My girlfriend, Sophie Webster

by talentedgemx

Sophie, from Sian's POV. She thinks about their relationship and the events of the previous year and then things get a little heated.

I need to tell you about my girlfriend. I don't know who's listening but I just need to get this out there. I feel like she's gone through a lot, and I know she thinks she's bought a lot of it on herself, and no matter how many times I tell her that's stupid, she still thinks it. I can see it in her eyes even though she agrees with me. I think she just says it to stop me going on at her, or to stop me from worrying, not that I ever will. I will worry about her forever. I love her, you see.

Her name is Sophie, and she has got to be the best person I have ever met. She's funny and real smart even though she says she's not. She's opinionated, and not afraid to speak her mind. She's confident, proud and passionate about her beliefs; although, she wasn't for a bit. A while ago she was kind of all over the place; moody, argumentative, and very self-destructive. And she wouldn't listen to me. At all. I guess it was her 'off the rails' phase, and I reckon we're all allowed them. But Soph's was bad. She lost her faith in everything; her family, the church...Me. That was hard, like, really hard. And we nearly broke up over it. I walked off from her, and I'll never forgive myself for it. She was yelling at me, and I guess I was yelling at her. And I told her to forget it, or something like that. So I walked off...She nearly died.

And I don't even mean metaphorically. I can feel it building up in my throat just thinking about it. It'll always upset me. I remember going to the hospital like it was yesterday. My heart was thudding so loud I couldn't hear anything in the corridors. As soon as Rosie called me I started crying. I couldn't believe it. Thought she was joking. But she wasn't. I cried all the way there I didn't really have any tears left when I arrived. The pain was unbearable. And then Kevin blamed me. I thought my world had stopped spinning. How could he blame me? I loved her. Will always love her. So we argued I mean, people do, right? Doesn't mean she was any less important to me. So I told her I couldn't do it anymore...I didn't mean it. I didn't. Why didn't she know that I didn't mean it?

Right now she's at her desk, typing away at her keyboard while I'm lying on her bed, pretending I'm reading this book. Have I told you she's beautiful? Well, she is. The most beautiful girl in the world...That's corny, isn't it? Well, it's true. She makes me smile without me even knowing it, like I'll be staring at her and twenty minutes will go past and I have no idea what's happened to them. That's what she does to me. And it gives me this tingling feeling in my chest that makes me feel lightheaded. Like I have to look away, but I'm not going to now, I'm just going to stare. I could stare at her forever. She has her back to me so she doesn't know what I'm doing. I reckon my smiles just got ten times bigger.

I love it when she does that...She has this long brown hair that she messes up all the time, pushes it over her head and she'll scrunch it up before going back to whatever she's doing, just like she did just now. Makes her look all, I dunno...well, sexy. And her eyes as well, they look at me like they're looking into me. They seem to sparkle, her blue eyes, and then sometimes she'll bite on her top lip, just to the side like and that makes me go all funny. I can't describe that feeling, like I have to get the air out of my lungs and then I forget to breathe any in, so I have to blink a few times before I snap out of it. I reckon she knows what she's doing. She knows how to get me. It's just what she did when I was sat on that bench, and I saw her walk out of Street Cars. She looked at me, I looked at her, and then she did it. I think that was the first time I looked at her in that way. Well, consciously anyway. I remember thinking how cute she looked and her smile just lit me up. Bad. And I suddenly got nervous which was weird 'cuz I'd never felt like that around her before. But it was in a good way...Does that even make sense? I don't even know what I'm saying.

I suppose, she felt like I'd abandoned her. But I never, I swear. I know it may have looked like that, but...I was just upset. My Soph had gone, and I'd tried to get her back. I had. I tried to get her to go to college and do her work, and I tried to get her to talk to her parents about things. But she wouldn't, which was strange seeing as how normally she's really loud about telling people straight what's going on, and what she thinks. I told her abandoning God wasn't right either, but again she wouldn't listen. It's like she had shrivelled away, and all that was left was this girl who argued with me. Even when I tried to look on the positive side of things she'd just throw it all back in my face. She'd tell me, argue with me, but not with anyone else. It was like we were deteriorating and I hated it. And she wasn't doing anything to stop it.

