"Ooh, Hogwarts is great," Harry moaned. "This is the best place in the world."

"Yes, Hogwarts is so much fun," Ron muttered.

They were standing at the door to Snape's lifeless, dark chamber. They were in detention. Snape was nowhere to be found.

Well, let's get to work before Snape finds us and kills us, Harry mouthed to Ron. He handed a dusty eraser to his counterpart and began slashing the chalkboard.

"I love to learn." Hermione's eager voice lingered in Harry's head. That had been an hour ago. Before Snape had given them detention for who-knows-how-long. Then Hermione had given Harry a quick peck on the cheek and gone off to her Arithmancy class.

Hermione had been Harry's girlfriend for a week now.

He had first asked her out at Honeydukes, the sugar shop. Hermione had gladly accepted, as long as it "didn't interfere with her studies."

Now Harry and Hermione were together, and he was happy.

Or was he?

"I love magic," Harry absently muttered.

Ron looked at Harry. Harry looked at Ron.

"I love you, Harry."

Harry blushed and grinned.

Then he realized that the voice had not been Hermione in his head, but it had been Ron.

"Um," was the only response Harry could muster.

Could Ron really love him? After all those years of being best friends? Confidantes? How could Ron have suddenly acquired feelings for him?

Well, Harry had never remembered him going out with any girl on campus...

It all clicked together in his head now.

Ron was gay.

"I've got bad news, kids." Dumbledore's voice slowly echoed over the Hogwarts magical intercom.

"Oh no. What is it," Ron and Harry said at once.

"The Dark Lord Voldemort is attacking the school."

They gasped. Harry had never heard Voldemort's name mentioned at Hogwarts before.

"What will we do?"

"... I dunno."

Harry had to laugh at Dumbledore's incompetence. He was usually such a level-headed man. What had happened this time around, though?

Then he remembered the situation with Ron, and he stopped laughing.

Ron was still coming out of the closet. Harry could accept that. But his own best friend... gay... for life... what would that mean? For both of their destinies?

----------

"Ahahahahahahahaha." Lord Voldemort held a powerful wand in his white, deteriorating hand. "Now Hogwarts is mine."

A lone man with a greasy forehead suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "I am Snape. The potions master."

"I must stop this."

"Avadakedavra!" Snape spoke.

Nothing happened. A spark arose from Snape's wand. Voldemort had to laugh.

"Ahahaha. Avadakedavra!"

Voldemort enjoyed being better than everyone at... everything. It gave him a sense of pleasure. Sadistic pleasure. He had had this feeling ever since he was a kid. Tom Riddle.

Tom Riddle.

That had been Voldemort's alter ego. His... mask.

He had been an outcast at school when he was in Hogwarts. Day by day, he had walked in and out of the same halls. No friends at all. The only person he could really identify with was a boy named Severus. He had been sitting in the corner, reading a book, when some other boy had kicked him. James. Severus' books had been sent flying, and James and his counterpart, Sirius, had laughed with glee and tramp off.

But, this kid, Severus... that was the closest thing that Voldemort had ever had to a friend.

Voldemort had suddenly felt connected with Severus. They had never spoken before. But Voldemort knew that Severus had to go through what he had to go through every day.

And James, Sirius... Voldemort had vied for them to be the first victims when he became the conqueror of the world.

Yes. The conqueror of the world. Those had been the plans he had been conjuring up while swimming in the pool of anger that he kept inside him... and now he was living it...

He snapped back to reality and saw Snape lying on the floor.

Wait. Snape. Severus. Severus Snape. This was him. This was Severus Snape, the other outcast at Hogwarts, Year of 1980.

He suddenly wished to take the curse back. To awaken Snape again. He regretted everything he had done. Severus... Snape didn't deserve it. Only he and Snape knew what it felt like to be a true outcast at school.

Voldemort melted inside.

Hurriedly, he rushed to Snape's side, sat down, pondered a reverse spell...

----------

"Here he comes." The voice of reason, Hermione, piped up in Harry's head again.

Harry suddenly felt guilty for her. Here she was so happy, being his girlfriend, when he was not happy. He was cheating on her by thinking about... about... Ron.

Wait. Ron?

Was Harry possibly gay, too?

Footsteps.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ron hurriedly slid behind a table.

Don't be such a coward, Harry mouthed to Ron. But of course, Ron couldn't hear him.

"It's time to die. For you."

Harry whirled around, and saw a grotesque figure.

Voldemort?

"You can't do this." Harry was determined. Not for him, though. For someone else.

Someone cowering under the table at this very moment.

"Oh yes I can. Avadake..."

"Wait." Harry stopped Voldemort before he could do anything serious. Light the room on fire. Kill... Ron.

Harry sighed. What was with his sudden surge of feelings for his cowardly best friend?

Harry quickly slid under the table with Ron. He felt comfortable. Safe.

That feeling suddenly vanished, though, when Ron quickly slid out.

What are you doing, Ron? Harry mouthed. You could get killed out there. I don't... want you to get killed. Leave Voldemort to me.

Ron didn't hear him. He had already ventured out to face Voldemort.

Ron. Nooooooo!

Ron just stood there.

"Bother."

He quickly fled back to safety.

Ron skittered under the table with Harry, and Harry instantly got that warm feeling again. "What are we going to do?" Harry whispered.

"There's nothing we can do. We're finished!"

Harry suddenly wanted the world to stop right there. Him and Ron.

"Wait a minute."

Harry stared at Ron. He was beginning to notice features of Ron that he had never noticed before.

"I've got a plan."

----------

"Oh, children, where are you?"

Harry looked at Ron. Trust me, Ron mouthed.

"We're over here."

"Well. Here I come."

"Wait. We're a little more to the right."

"Oh. Here?"

"Almost."

"That's right," Hermione's voice echoed in Harry's head. Again.

"I don't see anybody here."

What are you doing? Harry mouthed to Ron frantically.

Trust me. I can handle this.

"Okay, you ready? Shoot him!"

Ron shoved a gun into Harry's hand. Harry, unsure of what to do, looked at Ron, gesturing frantically.

Then he got it. Just by looking at his eyes, his facial expression...

And Voldemort fell to the floor, lifeless.

A wave of mercy for the dark lord suddenly flooded Harry's heart. But Ron was cheering. He felt obliged to do so too. For some odd reason.

"What's going on in here?"

Snape had appeared in the doorway. Harry sank back, afraid of what Snape was going to do to them when he found out that they hadn't been cleaning the chalkboard. But then impulsiveness rushed through him. "Snape! You're alive!"

"So it would seem," the old man muttered.

"We love you, Snape!"

What? Harry thought. Ron had told him that he loved him... but now he was telling Snape that he loved him, too? Could it all, possibly, have been just a joke? Just a little... joke? Ron was playing with him the whole time?

Harry suddenly collapsed to the floor, sobbing and crying Ron's name.

But not in reality.

Harry found himself hugging the decrepit old man. With Ron. A group hug. Brotherly love.

It felt great.

Footsteps. Harry looked up.

It was only Dumbledore.

"Alas. A cornucopia of love."

And suddenly they were all hugging together. The world seemed to stop right there. They were one now. Frozen in time.

----------

You do know where the dialogue comes from, don't you?

Okay. Fine. Potter Puppet Pals. )

About the "humor" category? The humor is supposed to be implied. Go to if Potter Puppet Pals if you don't get it.

Now you know why this is my first and last Harry Potter fanfic.