A/N: Written as a Not Prime Time 2016 exchange gift for rubylily.
Because despair was drained directly from the Soul Gems of magical girls ready to disappear, seeing the goddess was a ritual that all magical girls were fated for.
She was said to be gentle, and she was kind. The honor glimpsing of a deity so graceful and ethereally beautiful was a chance deeply ingrained in the cycle of all things of magical girls, and this was a fact that had always been and would remain. Seeing her was as the freedom of the wind whipping through a girl's hair, the delicacy of a rosebud soaring past the sunlight. She was the gentleness underneath the agony.
Most magical girls were invited into the paradise alongside the presence of their goddess to witness their safe arrival. So many magical girls were invited into the heaven without decimation that celebration alongside new and old comrades was a common occurrence. But, on the other gloved hand of fate, some magical girls choose to linger a little longer in the world of their living loved ones to make peace with the aftermath of their actions and the world now left to another generation of girls that would fight wraiths or the occasional monster on faraway worlds. A rocky road was paved behind them. Undoubtfully, with the guiding light of the goddess always watching them, always pushing on their shoulder to safety, the magical girls lost in the sands of time were never stranded.
So the radiant deity called Madoka was a stunning sight the magical girls in Paradise could barely ever remain calm around. After all, she had saved them from a brutal fate. And, beyond even Madoka or Sayaka's control, arriving near the gate without prior notification was a surefire way to gather attention. Starry, dreamy-eyed girls could never curb their thrill to see her in all her sheer luminous glory, enraptured with the simple felicity and demure smile.
"Honestly, didn't you hear? Today's the day Goddess Madoka is coming to the gate!"
"No way, I didn't know that! Usually, we don't have to worry about those girls coming by themselves. I have to fix my hair, my rib—ah, they're coming already!"
"Everyone move to the side and give room to the gate! You know the drill, it's time to give entry to the new magical girls!"
Scampers and shuffling feet zigzagged over the metal platform leading up to the edge of the of a high, black barred gate. Murmurs of energetic gossip could be heard giggled from above in the battlements. While the Paradise was quaint and a serene place even defense was still a necessity.
Every time new magical girls arrived, it was considered another ages-long addition to the growing family in the Paradise. Peace Gate Guards' chests swelled with pride at having the chance to keep order in this fashion, an honor that rotated regularly.
All of us really are together under a sky like this… Closing her eyes, Sayaka inhaled deeply in anticipation. It was the same and the squealing guards in front of her and Madoka made her sigh in annoyance, but she could hardly blame them. This world… this world is a lot better than the hopeless, independent magical girl system we once had. The one justice didn't belong under.
Sayaka's gaze wandered upward towards the wispy clouds and shimmering sunlight.
Flag poles were raised high and yet higher into the clouds above—flags of diversity from all nationalities and countries spanning the expanse of the universe in dizzying waves. From planet after planet and galaxy after galaxy, dozens of multicolor sheets and symbols shone in the early summer morning. Each flag was marked each new territory welcome. Each color and pattern represented another way of life, another world. No matter what happened in these faraway lands, colors itself was a symbol that reminded the girls of unification, the Soul Gems their souls had glimmered in.
Head tilted backward, Sayaka listened to the grind of the poles raise above her and Madoka. She followed at the flags breezing in the current, whipping back and forth. Honestly, it never changed with these guards and their excitement, but it was a "mini-ceremony" Sayaka never tired of.
"Again? The Peace Gate guards always get so jumpy whenever they see you coming down the walkway, Madoka," Sayaka sighed louldly with her hands before her head. Lazily, she tried to pick out Japan's flag from the sheer mass of swimming color and symbols. "They act like they're your biggest fangirls! I'm extremely jealous."
Madoka, having been quiet beside for most of the walk, shook her her head with a little smile dancing across her features. As always, large, white wings fluttered behind her. The white train of her dress billowed elegantly behind her over the red carpet.
Madoka covered her mouth with a gloved hand and giggled. "Don't be upset at them, Sayaka-chan. It's not for me they're doing this. They're doing their part to maintain the gate from anyone that shouldn't come in here, and they know it's important I'm there when it's opened so nothing goes wrong. They also like you more than you think."
