-xxxxx
Chegwidden sat back in his chair and steepled his fingers while he regarded his Yeoman, hell, in some ways his henchman. The younger man was now white faced and trembling, whether that was from fear or from the strain of standing to attention under fire for twenty minutes was unclear to either party.
"At ease, Tiner."
The Admiral wrath had been appeased, to some degree, by the twenty minute reaming he had just handed out, and he was now in a better position to reflect on the whole set of circumstances concerned with this Tiner/Singer thing. He was aware, of course, of Tiner's attention to Lieutenant Singer, and in a way he was grateful that at least one member of his staff was keeping a watchful, guardian eye on the fractious officer, whether she thought she needed it or not, although he suspected that Lieutenant Sims was also helping, well, as much as Lieutenant Singer would allow. But he was also aware that Lieutenant Singer was milking Tiner's attention for all she was worth. In retrospect, he should have known why Tiner was absent from his post, and if he hadn't been so damn' fired up with this latest bunch of... of BS from Rabb and MacKenzie, he would have realised it. But something needed to be done to break Tiner from his fascination with pregnant women, when Sims had been pregnant a remark that could have been termed as inappropriate was taken just that way by Sims' husband and that most unaggressive of officers had, or so it had seemed, been on the edge of hauling Tiner across his desk and punching him out. And Singer, she must be brought to see that her condition was no excuse for taking advantage of Tiner's ... obsession, which was pretty disturbing in its own way. But there was no point in going off half-cocked, this needed some careful thought. But, there's still that other matter that needs to be dealt with...
"Alright Tiner; pass the word that I want to see..."
"Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie, ASAP! Aye, aye, sir!"
"Dismissed, Tiner!" When would he learn! Interrupting him and finishing his sentences for him was not going to win Tiner any good conduct points!
As he'd suspected his two top gun attorneys hadn't been in the slightest bit repentant. In fact, Rabb had only just stopped short of saying that he was considering filing charges of obstructing a JAGMan investigation against the complaining officer. And that was one pissing contest he would not allow his junior to get involved in. A public fight between a Commander and a Captain about to be made flag could only end up badly for both officers, and more importantly, for the navy. He'd torn them off a strip, but in the light of their verbal addenda to their written reports - at least they'd had the sense not to put their more incendiary comments and opinions in writing - he hadn't been able to justify any further action. And if he had contemplated taking the matter further, then he was pretty sure that Rabb would have filed those charges. A J scowled, he had been forced to abandon any notion of repercussions and Rabb had known it! As the admiral had dismissed the two of them, the insubordinate son of a bitch had had the gall to ask, "What about the complaint, sir?"
A J had only been able to sigh in resignation and say, "I'll file it with the rest of them," and as his two officers had left the office, he had crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash can.
Sitting back in his chair again his eyes idly swept around the office as he considered what to do about Tiner and Singer. Tiner was losing his focus, which was a damn' shame. He'd worked like hell for more than five years to pass law school and he was right on the edge of graduating, and then all he had needed to do was pass the Virginia Bar Association and A J would be able to sign off on his application for OCS, but how could he, in good conscience, sign off the OCS application if Tiner had lost sight of what he was supposed to be doing... and dammit! There! Right there on his desk, staring at him point-blank, that was something else Tiner should have done and had missed! OK, Mr Tiner, A J decided, it's about time you and Miss Singer got a sharp wake-up call!
"Tiner!"
"Sir!" Tiner's head appeared around the half-open door with commendable speed.
"Tiner, pass the word for Lieutenant Singer to come and see me ASAP!"
"Aye, aye, sir!"
A few minutes later and in response to his gruff "enter" Lieutenant Singer made a stately, slow entrance and progression across the carpet between the door and the two leather wing chairs in front of his desk, with Tiner, just as the admiral had expected hovering at her elbow. Battling his own instincts to go to the assistance of a pregnant woman, A J stayed behind his desk and maintaining what he hoped was an impassive face watched the two of them draw closer.
Bearing in mind the strictures contained in OPNAVINSTRs, and the various instructions issued by the Navy Surgeon General on the treatment of pregnant servicewomen in their third trimester, the admiral said, "Please sit down Lieutenant," and waiting for Tiner to once again lower her into her seat, he added, as the Yeoman started to turn towards the door, "Stay right there, Tiner. I need to talk to the two of you together." Tiner froze into a brace which brought the order "At ease, Tiner" and as the younger man relaxed into the less stressful position, Chegwidden cleared his throat.
"Tiner, when do you graduate law school?"
"I did, sir. Three weeks ago."
A J looked at him with real displeasure, "Why am I not aware of this?"
"Sir, I'm waiting for the results of the Virginia Bar Exam, and was going to present both sets to you together, sir!"
"You've taken the bar exam already, Tiner?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Well done, Tiner, well done." The admiral was genuinely pleased with the younger man's progress. The idea to attend law school had been his own, and in completing the course on his own time and on his own dime, he had exercised just the sort of initiative, determination and self-discipline that a JAG officer needed, so no matter how this nonsense with Singer turned out, he supposed that he'd no other option than to sign off on Tiner's OCS papers, after all. And thinking about Singer...
"Lieutenant I've been looking through your family care proposal against the time when you'll be assigned post partum to another shipboard billet, or even sent TAD, and I see you've listed Lieutenants Roberts and Sims as primary care givers for your child when you are not able to fulfil that function. I realise that Sims volunteered to do this for your child, although in light of events before you deployed to the Seahawk I am surprised; maybe this is her way of showing repentance for that black-eye. Don't look surprised Lieutenant, I am neither stupid nor entirely senile, and I have a pretty fair idea of what happens in my own headquarters. But, the point I'm trying to make is that Sims hadn't, I'm sure, at the time realised how difficult life was going to be for them both while they adjusted to the consequences of Roberts' injury. Therefore, you need to reconsider your care plan; in its present form it is not acceptable. Now, you and I know that you can't be assigned outside CONUS or to a shipboard billet for at least six months post partum, so although it seems that we have time in hand, this situation needs to be resolved ASAP. Have you anyone else who can help you over the last two weeks before your expected delivery date and through your maternity leave?"
