Maybe a one shot. Maybe a story for the long haul. Either way, enjoy!

I do not own the characters, locations, etc. J.K. Rowling, you own all.

Breathless

Breathing is easy, isn't it? It's natural and gracious. It's like gravity, constantly pulling on your body to stay on this earth. Most of the time, I forget I'm even doing it. Most of the time, I take it for granted. I've come to learn, however, that I take a lot more than breathing for granted.

On July 15th, at 2:38 P.M., I learned what it's like to not be able to breathe, to not be held together by gravity . . . to shatter. It was an alien experience, incomprehensible and earth-shattering.

I remember the moment perfectly, the moment where it all changed. I was helping my mum knead the dough for her special and delicious homemade bread.

And then the phone rang. My mum was whisking some eggs as she held the receiver between her ear and shoulder. All of the sudden, the eggs and phone clattered to the floor, soaking the kitchen rug, and tears were streaming down my mum's face, and she was shaking all over. She quickly retrieved the phone from the mess and listened intently to the rest of the message, asking through quiet sobs for more details.

And there I sat in confusion, imagining the worst. Except...I wasn't really imagining the worst.

My mother hung up the phone and took a seat across from me, quietly sobbing, with a certain insane and disbelieving look on her face. She looked like she was trying very hard to wrap her head around something. And I couldn't for the life of me understand what it was. I was too frozen in fear to ask.

She finally lifted her eyes to face my own, the tears in my eyes now mirroring hers.

"Mum... what's happened?"

"Lily," she breathed. It was a broken sound. "That was Joe on the phone." Joe was Dad's co-worker. "He told me that your father... He's dead, Lily."

And then she lost it. I watched her as she moved at hyperspeed: keys and phone thrown in her purse, a sweater shoved inside-out over her dirty shirt and hands, a different colored flip flop on each foot. Tears streaming, and sobs muffled by her constant shifts in direction, she finally flew through the front door.

I followed, numb.

I don't remember the car ride. I don't remember Mum calling Petunia, but vaguely remember her getting in the car from some place or another. I don't remember what the receptionist said as we shuffled into the waiting room. I don't remember feeling hungry or tired or angry or sad. I was too numb to remember.

What I did remember, however, was what the doctor told us: heart attack, severe, killed him in seconds.

The next days passed much like those first moments after learning the news, quietly hysterical. The preparations were a burden to my mother, and Petunia and I tried to help as much as possible. None of us wanted to mourn. None of us wanted to accept the truth. And so we kept busy, moving and... functioning I guess. I don't know if you could really call it functioning though. Survival maybe.

The wake and funeral passed. I hadn't cried since that first moment I'd seen the tears in my mother's eyes, but as they lowered his body into the ground, my body quaked with distress, and the river of tears broke through the dam. It felt like it would never stop. And it wouldn't ever stop really.

I was going to spend my whole life missing him.

Adalyn and Beth were there. They're two of the four girls I share a room with at Hogwarts. And they are my closest friends. They tried to comfort me all throughout the reception, holding my hands, handing me tissues, murmuring their sorry's.

I just needed this day to be over.

As the last guests were filtering out, adding their condolences to the pile, Adalyn and Beth pulled me to the side and gave me a small and hopeful smile.

"Lily," Beth began, "We can't understand what you're going through. And we're sorry for that. But we are your mates, and we plan on being there through thick and thin."

"Yah," Adalyn joined in, "And this one happens to be one of the thick ones, but we are going to help you make it through."

"Yah?" I asked, "How?"

"Tonight, at 12:45, meet us outside your house."

I gave them a withered stare.

"Look guys, I appreciate whatever it is. Really. But... I'm exhausted," I argued pathetically.

"Lily. Please." Adalyn begged. "We promise, it will make you feel better."

I pursed my lips, considering for a few moments, then nodded my head. I wouldn't be getting any sleep either way.

At 12:35, I tiptoed out of bed and tugged on a pair of yoga pants and a clean t-shirt. I grabbed my bag and threw my house key and wallet inside. I took my flip flops in hand and walked downstairs, hoping that the creaking of the floorboards wouldn't give me away.

When I got outside, Beth and Adalyn were waiting for me. I quickly shoved my flip flops on and gave them a half-hearted smile.

"Okay, I'm ready."

They could hear the doubt in my voice.

"Lily, we promised we'd be there for you, and this is part of how we are going to do it. Trust us, yeah?" Beth nodded along to Adalyn's words.

"Yah.. yah I do trust you. Let's do...whatever it is we're doing then."

"We're going to apparate. Give us your hand. I'll do it, Adalyn."