Sayaka's hmphed. Never doubt that Madoka would deflect any compliments. Of course this was a semi-serious situation, but never that serious to tease Madoka about the other girls idolizing her.
"Are you kidding?" Sayaka whipped around in front of her. She walked backwards and waved a finger at Madoka's face playfully. "They adore you because you saved them. Did I save them from a cruel and horrible fate?"
"But they don't remember all that," Madoka pointed out.
"That's besides the point!" Sayaka shook her head fiercely. "No! I'm a knight, but it's all thanks to you. You're the one. I helped only them a little bit by helping you out."
Madoka blushed. "You're exaggerating. I don't think they really adore me…"
Madoka tilted her head. She still had a small, content smile on her face, amused by Sayaka's teasing. Like the thunder of tides against ocean rocks, sharp pain welled up in her arms and legs and slithered up and down. Today, a constant pulse of energy refused to not plague her every step, but she refused to give into its menace. Within her, the despair prisoned within her body, her Soul Gem, could never be released unless she feared all despair set free on the universe in droves once again. She could not allow them.
Her smile tightened for a moment, and she shut her eyes, but she opened them soon enough. Long ago, Madoka may have been far more embarrassed by Sayaka's good-natured teasing at her expense. But she just waved a gloved hand to silence her friend before she could open her mouth. "You're too giving and modest. Without you I couldn't help everyone else."
A seed of warmth buried in Sayaka's stomach and blossomed out through her entire body. It really was selfish of her, probably, but she could not help it. Sayaka could never forget that Madoka needed her. She knew it was not simply because she played her knight in a peaceful world like this. Madoka was more than capable. Sayaka still didn't care, because she was doing what was right for so many girls. Helping Madoka kept that balance.
Honestly… Madoka thought she was the "giving" and "modest" one. Granted, she had done plenty to save Kyousuke and Hitomi as a human. Madoka never ceased to place her hope in everyone else.
Covering up a pout, she shook her head. Resolute in her decision, she glared.
"That may be true, but I wish I could have a cute girl like Madoka. Yes, look down at me like that. Offering me her hand," Sayaka laughed. A hitch entered her voice, and she swallowed it down. Even still, it was hard to remember their past. Before, she still would not have been able to joke about an afterlife like this if she had known about Madoka's sacrifice. But that was then, and this was now. "There's nothing like having a cute goddess staring down at you, asking for you to come with her to paradise."
Perhaps that was true. Sayaka praised her highly, but Madoka never saw it that way.
Even now, I didn't do anything that special. Madoka inhaled the scent of sweet perfume from the wildflowers planted in neat rows around the red carpet. She stared ahead at the girls in front of them. The girls waved and cheered from the gate, and whe waved back at them, and their faces exploded in grins. Sayaka-chan makes it sound like I've always doing that much… but I'm really not. She doing more when she… she… It doesn't happen often, but when the despair works against me.
It was raw, and if she still had a physical body she wondered if she would bleed from so much sheer and dark energy trying to pierce her soul. Stabs of pain the other girls did not have to suffer. And that was enough for Madoka to remind herself of her wish.
"Really, don't look at me like that," Sayaka continued. "Madoka isn't really the cutest anymore, though. You're beautiful!"
The blush intensified. Okay, no, Madoka did not want to think about that right now. She assumed it would happen later—the point where she could no longer handle the pain. But that day was not today. Twists and turns of pain whirled deep within her like blades whistling in the breeze. But the new magical girls she would welcome in would bring despair that would be added to her ever-growing supply. And, despite all odds, that reminded her of how precious it was to keep on fighting her inner demons and source of weariness.
"Didn't we go over this? I'm not a goddess. At least I told Kyubey I didn't care about what I became. But even if I am… even if I am… If it were like that and I did save you with the others," Madoka replied with an sad twist of her lips that reflected something warm and soft in yellow eyes, "you wouldn't be the one I have beside me right now."
Sayaka's arms dropped down to her sides. Her lips pressed together, and she blinked, mesmorized. Madoka simply smiled at her. And it wasn't something strange or rare. It was still a treasure beyond anything that the depths of the universe could offer her.
She is right… Sayaka thought. I wouldn't be here, and I don't think I could stand the thought of anyone else here with Madoka."