A suddenly stricken Lieutenant Singer shook her head numbly. If she couldn't provide a satisfactory family care plan, she could ultimately face administrative separation from the navy and could end up as she'd once put it as a 'coupon clipping single mother'.
The admiral took note of her expression and had to steel himself to continue to add to her discomfort for the next few moments.
"When are you due to commence maternity leave Lieutenant?"
"After Secure on Friday, sir."
"H'mm, and you'll have no-one to keep an eye on you until you are admitted for delivery, is that right?"
"Yes, sir."
"And how were you planning to get to Bethesda from Georgetown, Lieutenant - Bethesda is your HCP isn't it?" Resolved to teach them both a lesson, A J telegraphed down for flank speed.
Singer nodded her head as she replied, "I was going to get a cab, sir."
"And if it had been an emergency?" A J persisted
"I... I'm not sure, sir... I was hoping in that case that I could call for an ambulance, sir."
"And there still would have been no-one at home with you after you brought your baby home?"
"Er... well... no, sir."
Chegwidden leaned back in his chair. "That is not a very satisfactory state of affairs Lieutenant; I would expect better planning and forethought from one of my officers! This whole affair is becoming less and less satisfactory the more I delve into it. It is, of course, as much my fault as yours; I placed too much reliance in your ability to resolve those issues in your personal life that you placed such a premium on keeping private. That stops now Lieutenant. When you secure on Friday, Yeoman Tiner will accompany you home, where you will provide him with somewhere to sleep so that he can continue the care which he has provided to you here in the office, in the much more suitable environment of your home. Care, which I might add, you have exhibited every sign of accepting with pleasure, enjoyment and gratitude!"
"Sir, you can't mean that! What about the fraternisation regulations?"
"Sir, no, I can't move in with the Lieutenant! What about the fraternisation regulations?"
Well, reflected A J, the numbness has certainly gone now, Singer looks more animated now that she has for weeks, I just hope I haven't shocked her into labour; I've no wish to become a midwife again!
"Yes, of course, the fraternisation regulations. Tiner, Lieutenant, how many sides are there to a coin?"
"Er... two, sir?"
"Well done, Tiner, there are indeed two sides; the obverse and the reverse. Now, how many sides are there to a piece of paper?"
"Two sir?"
"Yes, well done, Miss Singer. Now, the fraternisation regulations, which are printed on one side of a piece of paper, give me the right, no, the duty to forbid over familiarity between commissioned and enlisted, which includes dating and sharing accommodation, do they not?"
Both Lieutenant and Petty Officer nodded.
"And Newton's law, his third law, states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, agreed?"
His apparently tangential twist away from the subject matter left his two subordinates with their mouths open in mutual incomprehension.
"So if one side of that piece of paper allows me to forbid something, then the other side allows me not only to permit it, but to order it. Right?"
Singer and Tiner looked at each other, the admiral's logic appeared sound enough, but there must, surely, be something wrong with it, but neither of them could see any point in arguing with the Old Man when he was in this sort of mood. It was all Rabb's fault, Singer thought irritably, if he and Colonel MacKenzie hadn't wound the old ba..., the admiral up, he wouldn't be in such a peculiar humour.
"I'll take your silence as agreement, then, and I'll expect a full report from you on Monday, Tiner! That is all, dismissed!"
Jason Tiner took a deep breath, and mentally kissing goodbye to all hopes of a commission and a future of any sort in the navy said, "No, sir."
He winced as the Admiral's complexion turned puce, and the former SEAL stood and leaning forward with his hands on his desk, he hissed, "What, did you just say, Yeoman?"
"I said, no, sir", the now trembling and white-faced Petty officer repeated, while the Lieutenant looked up at him with respect... or perhaps awe would, for once, be the right word.
"You'd better explain yourself, mister," the admiral ground out between gritted teeth, "and for your sake, the explanation had better be a damn' good one!"
"Sir, it would be improper for the Lieutenant and me to share her apartment, sir, on moral grounds."
"What moral grounds?" demanded his irate superior.
"The Lieutenant and I are not married to each other, sir!"
"H'mm," the admiral re-took his seat and started at each of the other two in turn while he pretended to calm down and consider his options, "Very well, then, get married."
"What!"
"Sir!"
He held up his hand. "This is not up for discussion, people. Yeoman, you will move in with Lieutenant Singer and you will make yourself responsible for her physical and emotional well-being for the duration of her maternity leave. That is an order! Whether or not you decide to live in sin, or get married is entirely up to you; that was merely a suggestion on my part to enable you to move on past any immorality issues. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Aye, aye, sir!"
"Very well, dismissed!"
A J Chegwidden sat back in his padded leather-covered swivel chair as he watched two much shaken subordinates leave his office and close the door behind them. Only when he heard the lock snick into place did he allow a grin to cross his face as he chuckled and moved to rectify one of Tiner's delinquencies. Picking up the desk calendar he did what Tiner should have done before securing from duty last night; he tore off the top sheet which still showed yesterday's date, and dropped it into his waste-basket. That last little interview should have cured Tine of his fascination with pregnant women, and should also have deterred Lieutenant Singer from taking advantage of her co-worker's good nature. As he leaned back in his chair once again, his grin broadened and his chuckle broke out fresh, when he noted how a ray of sunlight peeking through the blossoming trees outside the office illuminated the waste-basket and shone on the date on the ragged edged calendar sheet, "March 31st".