We clasped hands, and my stomach clenched as the air was disappearing from my lungs. I closed my eyes and, before I opened them again, recognized the scent of salt water. We were at a beach.

I opened my eyes and realized that yes, indeed we were on a beach, but also that all around were people that I recognized: Patty Grayson, Lucas Woods, my other roommates Delilah Wright and Jill Harris (who I was very surprised to see...we're not exactly friends), even the Marauders had made an appearance. In fact, I'd say that all of the 6th and 7th year students were here, from every house, save a few Slytherins. How in the world had Beth and Ad managed that?

I noticed music in the background, nothing heavy, just enough to fill the silence. Tables were set all around the area for drinks and the typical late night snacks. Chairs were scattered along the edges.

People were clumped in groups of three or four, animatedly talking. The groups near us quieted after our appearance, and, soon enough, a hush spread over the crowd. They all looked at me...or at their feet. The silence became slightly awkward, and Beth and Adalyn took notice.

Beth grabbed a chair and lifted herself onto it.

She cleared her throat, "Hello everybody. Thank you guys for coming. I'd like to start by saying that Christopher Evans was a pretty awesome guy. We've spent the past couple of days... wearing black and crying and mourning and eating gross funeral crackers and watching one of our best friends and his beautiful daughter go through hell. And that's just not what he was about. Lily's dad...He was a rockstar, and not to mention a sight for sore eyes." Laughter rose from the crowd, and -I was surprised to find- even I laughed at Beth's antics. She'd always thought my dad was very good looking. I shook my head in mocking disapproval. "Tonight, we honor his life...by celebrating it. We've got a number of tealight candles around, and we'd like you to light one if you've ever been touched by Christopher Evans. But...many of you didn't know Mr. Evans. You do know Lily though, and let me tell you: she is an exact replica of her dad. She's got his monstrous eating habits and his weird craze with tea bag covers. But she's also got his kindness and compassion, his graciousness and his charm, his humor and his obnoxious laugh. And so he'll never really be gone. He'll continue to live on in the lives he's touched and through his daughter and the lives she's touched." I watched her, as did everybody else, as she hopped off the chair and stepped over to a table where, packed a mile high, were packages of tealight candles. She ripped a pack open and lifted one delicately. After lighting it, she moved towards the shore, leaving footprints in her wake, and set the candle free into the ocean.

"To Christopher Evans," someone said, though I couldn't see who through the throngs of people.

Adalyn moved towards the table of candles, mimicking Beth, and soon enough, everybody followed suite.

After lighting my own candle and making it past a few brave people that decided to approach me and let me know that if I needed anything, "anything at all," they'd be there for me, I found myself a little ways off, sitting along the shore just... thinking.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice the person approaching me until he had plopped himself right down next to me. It was very unexpected... not just because I was a bit out of it but also because of who it was.

We sat in silence for a few more seconds before he began to speak.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hi." I whispered back. I noticed he'd brought along a pack of candles.

I'm sure he felt the tension just as much as I did, but I was too drained to care and he...well he probably didn't care either. It's not like we've ever been very verbose with one another.

"I wanted you to know that if you..." He broke off, and I turned to look at him, noticing his furrowed brows as he stared off into the nothingness of the 3 A.M. sky. "If you need anything, I can be there for you."

It was strange. I'd heard the words an unbelievable number of times over the past week, and yet I found that it was the first time I believed them. Just the way he said them...

"What I mean is that I feel a certain... erm, I've experienced something... uh, I wanted to..." I watched as he struggled for words. He dragged his fingers through his messy hair in frustration. "Suffice it to say that I've been in your shoes. And even though we aren't exactly friends, and I probably wouldn't be your first choice -in fact I'd probably be your last, thinking about it now. Or maybe second to last. Only after Sirius. Or maybe not even after Sirius." He let out a deep sigh and stared at his toes as they shifted the sand in various directions, "Anyways, I'll be around. I'll... be there for you." He choked those last words out. "I know most of the time I'm a prat and can't keep my mouth shut, but I actually can be a fairly good listener. Promise."

It was safe to say that I was a little bit more than confused. Be there for me? Before this moment, I don't think we'd ever even had a civil conversation. But what really tripped me up was the "in my shoes" part.

"When you say you've been in my shoes-?"

"My mum died. One year and seven months ago."

I was dumbfounded. I hadn't known.

"How?"

"Cancer." The word hung heavy in the air. "You know, with our world being magical and being able to work miracles and everything, you'd think we'd have figured that out by now. But no. I had to watch my mum fight for every second that she got. And even though she didn't get as many as she deserved, she fought hard... She was very brave. I think she tried to be...just for me."