Years ago, this would have been the point Sayaka imagined herself smothering Madoka in a hug. She would ruffling her hair as an extra compliment, and Madoka would protest and bat her away and dodge to the side. Even the fantasy was too cute, too sweet to exist. But Madoka did exist in a cruel universe, and she was no longer just the sweet little girl she had known.
A guard with orange hair and blue rimmed glasses stepped forward on the platform once the two finally stepped off the carpet. She bowed in formal greeting to Madoka and Sayaka when they came to a stop.
I always tell them they don't have to be like this, Madoka thought, but they just show me so much respect. Even on days I don't do much, or say very much. Sometimes it was baffling to say the very least.
"The new arrivals are already waiting outside the gate, and they seem to be alright but disorientated," the guard Madoka automatically recognized named Saori informed them. "Shall we let them in?"
"Well, I wouldn't want to be left waiting out in those lonely clouds. It's not very flattering to be so cold out there," Sayaka snorted bluntly. She craned her neck and peered out through the bars into the oblivion of white. Cold wind chafed against her skin.
Madoka nodded. "Yes, we shouldn't keep them waiting. Please open it."
Instantly, the black bars squeaked open and raised upwards. In a flash of light, the heavy black gates were lifted into the wall. A desert of grey and white light so different from the lustrous colors of their paradise expanded the skyline as far as the eyes could see past a fuzzy and bland horizon.
Two dark silhouettes stood in the middle of the thick fog of voidless color. Slowly, the shapes become closer and closer until two outlines became visible—one girl with short green hair and another one with mid-length blonde hair. Based on their small statures, both had contracted especially early for magical girls at elementary school age.
Madoka stepped forward. The wind blew at her hair and skirt, but she did not budge an inch. Of course she knew who exactly the girls were. Both of them had remained on their world to see what would become of their territory, though she was certain neither one of them would dredge up those memories so quickly after traveling here.
"I'm scared," the green-haired girl whined. She buried her face in her friend's shoulder, clinging onto her tall frame with a strong grip that left her knuckles white. "I couldn't see anything... Where are we?"
"I don't know…" Dazed, the blonde-haired girl appeared dazed and just as lost as her companion. She tugged her closer against her side, hugging her protectively. Even though she could not remember, she at least seemed to know the gravity of the situation had changed drastically. "I don't…" Squinting, she seemed to try to adjust to the new lighting. She stared ahead at the scene of flowers and green and people on the other side of the gate. "What…?"
"Huh?" The green-haired girl followed her line of sight, too blinded by the mass of colors to fully see everything right away.
"Welcome," Madoka told them with a cheery air of confidence. I have to be the bacon that draws them in. She stepped forward and held her hand out to the girls, willing to wait as long as it would take.
Confusion spread clearly over the blonde-haired girl's face. Her head whipped back and forth, and she turned back towards Madoka and the others. Focusing on them quickly gave her courage, and she glared.
"Who are you?" Her eyes widened, pupils large and shining with terror. She began to breath erratically, clutching at the green-haired girl's arm with too much force. It was as if another time and place seemed to engulf her memories all at once. "The… the! Where's that…!? We were fighting it. A… a… and it stabbed me in the chest… and there was blood everywhere…"
Sayaka did not say anything. She could remember a scene like that play out in her own memory and horror it had wrought—Mami—but that was of the past now. Just to be at the ready in case anything went berserk, to prove to Madoka she could still help her. She quietly unsheathed her sword. It was not really to hurt the girl as much as to warn her that she should not cause any problems. Her face set in stone, and she was ready to protect Madoka, though she doubted she would need her help in this type of scenario. Madoka was the most powerful in this paradise, after all.
"You aren't there anymore," Sayaka warned them with narrowed eyes. "You had an enemy turn on you and hunt you down in your territory, right? She's not here."
Madoka sighed. Sayaka-chan has been so serious lately when it comes to taking care of me. She shouldn't be upset with them.
"Sayaka-chan, don't be so harsh with them," Madoka chided, warm and gentleness still ringing through the request to step back clear. She knew Sayaka only meant to protect her—sometimes magical girls could be dangerous so soon after disappearing. Even from their world she still guided them, but in this paradise her main consciousness was at its peak. But still, nothing anywhere could hurt her any longer except despair scratching at the glass of her Soul Gem.