But going on holiday wasn't the thing to do. Leaving her like that, over Valentine's as well. I'll never do that again, I swear. The worst thing was that she got jealous, over that friend I made. Chloe. God she went mad at that. And she was just a friend, of course she was. I suppose I should've told her before she found the photos but really, there was nothing to tell. Chloe was fun, and I suppose in a way reminded me of how me and Soph used to have fun, when we were best mates. I had really missed that, when everything was getting bad at the Webster's. My girlfriend had gone, wouldn't kiss me, would barely touch me, and I'd lost my best mate as well. Couldn't talk to anyone, and Soph wouldn't listen. I guess I'm sounding selfish now, but I really, really, really, missed my best friend. And Chloe kind of, substituted in...God that sounds bad. This is making my throat hurt again, but it's not like I was trying to replace Soph. No way. She was still everything to me, I just needed a break. And with Chloe I could forget everything and just go out and dance and have a riot. But all while Soph was still at home, things just as bad if not worse. God I feel like shit.

If she knew how I torture myself. I can feel my eyes filling up, and my heartbeats got quicker. If she could read my mind right now she'd know that I'd take it all back, right now if I could. And I'd hold her in bed every night as she cried, and I'd be there for her. Fight her battles for her, do anything for her, to stop her going to that Church roof. She must've felt like she had no one...Well, not anymore. I don't care how hard it gets, I'll never do that to her again. She'll always have me, and I'll protect her from everything. Just like a proper girlfriend should. I promise.

A massive sigh I've just let out. I think I'd been holding my breath; I do that when I get worked up.

"Sian", I hear her say. I don't have to look up as I'm already looking at her. I love it when she says my name softly like that. She turns to me and I smile. She has a grin on her face. Yeah, she's definitely back. And it warms me up no end.

"Has, Octavius got an O in it?" Her forehead is scrunched up as she's thinking about it, and then she turns back to her computer. I think it's dead cute. But then I laugh.

"You mean apart from at the start?"

She looks over her shoulder and scoffs at me. She tuts. "Towards the end smartarse".

I'm grinning so hard I can physically feel it. I can speak again after I stop giggling. "Uhm, I think it's just 'I' then 'U', babe". She's adorable.

I can hear her humming in a not so appreciative way before she mutters "thanks", and then gets back to it. She's in another world when she's working at something. It's one of the things I admire about her. She can be so dedicated, usually. God knows why she's writing about the Roman's though. Something to do with Caesar, I think, Octavius. I know she's thinking about getting back into education so maybe she's just brushing up. We used to love our history classes together; I really miss her in them, now.

You know it's nearly been a year, since she kissed me. I bring my elbow up and lean my head on my hand. I know I'm about to get all dreamy, thinking about this. She kissed me in this room; it sort of feels like ages ago but not that long ago at all. If you get me. I was shocked, but not really. It sort of happened all of a sudden, I wasn't expecting it at all, but it really didn't feel like it shouldn't be happening. Even though I ran from the room and pretended things were ruined...when she actually kissed me, I dunno, I felt...amazing. In that moment she took my breath away, I remember I was so upset, over Ryan and how he lied about Soph. And how I took his side. So stupid. I had been crying and felt a little lost, like maybe she would hate me. But it was the opposite, she was amazing.

She leaned in, slowly, to see if I'd bolt, I think. I've wondered about this quite a lot. But I didn't, I stayed. I saw it coming. She leaned in and kissed me. I suddenly felt warm, all over, and my lips tingled where she touched me. The warmth in me seemed to come from my chest and spread all over me, and my heart was beating, fast. I was very aware of that. It was probably the only thing I was aware of, other than Sophie's lips, on mine. And then she pulled away, and looked at me. I looked at her, and then I pushed into her second kiss. I know I did. It felt, great. But then I realised what we were doing, and had to run. Had to get my head round it. I mean, it was Soph.

