Summary: Helen is left broken and crying on the floor of her lab after Ashley sacrificed herself to save Helen's life.

Disclaimer: I own nothing…. Not making any money or getting any fame for this.

Pairing: Helen/John

CRUSHING SADNESS:

Helen couldn't believe what she had seen, Ashley, her child, her life, had intentionally taken her own life by teleporting herself and the other abnormal while the EM shield was active. In the end it had been Ashley and not the monster the Cabal created, but that knowledge was little solace in the fact her child was now dead. Ashley had been the light for in when her life had seen nothing but dark times, and now that light was gone. Helen felt the tears falling, felt the pain in her shoulder, and she felt John behind her. When had he come to her? It didn't matter, he was there with her now, and she wanted him there. Helen wanted to feel his strong arms around her, she wanted to hear him whisper to her that things were going to be all right, that in the end Ashley had survived. She would not believe that her only child was dead

John had arrived mere moments before his daughter took her own life. A knife sliced through him, cutting a deep crevice in his heart. Ashley was gone, his child was gone. The one tie he had to Helen. Helen. His eyes focused on her as she sat on the floor, tears streaming down her cheek and blood soaking through her shirt at the left shoulder. Claw marks raked her flesh, much as they had his chest. Taking measured, slow steps towards her, John came up behind her and pulled her into his arms. Gently John stood with Helen in his arms; she turned her head and hid her face in the leather of his coat. Her sobs were sinking through him and her tears would mirror his soon enough. Shock hadn't settled in, denial clouded his brain and allowed him to take Helen out of the lab.

The last thing Helen remembered was John pulling her into his arms. Then she saw the familiar walls of her room as John laid her gently on the bed. Shock had worn off and the pain was settling in, and not just the pain in her arm, a deep seeded pain in her heart. She thought John would leave her alone to weep in private, but positioned himself behind her so that the right side of her body was pressed against his chest. Helen buried her face in the fabric of his shirt letting her tears fall freely.

John cradled Helen in his arms as she cried and let slip silent tears of his own. But only one of them could fall apart right now, and right now Helen was injured, not just mentally but physically as well. Taking a deep breath John began to slowly pull Helen's shirt off of her. If he didn't tend to her wound she would bleed even more than she had already. Even if she healed faster than a normal John still had to clean and bandage the wound. Moving her away from him John looked into her eyes, despair, anger, and denial all swam in her tormented blue eyes. John pulled the tattered shirt over head and then settled her in his arms once again. Using the ruined shirt he dabbed at the wound, the bleeding had stopped and the cuts were healing, the skin already knitting together.

"John, just stop."

"Helen, your wound needs to be cleaned."

"Just stop." Helen fisted her hand in his shirt so she could put herself closer to him, she needed to feel him if only for this one time. Helen gave into to her old wants and needs and that was John.

John broke; he tossed the bloodied shirt over the side of the bed and wrapped both arms around Helen, his Helen, the woman he had destroyed. He rested his cheek on the top of her head as he began to rock back and forth. Helen reached out wit her left hand lacing her finger with is right hand. It was the gesture more than anything that had his tears falling once again. For all the things he had done in his life nothing was more terrible than the fact Ashley was dead, his daughter, he wanted to hunt the Cabal, feel their blood on his hands. There would be time for that, he assured himself, precious time to exact her revenge, but now Helen needed him. For the first time in as many weeks she wanted him with her.

Helen pulled John's arms closer around her, trying to block out the pain with the feel of him all around her, but the bone deep pain of sadness still crept in. Ashley was gone, truly gone. Helen would no longer see her smile; she would no longer laugh with her, or capture abnormals with her daughter. Her tears came faster then, rushing out in a torrent. John tightened his hold causing a shockwave of pain to flow from her shoulder, but it was nothing compared to the pain that was in her heart. She didn't want to think, she didn't want to feel, all she wanted was for John to wrap her in his arms and keep the world from crashing in on her.

John felt Helen fall into sleep as he watched the sun lower to kiss the horizon. He had been rocking her in his arms for the last two hours and humming. There had been this little melody that Helen had enjoyed, so he hummed it now trying for anything to ease the hurt radiating through her. Many times someone had knocked at the door, Helen didn't remove herself from John's arms and John didn't rise to answer the door. Who ever it was gave up and went away. John froze when Helen snuggled deeper into his arms. He noted that the cuts were healed If he stayed her much longer then he might not be able to leave her again. Shifting to the side he maneuvered Helen on her side and pulled a blanket over her. For the moment she didn't know that he was gone and that allowed him the time to close the curtains, remove his jacket and shoes. Pausing, John held his fingers over the buttons of his shirt. Making up his mind John removed his shirt, saving it from wrinkles, or so he told himself. John climbed back onto the bed with Helen and fit his body to hers. Her bare back touched his chest, Helen sighed and John echoed her.

COUPLE HOURS LATER:

Helen opened her eyes to darkness. Her mind was muddled and her body was stiff, but she was oddly warm somehow. She shifted and fabric, a blanket, shifted with her. Using her right hand Helen felt along her left shoulder. From what she could tell her shoulder was mostly healed and with in a few days the scars would be pale and pink, then after that smooth delicate flash would be there and no indication of her injury would be apparent. Shifting again Helen tried to lie on her back, but a solid body kept her on her side. John. Instinctively she knew it was him. Her mind may have tried to forget, but her body remembered well enough, it remembered the feel of his skin against her, the glide, the smooth lines and the feeling of contentment.

Reaching out with her hand Helen flicked a switch bathing her room in a warm subtle glow. She had to blink a few times to let her eyes adjust and when she turned back it was indeed John she saw, and she was relieved. When they had been together she would watch him sleep, when she had been human and in love. John had always seemed so peaceful in sleep, as peaceful as a sleeping wolf but still peaceful. Slowly Helen traced the lines of the cuts Ashley had inflicted. Pain welled in her again, more tears fell, and her heart died a little more. Ashley wasn't coming back

"Helen?"

"It hurts John…" Helen let her sob flow free and John pulled her down, pulled her into his embrace where he took her pain and kissed away here tears.

"Our daughter will be avenged, I swear it." John pledged. He would personally dispatch each one of the Cabal members if he had to and the last one to pay would be Dana Witcomb, he would savor spilling her blood the most. She was the woman responsible for turning Ashley and her death would a salve to his battered heart, but more than anything he would savor dispatching her for Helen's sake. Once more he would call on the Ripper, giving in to the dark side of his nature, but tonight he was Helen's harbor, tomorrow would be soon enough to shed blood.