The blonde frowned at this. Her fingers twisted in her friend's shirt, pensive.
"She isn't…? We were in a battle! Why aren't we now?" the blonde-haired girl demanded once again. Tears sprung to her eyes. "I know what death is! I saw a lot of it… And I know I can't trust anyone except my friends! But that girl got to them… and we wanted revenge and tried to follow… but she escaped and came back later…"
"She threw me into a wall…" The green-haired girl sniffled. She glanced around at Madoka for the first time, glistening eyes large and shrewd. Something seemed to captivate her in the radiance in front of her. She seemed to stop crying, awestruck. "Pretty… very pretty"
Now I feel terrible for bullying a bunch of kids, Sayaka thought with an exasperated sigh. Clutching at her head, she shrugged. It sounded like something Mami had told them about Kyouko once, but she could not recall it. Still, she had not really been "bullying" them per se, though she had helped rub things the wrong way.
Now's my chance, Madoka decided.
Reaching out, Madoka stepped over the platform and took one hand each, clasping the blonde and green-haired girl's hands firmly in place within her own hand. The two seemed to back away at first, but then slowly relaxed as soon as Madoka touched them, staring up at her uncertainly instead.
"Hey…"
"Wait a minute, you still didn't say who…"
"It's okay," Madoka comforted them, "you'll have a lot of new friends here. You don't have to remember those sad memories anymore, or fight over your territory at such a young age. And I'll be your friend."
Defeated, Sayaka lowered the sword—not that it had been raised that high. "Yeah, yeah," Sayaka said. To lighten up the mood, she added, "What did I tell you, Madoka? They're chamed by you. You girls are lucky you have a cute goddess to take care of you." She winked at Madoka playfully and then at the girls behind her back.
Madoka laughed a little bit in return, still not fully believing that Sayaka could make the dark atmosphere dissolve so quickly.
The blonde's face scrunched up, now less startled. She glanced around her at the fluttering flags, the bright white and purple light in the sky, and the wildflowers that littered the grass in the background. The flowers were boundless rows and rows, and she heaved a sigh of relieve.
"That's what this place is?" the blonde asked tentatively. "It's heaven?"
Madoka giggled. She draped an arm around the two and, with a light embrace, she enveloped both girls in a hug. Both newcomers twitched and squirmed, lost and uncertain, but when Madoka still did do anything terrible to them, they relaxed.
"I think Sayaka-chan and you're giving me too much credit, but you can call this a heaven that if it's easiest. The girls here called it a paradise." Madoka said "All it is is a haven for magical girls to live happily after all the pain they've endured in real life, and to free themselves of the contracts they made with the Incubators."
The blonde and green-haired girls nodded at Madoka's words slowly. Finally, they understood. It dawn on them quickly, and Madoka was somehow proud of these young girls that were so quick-witted to their own situation and managed to suffer through a frantic battle for their lives.
"Can you both tell me what your names are?" Madoka asked. She knew, of course, but proper introductions were polite.
"My name is Margret," the blonde replied. Her tone was trusting and less shaky now, and the tears had subsided.
The green-haired girl glanced up from her friend's shoulder with half-lidded eyes. She took in Madoka's full appearance, no less entranced. She blushed faintly at her obvious kindness. "Um, I'm Rosa…"
Saori stepped forward once again. She flipped through the pages on her rooster, and placed her finger on a column of names. "Ah, here it is," she said, crossing off something with a red feathered pen, "your names are next to your friends that came here before you both. Are their names Anina and Frieda?"
Margret's eyes shot open from their wind-swept No longer was she caught off-guard and exhausted from her journey.
"Anina and Frieda are here? Those were the friends we had that died before us." Margret's face shone with amazement. Her attitude did a one-eighty and she beamed up at Madoka. "They really are here? Really, you know who our friends are!?"
"Of course I know where they are," Madoka promised. "They're inside."
"Are you sure they're not injured…?" Rosa asked quietly. Timid and shy as she may be, she was careful with the little details. "They were… k—killed, or I thought they were… and when their Soul Gem… Black Soul Gem…? No, I can't remember what happened, so…"
Madoka rested her hand on Rosa's shoulder. There really wasn't a reason to remember. "I know they aren't injured anymore, because I've seen the battle the four of you were in," she said. "Like you said, they sacrificed themselves for you in the thick of battle with the girl so you could live a little longer… And they fell into despair. And you wanted revenge and gave into despair yourselves. But it's okay, because now you don't have to fight like that again. It's over. The four of you can be together from now on."