"I- I'm so sorry. I hadn't known."

The silence was deafening. I now knew what it felt like to lose a parent, and I wouldn't wish it upon anybody, not even him.

He broke the silence. "Would you mind if I lit one of these for my mum?"

I gave him what I hoped was an encouraging smile as I nodded. I watched him light the candle with his wand and set it free among the waves.

He quickly lit another one and let it follow closely behind the first. I gave him a confused stare.

"For your dad," he answered my unspoken question. "You have his eyes, you know."

I gave him a bewildered stare. Of course I knew I had his eyes. But how did he know that?

"You know... You knew my dad?"

"Yah. It's actually an interesting story." He gave me a crooked smile. "Want to hear it?"

I nodded diligently.

"So, it was September first, right? Second, maybe third year. My parents were a few ways off talking to the... the Patils, I believe it was. Anyways, I was in a hurry to get on the train and meet up with the fellas, and so I tried to lift my luggage on my own onto the train." He made a face, mocking the younger version of himself. "Obviously, that wasn't the best idea. My scrawny arms were shaking, holding the luggage above my head, and they were just about to give in. I can see the headlines now," He put on a deep, radio-type voice, "12-year-old boy dies by way of luggage attack." He rolled his eyes. "And then out of nowhere, the luggage was lifted out of my arms and onto the train. When I looked around to see who it was, I didn't recognize him. But he told me he was your dad. And that someday I would be stronger than all of the other boys and I'd be able to lift three luggages at a time, but that, for now, I was to leave the luggage-lifting to the 'rents."

He grinned at the story. It was...nice. And heartbreaking. But mostly nice.

"So yeah, you're dad basically saved my life."

"He does tend to do that," I smiled.

Then I laughed and he laughed. And after the laughter died, we watched the candles float a few meters away. I broke the silence.

"What was her name?" He immediately knew who I was referring to.

"Anne." His eyes stared into the darkness, marred only by scattered lights in the distance.

I reached over and grabbed a candle. He stared at it in my hands before meeting my gaze. I gave a considering glance his way before looking down at the candle and lighting it.

"To Anne Potter, who must have been one amazing woman to put up with you," I joked and heard his exasperated laugh. "Rest in peace, Anne. Say hello to my dad for me, would you?" And then I let the candle follow his out towards sea.

"I think I'm going to head out." I watched as he got up and dusted the sand off of his shorts. He looked down at me and gave me a crooked smile again. "See you around, Evans." And then he walked off.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was shouting his name. He looked around, his eyes reflecting what little light there was, and he raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Thank you," I said, somewhat pathetically. I looked down at my fingers, knotted together.

"For what?"

"Just...just thank you." I gave him the best smile I could muster. And then he was gone.

I sat alone for a couple of minutes before Beth and Adalyn came and sat on either side of me.

"Hey," Adalyn greeted.

I quickly wrapped my arms around both of them.

"I love you both. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course we know," Beth whispered. "And we love you too."

"You are the best mates I could've asked for. All of this," I said, my hands demonstrating all of their hard work, "It was more than I could've imagined. You... You've helped me breathe again."

And there we sat, as more and more people apparated home, sitting like statues, watching the lights bobbing in the water grow dimmer and dimmer as they distanced themselves from us until the sunrise engulfed them in its beauty.

I was going to be okay. I didn't believe that before tonight. But thanks to be people like Beth Wilson and Adalyn Crawford and even people like James Potter, I knew I was going to be okay. For even the sun, though it drowns each night in darkness, rises from the dark with grace and beauty with help from the lights that shine for eternity. Tonight, those lights would be Anne Potter and Christopher Evans.

The rest of the summer months passed in a blur, each day with few distinctions from the one previous. Mum forced Petunia and I to the beach whenever she had to deal with... certain things, like packing away Dad's stuff. She didn't want us to see her that day, but her eyes were still red and puffy from the crying when we got back.

I'd forgotten everything that I used to think about before my dad died, and so it was a shock and kind of a wake up call when I got my Hogwarts letter. I was definitely ready to go back to school. Distractions were good.

What surprised me most, however, was the pin that fell out of my envelope.

Oh dear.

I held it tightly in my grasp. Tears graced my face as I began to speak to him. "Hey, Dad. I just wanted to let you know, I'm Head Girl... and I'm going to make you so proud of me. I love you."

Thank you for reading! Leave a comment, let me know if maybe you do want this to be more than a one shot! Anyways, have a very wonderful Thanksgiving :)

peace . love . potter