This story is inspired by the new musical .This. by Hunter Bell, Jeff Bowen, and Susan Blackwell.

Now.

I was sitting in the lobby. I knew I should have been somewhere else. I knew that they would be walking right by me. But for some reason I like to torture myself.

Every time the elevator would ding I would flinch. But I still didn't leave. I'm still not sure why I was waiting for them, but eventually they walked off the elevator.

I pretended not to watch as his slender frame came into view. He flicked his sandy hair and I could see his emerald eyes sparkle. He took her hand as they made their way across the lobby.

"Hey James!" was all I got from him before he walked out the door. Out the door on a date with another girl who he would love more than me. I watched as the red streaks in her dark hair flipped around the corner.

My mind immediately went back to Kendall's first date with Jo. Watching him leave with her was just as painful as watching him leave with Lucy just was.

He and Jo were so cutesy and coupley, right from the start. They giggled and held hands and clung to each other like their lives depended on it.

I remember when they got back from their date he carried her across the threshold, bridal style. I remember how much my heart broke when they first kissed, when Kendall told me they had had sex, when he said he loved her.

My heart broke, but I couldn't say anything. I couldn't say anything because Kendall didn't know how I felt.

Carlos and I were hurrying down the hall as soon as we heard the signs of a fight. We were just planning on watching it. Well, just planning on watching until we saw who was fighting, three big guys from the football team, they had to be seniors, were surrounding Kendall and Logan.

Logan was on the ground curled in a ball being kicked while Kendall threw wild punches trying to get them off.

Without even thinking about it Carlos and I dove into the brawl, attempting to even the odds, four freshmen versus three seniors. Well, really three on three, Logan was down for the count.

As soon as we joined in the big guys lost their focus on Logan and started attacking us. I can't remember the details, everything just blurred together.

At one moment everything stopped. Kendall grabbed Carlos' helmet, pulled it off his head and put it on mine. He smiled at me, "Gotta protect the face!" and then he went back to the fight.

I got lost in that moment. Kendall was the best guy in the world. I wasn't sure if I was gay or bi, but at that moment I knew that I was attracted to men because I was definitely in love with Kendall Knight. My knight.

I was brought back into the present by a strong blow to the stomach, shifting my focus back to the matter at hand, but I knew I wouldn't be able to forget those feelings.

I had dealt with Kendall dating, with all of the girls that were always head over heels for him. I had pretended to be straight so that he wouldn't ever find out how I felt.

I didn't have a chance with him. I knew that. I didn't want to know that. I wanted to be wrong. I wanted to be wrong so bad it may have clouded my judgment just a little…

Kendall was laying on the couch. He'd finally stopped moping around, crying about Jo. Logan said something about his depression turning to anger, but I didn't really get it.

"Jamesey old boy, I am done with women." He told me as I walked out of mine and Carlos' room. "Done with 'em! They're no good! The whole lot of 'em!"

I wasn't sure how to react. He looked so serious… "I can't picture you celibate…"

"HAH! It's not worth it! They're an evil breed, the vagina endowed…" now I knew he was just screwing around…

"I mean, you could just be gay then. That way you get the sex and not the evil, evil vagina!" I half joked half wished he'd take me seriously… okay, I may have been wishing a little more than half.

"That, sir, sounds like a great plan. I'll just switch teams. A life with just men sounds delightful." He played along.

I knew he was just joking, but I had never heard him talk about gays. I had always thought he would be homophobic, that if I told him he would freak out and stop being my friend… Hearing him joke about it, how okay he was with it, how it didn't matter… Hearing those things pulled some courage up from somewhere inside of me.

"I think I might be gay…"was what ended up popping out of my mouth. I managed to say it so nonchalantly and calm. So very James Diamond.

"Oh really now? Well lucky you." He laughed, apparently he didn't take me seriously, but I was not going to let this moment of courage pass me by.

"No, I seriously think I'm gay."

"Oh… well… Cool! Just, don't fall in love with me or anything."

All I could do was let out a little chuckle until I regained my composure, "Like that would ever happen… pfft! Have you seen you? Have you seen me?"

"Hah, good point, I am not worthy of the face. Wait. If you're gay then I can't switch teams. This opens up the playing field… If only all women weren't evil." He continued his rant.

'Just don't fall in love with me or anything…' his words ran through my head again… Even though he was okay with me being gay, I would give anything to go back to before he had said those words to me…

Comments? Reviews?