Silence reigned for a moment as Margret and Rosa processed this. Finally, Rosa piped up.
"So we both died." Rosa twiddled her fingers in Madoka's dress.
"No, you disappeared to be more accurate rather than died," Sayaka corrected with a sigh. Now that these two understood everything, the hard part would have to happen—then she could rest easily. "Magical girls disappear. As you know it, anyway, and that's all you have to know."
Because that was the fate of all magical girls according to Madoka; transforming into a witch was erased entirely. And yes, for a one way trip here according to Madoka's universal rules that meant "disappearing," a less harsh and cruel word. In that kind of system, no one was ever left behind.
Stepping back just a bit, Madoka looked down at Margret and Rosa. "Can I see your Soul Gems?" she asked.
Tentatively, Margret and Rosa exchanged glances. Shrugging, Rosa slid off her bracelet and Margret slipped off a pendent on her neck. They handed them over; a putrid black color colored the yellow and green light inside both orbs. It was sealed in time, not to explode into a witch—but she still had to purify them and load the burden onto herself.
Madoka took them both into her hands and, with a will of her own Soul Gem, pulled the power of despair towards herself and into her body. It was a deep, searing pain. But she bore it for herself. The black light vanished into her skin, and her hands shook from the sudden amount of despair. A wave of nausea swept over her mind, and Madoka inhaled sharply in surprise.
I knew this would happen, but I didn't want to tell Sayaka-chan, Madoka thought. She blinked, eyes bleary. She frowned and tried to count back from ten. So it was just one of those rare days. Usually I don't feel this lighthearted after I take despair. I can handle it. I can handle it all. The despair in these Soul Gems is… very potent. I just need a minute to adjust, but Sayaka-chan is watching… and she'll know when I…
Sayaka saw Madoka's body flash white before she was able to act. Madoka swayed on her feet. She released the two girls in her hold and stepped back onto the staggered back and dropped the Soul Gems in her hand to the ground with a loud, resounding clatter.
"Madoka—!" Sayaka yelled.
Sayaka's hand shot out to catch her before she hit the ground, but Madoka fell to her knees too fast for even Sayaka's quick reflexes. The train of her long, white dress parachuted out around her through Sayaka's fingers. Sayaka grit her teeth and cursed to herself.
I guess I really can't help it. I'm worrying Sayaka-chan after all… Madoka squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to let the despair that flood through her and take over. It was an easy feat, but every bit of despair collected in her Soul Gem still needed time to align. I'm strong, and Sayaka-chan gives me the hope I need… Sayaka-chan, I'm sorry, and I know I can't let these girls down. They just got here and they need to see how strong I am… how much hope I have, we all have here…
"Madoka!"
Behind them, Sayaka knelt next to Madoka's side. She could hear the voices of the other girls drop to a hush. Sure, they meant well in their worry, but the chatter and misunderstandings made Sayaka want to punch something as hard as she could.
"Is Goddess Madoka okay?"
"Sometimes this happens to her when she visits the gate. No one knows why."
"I don't really get it, but she shouldn't push herself if it's too much for her to handle."
"I hope she's okay… Is it something we did?"
"It's okay, Knight Sayaka knows how to help her."
Knight Sayaka, Sayaka thought bitterly, when I still can't do anything when it becomes too much for her handle.
Madoka gripped onto Sayaka's wrist, clasping it. She brought herself back to reality with that small act and shook her head. "It's funny," she said with a sigh and a strained laugh, "this is the closest thing to a humanly 'cold' I can possibly ever catch here. Sometimes it's a strange feeling."
Yes… even those words were an act not to worry the magical girls behind her.
That's stupid, Sayaka scoffed to herself. A bubble of annoyance welled up in her throat, but she refused to spout off her concerns when Madoka was trying so hard not to spook the others. She allowed Madoka to lean on her. You and I know this isn't a "cold" at all. This is… this how the despair makes you. You become weak, just some days, when despair is added on and onto your Soul Gem every once and a while.
