In the mist of my own company, I ponder to myself how it began. I can never tell for sure, better yet remember it clearly. My head's fuzzy. There are days it's like static on a T.V, white noise, just mere annoyance in my mind. Something about it seems dead, missing, longing to fill a void within an empty pocket. Then I recall being savage, but now I'm thinking otherwise as I view the sight in front of me.
It's a tombstone, its rugged appearance withered and dull, vines growing from its exterior distinguishing more of its dreariness. The clouds today hold a gray, bleak aura to them, pouring down a light rain that speckled my fur like a sprinkler. I was shivering, having to cover my arms to keep warm. The weather was just so bitter and distant.
It was around three o'clock in the afternoon. The day had become stale, I being bored for most of it. Something about it was so lifeless and arid.
I stare at the grave once more. What does it read again?
Maria Robotnik
Now I remember.
It was many years ago when it happened. Maria was aboard the ark for some weird reason, but I don't recollect what though. I had lived there myself, spending most of my life on that colony. My life back then? I was a lab-rat created for the soul purpose to be society's pawn. If I became useless, I'd be dead. No one cared for me, that is, except her. She truly was the only being in my life who expressed compassion towards me, becoming my first love. I was content when I was with her – she reminded me that I was still alive.
The scientists were very cruel to me. I was often isolated, kept in an enclosed room alone when experiments weren't conducted on me. The drugs they injected brought agonizing pain. Maria would sneak through the corridors of the ark to my room, stroking my fur and comforting me to sleep. She always pitied me.
They would tell me the most horrid ideas. "The world down below you is a cruel place. When you go down there, you'll never be loved. You'll be rejected, hated to society; you're too frightening to them, too powerful. Their fears will take over and they will destroy you. Just watch, you pathetic thing, and you'll see how right I am."
I never wanted to believe them. Back then, I still had a glimmer of hope in this world. I had my doubts, but that didn't mean I didn't have faith. That was when I was very young. Things have changed since.
Then during the ark's incident, they killed Maria. She was sweet, delicate, and had a child's glow. After that moment was when I started believing what they told me about the world.
Maria never harmed anyone, but she was killed. And that, my friend, is the greatest sin.
Why am I thinking about this? I thought I put my past behind me. Now, I'm finding it will never be off the shelf. It shall linger onto me like a shadow does in the sunlight, which is ironic to say.
I stare at the tombstone with a blank expression. My thoughts shut off for a moment. I pause.
The weather has changed. It's become a raging devil, raindrops heavy on its surface and clouds darkening to a broad appearance. It's overwhelming, swarming with fury and anxiety.
This is the most atrocious structure I've ever witnessed in my life. I've been trying for years to find her resting ground, and when I finally do, I hate it. I hate it so much. It's quite sickening, isn't it?
Now I realize what they were addressing on the ark. Men are naturally flawed, created with free-will and autonomy. They live in this world selfishly, doing whatever one's desires. They get crazy ideas; fear an entity they can't comprehend, when they're too ignorant to recognize it's themselves. They become bizarre, fight wars against one another, and kill their own kind. The thought's disturbing, and when I think about it I can't stand it. It gives me a vile taste in my mouth.
For the one who designed these creatures, I pity you. They're not worth it.
Children are oblivious though. They're so ignorant of the callous burdens in humanity; they venture life as gentle-hearted souls. They are enlightened and ingenuous, the closest thing to heaven as you can obtain on this planet. But, their naïve nature is evanescent.
Children grow up, realize mankind's corruption and lose their sense of innocence. When that happens, you can't turn back. You can never return to that state of mind – it's impossible. People attempt to go back to those nostalgic notions in their life, but they fail. Yet, I find myself going back to this grave.
Maria, you were a child when you died. If I was murdered, it wouldn't be considered a sin. I'm not innocent, I'm too damaged.
Maria, you told me something before you died, didn't you? What was it again?
Shadow, Promise me . . .
Now I remember.
Take care of those on earth.
What? What are you, crazy?
They need you Shadow. You can help them.
They don't need me. They fear me.
Give them hope, Shadow. Make them happy.
Make them happy? What have they ever done for me? You're spitting out garbage Maria, humbug, pure nonsense. Stop stating such foolishness!
But I have to remind myself – it's not about me.
Protect them, love them, and forgive those who have wronged you.
No, I don't want to. I don't want to forgive, I just can't.
Do it for me, Shadow. Please, promise me you will.
Do it for you? So, it all comes down to this. Maria requested her greatest wishes onto me, depending on me to fulfill it. I don't like this world, its people, its attitude, but she wants it kept safe from harm. I love her and I would do anything for her to show it. Maria, I promise you, I'll make people happy.
I know you can do it. I love you.
I love you too.
Good-bye, Shadow the hedgehog.
Wait! Don't leave me! You just can't!
Listen Maria, you're going to be alright. You're going to recover from your wounds, descend to earth as a healthy person, then you'll meet a man you will fall in love with and get married to, have children you nurture and raise as your own, then die of old age as a happy woman. That's what's going to happen. Everything will be okay.
But, that wasn't so. She remained silent and died.
What's this? Am I crying now? I'm not bawling my eyes out, but enough for me to notice. It's strange – Me, big badass, aloof Shadow, a reputation people perceive me to be, is crying. I'm so pathetic. I hate this.
I'm speechless. This sight has hit an unarmed spot in my heart. I often keep my emotions enclosed, but something about this is getting to me. I'm glad that I'm alone, because even with myself, I'm embarrassed. I thought I got over this issue months ago.
Maria, I'm not sure if I've successfully fulfilled your promise, but let me assure you, I'm trying. I try my best to be just like you. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be locked up, deemed as a psychopath. But, because of you, I'm able to glimpse at some hope. You're my inspiration, the only reason why I'm alive. I'll always love and cherish you, taking in your child-like personality through me, so maybe someday I'll reach towards the sun.
I approach her gravestone. I brought no flowers for the occasion since they wilt and die overtime. They're not stable enough. Instead, I place a small stone on the monument. It was an oval rock, shaped like an egg and sparkled when light reflected it. Being as white as snow, it was pure and flawless, which was why I chose it.
I rub my eyes to gather the tears below my cheeks, letting out a deep sigh. It's over for now, but I know I'll return someday. It will forever haunt me as a curse, but bless me as a gift.
The rain has finally subsided. The sun's revealed, pouring its luminous soul onto the earth. I feel a sense of relief from the atmosphere, like something within me has been cleansed. I should cry more often.
Good-bye for now, Maria. I hope I can make you proud.