Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own Criminal Minds…I just wish I did.
"Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate."- Germaine Greer
Penelope Garcia sat in the quite solitude of her apartment. Never before had she felt so alone. Even after her parents' death and she and her brothers drifted apart she hadn't felt this abandoned. It was eating away at her heart and deep down into her very soul; tearing her heart to shreds with each passing day. And the worst part was that technically she didn't even have a reason to feel this way. She had a sweet boyfriend who poured out affection and friends who had stood by her as pillars of strength after she was shot. So why was she feeling so alone…so empty? She could answer that in two words:
Derek Morgan
The man who had been her best friends for years, who had protected her in her time of need, and who she had shared her deepest secrets with. They had stood by each other in the darkest times, but now it was all over.
She had watched as he pulled himself away, retreating into himself and his work. He distanced himself from her and pushed away her love and friendship. He no longer flirted with her, no longer went out for drinks with her, instead he treated her like a random co-worker and it slowly tore out her heart. Tears streaked her cheeks as she remembered the previous day.
She, JJ, and Emily were having a much needed girl's night out. While they were at the bar she was laughing and trying to have a good time when she noticed Derek and Tamara Barnes walk in. He was holding her close to his side, just like he used to hold her, and didn't even look up when they passed. Penelope watched as Tamara walked off toward the restroom leaving Morgan at the bar getting drinks. She thought for moment before excusing herself to get another drink. She walked up besides him and ordered her drink before looking over at him. She smiled at him trying to ease the tension. She was hoping they could talk and perhaps restore a part of their friendship, but her hopes flew out the window as he greeted her with a short "hi Garcia" and then turned away, completely ignoring her and shutting her out. It was as if a bubble was surrounding him and she couldn't get through it's thick walls. Her already battered heart was smashed to pieces at that moment and her loneliness intensified to the point that she felt as if she was the only living person on the planet.
She felt so lonely and abandoned by her best friend. Her heart ached with the pain and emptiness that had taken over her. And as if all that wasn't enough she also felt the guilt that was slowly eating away at her because she new it wasn't fair to the others. They were her friends and family, but yet she felt like she was all alone in this world. She knew that it was beginning to effect her relationship with Kevin and it wasn't fair to him either. She would have to talk to Kevin later though because right now the pain and loneliness was consuming all her energy to the point that she couldn't even bring herself to move off the sofa.
The hole in her heart was overtaking her, but she wouldn't let it effect how she interacted with the team. They were the only family she had now, so she refused to push them away, but even having them close didn't ease the pain. She simply didn't understand how Morgan's lack of communication and friendship could leave her feeling so alone.
So how do you like it so far?