She looks at me again, over her shoulder. I think she knows I'm staring at her. She holds my gaze again and she does that thing. Peers right into me, like she's finding out what I'm thinking. Sometimes she'll grin at me like she's got it, and kind of raise her eyebrows in that knowing way. I reckon she can read it on my face. This time she just looks at me, her smile spreads across her face and she takes a deep breath. I smile right back at her, and hold my tongue between my teeth. I know she thinks that's cute. She giggles and then turns back again to her computer. My chest has expanded again, like there are butterflies trying to get out. Soppy I know. But that's the mood I'm in. I just love her, you know.

So when I came back to see her that time, I wasn't sure what it was I was after. But I know I wanted Soph back. I needed her back. Like I need her now. Well, I probably need her in more ways now than I needed her then, if you get what I'm saying, but I know she had to be in my life. I missed her in more ways that I can describe. It was like someone had cut my arm off. I just couldn't live. When we were in her granddads loft, on the sofa, she was hitting on me. Saying things like she wanted me to admit things. It was weird coming from Soph, but it felt relaxed, at the same time. Probably because it was Soph. I'm always comfortable around her, especially talking about our feelings and that, it's never difficult. I guess I was just anxious about the whole thing. Not kissing her, as weird was that sounds. I liked that. In fact the reason I was so angry at her was because I liked it so much. And I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't want to like it, because of what that meant, you know, maybe being a lesbian and all that. But I reckon if someone could have locked us away in a room, and no one would have seen, and I didn't have to deal with anything, I would have kissed her and never stopped. It excited me so much, she was just so soft and her lips felt great. And when we were sat on that sofa, and we kissed again, I felt her tongue against my lip and ohmygod. I just can't tell you. She made me shiver... I wonder if we'll count out anniversary from when she first kissed me, or from that moment in the loft. Hmm.

I shifted my position on the bed and had to swallow down a lump. I cleared my throat as well, quietly though, so Soph wouldn't notice. I'm not sure how long I've been drifting for; I can spend all day thinking about the time we got together. I'm suddenly aware of the sensation in my gut and I feel really warm. In fact, I'm hot. My chest is taking deep breaths and I can't calm it. I focus back on Soph and I suddenly don't want to calm it. This is what she does to me. I realise my teeth are digging into my bottom lip so I let it go. I'm getting used to the way these feelings overwhelm me. I never felt it with Ryan, which just proves he wasn't right for me. I feel it now though. Even when she's not there. I think about her sometimes and my body just responds, ever since New Year. Yeahh. Every since New Year.

That was the first time we'd ever got that...Fevered. Like we'd made out loads, obviously, touched each other a lot. Not like that though, not really. Just light touches, that weren't meant to go anywhere. Done some over the clothes stuff, I mean everyone does that. And then New Year happened, and going to bed with my girlfriend changed a lot.

I remember we were kissing loads. She had pushed her tongue into my mouth like, almost right away and the feeling shot through me. Her hands were all over me. My shoulders, my back, my neck, even over my boobs. It was the best thing I'd felt, ever. Like, honestly. I felt on fire. I was the same too, I mean Soph always seems to lead, be the first to make a move. Even if I really want to do something, I always wait for her. I don't know why, I just do. That time I remember I pretty much grabbed at her. Held her close to me, ran my hands over her, into her hair...I remember I pushed her top off her shoulders before she pushed me down on the bed. My heart was literally in my throat. My entire body felt like it was pounding, everything rushed, everywhere. I couldn't hear properly, or think properly, and all I could feel was this intense throbbing sensation, well...it consumed me. It was all I felt. Like, some kind of raw need.

