Losing it in the Mountains

Chapter 1-A Close Call

Its was Christmas eve in Sacramento up in the Rocky Mountains, and Lorne De Havilland was thoroughly enjoying himself in his studio watching the hookers pose for the photographer. Chad Bingham Jr was relaxing in the Jacuzzi with a few ladies caressing his muscular body and ordering a cocktail every 5 minutes!

Meanwhile the Christmas party was in full swing and many guests were being welcomed inside the luxurious mansion of Lorne's. Among these guests was a bald man in a tuxedo and red tie, he was known as Agent 47, the stealthiest assassin in the world. Once he had killed his target, he would creep away without leaving any trace of evidence or clues to who he might be. Tonight he was targeting both Lorne and Chad Bingham, and then to steal a video tape showing an incident involving Chad.

Agent 47 casually stepped off the yacht along with the other guests. He brushed down his suit and slyly looked at his surroundings. He realised a lift going up to the party floor and decided he was going to use it. He confidently walked down some steps, clumsily forgetting about the icy floor and slipped over the last stair falling flat on his face!

"Oh bugger!" he said with frustration, as he slowly got up. He realised he was receiving odd looks from the people around him.

"Are you alright sir?" a man asked, dressed in a red suit with a Santa hat on.

"Just slipped," 47 muttered feeling like a complete knob head and his conscience saying, stealthiest assassin? My ass!

Once he neared the lift he realised a security camera just placed above the doors. The agent stopped in his tracks immediately and thought that he needed to find another route to the party floor. He searched around and finally seeked a guard sitting down in front of a computer through a small room's window, hidden slightly behind a few large rocks. Agent 47 guessed that the room was one of the guard's quarters, so smiling smugly to himself he walked towards it.

As he got closer he realised a door next to the window and knew what he had to do. With his fibre wire at the ready he crept towards the oak door, but got stopped by a voice from behind him.

"Hey! You ain't allowed in there!"

Agent 47's voice automatically shot out the words, "oh bollocks!" knowing that it was a guard behind him. Being careful not to reveal his fibre wire he slowly turned round to look at the man. "Well...errrr...hi there," he tried to say innocently but not really succeeding.

"Can't you read? The sign says staff only," he said pointing to the sign. "So unless you're a staff member, I suggest you get out of here," the guard says raising his voice a little.

Agent 47 starts to sweat, trying to think of a way to get out of this awkward situation. "Oh...but, but...but I am a staff member," 47 replies trying to nod convincingly.

The guard raises one eyebrow, "Oh really? Well if so, show me your badge," He smiles knowing that 47 was caught out.

"You want to see my badge? Well of course my badge," 47's hairs stand up on the back of his neck knowing that if he didn't act in the right way he could end up with a bullet in his head. "Well, my badge is..." he feels around his pockets trying to find something. All of a sudden he grips his hand tightly around his silenced silverballer in his pocket and realised what to do.

"Well, where is your badge?" the guard asked impatiently

47 smiled. "My badge is right here," he pulled out the gun quickly and sent a bullet to the guard's head. "Phew that was a close one." He bent down to drag the body in a hidden area but stopped when he heard a voice.

"Hey! Stop right there you murdering bastard!"

The agent turned round puzzled and then saw that the voice came from the guard who was sitting in the small room. He charged out of the oak door and loaded his gun and started to aim at 47.

"Oh yeah, I forget about him," 47 said dumbly. The guard pulled the trigger of his gun, but luckily the bullet missed 47 and instead it hit a party guest, who then fell into the freezing, cold water by the force of the bullet.

"Oops...sorry," the guard shouted. 47 had a little snigger and whilst the guard was distracted he had snuck into the room, which inside had the doors to the lift of the staff floor. The agent entered the lift and pressed the button for the staff floor. Shaking his muscles he said to himself, "Man! What is wrong with you today? You're losing it big time! And it can't be my age I'm only flipping 32, unless it was those Sugar Puffs I had this morning, may have given me more sugar than I need for the day."

After the guard had switched his focus back to 47, he looked around and realised that the agent had snuck off, "that little wanker!" Without hesitation the guard rushed to his phone, to call the other guards on the staff floor.

"Hello," a guard said on the other end.

"Harry, you got an uninvited guest coming up the elevator, he's killed Ben!"

"Bloody hell how the fuck did he manage that? Were you looking at porn again on that computer of yours and not doing your job?"

"No! It's a...complicated story...just make sure you shoot that guy!"

"Alright, whatever," Harry put the phone down and gathered the guards up.

After telling them what happened, the group of them held aim at the lift doors, waiting for their guest to arrive.