Sayaka knew the reasons, but Madoka always brushed them off. And… it made her angry. Kyousuke had been sick and in the hospital. He never had held anything back. His condition had not been that severe, but Madoka was the closest person Sayaka had to her. Madoka played it off as a sickness even though she could never get sick—and Sayaka through even her own healing magic, she could not make a wish that would reverse or override Madoka's ultimate one to take on all despair.
But… she could help Madoka in her own way. A way none of these other girls understood. An odd swell of pride melted in Sayaka's chest and surged through her veins. Despite that she hated when Madoka fell like this to the immense despair she took on, Madoka was leaning against her. She was talking to her and joking for her sake and the others when the both of them knew the truth. She was the only one that could comfort Madoka in her time of need. Sayaka understood the burden of despair that Madoka heaped on herself every time a new magical girl came into "paradise."
Despite the comments grating on Sayaka's nerves and fueling her chagrin, Madoka picked up strength from their worry. To have so many people worry about her health and safety… She really was lucky to have so many people who cared about her, including the one person that mattered the most at a time like this.
Madoka fully dropped her hand in Sayaka's. She lightly squeezed her hand, the thin, white glove still not much of a stark contrast to Madoka's pale skin. But Sayaka could still feel Madoka's warm skin and the Madoka's weight resting against her.
"I don't think I can make it back this time, Sayaka-chan," Madoka said with a slight teasing smile. She glanced at the others from the corner of her eyes. Her knuckles were white now but the color started to come back to her cheeks. "Can you take me back home?"
Sayaka was a step ahead. She sheathed her sword. Wrapping an arm around Madoka's middle she pulled her up to her feet. Madoka clung to her arm as she helped her to a standing position, and Sayaka drew her close against her side.
"What kind of stupid question is that?" Sayaka snorted. "That's all in a knight's job, m'lady." It was all an act, or no, it wasn't because that was their normal banter, but part of it was cheer up Madoka.
Sayaka surveyed the group of girls behind them. She pointed at one of the guards closest to the new arrivals. "Can you help them find their friends? We're leaving."
"Y—Yes!" the guard yelpe. She collected herself a second later and nodded determinedly. "Okay, everyone, we can't stand here all day. We'll help you…"
Voices trailed off behind them as Sayaka directed Madoka away from the Peace Gate and the prying eyes of magical girls only filled with concern. Concern—it was such a dangerous territory to cross, especially in a world threatened with entropy and the greater need. Love for friends so strong to take revenge… And, most of all, the Incubators "concern" for a universe hellbent on smothering itself in a heat death years and years into the future. No regular human would ever see that terrible future but, through one species concern, the Incubators' plight to save the universe had damned all girls.
But Madoka's wish was justice, Sayaka decided. And if justice is suffering, we'll suffer together and I'll give Madoka all the helping hand she needs. Sayaka felt a stab of anger once again. She gripped onto Madoka's hand just a little bit too tightly. Madoka did not protest. She simply smiled as if she could read Sayaka's worries.
"Sorry about this," Madoka apologized. The wildflowers at the edge of the carpet leading to the gate swirled in her mind's eye just the slightest bit still, and she breathed through her nose, bringing herself back. With Sayaka there, she felt a hundred times better.
"I don't care. You can always trust me with this. But they're right, you know," Sayaka admitted. She shifted Madoka so she would not have to carry herself too much. "You shouldn't have to push yourself like this, but there's no other way to get rid of the despair."
"It's okay." Madoka was still far too chirpy to mind her own discomfort. "As long as I have you to take me back, I'll always be okay."
Sayaka shrugged. Fighting with Madoka was pointless. Tired of everything doom and gloom, a teasing grin once again touched her lips. "Do you want me to carry you? Bridal style?"
Even though her legs did feel a bit like soggy cake batter, Madoka laughed slightly. "Sayaka-chan really is my knight in shining armour, aren't you. Imagine, carrying me and everything fawning at how cute our image is." Madoka, despite how weak she was, poked Sayaka in the ribcage playfully." "No," she decided, resting her head on Sayaka's shoulder. She would not inconvenience Sayaka like that today; if she could stand, she would do it by herself. "Just walk with me through the park. That'll be enough. It's a nice day, and I want to see everyone enjoying the beautiful day."