She asked me to stay with her and all I could do was nod. So I did. I pushed up from the bed and jumped on her. Pushed her to the bed. Then I think she rolled me over, I can't even remember. My desire felt so desperate, like I had to have her. Right there, even though I didn't know what I was doing, but I didn't care, I just had to touch her. So I did. I had definitely never felt that with Ryan. Ever. We had to be quiet though; her mum was downstairs with Tyrone. It seemed rushed, at the time. And I suppose it was. We knew we wanted to do stuff to each other but had to kind of, guess. You know when it's your first time and you know you'd scream from the rooftops if you were confident enough, and you'd say exactly what you needed, if you were sure enough. Well, I don't think either of us was. Not that it wasn't great, Soph made me feel amazing. Maybe I just wasn't comfortable enough in my own head with it, but I soon got over that. Especially now everything is fine between us. Now all she has to do is look at me, and I know she wants it, like when I give her the look, too. Although I think my look is shyer. She's still the one that starts things, most of the time. I need to get better at that.

You know she did this thing with her tongue...makes me grin like an idiot when I think about it, like I'm doing now. And I'm pretty sure I've gone a bit red. Yeahh, it's very hot in here...After she'd took my top off and undone my bra, she kind of looked at me. But not in the eyes, if you know what I mean. She seemed mesmerised, and it worried me, for a second or two. And then she licked her lips. Slowly. I don't know how to explain what that did to me. I wasn't expecting it. It was almost like a jolt to in between my legs and it felt sooo good. I was so wet; I'd never felt it like that, and I wanted her bad. Her chest was heaving, I could see it, and as her eyes met mine I could see the need in them. She was desperate, too. She put her hands on my thighs and kissed my neck, slowly, sucking at my skin and then I felt her tongue. It licked over where her lips had been and it electrified me. I felt her move her hand and she rested her fingers on my shoulder, slowly moving them lower as her tongue got lower; it was as if she wanted to taste me. My breathing was heavy and my body was throbbing, everywhere. And when her fingers reached my breast well, I really was about to explode. I'm not sure if she was moving so slowly because she wanted to excite me, or because she wasn't too sure what she was doing, but Jesus Christ, it was amazing.

I felt a bit awkward, the next morning. Almost as if I didn't know what to say. I had just had sex with my best friend, and that's all I could see in my head. Sophie touching me, my best friend, touching me. Not like that was a bad thing or I regretted it or anything, I'd never regret anything like that with Soph. I just knew it'd be better when we both weren't so nervous or owt. I'm not sure what I was doing referring to it like a new pair of shoes though. I could've put that soooo better. But at least she wasn't offended. Every time we've done it since it's just got better and better. Like we're both loads more comfortable with being that intimate with each other. Like we're not scared. Well, that's what it's like with me, I'm definitely not scared anymore. To touch her, like. I'm not sure if Soph was ever scared. Maybe, tentative? I don't know. I know I definitely was tentative.

That night I remember everywhere she touched me seemed to leave a mark. She pulled my clothes off me and I pulled hers off. It was like I was acting on instinct, my brain wasn't telling me what to do, something else was. I had to kiss her as much as possible as well, keep my lips on hers. She started kissing over my body and I was on fire. Like her trail of kisses were searing into my skin, burning heavily into me. I lick my lips now, as I remember, and pull the hair from my neck. I'm pretty certain I haven't blinked for ages. My breath caught in my throat that night, all night. I felt like I was hyperventilating I was breathing that fast. And it wasn't easing up. When she touched my thighs, my naked thighs, and ran her fingers up the insides, I thought I would die. I almost couldn't believe what she was doing, and how it was affecting me. I didn't want her to stop. And when she touched me there, and went in me...I felt like I'd left my body. The sensations were too much. I groaned so loud, I remember it echoing in my ears. I think I groaned her name. My eyes rolled back in my head and my heart hurt. It really did. I'm sure someone had electric shocked me. I was leaning back on my arms and I pushed into her, I physically pushed my hips onto her. It was a gut reaction. She pushed forwards as well and I wanted to scream, but her lips hit mine and she kissed me. It was deep, I mumbled into her mouth as her tongue devoured me. My heart was thumping. Just like it is now.

