==HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER STONED==

A word of advice:

Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling/

Nazza does not appear in this fic (YAY!)/

Nazza does not endorse the use of drugs (that's Luigi's job lol j/k)/

[Chapter 1: The Philosopher]

'How you going, 'Arry?' said Ron. He sat down next to him on the common room lounge.

'Alright,' said Harry. 'So far first year has been awesome. Even though we've only been here about two weeks.'

'A pity there's no drugs though,' said Ron. He noticed Harry staring at him, and added, 'A joke. It was a joke.'

'I can make drugs easily,' stated a certain stuck-up girl.

'Oh no,' said Ron quietly. 'Get her away before I go cuckoo.'

'We don't need any drugs, Hermione,' said Harry.

'I wasn't talking to you, Harry,' said Hermione. 'I was talking to the Philosopher.'

'The Philosopher?'

'Ask me later,' said Hermione. Strangely enough, Harry didn't bother to ask her where she was.

'I can explain,' said Ron.

'Explain then,' said Harry.

'Well,' said Ron, 'seeing as I'm so popular –'

'Get to the point.'

'Okay then…'

'There was this strange kid who came to school.' A strange kid came to school. 'He looks weird, mummy,' said some little kid that was in the school grounds for some reason. 'That's because he's a stoner!' said the kid's mummy. 'He was basically a stoner.'

'That doesn't explain anything –'

'Let me finish. He became popular by dealing drugs.' 'That's two dollars,' said the Philosopher. 'Two dollars? Just for this cigarette?' 'Yes, two dollars for the cigarette. It has a secret ingredient.' 'He became very popular for dealing drugs.' 'Here you go, Ron.'

'Huh?' said Harry. 'Have you been smoking –'

'Uh, no, no, why would you think that?'

'Anyway, back onto the story.'

'And he always went weird when he was stoned.' 'That guy is trying to run up the wall!' said one student. 'He believes there's a chocolate valley in the roof,' said another student. 'Because of his weird ways, they nicknamed him the Philosopher.'

'That makes no sense!' said Harry.

'Sure it does,' said Ron. 'You see, you sell it for fifty pounds – wait, wrong explanation. They call him Philosopher because he gets stoned so much.'

'That's very clever,' said Harry.

'I'm not buying pot off the Philosopher!' Hermione shouted out persuasively.

'Yes you are!' shouted Ron.

'Damn! How'd you guess?' asked Hermione. 'Ooh, this stuff is good.'

Suddenly Hermione fell down the steps and landed in the common room. 'I'm fine,' said Hermione. She put a cigarette up to her mouth and breathed it in. 'Yeah, this is good stuff.'

'Hermione, I don't think you should be stoned right now,' said Harry.

'Why not?'

'Because we're missing out on the first Quidditch match!' said Harry.

Are they? Are they really? Find out in the next chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stoned