Chapter 2-The last cocktail

The lift doors slowly opened as the guards each placed their index finger on the trigger of their own gun. They were looking forward to finally shoot someone as it hardly ever came round in their boring jobs. However, once the lift doors were fully open, their excitement faded, when they realised that the lift was empty.

"That bastard, he was playing tricks on us," said Harry throwing his gun on the floor. The group of guards began to turn back to their areas in huge disappointment at the false alarm, but they were stopped when they heard a quiet whisper coming from the lift.

"Oh shit"

All of them turned round immediately to look at the lift doors and saw Agent 47 falling through the hatch on top of the lift.

"God dammit! I slipped again," complained 47, but before he could complain anymore, he heard the loading of guns, looked up and saw several guns pointing at him. "Oh shit," he whispered to himself. "I am seriously losing it today."

"Got any last requests buddy," a tall, beefy guard asked.

"In fact I do, how about you give me all your guns," 47 said casually and smiled briefly.

"Don't try and be a wise guy with me pal," replied the guard angrily.

47 was trying to keep calm, but it didn't really work because he could feel sweat coming on. "Oh...I ain't trying to be a wise guy. I was...oh my god! Is that Britney Spears naked over there," he shouts at the top of his voice. All the guards look around and the agent runs into the changing rooms whilst they're distracted.

"Hey! He's getting away"

47 hears someone in the shower and realises they left they're clothes on the bench. As the guards bundle into the changing rooms all they see is an innocent servant. He casually walks past the guards, "Good day fellas," he said in a posh voice.

"Good day," the guards grumbled back.

"Well, where on earth has he got to?" a short guard pondered.

"He can't have gone far, check every room on this floor including the balcony...he's gotta be here somewhere," Harry demanded. The guards obeyed.

47 had done it again. He had camouflaged in perfectly. Hopefully his servant disguise would fool everybody. He made his way to the party floor and entered the bar. He was given a bottle of aphrodisiac by the bartender, who told him that using this would brighten up his evening at the party.

He walked outside.

"Hey! You"

47 turned to see who was calling him and to his delight it was Chad Bingham, who was relaxed in his Jacuzzi. Now the agent knew where one of his targets was and could plan how he was going to target him.

"Yeah you get me another cocktail would you? This guy's thirsty here," he demanded.

"Of course sir," 47 replied. He went to the bar and made a cocktail adding the love potion in the process and then served the drink to Chad. Making sure he didn't go too far away, Agent 47 sat on a bench near the Jacuzzi so he could see what affect the potion would have.

As the Agent expected, Chad and the girls were getting frisky. One of the hookers suggested about going to have some fun at the Grotto and Chad happily agreed. The two of them got out of the Jacuzzi and made their way to the bedrooms.

"Oooo la la," 47 said in a mocking voice, as he followed the two.

At the Grotto, Chad and the girl entered a bedroom together and locked the door shut. 47 made sure nobody was around then looked through the keyhole, all he could see was the girl's ass in his face, but he didn't mind that. After a few minutes of entertainment, Agent 47 was interrupted.

"What the hell are you doing?!" a guard asked with complete shock.

The agent quickly got up from the keyhole. "I was just...errrr...I was just...checking...that the door was working...because I don't know if you've noticed, but the doors at this place are getting terribly buggered with the people opening and closing all the time...you know?" he stuttered trying to sound convincing.

"Well I haven't noticed anything about the doors," the guard remarked, sounding a bit fed up. 47 was about to reply when the guard interrupted him once again. "Look just stop mucking about and get on with your work," he then wondered off muttering random things to himself.

Chad and the girl exited the room and the girl headed back to the Jacuzzi, whilst Chad went the opposite direction down a staircase. Agent 47 silently followed him. At the bottom, he entered onto a balcony and looked at the glorious view. However his entertainment didn't last long, when he felt someone push him, causing him to fall off the balcony and down the 100foot drop below.

Chapter 3-The Studio Floor

"Good riddance, Chad Bingham Jr," 47 said with pride. "Now, it's Lorne's turn." He guessed that the studio would be well guarded so he went back to the bar, where he saw an archway with a guard at both sides and a sign saying staff only.

Agent 47 casually walked up to the archway. "Sorry, I'm going to have to search you sir," the guard to the left said. Panic immediately rose in 47, he couldn't get searched he had far too many weapons with him, which he would never dare throw away. He only thought of the one thing to do, that was to...LEG IT!

He sprinted through the archway and swirled in and out of staff members. "Someone stop that bastard," one of the guards said, who were now chasing 47 and firing shots. A small, stocky guard was standing in front of the lift to the studio floor, who Agent 47 simply flicked to knock him out. With thousands of bullets firing at him and rude comments being thrown at him, he rushed into the lift and pressed the buttons for the studio floor.