My world comes crashing back to me. Somehow Sophie has spun around on her chair and is looking at me. She's smirking. I attempt to clear my throat and I look away from her. My face must be bright red, my breathing is heavy and I hear my heartbeat in my ears. That quick and desperate thudding that I always hear when I'm like this with her. I feel my insides clench as I try to pull it back, I'm not sure what, composure maybe. Her eyes are penetrating me.

"What are you thinking about?" The curve doesn't leave her lips. Her eyes know. I can see it.

"You". My voice is ragged. She doesn't seem interested in the Romans, anymore. She bites on her top lip, again. I don't feel embarrassed, not like I sometimes do, for wanting her so bad. I know in my head what I want to do. To her. And what I want her to do to me. I feel my tongue run across my bottom lip. My eyes peer into her this time. They don't move, and they don't blink. The curve slowly drops from her lips and I watch her swallow involuntarily. Is that what I look like when she does this to me? I like it. I grin at her and I feel as confident as I ever have. My voice is low, like a whisper.

"Come here".

She's over to me in a matter of seconds. I get off the bed and throw myself around her. My kiss is urgent and she responds immediately. I spin her around and push her to the bed. She looks a little shocked, like she wouldn't expect that of me. I knew she wouldn't. I'm not normally dominant. But I feel it as sure as the thumping in my chest. I'm in control of this. And I'm going to make her world cave in. I get on top of her and straddle her, pinning her hands to the mattress above her head. I kiss her again, pushing my tongue into her mouth and exploring her deeply. I can hear her moaning against my lips, surprised at what I'm doing but I know she likes it. She sucks on my tongue and it turns me on. Even more that I am already, I mean. I can feel it between my legs. The heat, it's overpowering. I love the way her tongue feels, and how mine feels on hers. I can hear her panting for breath; her body moves beneath me, her legs push against the sheets; I bet she can feel the anxiousness in the pit of her stomach. That's what she normally does to me, with the not knowing what's coming. It drives me crazy. I pull away.

"Sian", she breathes, opening her eyes a little to look at me. She wants it. I can read it all over her; I like what I'm doing to her.

"Do you want me?" I ask her, and I can see I've shocked her again. Her pupils dilate drastically and there's a sudden intake of breath. She almost gasps and she stops. Like she can't believe what she's hearing.

I smile at her and push my hips onto her, just below her waist, and I watch her swallow a breath as she closes her eyes. I know she wants it, and she's loving this. Like she's waited for me to be like this, like in a fantasy. Her eyes open again and her teeth are clenching her lip.

"Do you?" I ask again.

"You know I want you". Her voice is a whisper, but I can hear the desire in it, loud and clear.

I cover her lips with mine again as I trail my hands over her boobs, squeezing them over her clothes. She moans into my mouth and I respond by biting her lip, and then her tongue, as it probes into my mouth. I lower my one hand and trail it down her side, making sure to tickle her over her ribs as I know she's sensitive there, even through her thin t-shirt. I know she loves that. Her moans become louder as I find the top of her jeans, and I immediately feel between her legs, pushing my fingers over where her clit is. Her noises are much louder, now. Almost guttural, she pulls in some breaths around my lips and her eyes are clamped shut. She whispers my name, and pulls me closer to her. I put more pressure against her and I feel her legs widen, like she wants more. I know she wants more.

"How much do you want me?" I ask her, stopping the movement of my fingers which causes her to open her eyes. I know this is turning her on, I've never spoke like this before, and I can see it on her face. She's astounded, but she likes it. She looks into me. Her eyes search mine. I don't think she knows what to say.

"Loads", she says so quietly, like she's almost embarrassed. It's not like Soph to be like that. But I can feel her heart beating heavily for me and her eyes are shining. Her hands are at the back of my neck holding my face close to hers. I can feel her breath on me and it's hot. This whole thing is hot.

I'm biting my lip. I can't quite believe I'm saying it, either. My eyes duck away before looking at her, again. "You need me to touch you?" My expression is serious. I like what my words are doing to me, too.