Fair enough, Sayaka relented. She lead Madoka forward towards the nearby park. After a few minutes, Madoka's expression brightened into a rosier, healthier shade than even a moment before. Her energy had been zapped and not fully replenished. Sayaka made a mental note to help heal her later by providing more energy.
"It's good you agree about how cute you are, finally," Sayaka murmured, "or I would have had to argue. But I'll let it slide."
The arch offlowers floated into view outside the park. Sayaka steered Madoka towards the entranceway. She and Madoka would get plenty of stares and admirers, but she would ignore them, because Madoka was not in the mood to talk to anyone else. It might be a bit on the selfish side, but if Madoka wanted to enjoy the sunlight and the fresh fragrance of flowers she would; he heat from the sunlight and the cheerful voices screaming in the park were enough of a pick-me-up for Sayaka's mood.
Walking down the path, Sayaka was able to let Madoka stand more on her own after a few minutes.
"How do you feel now?" Sayaka asked.
Madoka's eyes were closed, content. Sleepily, she opened them. Yes, now she had recovered, but she was still tired.
"Yes, t's always a little difficult when new girls come in," she admitted in a soft, soothing tone, as she normally did to efface Sayaka's worries. "You know, I collect the despair from all the girls when they're about to turn into witches. But when they decide to stay behind for a while, it's harder."
"I know that," Sayaka said, wondering Madoka was going with this.
"But…" Madoka stared down at her feet, the swirls of stars on the inside of her dress. The wind blew her hair to the side and flower petals lightly landed in her hair. "While I'm always with them, and I can always take their despair away when they're about to transform into a witch, it's easiest for me to harness all that despair here. Here, in this place, where the balance of the universe is most concentrated."
Sayaka stared into the reflection of a pond that lead to the park's river. The large curve of a bridge swiftly was approaching from the front. Perfect, Madoka loved the bridge. She stared at her expression in the water , a curiosity burning in her eyes. "That's what you found out?"
It's really difficult to understand how to control Madoka's despair, Sayaka grit her teeth. One day, Kyubey said Madoka would be consumed by the despair she carried… but Madoka's too strong to let that happen to her anytime soon. I'll never let that happen to her as long as I'm here.
Sayaka was absolutely positive of that.
"That's what I realized when I created this place, and I welcomed all the new magical girls into the safety of a haven they could call their new home. I can handle it all, but it still requires a balance of its own to control so it doesn't send my power completely out of control," Madoka corrected. "The balance here shifts despair… Like the Law of Cycles almost makes it just a little less intense. Because, while the girls still have the despair with them, they realize there's hope here where they can live happily forever."
Finally, it clicked in Sayaka's brain.
"So," Sayaka began. "What you're saying is, sometimes the balance twists on you, and the despair turns against you like a sickness when it's just a bit too much at a time. So what you tell me isn't completely a lie about having a 'cold.'"
"Pretty much," Madoka agreed with a small giggle. It was serious matter, but she was thankful for her weakness if it could bring other magical girls strength.
Madoka glanced around at the park, the wood of the bridge hard under her feet. By that point of the day was filled with activity. The gazebo was filled with people eating lunch. The soccer diamond packed with players. The fish in the fiver seemed as lively as ever, swiftly battling the current downstream.
Madoka inhaled the sweet scent of the earth and the sweet scent of water rushing under them on the bridge. All of these sensations were created much from her own memories and Sayaka's, true, but she still was happy she could share them with the other girls. Being able to recreate a normal life for these magical girls was all the reassurance she needed to feel comfort.
Sayaka lead Madoka further over the bridge and closer to the edge. Madoka stared down at the water under them and the teeming and teeming wildlife. Where Sayaka had seen sadness, Madoka saw her smile brighten even more than it had with the new magical girls from earlier.
"But I think this place, and Sayaka-chan, give me all the hope I need to keep the despair at bay," Madoka said. "Because I'll never allow it to take over me for good."
Sayaka followed Madoka's gaze. The two of them stood that way for a while, just watching over the world their hard work and suffering had brought them. A world of smiles and joy and peace where magical girls could finally reunite and live among others that understand their feelings.
"I'll hold you to that, Madoka."