Once the lift got to the studio floor, 47 brushed his clothes down and fixed his tie. He walked around and guessed he was allowed here as no guards seemed to mind about his presents. He searched around and then entered the guard's room and saw the exact video tape he needed to retrieve, which was placed down on a desk. An enormous, fat guard was sitting down on a computer chair looking back every so often to check the tape was still there. 47 slowly waddled to the tape and making sure the fat guard was looking the other way, he slyly took it and shoved it in his pocket. He made his way to the exit of the room, when he was stopped

"Didn't your mama tell you anything? That stealing from other people is very bad," the fat guard said.

47 turned round and saw the fat guard pointing his gun at him. "Well didn't your mama tell you anything? That eating too many buns and cakes is very bad," the agent replied.

"Alright you little shit! You're going down," the fat guard exclaimed, loading his gun and moving closer to the agent.

"Yipe," 47 squeaked.

The guard pulled his trigger, but 47 had far too quick reactions and ducked just in the nick of time. He got up quickly and punched the fattie in the stomach, but found that his fist didn't do any harm. It just bounced back with tremendous force.

The fat guard snorted with loud laughter making his huge belly wobble up and down like jelly. "You can't beat me, so don't even bother trying."

Agent 47 smiled "Oh really," he then kicked the guard in the...you know where, and gave him a powerful punch in the head knocking him out. He thought that he needed to hide the body quick as other guards could have heard the shot. He quickly took hold of the unconscious body and slowly dragged him to wardrobe. "Geez, this guy needs to lose a few pounds," 47 commented breathless. With a long struggle he just managed to fit the guard in the wardrobe and shut the doors. When he left the room none of the guards seemed alerted, just an annoying, little dog that kept yapping all the time. The fat guard had a silenced pistol 47 thought. He then was wandering why on earth a dog was in the studio, but then he saw Lorne De Havilland pick it up and guessed that the animal belonged to him. Lorne started to head for his office with the dog in his arms, 47 followed trying to be slick about it.

He sat down in front of his computer with his dog at his side and 47 sneaked up from behind and strangled Lorne with his fibre wire. The dog started yapping mentally and running in circles, 47 sighed in annoyance and pulled his silverballer out and shot the little canine. "Sorry, but you were getting on my nerves," he said dryly.

Now what was left was the agent to escape. He remembered that Diana said it would be best to escape via the helicopter on the helipad, located on the very top floor of the building. So he made his way to the lift then pressed the button and waited awhile. The lift doors opened and to 47's shock, the guards who were chasing him on the party floor were all in the lift. "Errr, huh, h...hi guys, 47 said laughing awkwardly.

"That's the wanker!" a guard shouted pointing at 47.

"Oh great," 47 muttered sarcastically to himself and he spun on the balls of his feet and ran into the guard room where he had left the fat guard in the wardrobe. He heard the guards coming and thought of a quick idea. The guards entered and were wandering where 47 had gone.

"There's no other exit to this place he's gotta be here somewhere," a guard remarked and all of a sudden he realised the wardrobe and smiled. "Hey guys he must be hiding in the wardrobe," The guards gathered round with there guns at the ready. They opened the wardrobe and instantly the fat guard fell on several of them. 47 had hidden behind the body, so whilst the guards were distracted he did a runner to the lift once again.

"There he goes!" a guard shouted and all of the guards who hadn't got knocked over by the body ran after him. It wasn't that long until the lift came to pick up 47. He quickly got in it and literally smashed the buttons for the helipad floor, the guards came round the corner and started shooting at the closing doors of the lift and a bullet finally hit 47 in the chest, which made him yipe in pain. The doors shut and the lift began its journey to the very top floor. Luckily 47 had his flak vest on and the force of the bullet only left a bruise. "It's the bloody season of good will and I nearly get murdered," laughed 47.

47 reached the helipad and simply walked over to the helicopter and got in. A patrolling guard realised him. "Hey, do you know how to work that thing?"

47 smiled, "Nope, but I'm sure I'll work it out," and with those words he closed the door and with random luck he got the thing into the air and started flying. The guard on the helipad was left bemused, whilst the guards from the studio floor ran onto the helipad.

"You let him escape?" a guard exclaimed

"Well he was one of the servants...he can be trusted," the patrolling guard said

"He was a bloody spy! You fool! And if he wasn't you don't let someone simply just nip off in Lorne's copter! Bloody hell what did they teach you in your training."

"Well, I...I'm sorry," the patrolling guard replied in a wimpy voice.

The guard sighed and looked up in the sky, "Well...whoever he was, wherever he came from, he was simply the worst spy in the world."

THE END