It wasn't me ! (English version).
[6x16] : "And the worst of it, is that Emma was going to believe him, just as she believed in Neal some years ago. And all the things that Gideon wanted to shout to her now is that she couldn't do that, at no price." Return on Gideon' thoughts as he is going to give Emma to the spider.
English version of "It wasn't me".
Gideon could have almost screamed, there, right now and if he had been able to do it, of course he would have done it. This story wouldn't end well, he knew it perfectly.
He wasn't a hero, he had nothing to do with Emma, or with his mother. His real mother, not the Black Fairy. It was her that had been right, finally, he would never be a hero. No matter how he would try, and no matter how much he wanted to be one.
He was just a coward, as his father, and still tossed around by events, manipulated and manipulating the other, without having any choice. His mother, as she wanted him to call her, it was her that organized all of this. Planed everything.
Gideon couldn't help but remember the moment where Roderick, the only friend he ever had and that he abandoned talked to him about this Savior. This heroine, that apparently was really like his mother.
If he had known more things about her, the young man would have probably understood all the irony of the story ; that is to say that him and Emma had in a way the same past. As they lived for 28 years without their true family, and raised as they had a special and extraordinary destiny.
But there, in this town where he was born, he thought about this instant where, understanding that everything wasn't lost, he felt his heart become full of hope, as he never did before. And then, for the first time, he succeeded to do the right choice.
Except that it had no importance, and despite what he wanted, him, Gideon, that is to say choose light, Roderick died, and he lost. And then, this damned Black Fairy ripped out his heart ; and again, one more time he hadn't had the choice, and even though it wasn't coming from him, his behavior never stopped from sickening him.
He then came back suddenly to the present, and gave a painful look to Emma, that she didn't see, and he smiled. In a cold and bitter, but also deeply sorry smile. He should have expected that, right ?
Swan had the moral fiber of the heroes, of the one that, in this town, believed deeply that there is good in everyone. A thing that his mother thought about him.
But the Savior was terribly wrong, and this trust would soon be her undoing. In a strange way, Gideon, that wasn't entirely under the control of his mother, had been relieved when Emma defeated him. He would have almost preferred that she killed him, in reality.
The thing he didn't tell to his father, is that he was really thankful that he chose to attack Blue, at his place. Not because his soul hadn't been compromised (not only), but also because it showed him that he wasn't completely alone in this ordeal.
And he began to hope that his father understood that ; that it wasn't what he wanted, and that the Black Fairy would soon make darkness come on this world. And also that he would have wanted to do everything to stop her from doing that.
And he also surprisingly began to hope that his mother would stop believing in him. Because, clearly, he didn't worth it ; but his mother was an optimistic that would never stop fighting for him, or for Gold.
He didn't choose darkness, never did, never would. Because he had the example of his mother, his real mother. That he had to be a hero, and ironically, the only thing he found to show it to his parents, was to talk about his project to become the Savior.
Except that he never wanted this, but this lie was coming from him, not from the Black Fairy : to have a noble purpose, to fight for the Light by sacrificing Emma. That was a least something she couldn't take from him. Even though he chose evil, Belle would always fight for him, he knew it, and that was another thing that the Black Fairy couldn't take from him.
And it was a thing Emma wouldn't do, obviously, and a new time, Gideon had the desire to scream because of the situation. And the worst of it, is that Emma was going to believe him, just as she believed in Neal some years ago. And all the things that Gideon wanted to shout to her now is that she couldn't do that, at no price.
Him, as his father, he wasn't someone good, absolutely not, and he didn't understand why Emma decided to trust him.
Probably because the arguments he used were true ; because he really and sincerely wanted to see the Black Fairy fall. At her contact, Gideon learned that manipulation could be used trough truth. And it worked. The Savior was believing in him.
And even though he didn't want it to happen, the Savior would die. The Black Fairy was too strong, and they couldn't resist to her. Darkness would invade Storybrooke, and the hope, all the hope of the inhabitants would be reduced to ashes.
So, yes, the Savior wouldn't survive to it. So, it was better that it was him trough the use of the spider that killed her and not his mother.
He really tried, with all his forces, to tell her to leave. But she didn't listen to him, she believed in him, as she was the Savior, and that it was her purpose to help people. Not to let them fall.
So, yes, at this instant, as they were fighting against this spider he created, he brought there, Gideon could really have screamed.
And if he had his heart at his place, maybe it would have really hurt him. The worst of that, it was also the look she gave him, when comprehension appeared on her face. He was going to kill her in the end, and despite what he told her. Despite the sincerity of his words. And for a second, Gideon saw on her face the air of a brutal deception, just as if this betrayal was reminding her of another one.
But, revealing finally who he really was (no, it was false, his spirit was screaming, it wasn't him, it had nothing to do with him. It wasn't what he wanted. It wasn't him. It wasn't me), he didn't care about that.
He told her, to Emma, that she should have left, when she still had the possibility of doing it. And a part of him was persuaded that he would have let her go, then, even though he would have to die against the spider. Even though he would die and be killed by his mother, this Black Fairy that stole his existence from him.
Or maybe not, and that his dark side would have forced him to do the contrary ; maybe it would have ended that way. With no mercy and without any soul-searching he would have killed her (he hoped that no, or it would have signified that his mother and his father would have been wrong to still see good in him.)
Even him didn't know what would have happened, if she had understood before, and had left. But this question had no importance, even for him.
Without her seeing it, he addressed her a last look of excuse, made a gesture with his hand, and disappeared. All of that let a bitter taste in his mouth ; without wanting it, he took the sword so he would help his mother to go to Storybrooke.
Again, Savior, I am sincerely sorry…
It was sad that she couldn't hear him.