She pauses for a few seconds. She never talked dirty to me, either. This is new for both of us. But I know she likes it, she's always been well more vocal during sex than me, and sometimes when I swear when she makes me come, I see her eyes darken even more, it turns her on that much. It turns me on when she does it, as well. I've started teasing her with my fingertips again, pushing over where her jeans feel damp. She's wet, and I want to feel it. She looks right at me.

"I need you to fuck me".

I don't think my eyes have ever gone so wide. I'm not sure how long we stare at each other for, hanging onto the words as if they're floating there. But then everything resumes. My lips crash onto hers, my fingers push into her, my body pushes onto hers. It's like I have to consume her. My tongue is searching her mouth and we're both moaning. I'm not sure what, each other's name maybe; swear words, a mixture of the two. It's all hazy in my ears. And then I'm pulling her jeans off, quickly, almost viciously I can't seem to do it quick enough. I'm away from her long enough for her to sit up on her elbow slightly, pushing her hair over her head in that way that I love. My eyes meet hers and I'm back on her, pulling off her t-shirt and kissing her chest. All over her chest, and then her neck, biting and sucking at the same time. Her heads thrown back and her one hands gripping at me, and the other is thrown across the mattress. She moans my name and I know now is the time. I pull her underwear to the side and slip two fingers into her, and I hear her swear again.

"OhmyfuckingGod!"

I lick my way up her neck as I pull out of her, and then pump back into her, gradually building up a rhythm as I suck on her pulse point. Her heartbeat is going crazy. Her hand is in my hair and I can't even make out what she's moaning. Her hips are thrusting against my hand as I get faster, knowing this is going quick but the heat of the moment is all I'm feeling. Her words are driving me wild and I'm certain I might just come myself. The sensations riding through me are amazing, drawing me in completely. This is hot, and I want to hear her scream my name.

I slip my fingers out of her and immediately start to rub her clit, back and forth, and she arches off the bed at my touch. She grips my hair in her hand and lifts her head off the bed, heavily breathing out as she moans, and then slams it back down against the sheets.

"Shhaaainn", she pushes out, "pleeeease!"

I know what she wants, and I give it to her. No question. I'm not sure what it is that's spurring me on, I feel like I'm about to collapse, but I won't, not until she comes, no matter how long it takes. Something burns inside me and it's like I'm on autopilot, feeling every sensation with her. I push my fingers back into her and this time she screams, throwing her spare arm across her face and I think she bites down on it. Her grunts are muffled but I know she's nearly there; she's so wet it feels like it's pouring from her. I love it; love what I'm doing to her and I love how I'm making her feel. My rhythm is so fast her hips can't keep up with me; all she is screaming now is, "yes!" over and over and I know she's going to come. I curl my fingers within her and then she's gone. She's toppled over and her legs are bucking as her back arches into me.

"Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain" she screams. So loud, I really hope no one came back in the house half way through that. Half the world could've walked in but no one could interrupt our bubble.

She's still shaking and I wait, wait for her to calm down and for her chest to stop its hitching, before I remove my fingers. Her eyes open and she looks at me; she looks into me, as I pant for breath myself, trying to calm down after what just happened. I still can't believe it was me, really. But it was, and it was amazing. She smiles at me and cups the side of my face.

"Where did that come from?" she asks, breathlessly.

I giggle a little bit, and kind of shrug. "I don't know", I answer as I brush the hair back gently from her forehead, "I just, suddenly had to have you". I smile back at her.

"You can have me like that any day". She blows out a breath like she's knackered, and I wouldn't be surprised. That really was fast and furious. She pulls me down and pushes me onto my back. I lie there, as she puts her head into the crook of my neck and her body leans on my one side. I rest my hand on her shoulder. After a minute she kisses my neck, and then trails more kisses along my jaw, real slow. She knows I like being kissed there, like that. She moves her hand and trails her fingertips to my hip, where she knows I'm sensitive and she starts teasing my skin there. I know what's coming and I bite on my lip.

I love her, you know.